Help: tuning spine for my new kazoo?

Subject: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: bobbi
Date: 28 Jul 01 - 05:12 PM

Does anyone know where I can find a tuning spine for my new kazoo? It seems to be out of whack and I can't get the right sound out of it... Any suggestions?

b

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: Irish sergeant
Date: 28 Jul 01 - 05:17 PM

Bobbi: I didn't know you could tune those bloody things. Can anyone out there help this poor musician? Neil

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: bobbi
Date: 28 Jul 01 - 05:25 PM

Well gee, Irish S.. something's wrong with it.. everyone has said it is way out of tune.. Then this 'gud ol' boy' from Mississippi, suggested a tuning spine. I'm having a dickens of a time locating one... Glad I'm not the only one in the dark about it!

b

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: Joe Offer
Date: 28 Jul 01 - 05:42 PM

It's on aisle 13, right below the smoke shifters and the snipes...

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: bobbi
Date: 28 Jul 01 - 05:49 PM

Went snipe huntin' once...(all night) didn't catch a thing... Anyway... is that aisle 13 at Wal-Mart? I don't think we have a Wal-Mart here.

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jul 01 - 05:54 PM

Tune a kazoo? Gosh, maybe there's a job out there for me after all...

I suggest listening to the San Francisco Kazoo Orchestra. I heard them on the radio once, doing the them to the movie 2001:A Space Oddyssey. It was...well...unforgettable.

- LH

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: kendall
Date: 28 Jul 01 - 06:31 PM

With a little work, you could make a saxophone out of it. The sounds are similar.

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: bobbi
Date: 28 Jul 01 - 07:45 PM

Kendall.... HOW? Always wanted to play the sax! This could be my big break!!!!!

Little Hawk... SF kazoo orchestra?? You mean I have something bigger to shoot for? Now I know I have to get this sucker tuned!!! HELP!!!!!

b

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jul 01 - 07:51 PM

I called Spaw en he sez he asked Cletus and HE sez ya gotta Bondo up them holes an' ree-drill 'em with a 3/8" masonry bit and a few drops o' cuttin' oil. The choonin spine is jes' a plastic template with marks fer the right holes. Useta be you coulda got 'em at Woolworths in thuh instruments section but they closed up whar we are so I dunno, but yew kin still get Bondo at Mo an' Mack the Pep Brothers place on account they use it fer bodyrot an' such. SHore hope this heyulps an' good luck!!!

A

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: bobbi
Date: 28 Jul 01 - 08:11 PM

You know Amos, Im'a wondrin' at this point if'n it woodn't be better ta just spend anutter $1.65 fer a new un' rather then go ta all that truble... I ain't got no Bondo, but got me sum duck tape.. and as fer the 3/8 inch masonary bit.. HUH????? My kazoo is made frum tin... not masonite! You meen they got dem things out in stucco now??? Hellfire! Kind'a like dem cordless screwdrivers, huh...... I ain't never seen no screwdriver with a cord anyway. Think I need ta find that asile 13.... (Come on Joe)

b

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Jul 01 - 05:04 AM

When you're in Wal Mart Bobbi can you get me a tin of tartan [Plaid to some] paint?

As for the kazoo why not get a bunch more, tie them together, and call it a hurdy-gurdy. [See other thread]

Jock

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: Roger in Sheffield
Date: 29 Jul 01 - 05:24 AM

kazoo

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: bobbi
Date: 29 Jul 01 - 10:26 AM

Giok...

Everyone knows that you can only get the plaid paint at Wal-Mart stores in Scotland.. (Too far for me to go.. sorry mate!) I will check out the info on the hurdy-gurdy though.. Thanks!!

Roger... WOW.. Thanks for the information.. but alack and alas.. still no mention of where I might find the tuning spine for my kazoo... I knew I probably should have invested a little extra for the pre-tuned model the saleman wanted me to buy, but we blondes can be rather independent thinkers, you know?

My search continues.......

b

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 29 Jul 01 - 10:34 AM

We mend ours with carrier bags... those cheap ones that the handle breaks off before you even get to the car.... they're best.

LTS

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: GUEST,King of Kazoo
Date: 29 Jul 01 - 11:40 AM

Bobbi,

I was alerted to this issue by Roger.

All kazoos come "pre-tuned" from the factory, however, some users like to making tuning adjustments as they perform - this is accomplished by changing the pitch of your humming. If this pitch does not match the pitch of your accompanying instrument (i.e. guitar, piano, accordian, sitar, etc.) then it is quite possible that the accompanying instrument is out of tune (buy a new one). Don't forget the possibility that your listeners are listening out of tune and may need to be tuned up (apply beer).

If you experience further problems with your kazoo, feel free to contact out Technical Support Division at Kazoobie Kazoos - http://www.kazoos.com

Have Fun, Rick

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: sledge
Date: 29 Jul 01 - 11:57 AM

I think you can find them next to the long stands in most hardware stores.

;-)

Sledge

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Jul 01 - 12:20 PM

We don't have Wal Mart in Scotland yet, they are one of the main reasons for my heading for the US in September.{That and my son who works at Dartford College doing research.} I leave home with nearly empty suitcases, and come back with excess baggage.

Jock

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: bobbi
Date: 29 Jul 01 - 01:01 PM

Giok: I guess it would do neither of us any good to try and find one there then.. And I just phoned our local Wal-Mart here in Sacramento, and they wanted to know what a kazoo was. So no help there either.

Sledge: I just spoke to Ralph at our local Ace Hardware store... when I asked him where he kept his "Long Stands," he just stared at me.. Boy, is he ever dumb!

Roger: LMAO

b

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: Roger in Sheffield
Date: 29 Jul 01 - 01:56 PM

Its taken all day but I found one
I will put it up on the auction later
Does 50 dollars sound Ok for a starting price?
They are rare beasts indeed and look very like regular ear plugs to me

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: bobbi
Date: 29 Jul 01 - 04:28 PM

Bravo! At last! I knew I came to the right place for my search... And yes... that's exactly what I was told they looked like. Bless you Roger!!! (What A Guy!!) Will keep an eye on the auction for this rare find.. (I would start the bidding for at least $50.00)

And I was beginning to think someone had lead me down a cul de sac...

Regards,

b

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: Snuffy
Date: 29 Jul 01 - 07:27 PM

Mudcatter Geoff the Duck does a brilliant solo "Duelling Banjos" on banjo and kazoo. But it's usually the banjo that's out of tune. It can take up to half an hour to tune it to the kazoo. It might be quicker if he got a tuning spine for the kazoo instead - are there any more around , Roger?

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: bobbi
Date: 30 Jul 01 - 12:44 AM

Snuffy... we can both bid on it in the auction.. and if I win, I promise to share it with Geoff... But better yet.. you and I should team up and mass produce them... I mean, there does seem to be a market for them... (the old supply and demand!) We could REVOLUTIONIZE the kazoo industry (if you're British, no pun intended!:)

B

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: alison
Date: 30 Jul 01 - 04:11 AM

if you're going to the hardware store..check out the plumbing aisles and see if you can get me a fallopian tube, please...

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: GUEST,Scabby Doug ( at work)
Date: 30 Jul 01 - 04:36 AM

My first job was working in a branch of The Royal Bank of Scotland. Along with countless other "new starts", I was sent along the road to the nearest branch of the Clydesdale Bank for "a set of scales to balance the books".

They used to keep tuning spines for kazoos there as I remember, for the local Bank Union's kazoo, banjo and jaw-harp band..

Now there was an ensemble...

SD

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 30 Jul 01 - 05:36 AM

Well mine is always in tune with my singing (that's the bad news!). However, the Amish Moustache tuner can be adapted to tune kazoos by attaching it with one of those adhesive piezo thingies (you can tell I'm a technical expert!)
Don't forget to wear the baseball catchers' helmet that the music store should have supplied with each kazoo, essential to ward off those flying bud' bottles.
RtS (never knowingly in the right key)

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 30 Jul 01 - 09:52 AM

..and another website for you: Kazoo Lovers page
RtS

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: A Wandering Minstrel
Date: 30 Jul 01 - 10:15 AM

This is where you end up when you break away from traditional designs into mass production!

In the good old days you would only have needed a new piece of hard toilet paper to wrap round the comb. (or as LtS suggests a new bit of cellopahane carrier bag)

:0)

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 30 Jul 01 - 10:22 AM

...and this one, more useful (?) tips:
RtS (page title should be motto!)

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: bobbi
Date: 30 Jul 01 - 03:04 PM

Thanks folks... all great suggestions. However, I do have one question for 'A Wandering Minstrel': How do you make toilet paper hard?

Alison: Ace Hardware no longer carries fallopian tubes...but I have a couple you can have. No use for them any more. Hopefully you have your own reed.

b

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: alison
Date: 31 Jul 01 - 03:47 AM

lol

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: A Wandering Minstrel
Date: 31 Jul 01 - 08:37 AM

Bobbi,

There's probably an obscene answer to that question :)

However as all British Public Schoolboys kno there is a (or was) a brand of toilet paper called Izal. Unlike the modern thick tissue for tender botties this stuff was thin and semi-rigid and made perfect kazoo paper.

(Baking Parchment is a reasonable substitute)

as regards the comb, I find a 4" tortoishell finetooth is best

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: bobbi
Date: 31 Jul 01 - 05:57 PM

A Wandering Minstrel: I think the hardest thing we Yankees ever used in the john was a dried corn cob or a Montgomery Wards catalog page (well wrinkled of course).. I don't think the cob would do and since MW went under this past year, I may just have to hold out for the Tuning Spine that Roger has promised to auction.

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: Gareth
Date: 31 Jul 01 - 06:31 PM

Try a marine Chandler, you'll find aside the red and green oil bottles for your sailing lanterns.

Gareth

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 01 Aug 01 - 03:59 AM

Personally, if I am caught without my kazoo and unexpectedly asked to perform, (well, it might happen!) I prefer a steel comb and Bronco brand tp. [Warning! Do NOT use soft tp, however cuddly the puppies look. It takes a lot of flossing to get soft tissue out of the teeth]
RtS ( "Running wild -buzz buzz buzz- running wild -buzz buzz buzz...")

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 01 Aug 01 - 12:48 PM

Roger in Sheffield:
Great clicky - I've bookmarked it for my S.O. to see.
But noone (including the kazoo site) has mentioned the true "primitive" kazoo.
When I'uz a little pup, we used to just wrap a piece of mama's waxed paper across a pocket comb and make music 'till they throwed us outa the house.

The best comb to use is the old standby "Ace" hard rubber.
For some reason them modern plastic 'uns aint got the same tone.
You can get the old "Ace" at some of the Walgreens stores, and the come in a version with all the fine teet (for tenors) or with half fine and half coarse teeth - use the coarse end for the baritone and base notes.
I don't recollect hearing about a "tuning spine," but the ol' comb has a purty sturdy backbone, and you can use it to purty up yerself when the girls all come fallin' all over ya after they've heard yer purty music.

John

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Aug 01 - 03:52 PM

It has been hard enough trying to find a tuner for my kazoo... I can imagine what my life would be like if I happened to get a comb that was out of key. And doesn't that paper tickle the dickens out of your lips when you blow on it? I don't need any distractions when I'm in concert. If you know what I mean.

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: GUEST,bobbi
Date: 01 Aug 01 - 03:52 PM

It has been hard enough trying to find a tuner for my kazoo... I can imagine what my life would be like if I happened to get a comb that was out of key. And doesn't that paper tickle the dickens out of your lips when you blow on it? I don't need any distractions when I'm in concert. If you know what I mean.

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: Ebbie
Date: 01 Aug 01 - 04:57 PM

Thanks for the smiles, y'all!

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: Kaleea
Date: 02 Aug 01 - 01:35 AM

One can find kazoos in Wallyworld on aisle 27 among the other packages of party favors for parties. They come in assorted colors, and in packages of 8 of the the high quality polyresin musical instruments for which there is no equal elsewhere in the musical kingdom. For less than the price of a combo meal and gallon or two of gasoline one may procure a lifetime of musical satisfacion until they wear out or are melted during an extraordinarily hot summer. By that time Ron Popiel will have his new improved kazoo-o-matic available for the mere price of ninety-nine nintey-nine ninety-nine ninety-nine ninety-nine . . .nighty night!

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: bobbi
Date: 02 Aug 01 - 02:04 AM

Kaleea: The problem is not finding a kazoo.. it is trying to find a tuning spine to tune the bugger with... See, I'm more than a little attached to mine and would rather tune it myself than purchase a new one!

A gallon or two of gasoline??? (Eeee Gaaaddds) That would be a major investment considering I live in California! But appreciate your input more than you'll ever know! ;-)

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 02 Aug 01 - 01:50 PM

Bobbi ;- You want to try buying gasoline in the UK, where it comes in at a mind bending $4.50 for a UK size gallon. Just think how many kazoos, [ kazii? ] you could buy for that. You might even get two in the same key, you could start an orchestra.

Jock

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: bobbi
Date: 02 Aug 01 - 07:12 PM

HOLY PRESTO BALLS, Jock!!!! $4.50 a gallon??? I will never complain again, I will never complain again, I will never complain again....

Hummmmmmm..."Bobbi And Her All Male Kazii Orchestra!" Kinda catchy, ain't it???

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 03 Aug 01 - 02:49 PM

Why all male Bobbi??? Jock

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: bobbi
Date: 03 Aug 01 - 06:06 PM

Females wouldn't be that dumb!!!! ;-))

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 04 Aug 01 - 09:23 AM

It would seem to be unkind to point out that you are the one with the out of tune kazoo, whereas I, a poor dumb male don't even posess such a thing!! However it would be rude to point that out, so I won't do so. ;-{)>

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: bobbi
Date: 04 Aug 01 - 05:05 PM

You are a good man, Jock! Wanna join an orchestra?

b

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 05 Aug 01 - 04:50 AM

Not the first time somone has offered orchestration, [or something like that] Seriously though I plead the Groucho Marx excuse of not wanting to join any club that might want me as a member!! ;-{)> Jock

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: bobbi
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 02:36 AM

Okay.. but don't say you weren't asked! Bet you could play a mean kazoo, baby!

b

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 04:23 PM

I'm Scottish we're all mean!! Jock

Subject: RE: Help: Does Anyone Know Where Ican Find....
From: bobbi
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 06:26 PM

Oh GAWD!!! I love it rough! Let's talk!! ;-)) LOL