Lyr Req: The Kirk Douglas Ghoulie

Subject: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: TamthebamfraeScotland
Date: 28 Aug 01 - 07:12 PM

Hello my name is Tom,

And a friend of mine was looking for a poem about a castle in the village called Kirk Douglas and it's all about hairy goolies and things like that, I think that North sea gas did it and also Robin Laing.

Thank you very much. Tom

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: Shields Folk
Date: 28 Aug 01 - 07:13 PM

Take me pissed I'm home!

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: TamthebamfraeScotland
Date: 28 Aug 01 - 07:25 PM

sheilds folk,

This is a real request I so please if you have any information about this peom I would glad to have it and if not why did you reply to this thread?

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: Shields Folk
Date: 28 Aug 01 - 07:32 PM

I thought your request was alcohol induced. It didn't seem to make sense. Sorry you huffy git.

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Aug 01 - 07:58 PM

It's a hard one to decipher all right...

1. Is it the village or the castle which is named "Kirk Douglas"...or is it neither?

2. What is a hairy goolie?

3. Is North Sea Gas a band?

4. And who is Robin Laing?

Answers to these questions might help clarify what the heck you are going on about here, busbitter. I doubt that I can help you, anyway, but someone probably can.

- LH

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: alison
Date: 28 Aug 01 - 08:31 PM

It was done by Hale & Pace (a UK comedy duo).. so maybe a search for them will help.... great "poem"

"he was ugly and wrinkly and hairy, but with ghoulies that's often the case!"

sounds familiar?

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: Mrrzy
Date: 28 Aug 01 - 08:50 PM

I love the idea of a place named Kirk Douglas somehow. I hope someone can answer, and welcome to the mudcat, Tom, I see you've already jumped right in...

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: Malcolm Douglas
Date: 28 Aug 01 - 10:21 PM

Tom's isn't new: he's been here for a while, but he always introduces himself.

A goolie is a testicle; a ghoulie is -in Scotland- a minor supernatural being, often also hairy.  Probably some confusion intended.

Kirk Douglas is, of course, no relation.

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: alison
Date: 29 Aug 01 - 12:26 AM

confusion definately intended... I have a friend who recites this.. if we can't find it.. I'll get him to give me a copy.......

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: TamthebamfraeScotland
Date: 29 Aug 01 - 11:33 AM

The poem was written by Dave Gillan of the Scottish band North sea gas, and Robin Laing is a Scottish folk singer/songwriter.

Tom

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: TamthebamfraeScotland
Date: 29 Aug 01 - 11:36 AM

That's sounds right susan, I'll try that.

And as for sheilds folk, I might get huffy but I'm certainly no git? Tom

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Aug 01 - 07:48 PM

Some more questions, then. Why is the word "North" capitalized and the words "sea gas" not? Seems kind of odd to me...

I read Kirk Douglas's autobiography, and I would have to say that his goolies were quite popular with the female population during his years of stardom.

Is a "kirk" a castle in the old dialect or is it a village?

- LH

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: alison
Date: 29 Aug 01 - 07:51 PM

susan???? *grin*

refresh

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: Melani
Date: 29 Aug 01 - 11:08 PM

My understanding is that "kirk" is "church."

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: wysiwyg
Date: 30 Aug 01 - 12:02 AM

alison.

~S~

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: GUEST
Date: 30 Aug 01 - 11:35 PM

pls i like pome Groyne of Burt Lancaster if anyboddi

Subject: Lyr Add: THE KIRK DOUGLAS GHOULIE^^
From: GUEST,Anne WA
Date: 31 Aug 01 - 05:51 AM

Here are the words if anyone is interested! For best results, a Scottish accent is required!!

THE KIRK DOUGLAS GHOULIE

Gather round and I'll tell you a story, of a castle that fills men with fear
Though it might make you feel a bit queasy, and it might make you feel a bit queer
This castle stood high in Kirk Douglas, a wee Scottish town, aye it's true,
It was haunted by ghosties and goblins, and a slimy green bogey-man too

But deep in the bowels of this castle, lived the most evil thing that could be,
It put fear in the hearts of the mighty, the "Kirk Douglas Ghoulie" was he
He was big, he was black, he was hairy, and the veins bulged out of his face,
His skin was all warpled and crinkly, but with ghoulies that's often the case.

This ghoulie dined mainly on lassies, he'd gobble them up, have no fear,
His taste was for pretty young virgins, so he wouldn't last long around here.
One day he kidnapped a young lassie, called Kirsty MacDougall MacBlack
She was big, she was saucy and tasty, so everyone called her "Big Mac"!

Now this Kirsty she had a boyfriend, young Jock Lochnavar was his name
He was famous for tossing his caber, but he went with the girls just the same.
On hearing his Kirsty'd been kidnapped, Jock formed a plan straight away
He picked up his trusty old bagpipe and mournfully started to play

The monster it grabbed the young hero and Jock he screamed out with surprise
If you've ever been grabbed by a ghoulie, you'll know it brings tears to your eyes
The monster it squeezed the young hero, till his life started ebbing away
But Jock he clung tight to his bagpipe and eerily continued to play

The ghoulie danced high in the turrets, hypnotised by the bagpipe's strange sound
Twas played in the key "A flat Monster" as the ghoulie fell straight to the ground
Ever since that great day in Kirk Douglas, young lassies all fear no mishap
For they know all great big hairy ghoulies will always fall into Jock's trap!^^

HTML line breaks added. -JoeClone, 31-Aug-01.

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: gnu
Date: 31 Aug 01 - 06:07 AM

Guest... this song about a Groyne in Lancaster, (a shore to nearshore projection, usually made of heavy stone and constructed to trap sand under literal drift, thereby creating useful beach) can you elaborate ? As a student of coastal protection structures, it is of great interest because so few folk songs decry the life and times of engineers(ing). Or is it another song about a foundered vessel ? vassal ? vesicule ?

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: Snuffy
Date: 31 Aug 01 - 08:59 AM

Gnu,

He's having you on - don't take him littorally

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: gnu
Date: 31 Aug 01 - 09:39 AM

OOPS. Thanks Snuffy. Apparently, I hadn't had enough tea when I wrote that this morning... talk about literally drifting !

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: TamthebamfraeScotland
Date: 31 Aug 01 - 11:19 AM

Thank yopu Anne WA for that.

And to all that contributed to the thread I thank you all. Tom

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: Grab
Date: 31 Aug 01 - 11:19 AM

Apparently groynes are a real problem for sandyachters - going along at 30mph or so, when a wheel hits a groyne and flips you over. They call this a "groyne strain"...

Graham.

(Yes, it's true!)

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: GUEST,beadie
Date: 31 Aug 01 - 01:55 PM

North Sea Gas is (or was) the house band for the Caledonian Hotel in Edinburgh. As far as I know, the only CD this trio has released that is available in the US is entitled "The Caledonian Connection." I had to special order the disc from my local Barnes and Noble outlet.

The CD contains the Kirk Douglas Ghoulie, as well as favorites like Killikrankie, The Black Velvet Band, Yellow on the Broom, and the obligatory version of Flower of Scotland.

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Aug 01 - 05:37 PM

Excellent. All my questions have been duly answered, and we got the poem as well. Thank you.

- LH

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 31 Aug 01 - 05:52 PM

There is a Kirk Hammerton in North Yorkshire, a Kirk Ireton and a Kirk Langley in Derbyshire, and a Kirk Sandall in Doncaster. Those are all the Kirk-somethings in the UK that are listed in the Getty Thesaurus of Geographic Names, which is usually pretty complete. I think we can safely assume that Kirk Douglas (as a town or village) is fictional (in case there was any doubt).

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: GUEST,where did my cookie go?
Date: 01 Sep 01 - 02:07 AM

great... that saves me typing it in.....

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 01 Sep 01 - 04:07 AM

There is a town in Scotland called Douglas, and one assumes that it has a kirk. For our friends across the pond, North sea gas is also the registered trade name of a company engaged in extracting petroleum gas from the said sea, in order to sell it to us poor mortals to " bile wir tatties an' neeps fur tae gae wi thon Haggis cratur" Jock

Subject: ADD: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: GUEST,Maccle
Date: 04 Feb 02 - 04:57 AM

Hi I just had a friend asking me for a link to the Kirk Douglas Goolie. Last time I looked for it on the web there was nothing.
I've read the thread, it's nice to know where it comes from. I heard it recited as a poem in central Scotland.

The version I heard is considerably more 'scottish' than that listed here. It may not be the original version, but seems more fitting to the topic:-

Gather round and I'll tell you a story,
'o a castle that fills men with fear.
Now this may make you feal a bit queesy,
aye, it may make you feal a bit queer.

This castle stood high in Kirk Douglas,
a wee scottish town like it's true.
It was haunted by ghosties and goblins,
and a slimey green bogey man too.

But deep in the bowles of this castle lived,
the most fearful thing there could be.
It put fear in the hearts of the Mighty,
The Kirk Douglas Goolie was he.

He was big, he was black, he was hairy,
and the veins stood all oot 'o his face.
His skin was all warpl't and crinkley
but, wi' goolies that's often the case.

Now this Goolie dined mainly on lassies.
He'd gobble them up hae no fear.
His taste ran for pretty young virgins
so, he widnea find many round here.

One day he kidnapped a young lassie,
called Kirsty McDougal McBlack.
She was big, she was saucy and tastey,
so, a'body called her Big Mac.

But Kirsty she had her a boyfriend.
Jock Lochnavar was his name.
He was famous for tossing his caber but,
he went with the girls just the same.

On hearing his Kirsty'd been ta'en away.
Jock picked up his bagpipes,
and mourne for he started to play.

The monster he grabbed our young hero,
and Jock screemed out in surprise.
Well, if you've ever been grabbed by a goolie,
you'll know it brings tears to your eyes.

The monster he squeezed our young hero,
'till his life was ebbing away.
But, Jock grabbed hold of his trusty old bagpipes,
and mourne for he started to play.

The monster danced high on the turrets,
hypnotised by the piper's strange sound.
It was played in the key of "A flat, monster",
and the goolie fell straight to the ground.

Now this is the end of my story, but,
'fore fear sends you hame a' a flap.
Remember that all hairy goolies,
will always fall into Jock's trap.


Maccle

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: Scabby Douglas
Date: 04 Feb 02 - 08:14 AM

To be honest - it doesn't look all that much different from the version posted above.. I can't see how it's much more "Scottish".

Cheers

Steven

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: paddymac
Date: 04 Feb 02 - 04:06 PM

Our singer does this as a recitation on occasion. Always gets a good laugh.

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: little john cameron
Date: 04 Feb 02 - 04:40 PM

Aye Scabby,no' awfy Scottish ataw'.No' bad tho' it isnae a patch oan Tam O'Shanter. ljc

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: MMario
Date: 28 Apr 03 - 12:18 PM

is there a tune?

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 Apr 03 - 12:28 PM

Waidamminnit-- we seem have had a couple of Mudcat members named Tam.... are the all the same person, and if so how many memberships are there?

~Susan

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: An Pluiméir Ceolmhar
Date: 29 Apr 03 - 04:40 AM

How many Tam the Chancers have we?

Subject: RE: The goolie of Kirk Douglas
From: alison
Date: 29 Apr 03 - 08:38 PM

its a poem MMario, don't think it had a tune...... your next mission - should you choose to accept it.....


slainte

alison

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Kirk Douglas Ghoulie
From: SINSULL
Date: 30 Apr 03 - 08:38 PM

How nice to "hear from" little john cameron. He is missed.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Kirk Douglas Ghoulie
From: GUEST,Curious Clouseau
Date: 17 Nov 05 - 11:15 AM

Does anyone know a tune for this song?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Kirk Douglas Ghoulie
From: EBarnacle
Date: 17 Nov 05 - 11:37 AM

Rhythmically, it seems to fit the same genre as When Harold got shot in the eye and similar recitations. A melody would be overkill.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Kirk Douglas Ghoulie
From: Snuffy
Date: 17 Nov 05 - 01:23 PM

It would go to the verse (twice) of My Bonny Lies Over The Ocean. Or you could spin it out thus if you wanted the whole tune:

Gather round and I'll tell you a story,
Of a castle that fills men with fear
Though it might make you feel a bit queasy,
And it might make you feel a bit queer
Might make, might make
It might make you feel a bit queer, bit queer
Might make, might make
It might make you feel a bit queer.

etc

Subject: RE: Lyr: The Kirk Douglas Ghoulie
From: JennyO
Date: 18 Nov 05 - 06:12 AM

I've only ever heard this as a poem. When Alison said she has a friend who recites it, I imagine she was talking about our friend Warren (Arch) Bishop, who does a fine rendition of it, Scottish accent and all! It's great fun!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Kirk Douglas Ghoulie
From: Kenny B (inactive)
Date: 11 Mar 11 - 09:57 AM

William Tell Overture and Kirk Douglas Ghoulie (2 4 the price of 1)

A recording of The kirk Douglas Ghoulie by hale and pace with extra verses .... You have to wait till the end of the William Tell Overture / Popadom Song

Kenny B