Lyr Add: Handyman II

Subject: Lyr Add: HANDYMAN II (Gerald Friedman)
From: Jerry Friedman
Date: 10 Feb 98 - 01:19 PM

Joe Offer mentioned fixing his ex-wife's plumbing in return for chocolate-chip cookies. I can't fix anything--in fact I break things--but I wrote this country lyric for some friends of mine and can't resist posting it. Comments (such as an improved title) are welcome.

HANDYMAN II

Mary Jane calls me up, says her husband's away,
And she needs a man--can I come today?
Well Mary Jane and me once had three sweet weeks,
And she wants me back 'cause her faucet leaks.

Chorus:
Being used ain't so bad, being used I can stand
If they'd use my body, but they just want my hands.
Take pride in your work if you do the best you can--
If I had some more pride, I wouldn't be a handyman.

Kate's room was the scene of our loves and our wars.
And I'm here today to fix her chest of drawers.
While I'm pounding I think, "How grateful will she be?"
She calls up from the kitchen, "You want beer or iced tea?"

Chorus

When Sally and me got divorced,
She would be her own woman, of course,
But some things take a long time to learn.
She knew it's true that we're through
When I refused to do
Her tax return.

Chorus (repeat as necessary)

Copyright 1996 by Gerald Friedman.

Subject: RE: Handyman II
From: Joe Offer
Date: 10 Feb 98 - 01:50 PM

Hmmmm. In my five years of being "gloriously single," I think I've had enough "handyman" stories for a dozen verses for you, Jerry. Then again, maybe I'd better keep those stories to myself. Sometimes, though, I do feel like a toolbox gigolo - they only love me for my soldering gun.
-Del Shannon II-