Subject: RE: Lyr/Chords Req: The Scotsman
From:
Joe Offer
Date: 18 Dec 01 - 04:21 AM
Well, Sinsull - I did a Google search for kilt nail yards and came up with a joke here (click).
-Joe Offer-
This joke may not make sense in certain places, but I`m telling it how I heard it told. Just to let you know, it was done with a very good fake Scottish accent, and I have to agree it sounds much better that way.
A Scottish man wanted to make himself a kilt to impress his wife, so he went to the store to get the material.
"I`d like twenty yards o` material to make meself a kilt now." he told the store clerk.
"We`re havin` a sale this week," the clerk told him. "Thirty yards for the price o` twenty."
"Okay then," the man said, "I`ll have thirty yards. I can make me wife a scarf with the extra ten yards."
So he buys the thirty yards and goes home to make himself the kilt. Finally he finishes the kilt and he puts it on and walks over ot his wife`s house to show her. But on the way there his kilt gets stuck on a nail and rips off.
So he gets to his wife`s house and knocks on the door. She answers and he puts on his best pose.
"D`yeh like it?" he asks.
"I love it." she replies appreciatively.
"Well, if yeh like that, I`ve another ten yards t` wrap around yer neck."
In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to purchase and wear his first kilt.
A couple of weeks before his important birthday, a young lad went to a tailor shop and found the material he wanted for his first kilt. He took the material to the tailor and said, "I'd like ye to make me a kilt with this material here and, if ye don't mind, I'd like ye to make me a pair of matching underwear for it. I hear it gets a might drafty up dem tings!"
So the tailor took the material and promised to call the young lad when the order was completed. A few days later the tailor called the lad back to the shop.
"Here's ye kilt, and here's ye matching underwear, and here's five yards of the material left over. Ye might want to take it home and keep it in case you want anything else made of it."
So the lad rushed home with his order, threw the material in his room, and donned his kilt. In his excitement, he decided to run to his girlfriend's house to show off his new purchase. Unfortunately, in his excitement, he forgot to don his underwear.
When his girlfriend answered the door, he pointed to his kilt and said, "Well, what'd ye think?"
"Ah, but dat's a fine looking kilt," she exclaimed.
"Aye, and if ye like it, ye'll really like what's underneath," he stated as he lifted his kilt to show her.
"Oh, but dat's a dandy," his girlfriend shouted admiringly.
Still not realizing that he didn't have his underwear on he exclaimed quite proudly, "aye, and if ye like it, I've got five more yards of it at home!"
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