Any NEW limmericks ?

Subject: Any NEW limmericks ?
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Dec 01 - 12:29 PM

Clem Kadiddlehopper was a friend I thought his humor would'nt end He spoke kinda dumb His mistakes were still fun But George Bush we need to append

Subject: RE: Any NEW limmericks ?
From: Micca
Date: 16 Dec 01 - 01:31 PM

Donuel had a go at a rhyme
but seems to have mucked up the time
just like a young man
trying to play the Bodhran
and fitted too many syllables into the first line

Subject: RE: Any NEW limmericks ?
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Dec 01 - 01:45 PM

There realy are no new limerics They just take an old one ad re-simmer it. And when the cooking is done, it is clear number one There are no new ones, just gimmerics!

Actually I would think there are tons of new Bin Laden ones!

Subject: RE: Any NEW limmericks ?
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Dec 01 - 01:50 PM

if anyone did a forum search on 'limerick', they would not have found this thread....until now, of course..*grin*

why is that word misspelled so often?

Subject: RE: Any NEW limmericks ?
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Dec 01 - 01:56 PM

A limmerick may have 8 or 9 syllables for the first two lines and last. Lines 3 and 4 may have 5 or 6 syllables.

Subject: RE: Any NEW limmericks ?
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Dec 01 - 01:58 PM

Because limmmmeriks are written when drunk

Subject: RE: Any NEW limmericks ?
From: catspaw49
Date: 16 Dec 01 - 01:58 PM

I think a few of us wrote new ones the other night on 975th Limerick thread we've had........

Is it something in the air today or what?

Spaw

Subject: RE: Any NEW limmericks ?
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Dec 01 - 02:03 PM

"Because limmmmeriks are written when drunk"

got it!..I never stop to consider that MANY threads and creative impulses may be powered by 'spirits' as much as by the muse.

Subject: RE: Any NEW limmericks ?
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Dec 01 - 02:18 PM

catspaw writes here everyday so addicted he can't stay away but some of us here find other sites dear and seldom stop by here to play

Subject: RE: Any NEW limmericks ?
From: catspaw49
Date: 16 Dec 01 - 03:02 PM

Now Donuel, let's not be crass.
My postings are a huge mass.
Your brain and balls are quite small
Your dick's nothing at all
So bend down, pucker up, kiss my ass!

Spaw

Subject: RE: Any NEW limmericks ?
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Dec 01 - 03:42 PM

I hope you pass that huge mass soon
Maybe then you'll carry a tune
You will feel better
when you unfetter
your bowels but you're still a buffoon

Subject: RE: Any NEW limmericks ?
From: catspaw49
Date: 16 Dec 01 - 04:09 PM

Buffoon is my job, it's a fit.
And it doesn't dismay me a bit.
Yes, some of it's sucked
But yours is totally fucked
And complete, ignominious, shit!

Spaw

Subject: RE: Any NEW limmericks ?
From: catspaw49
Date: 16 Dec 01 - 04:15 PM

(brief aside--If you think any of this is serious Donuel, I'll stop now....my assumption is we're both having some fun, but I wanted to check, 'cause I often enjoy your takes)

Spaw

Subject: RE: Any NEW limmericks ?
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Dec 01 - 06:17 PM

How dare you crack out of turn. You have stepped out of character. My illusions are dashed. My only soalace is to venerate the Rev. Jerry Falwell image stained in our downstairs bathroom toilet bowl.

Subject: RE: Any NEW limmericks ?
From: GUEST,Alimerick
Date: 17 Dec 01 - 04:21 AM

Subject: RE: Any NEW limmericks ?
From: GUEST,TryAgain
Date: 17 Dec 01 - 04:27 AM

OK This is not a limerick.
Nor is it a limmerick [or limmmerick].
It starts out like one.
It is dragged out when one needs to explain the concept of "bastard thread"

There once was a fellow named Dick
Who was cursed from birth with a corkscrew prick
All his life was a fruitless hunt
To find a girl with a corkscrew c*nt
When he found one he dropped dead--
The G*d-damned thing had bastard thread.

[Usually taste would preclude such a posting, but it would seem to suit spaw's sensibilities...]

Subject: RE: Any NEW limmericks ?
From: Wolfgang
Date: 17 Dec 01 - 08:14 AM

Now, the limericks in this thread here are no limericks at all, they are what in German is called (untranslatable) Schlimmericks, a word made up from the German word schlimmer (English: worse) and, of course, >i>Limericks.

Wolfgang

Subject: RE: Any NEW limmericks ?
From: catspaw49
Date: 17 Dec 01 - 08:29 AM

Okay Mr. Critic.......What's the problem with our limericks? I can barely wait to hear this one...........

Spaw

Subject: RE: Any NEW limmericks ?
From: Wolfgang
Date: 17 Dec 01 - 08:38 AM

Es sassen am Ufer des Indus
drei meditierende Hindus.
Es quält sie die Frage schon einige Tage:
"Ist ich es, sind er's oder bin Du's."

Wolfgang

Subject: RE: Any NEW limmericks ?
From: catspaw49
Date: 17 Dec 01 - 08:43 AM

Right then......This explains why I only scraped through German class in college............I, you, day, Mediterraean Hindu? Typical American....don't know diddly about any other language..............

Spaw

Subject: RE: Any NEW limmericks ?
From: Wolfgang
Date: 17 Dec 01 - 09:09 AM

The punch line in that Limerick is everything but proper German (all for the sake of a rhyme on 'hindus'). A suboptimal shot at a translation is as follows: The build-up lines are easy:

At the banks of the river Indus
sat three meditating hindus.
And for several days
they are bother by the question:

and then the really bad German punchline:

"Is I it, are he's or am you's"

Wolfgang

Subject: RE: Any NEW limmericks ?
From: GUEST
Date: 17 Dec 01 - 10:29 AM

Spaw, you should like this one. I just can't bring myself to be as open as you are, even hiding behind my anonymity.

Subject: RE: Any NEW limmericks ?
From: GUEST
Date: 17 Dec 01 - 10:32 AM

Ooops! Let's try this again.

There once was this fellow named Bose,
Had a cock like a damn garden hose.
He'd say with a grunt,
As he f--ed a girl's c--t,
"When I cum, it'll fly out your nose!"

Subject: RE: Any NEW limmericks ?
From: GUEST
Date: 17 Dec 01 - 11:24 AM

Remember Snuffy's Simpson character in the last Limerick thread? Well, here's his whole story.

There once was a fellow in France
Who could not keep his dick in his pants.
He would f--k his own mother,
The wife of his brother,
And his Granny when he got the chance.

Now, Simpson was this fellow's name.
And to him, any pussy was game.
Some were better than others
(Like that wife of his brother's)
And he found, not all c--ts were the same.

To one lassie, he'd never be true.
It was something he just couldn't do.
Though his brother's sweet wife
Was the f--k of his life,
There was no girl that he wouldn't screw.

Then one day when he'd made his selection,
He just could not get an erection.
He thought, "this girl's too placid,
That's why I'm so flaccid."
But he knew he was wrong, on reflection.

The next girl he picked was a knockout.
And she reached down to pull his stiff cock out.
But when she grabbed hold,
It was lifeless and cold.
So she got up, got dressed and she walked out.

For sexual gratification,
Simpson practically f--ked the whole nation.
His libido was such
That he'd f--ked way too much
Now his pecker had lost all sensation.

Simpson's ego was drastically shrunk,
And he soon fell into a funk,
He could no longer f--k,
He was shit out of luck,
So he went off and became a monk.

To young fellows, let this be a lesson.
Too many an intimate session
Will leave your dick soft,
Then, by girls, you'll be scoffed.
And you'll end up in deep, dark depression.

Subject: RE: Any NEW limmericks ?
From: Micca
Date: 17 Dec 01 - 11:37 AM

Simpson thought his depression" ein Scheisser"
and had started in wanting to die, sir
but old Doctor Warden
said his dick he could harden
with a compound invented by Pfizer