Song Challenge! - Part 78

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78
From: Áine
Date: 06 Jan 02 - 12:29 PM

Fantastic, wunnerful and amazin' start to 2002, dear Challenge!rs!! Yee-haw to each and everyone of you! Here are the first Golden Cow Chips for the year -- cudos, congrats and well done to everyone:

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song):

Ashes to Ashes Funk to Funky by derrymacash
The Sister Who Died by Fibula Mattock

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears):

Ashes To Ashes by Matthew Edwards
I Sent My Sister to A Landfill by Amos
Judy's Afraid of Wal-Mart by derrymacash

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Guinness Crest (The Guinness Crest is awarded for causing both Harp Ribbon conditions within one song):

The Landfill of Omaha by Genie
Sister Was Located in a Landfill by Jack the Sailor
Unfortunate Miss Rita by Sonja

Winners Of The Golden Cow Chip Award With Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon (The GCCWMMSPS is awarded to the Challenge! entry which evokes an instantaneous bubbling up of frothy mirth from out of the lips of the Keeper of the Book and onto her monitor screen):

Omaha Dump by Genie

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield (Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield is given to the best blues rendition of any challenge topic):

Garbage Hopper Blues by Clifton53

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Doo-Lyn Ditty Digger Decoration (The Doo-Lyn Ditty Digger Decoration is awarded for the best cow chip chunking Country version of a song in a Challenge!):

Burned Then Spurned by Johnny Ash (a/k/a derrymacash)
This Family Can Just Shove It! by Deda
Will My Sister's Box Be Broken by Genie

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award (The Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award is given to the Challenge!rs who warm the cockles and create a special warm and fuzzy feeling in the heart of the Keeper of the Book in a song):

Ashes by MMario
The Boys of the Cemetery by derrymacash
The State-Sanctioned Flame by derrymacash
Unwanted Presents by Bradypus


Now don't let those pencils, pens and/or crayons get too cold -- No. 79 is a comin' down the track real soon! ;-)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Jan 02 - 01:04 AM

I'm posting this without knowing whether the competition is still open or not, and its hook line is stol ...   borrowed from Sonja's suggestions above.  Like our beloved Derrymacash sometimes does, I've used the newspaper story as a springboard for a flight of fancy that goes far beyond its details.
Calico

She Lies In The Dump (Like Grated Stale Cheese)
Words:  Calico
Tune:  The Man On The Flying Trapeze (George Leybourne)

Once she was happy, thought life was a joke,
Like this small box with the handle that's broke;
Then she turned to MTV, twinkies, and coke
While she was still in her teens.
 
The man she called "Earl," he was handsome;
 Taught her 'bout the birds and the bees.
 Many men tried to please her and courted her well--
 Till she died from a social disease.

 (Chorus)
        Now,
        She lies in the dump like grated stale cheese,
        Our darling young sister who did the strip tease.
        Her movements were playful, all the boys she did please--
        Now her ashes have been tossed away.

Our young sister's stage name was Flicka Yabick,
Tall, blonde and built like an outhouse of brick.
Where'er she appeared all the guys got their kicks,
As she danced 'round the stage on her knees.

 She'd smile towards the bar at the bozos,
 And one night she smiled at old Earl.
 He wink'd back at her and she shouted "Bravo,"
 And he made her his number one girl.

(Chorus)
        Now,
        She lies in the dump like grated stale cheese,
        Our darling young sister who did the strip tease.
        Her movements were playful, all the boys she did please--
        Now her ashes have been tossed away.
 

Her sister and brother were both so ashamed
And very hard tried to redeem their good name;
Marv said "She's a vamp; Jude said, "Worse--She's a tramp,
And I'm sure MTV is to blame."

 Then their Flicka grew frail and much thinner,
 Like a stork wearing feathers of red,
 Then one night while high-kicking her Can-Can routine,
 She kicked the bucket instead.

(Chorus)
        Now,
        She lies in the dump like grated stale cheese,
        Our darling young sister who did the strip tease.
        Her movements were playful, all the boys she did please--
        Now her ashes have been tossed away.

"Her lesson now learned, and her body now burned,
Our poor sister's ashes to me were returned.
In a small ornate box I then had them then en-urned
For Judy to ope' Christmas Day,"
 
Said Marvin.  "Her box was real fancy.
 How could I know its handle was cracked,
 And Judy unwise to the contents it held
 To the Wal-Mark had taken it back?

(Chorus)
        Now,
        She lies in the dump like grated stale cheese,
        Our darling young sister who did the strip tease.
        Her movements were playful, all the boys she did please--
        Now her ashes have been tossed away.

The day after Christmas, they went to the Wal-
Mart to retrieve th' broken gift box and all,
But Customer Service did their poor hearts gall,
With, "Junk like that we throw away!"

 So, quick-like and frantic and dressed to the nines,
 Their sister's ash to retrieve,
 They've both assumed poses most assinine
 Down in the dump on their knees.

        Now,
        Her ashes can age like a fine cheddar cheese--
        And our darling young sister's ordeal now will cease.
        She'll rest on our mantle; if no one dare sneeze,
        Then she'll never more be blown away.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 07 Jan 02 - 05:10 AM

Not my place to say this, but I'm sure Áine'll forgive me.

There's no such things as last orders at the Song Challenge! bar.

(Beloved? Jaysus! I'm getting a reddener, so I am!)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78
From: Genie
Date: 07 Jan 02 - 02:23 PM

Aw, ya know we luv ya, Derry!
Genie

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78
From: Áine
Date: 07 Jan 02 - 06:41 PM

derrymacash is absolutely right, Calico -- It's never too late for a Song Challenge! -- and yours is an excellent submission; proof once again that it's better late than never! ;-) And for your 'daring' effort, you are hereby awarded The Golden Cow Chip Award With Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon (The GCCWMMSPS is awarded to the Challenge! entry which evokes an instantaneous bubbling up of frothy mirth from out of the lips of the Keeper of the Book and onto her monitor screen)

Congratulations, Calico -- And I know we're all hoping that you'll become a permanent part of the Challenge! party!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 02 Jan 03 - 12:05 PM

refresh.

So folks can revisit one of Amos' fave raves.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 78
From: Áine
Date: 02 Jan 03 - 12:07 PM

Youch! I remember this one . . . luckily, I haven't cut my thumb off again (lately) *BG*

-- Áine (the re-thumbed)