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BS: Good (or bad) puns
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Subject: Good (or bad) literary puns From: MC Fat Date: 22 Jan 02 - 11:21 AM On BBC radio 5 the presenter the other night was in fits at an e-mail sent to her. A listener saw a notice in the local camping shop in December which read 'NOW IS THE WINTER OF OUR DISCOUNT TENTS !!'.I told this to friend last night and he came up with the possibilty of a brewer having a similar sign saying 'WHO WILL RID ME OF THIS TURBULENT YEAST ? Any others ? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Art Thieme Date: 22 Jan 02 - 11:43 AM Yes. Just search my posts over the last 3 or 4 years. Art Thieme |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Art Thieme Date: 22 Jan 02 - 11:44 AM Maybe 100 at least?? Art ;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: PaulM Date: 22 Jan 02 - 11:47 AM MC Fat What is sad is that the originator of the phrase got nothing, whilst the BBC presenter (Fi Glover, perchance?) got paid a wack for her skill in reading it |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: catspaw49 Date: 22 Jan 02 - 12:27 PM True. Now let's talk about our buddy Art here. He modestly states he has maybe a hundred on the threads here........I think it may be more like 3 or 4 hundred. Additionally, Art has repeated at least half of the 400 fully about 20 times each. I am NOT complaining at all about this as a bad pun is always a bad pun and even better when it's Artfully done. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Mrrzy Date: 22 Jan 02 - 12:33 PM No puns are bad, although some are poorly received! The opening one reminds me of the old psychiatrist joke, who's on an American Indian reservation when an old guy comes in and claims confusion - "sometimes I think I'm a teepee, and sometimes I think I'm a wigwam." The doctor instantly diagnoses the old gentlemen as being... two tents! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: catspaw49 Date: 22 Jan 02 - 12:43 PM MC....Here is an ancient thread and in it there are some puns, but please notice that while some of us get in one or two here and there....you'll find one of Art's posts that has about half a dozen strung together. The fact that he had used these about 2 months before on another thread shows yo how a great master can work!!! As you know Art, I salute you!!!!! Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Grab Date: 22 Jan 02 - 12:44 PM A woman walks in to a bar and asks for a double entendre. So the barman gives her one. *wha wha whaaa* Graham. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: GUEST,John Hernandez Date: 22 Jan 02 - 12:57 PM Q: What kind of birth control does the Catholic church approve of? A: None. But it only works if you don't get in the habit. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: swirlygirl Date: 22 Jan 02 - 01:04 PM Oh God...other men use that woman goes into a bar joke other than EJ...us women are not safe... :0 xxx |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Don Firth Date: 22 Jan 02 - 01:22 PM The king, a firm-jawed and steely-eyed tyrant who was no connoisseur of puns, finally got fed up with his jester's endless string of puns, especially puns about him, which struck him as lacking in sufficient awe and respect. He was aware, however, that puns were his jester's main stock in trade, and he did amuse the rest of the court, so he gave him a stern warning:
"Henceforth, fool, you may commit your puns on any subject in the land--except me, your king." Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Deckman Date: 22 Jan 02 - 01:56 PM I still remember, after over 100 years, the very FIRST pun I heard. The criminals (Don Firth will appreciate this) were Gordon Tracy and Irwin Nash. The crime happened at Gordons store, "The Folklore Center," in the "U" district in Seattle. I was working for Gordon that day, dusting off records. In walked Irwin and started complaining, as usual, about his Mother and Father. Gordon listened for some time and then said, "It's obvious ... the problem is apparent!" I froze in my tracks, asked myself what is was that I heard. My life has gone steadily downhill since then. CHEERS, Bob |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: GUEST,NH Dave Date: 22 Jan 02 - 02:18 PM Someone, I believe it was Spider Robinson, in one of his Callahan's series, once said that, "The value of a pun is in the Oye of the beholder. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Kenny B (inactive) Date: 22 Jan 02 - 02:25 PM A man goes into a Glasgow butchers shop and says "Gies a pun o sausages" The butcher replies "Ah can only gie ye a Kilo noo since we've gone metric" Now that is a bad Pun or a near approximation. Going back to sleep now TTFNQ ;>} |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Deckman Date: 22 Jan 02 - 02:39 PM Did you hear about the STRING that was walking on the sidewalk. He spied a bar and said, "Hey, I'll go in and have a beer!" The STRING walks in, jumps on a stool and says, "Gimme a beer." The bartender says, "See that sign? It says NO STRINGS ALLOWED!" The STRING goes back to the sidewalk. He's still wants a beer. So, he reaches down and 'kinda unravels himself at the bottom, and at the top. Then he twists himself up. He goes back in, jumps on a stool, and says, "Gimme a beer." The bartender says, "Aren't you the STRING that was just here a minute agao?" The STRING says, "No. I'm a fraid not!" (boo hiss boo hiss) CHEERS, Bob |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Kenny B (inactive) Date: 22 Jan 02 - 03:59 PM Ps to which the man replied "Sorry I forgot about metrication, no pun intended" PPS a Pun or pound is approx 1.1lbs. The accuracy of the original approximation was dubious. ;>} |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Bobert Date: 22 Jan 02 - 05:56 PM An old punster was locked in a closet until he could come up with a pun. As soon as the door was latched a muffled voice came form the other side of the closet door, "Oh pun the door". Okay, nevermind that one. Here's a couple of real life one's from right here in Harpers Ferry: PEED PLUMBING And for the tubers who cool off in summer tubing down the Potomac: BUTT'S TUBES |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: catspaw49 Date: 22 Jan 02 - 08:50 PM Well, I took the 10 Top Puns that I felt had been posted so far and submitted them to the "Fun Pun" Site hoping that one of them would win us a prize but----and I'm sorry to report----no pun in ten did. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: GUEST,John Date: 22 Jan 02 - 08:56 PM ROTFLMAO Spaw, you are the funniest! John ps Can I have inner clique membership now? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Deckman Date: 22 Jan 02 - 09:54 PM Too many folks with TOO much time on our hands! (hee hee) Bob |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: GUEST,Fingerstyle Date: 22 Jan 02 - 10:34 PM So what's the longest pun Art Thieme has told? I heard one from a friend who hear you at Winfield in about 1996 and it was hilarious but too long to remember I regret. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Chip2447 Date: 22 Jan 02 - 10:59 PM Get thee to a punnery... Click here Chip2447
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Bill D Date: 22 Jan 02 - 11:36 PM once upon a time, my ex-wife & I raised a baby fox..(whole story in itself)...but one day, we found this half-grown fox scooting around on it's bottom, obviously uncomfortable. We grabbed him and investigated and found that he had eaten some chewing gum, which had passed thru without being digested, and was thoroughly matted in the hair around his anus...*sigh*...so, we trimmed, pulled, and cleaned...etc...and that evening, we told the story to my friend Dwain....he listened to the story politely as we raved about POOR fox, chewing gum, clean up...etc...then remarked knowingly, "so....chicled the shit out of him huh?" (not sure how to spell that..chicle is easy, but since the verb form doesn't really exist, .....anyway, it SOUNDS good)..(chickled??) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Deckman Date: 23 Jan 02 - 12:05 AM True story. In real life, I build decks ... hence my business name ... The Deck Man. On my business card I have a slogan (I have it trademarked in Washington state). "You Should See What I saw!" This punny phrase has brought me much business. CHEERS, Bob(deckman)Nelson |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Stilly River Sage Date: 23 Jan 02 - 12:56 AM Hmmm. Puns. . . seems I knew a punster. . . name of Dwyer. . . we used to have these running sessions. Sometimes they could last for hours or days. I remember driving from Everett to Marysville. We got stuck waiting for the draw bridge, and as a result of the weight, slew each other with slough puns (Bob and Don at least, you know the landscape that inspired such punishment). I don't usually try puns in front of large crowds (the groups on my tours or evening programs in national parks) but one night down at Organ Pipe Cactus I had this irresistable impulse. We were holding the program in the visitor center auditorium because the weather bureau had predicted rain. It was a little windy, but no rain. Someone asked why we were meeting inside on such a nice night. I responded that the weather bureau had called for rain tonight, but I thought they had been a little precipitate. Half of the group groaned and laughed, and the other half asked what was so funny. Maggie
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Deckman Date: 23 Jan 02 - 01:04 AM Hi Maggie ... as your Dad used to say, "no pun, no fun! CHEERS, Bob |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Don Firth Date: 23 Jan 02 - 01:14 AM Oh, Lord! It's hereditary. . . . Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Anahootz Date: 23 Jan 02 - 01:38 AM A guy plans a party and sends out invitations that instruct attendees to arrive "Dressed As an Emotion". The first few guests arrive, in predictable fashion.There was someone dressed in red, for fury...another in green, for envy...and so on. The party hits full swing about 1 am, and then comes a knock at the door. The host opens it, only to find two inebriated, mostly nude men standing there, one with his penis inserted into a pear that he had hollowed out, and the other with his penis dipped into a bowl of what appeared to be custard. The host is momentarily at a loss, then says,"I said come DRESSED as an EMOTION, and you gentlemen are neither". The first guy says,"Oh, no, we ARE dressed as emotions...I'm deep in despair, and my buddy is F**kin' disgusted..." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Don Firth Date: 23 Jan 02 - 01:55 AM Alice Lanczos threw a party once where she specified "white tie." Walt Robertson showed up wearing a white tie--but no shirt. Two other guys (Gary Oberbillig and Dick Gibbons, if I remember right) came in carrying a railroad tie that had been painted white. (Folksingers! Sheesh!) Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Hrothgar Date: 23 Jan 02 - 04:28 AM 1. The people who don't like puns are the people who can't manufacture them. 2. Don't complain about repetition - repertoire is absolutely necessary to a serial punster! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: MikeofNorthumbria Date: 23 Jan 02 - 12:22 PM Here's a shaggy old tale that amused me:
Once upon a time, in the fair city of Montreal, lived a boy named Louis Memm. At school, his Quebequois class-mates used to tease him in the playground by shouting "Voila, c'est Louis Memm lui-même". He got so tired of this that he beat a few of them up. His prowess in unarmed combat became notorious, and the local Mob recruited him as an enforcer. Being as smart as he was tough, Louis soon rose to a senior position in the organisation.
When the time came for Louis to retire, he began looking for a secluded place, where relatives of former business rivals would be unlikely to find him. One evening, he caught a TV re-run of that wonderful movie, "The Quiet Man", in which John Wayne plays an Irish-American returning to the land of his ancestors. "That's the place", said Louis, and next day he liquidated his assets (and his remaining rivals) and headed for the Emerald Isle. He found an old baronial castle, overlooking a quaint village, and bought it. By hiring local labour to refurbish his new home, and buying many drinks in the local bar, he quickly gained the affection of the villagers. Soon, they no longer spoke of him as "The Big Fella", or "Mr Louis Memm", and simply referred to their new Squire in the traditional Irish style, as "Himself".
While walking through the village one day, Louis noticed a derelict theatre. He decided to restore it, and establish his own repertory company. It proved a great success, because the villagers all shared Louis Memm's traditional tastes. They liked mainstream melodramas, musicals and romantic comedies, and steered well clear of the wilder shores of contemporary drama. Each year, when the new season's programme was unveiled, they rejoiced to see that however much it changed, it was still the Memm shows.
Hope you enjoyed it too. Wassail!
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull Date: 23 Jan 02 - 12:34 PM A man was going bald so he went to the doctor and said to him "can you give me anything to keep my hair in?" The doctor gave him a box. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Stilly River Sage Date: 23 Jan 02 - 01:04 PM Don, I see tendencies of the same affliction in my children. And it can spread laterally, to spouses. Years ago I was with my now ex at a theatrical showing of one of the Superman movies. Two, I think. It has a little boy out in the middle of a wheat field, where he has somehow managed to fall and knock himself unconscious in front of a row of threshing machines. We're watching this tension-filled moment before Superman comes to the rescue, and Jorge leans over and whispers "It's the grim reaper." Brought my part of the house down, anyway! Best ever sotto voce gone wrong was many years ago when I friend and I were at a theater watching the original Rocky. They played a short before it called The Prince that was filled with visual humor. A woman wakes alone, looks at the mussed pillow beside her, and sedately showers, then in tennis whites heads out to the court to practice her game with a "Prince" machine that spits out tennis balls for her to hit. A man's voice on an audio tape prompts her to pick up the pace, stroke carefully, etc. The practice moves along, gets faster, and faster, and the insinuation is obvious--to all but one, that is. As the woman sits slumped against the court fence and the machine lethargically dribbles one last ball out of the tube, some poor sod down in the center of the theater says into the absolute silence "It means orgasm." The best part of the whole thing was how the entire audience erupted into laughter! It's not a pun, but it's part of that complex human nature that finds wordplay funny. Now, back to work. Maggie
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: GUEST,Chicken Charlie Date: 23 Jan 02 - 01:11 PM I always thought the term "good pun" to be oxymoronic and "bad pun" to be redundant. But keep it up. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Deckman Date: 23 Jan 02 - 01:49 PM I've had a lifetime passion for the native language of my Father, Finnish. I've been told by language experts that the real test of your language skills is your ability to pun in them! Bob |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Cllr Date: 23 Jan 02 - 02:20 PM What do you call a small sheep covered in plastic...Laminated. Hope I didn't put my foot in my mouth with that one.Cllr |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Don Firth Date: 23 Jan 02 - 02:20 PM Excellent, MikeofNorthumbria. A tour de force. Fortunately my high school French carried me through. And Maggie--not just hereditary, but contagious? Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: beadie Date: 23 Jan 02 - 04:38 PM A bear comes down out of the woods on a hot, dry, dusty day onto the main street of a tiny little backwoods town. The bear is parched. He is thirsty. He craves liquid refreshment. Looking up and down the main street, the bear sees but a single saloon. He enters. Walking up to the rail, the bear addresses the bartender: "Mr. Barkeep, I am parched and would love a tall glass of your finest beer." The bartender responds, "I'm sorry, but our town rules say that I cannot serve a beer to a bear in a bar." The bear retorts, "Worry not, my good man, I do have funds with which to pay for the beverage." The barman says, "I understand and sympathize, but the rules still say that I cannot serve a beer to a bear in a bar." The bear says, "This is outrageous! There's no one here to see. All you have to do is draw the tap, place it in front of me, and I'll drop the cash on the floor as I leave." The bartender replies, "I'd really like to help, but I cannot serve a beer to a bear in a bar." The bear answers, "Perhaps I am not adequately communicating the depth of my need. If you do not immediately give me a beer, I shall be forced to do something horrible to that animal in the corner by the billiard table (pointing to the bar mascot, a mangy, ugly, old many-littered female dog sleeping on the floor)" The bartender intones again, "I'd love to help you out, Pal, but rules is rules and the rules say that I cannot serve a beer to a bear in a bar." So the beer gets off his barstool, walks over to the pool table and devours the dog, entirely. Returning to the rail, he says, I really hated to do that, but now you know how badly I need that beer." The bartender speaks: "I'm sorry you did that, too, but it changes absolutely nothing. The rules still say that I cannot serve a beer to a bear in a bar. . . . and I damn sure can't serve a beer to a bear in a bar when the bear is on drugs." The bear is taken aback and asks, "What do you mean 'on drugs'?" The bartender fixes him with a steely gaze and says, "That, sir, was a bar bitch you ate." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: gnu Date: 23 Jan 02 - 06:11 PM Oh, that's got to be a winner. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Bill D Date: 23 Jan 02 - 06:22 PM yep...I like versions of that story for years...until I discovered it was pronounced bar-ba-TUR-ate! ...ruined it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Deckman Date: 23 Jan 02 - 06:26 PM Here is a TRUE story that happened at the Seattle Woodland Park Zoo about ten years ago: The Zoo manager goes to the staff and says, "We are getting a Gnu (wildabeast) next week, and I want you to build him a proper cage." The staff went to work to build this cage, but the animal arrived three days early. The cage wasn't finished, so they had to place the animal in the cage, even though it still had boxes of building materials stacked there. The first morning after the Gnu's arrival, the keepers found that the animal had laid all the floor tile during the night. The second morning after the animals arrival, the staff found that the Gnu had installed all the ceiling tile in the night. The staff went to the Zoo manager and asked, "What kind of Gnu is this?" He asnswered, "It's just a typical Gnu, and a tiler too!" (I know this is a TRUE story because the late Emmet Watson published this in the Seattle P.I., and I knew he would never tell a lie)! CHEERS, Bob |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Bill D Date: 23 Jan 02 - 06:37 PM uh-huh |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Joe_F Date: 23 Jan 02 - 06:45 PM ObMusic: Ed Cray had on a costume Inspired by the blues: He was dressed up as an old tomcat And gave erotic mews. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: GUEST,Vgoodfellow Date: 23 Jan 02 - 10:10 PM From the Capitol Steps Satirical musical group new words to an old movie show tune for Monica Lewinsky: Superjealousfragilemisswithsexualneurosis also check out their Bill Clinton song: "Unzipping My Doo Dah"
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: nosluap57 Date: 23 Jan 02 - 10:15 PM Two peanuts were walking down the street, when one was assaulted! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: beadie Date: 23 Jan 02 - 10:16 PM Its "bar-ba-TUR-ate" if you went to med school at HAHVAHD or Yale or interned at the Cleveland Clinic or some other such bastion of uppah class medical science (they don't practice mere medicine, you know, its science. Even though Hipocrates spoke as much of the art of medicine as the science, that part has been erased over the eons. Personally, I'd rather have the artiste). Those less elevated docs that I worked with, lo all those many years, still said "bar-BIT-u-ate." Either way, you can still make a funny story out of it with a little poetic license. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: GUEST,Steve N. Date: 24 Jan 02 - 05:59 PM Gandhi, of course, walked everywhere barefoot, was very thin from frequent fasting, and when he did eat, it was vegetarian food with strong spices, all of which made him a Super-calloused fragile mystic vexed with halitosis! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Deckman Date: 24 Jan 02 - 06:58 PM I think I'm noticing something I never noticed before ... puns don't work on paper! Whatch' think? Bob |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Bill D Date: 24 Jan 02 - 07:03 PM some do...some don't, Deckman, it depends on whether they depend on 'sound' and how good your imagination is.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Good (or bad) puns From: Stilly River Sage Date: 24 Jan 02 - 08:31 PM Deckman, This mix of humor isn't technically all puns, either. There are a variety of types of wordplay going on. The more elaborate the setup, I think they shift from puns to something else. Couldn't tell you what right now. Webster defines pun as "the usually humorous use of a word in such a way as to suggest two or more meanings or the meaning of another word similar in sound." So, for example, the use of precipiate to mean haste and rain at the same time, as above. Or when I got tired of a really annoying fellow sniping at me at a dinner with a group of us from work (many years ago). When I reached my limit I dispatched him quickly by asking him during a lull in the conversation if he masticated. He turned beet red, got all puffed up and said "how could you ask me something like that here?" My response: "It means to chew." Geez, he was pissed, but he left after that. And the folks at the table nearly fell out of their chairs laughing. (I must use the disclaimer that I wouldn't do that now, or have done for the past 25 years: I was 19 at the time, and this was a rowdy group of Forest Service guys. I was the only woman hired to work in the woods on that district, so I had to use every tool possible to keep them in line). Maggie |