BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 Feb 02 - 02:26 PM

Because they can't get anyone to cast a statuette in horseshit.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: Desdemona
Date: 06 Feb 02 - 02:51 PM

Tee hee.

Hey, Spaw, it occurs to me---do you make a practice of going around in harvest gold lycra? Is this something everyone else has had the privilege of seeing but me? Should I be feeling slighted right about now?

Hmmph.

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: Kim C
Date: 06 Feb 02 - 04:07 PM

Hey now, y'all lay off the Cartwrights. Adam Cartwright was my first love, even though his episodes were already in reruns by the time I was 6.

And Gargoyle, I'm making this a music thread. Bonanza was full of music. And Pernell Roberts could actually sing. Can't say much for Paw, though................

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: Desdemona
Date: 06 Feb 02 - 04:35 PM

Did the cartwright boys take turns grooming paw's eyebrows, or was that Hop Sing's job?

"Many eyebrows, Mr. Cartwright".

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: gnu
Date: 06 Feb 02 - 04:52 PM

NO! NO ! NO! Not Lorne now, too ! What is it about strange Canucks that you people find so fascinating ? Could Leslie Neilson actually be a crossbred clone of Bill and Lorne ? Come to think of it, what would Celine be a crossbreed of ? Porcupine quill and ....

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 Feb 02 - 05:23 PM

Celine is the living proof that Innuits buttfucked moose.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: gnu
Date: 06 Feb 02 - 05:48 PM

Kinda like polar bears and penguins, eh ?

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: gnu
Date: 06 Feb 02 - 05:52 PM

I saw in the paper yesterday that Celine is ready to come back to performing. My subscription is up for renewal, too. Dumb bastards.

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: Ebbie
Date: 06 Feb 02 - 07:47 PM

Polar bears and penguins don't have much in common. North is north and south is south and never the twain shalll meet... or something like that.

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Feb 02 - 08:49 PM

Spaw, for shame! The plural of "Inuit" is "Inuit", not "Inuits"! You have deeply offended a major Canadian constituency. I should think that this will only make it less likely than ever that you will be permitted on the grounds of the WSSBA. Expect to be picketed by angry Inuit and pelted with snowballs if you ever dare to enter Canada after this serious faux pas...

As regards, Celine Dion, however, you may well be right! Sounds very plausible to me...

Leslie Nielson and Lorne Greene are indeed awesomely BAAAAD actors, and would be serious competition for our beloved William Shatner, if not for one thing...

They AREN'T sexy. Leslie Nielson is about as sexy as a dead carp, and Lorne Greene doesn't even register on the graph. What an embarrassment to Canada they are!

I would personally rate Bonanza, which I prefer to call "Labonza", as the WORST, most tediously awful cowboy show in history. There wasn't one thing I liked about it. Annoying music, dreadful acting, dumb screenplay, a totally insipid horse opera. I would have had them all killed in the first episode and canned the show, if it was up to me.

McCoy and Shtaner could have beamed down unexpectedly right at the end, observed all them Cartwrights lying around full of bullet holes, checked them out with warbling tricoders, and then McCoy would have said...

"They're dead, Jim." Perfect ending to Labonza.

Heh! Heh!)

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 Feb 02 - 09:09 PM

Why would I worry about the plural or worry insulting someone who would buttfuck a moose? This is why I rarely worry about insulting you Hawk.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: Desdemona
Date: 06 Feb 02 - 09:10 PM

Well, all these points are extremely well taken & pithy; clearly "Star Trek" is immeasurably superior to "Labonza", because it is a SPACE horse opera.

And I must take exception to the spurious speculations above re:Leslie Nielsen. If....He....were going to have a Love Child(truly "never meant to be!"), it would certainly not be with the singularly UNsexy Lorne Greene, and it would DEFINITELY not be Leslie Nielsen!

In fact, there is no woman in the galaxy worthy to bear his spawn except......me, ME, I tell you!

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: GUEST,khandu
Date: 06 Feb 02 - 09:27 PM

Is it true? Can it be? Are Desdemona, Little Hawk and I the only Mudcatters who have been enlightened to the glory of William Shatner? I stand agog with mouth agape, and mind askew!!

Spaw, come on man! Find peace within yourself by finally admitting to yourself and before the Mudcat Multitude that you love the MAN! Your facade is so pathetically transparent! Come on, man. People are actually tittering behind your back. You have become like a man with a bad toupee! Please come to terms with your latent admiration for the Dear Capt. Kirk lest the titters become guffaws!

It is a painful thing to be the source of guffaws!

Your Dear and Well-meaning Friend, khandu.

(And all the Catter's say "AMEN!")

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Feb 02 - 09:28 PM

I'll have to see if the WSSBA can pull some strings on your behalf, and make your fondest dreams come true, Des...

The last time we were talking to Bill the line got disconnected somehow, but I trust the problem has been fixed by now. Don't give up hope. We'll see what can be done.

I once attended Trent University, and was told that William Shatner had been a student there in his youth. He was famous for several things....being in the drama club, having a very big ego, and stealing other guys' girlfriends. Just think, Trent was the crucible of a titan of stage and screen, and I have actually walked the very corridors down which he strode....

Spaw, what exactly are you implying?

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: Desdemona
Date: 06 Feb 02 - 09:33 PM

All right, but for God's sake HURRY; my biological clock is ticking!

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Feb 02 - 09:42 PM

Des - So is Bill's. Time is indeed of the essence here.

You know, most moose are quite shy creatures, nervous of strangers. Now we know why. I expect if Spaw is ever allowed into Canada (unlikely) the moose population will experience a level of paranoia and distress never seen before in this country. I say, keep him in Ohio! And this is to say nothing of the disturbing effect he would probably have on our Canadian beaver population. I shudder to think of it.

The moose and the beaver are our national animals, and should be spared this sort of harassment...

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: gnu
Date: 07 Feb 02 - 06:18 AM

Ebbie said... Polar bears and penguins don't have much in common. North is north and south is south and never the twain shalll meet... or something like that.

Yes, Ebbie, thanks for clarifying my point. Perhaps Spaw meant to impart that anyone who would do a caribou would probably do a moose as well. Or, anyone who would do caribou would do moose as well.

As for Labonza, they had nice horses.

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Feb 02 - 10:33 AM

And they gave them the best dialogue too...

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: Desdemona
Date: 07 Feb 02 - 12:37 PM

I refuse to believe that HE will ever be anything but POTENT.

"Age cannot wither him, etc."

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Feb 02 - 02:12 PM

Right on, Des. I can see where you may yet earn yourself a scholarship to the WSSBA, given your appropriately worshipful attitude toward JTK.

Looks like Spaw has slunk off...

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: Desdemona
Date: 07 Feb 02 - 02:22 PM

My parents will be so pleased; they could never have provided me that kind of an education, though heaven knows they worked their fingers to the bone!

Do I have to fill out an application? Do they need to know about my hobbies, interests, & whether I play any extracurricular sports or am active in school politics?!

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Feb 02 - 02:33 PM

Well, all of that would be helpful. Do you ever experience delusions of grandeur?

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: Desdemona
Date: 07 Feb 02 - 02:35 PM

Frequently...in fact, I'm experiencing one right now!

-Cleopatra

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Feb 02 - 02:51 PM

Excellent! I appears to me that you have all the necessary qualifications...unremitting adulation of Kirk/Shatner, combined with delusions of grandeur is the perfect combination. You are a very lucky woman! We will begin processing the paperwork at once...

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: gnu
Date: 07 Feb 02 - 02:53 PM

Cleo... that was priceless. ROTFLMAO !!!

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: Desdemona
Date: 07 Feb 02 - 03:10 PM

Thank you; I try.

-Queen Elizabeth I

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Feb 02 - 03:25 PM

DES!!! Snap Out of It!!!!!

You're out of control and your mind is frazzled and befuddled by that moose-mama'ed Little Buzzard.........

Look Darlin'....Get off the Cleo page and rejoin the world!! Any Shatner images which have been portrayed to you are an illusion. He has no power, sexual or otherwise, and in fact, at the absolute zenith of his sexual prowess, his genitals were described as a "Half-Eaten Cocktail Wienie Flanked by Two Raisinettes!!!!".........And this description came from a two dollar whore that he paid $500.00 for just a little hand work!!!! The most potent thing about Shatner is his smell, a mixture of aromas combining dead skunk, sulfur, and a cheap stogie that's been laying in the bottom of a urinal in a police station for 3 days.

And Khandu old friend, I know you mean well and all, but I think the kerosene has done in what little was left of your brain. It was bad enough inhaling all the fumes from the burning crosses all these years, but when you started slugging it down as part of a Wood Alchohol cocktail, I knew this day would come........

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: Desdemona
Date: 07 Feb 02 - 03:31 PM

I think I'd better go lie down for awhile....

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Feb 02 - 03:32 PM

Good idea.....You'll be much better with a little rest. Glad a healthy dose of reality brought you around!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: Desdemona
Date: 07 Feb 02 - 03:38 PM

I was thinking a healthy dose of whisky wouldn't hurt, one way or the other; I feel as if I'm about to swoon.....!

(JTK strikes again!)

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Feb 02 - 03:52 PM

Yeah, have a shot or two. The "swooning" is probably due to the B.O. emanating from Shatner........I mean hell, a smell like that would knock a buzzard off a shitwagon!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: artbrooks
Date: 07 Feb 02 - 05:23 PM

Come on you guys...isn't bad mouthing Mr. Shatner a lot like a gourmet criticising clear, unflavored and not quite set gelatin? There just ain't nothin' there. Now, for sheer acting brilliance, how about Sean Connery as James Bond? His gadgets were neater than anything Captain Kirk ever ran around with, and he ALWAYS got the girl...girls...

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: Ebbie
Date: 07 Feb 02 - 06:00 PM

I read what artbrooks said as "than anything Captain Kirk ever ran aground with". This gets worse and worse.

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Feb 02 - 08:28 PM

Oh, yeah, well if Kirk had been Captain of the Titanic, it sure wouldn't have run aground, lemme tell ya! He would've blasted that iceberg with photon torpedoes, hit Warp 9, and been in New York 5 minutes before leaving the dock in England.

Now where did I put that phial of Arcturian muscle relaxant?

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: TOTAL BS....must resist....
From: GUEST,khandu
Date: 07 Feb 02 - 08:46 PM

Let us not lose sight here. We aren't talking about Capt. Kirk, we are speakng of William Shatner. Capt. Kirk is merely a facet (howbeit, an important facet) of the Great Shatner. The talent that abides in Shatner would overwhelm a lesser man, however, Shatner carries it well. Certainly, his performances as Kirk are phenomenal, but, what of his PriceLine ads? Sheer Genius! Only the Great One could have pulled it off!

I recall a brief parody Shatner did on TV,(I do not know the source). He was advertising the William Shatner Television Network...All Shatner, all the time. He concluded it by saying,"Sure you can watch another network, but, WHY?" It was great. Unfortunately, it was all a parody and not true.

When you say "Shatner", you say "Excellence"!

(Now, where did I put that bottle of kerosene?)

khandu