TO: All Mudcatters

Subject: RE: TO: All Mudcatters
From: Alice
Date: 10 Mar 02 - 01:13 PM

Here is another one on the subject that has made the rounds of email for quite a long time:

Hello all,
I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M&M's (sent to me because I forwarded an e-mail to five other people, celebrating the fact that the year 2000 is "MM" in Roman numerals), when I ran into a friend whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken (which is predictable, since as everyone knows, there's no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried Chicken, which is why the government made them change their name to KFC).
Anyway, one day this guy went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over and when he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEY HAD BEEN STOLEN. He saw a note on his mirror that said "Call 911!" but he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened an e-mail entitled "Join the crew!" He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer who was working on software to prevent a global disaster in which all the computers get together and distribute the $250.00 Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates. (It's true - I read it all last week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disney World vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.) The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing kidneys, but a voice on the line first asked him to press #90, which unwittingly gave the bandit full access to the phone line at the guy's expense. Then reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped a note that said, "Welcome to the world of AIDS." Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital - the one where that little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for everyone in the world to send him an e-mail and the American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he receives. I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of X's and O's in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to more than 10 people, you will have good luck but for 10 people only you will only have OK luck and if you send it to fewer than 10 people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS).

So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he noticed another car driving without its lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation.
Send THIS to all the friends who send you their junk mail and you will receive 4 green M&Ms -- if you don't, the owner of Proctor and Gamble will report you to his Satanist friends and you will have more bad luck: you will get sick from the Sodium Laureth Sulfate in your shampoo, your spouse/mate will develop a skin rash from using the antiperspirant which clogs the pores under your arms, and the U.S. government will put a tax on your e-mails forever.

I know this is all true 'cause I read it on the Internet.

Subject: RE: TO: All Mudcatters
From: Devilmaster
Date: 10 Mar 02 - 12:01 PM

i suppose the only good to come out of this is that I don't ever get chain letters that go around the world 5 times anymore.

Steve (trying to find the bright side of things)

Subject: RE: TO: All Mudcatters
From: wysiwyg
Date: 10 Mar 02 - 11:40 AM

www.truthorfiction.com

~S~

Subject: RE: TO: All Mudcatters
From: gnu
Date: 10 Mar 02 - 11:19 AM

Spaw... where you been ? Hope it wasn't anything serious.

Subject: RE: TO: All Mudcatters
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 Mar 02 - 10:08 AM

:-/ How come the Nigerians missed ME?. Just unlucky, I guess.

If you visit http://www.about.com/ you can track down lots of virus information, and virus hoaxes. They don't always discriminate well between humor and hoaxes. The one that suggests the virus will curdle the milk in your fridge, for example, is one I forwarded to friends for a chuckle, but About lists it as a hoax. I don't forward virus warnings unless they come from the IT folks at the university where I work, and then only to people who are also in academic settings so they can alert their IT folks. Look at the one that people followed a few months back--as was discussed on Mudcat in at least one thread--where they went in and cut out perfectly good programs in their Operating System (a program that helped manage long file names--one that I certainly can't live without!).

SRS

Subject: RE: TO: All Mudcatters
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 10 Mar 02 - 06:41 AM

Thanks, Bensson & Little Hawk,

The only good thing about the Nigerian scams when they came thru the post was my collegue added stamps to her collection, now they are e-mails they are deleted within minutes, a loss of innocent merriment. The senders must have a good set of Australian phone books as we have received letters at work (Govt dept), as has one of my folk committees. Incidently, the Nigerian phone company does not have a phone book as my sister discovered 3 years ago when my brother-in-law started working for an American company in Lagos.

Sandra

Subject: RE: TO: All Mudcatters
From: Mickey191
Date: 10 Mar 02 - 03:12 AM

Bravo Little Hawk-You must have a lot of patience. Rustic Rebel-how did she play cards?

Subject: RE: TO: All Mudcatters
From: Peter Kasin
Date: 10 Mar 02 - 01:24 AM

LH, that is BRILLIANT!!!

-chanteyranger

Subject: RE: TO: All Mudcatters
From: technission
Date: 10 Mar 02 - 01:02 AM

Woooo, LH - can you also offer to help Enron out of their jam ?!
LTCOML !
I have also received several varieties of this and at least two in hard-copy to my business name, over the last few years.
This is a "classic" scam, and does seem to be usually "based" and no, I don't know why, but I speculate that country's laws may be more liberal regarding fraud via mail.
I even crewed on a very-low-budget direct-to-video feature with a script that centered around such a scam. The punch line: It was written and directed by two Nigerians who are professors at University of Houston !! I thought the script was too long and the edited version I saw was also - like they couldn't stand to trim anything at all from it.
BORING to TEARS - but I heard that they marketed it successfully IN Nigeria, that it was popular and that the pacing was culturally typical of what the target audience expected and enjoyed.
The bad guys, both American and Nigerian, got what they deserved and yes, I did get paid on schedule and per agreement. I doubt you would find this in any mainstream video store, but you could search for it under the title "Stalk Exchange" if you have serious need of a remedy for insomnia !!
michael

Subject: RE: TO: All Mudcatters
From: mack/misophist
Date: 09 Mar 02 - 08:32 PM

Who cares about Shatner. I'm overwhelmed.

Subject: RE: TO: All Mudcatters
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Mar 02 - 08:27 PM

LOL! Thanks, guys. I'm always happy to share a good laugh with anyone who appreciates it. I actualy look forward to getting Nigerian scams now...

- LH

Subject: RE: TO: All Mudcatters
From: khandu
Date: 09 Mar 02 - 08:19 PM

Little Hawk,

Listen! Do you hear that? Why! It is the sound of a standing ovation!

khandu-kudos to you, my friend. Even William Shatner would be pleased!

khandu

Subject: RE: TO: All Mudcatters
From: CapriUni
Date: 09 Mar 02 - 08:04 PM

LoL, LH!

That's inspired!

Subject: RE: TO: All Mudcatters
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Mar 02 - 07:56 PM

What I wonder about the Nigerian scams is...why Nigeria? Why do they all come from Nigeria? I've personally received 3 or 4 Nigerian scams by mail in the past five years, several by fax, and several by email.

Every one of them was from a different source, with different details, but the same essential scam.

So why Nigeria? Why not Zimbabwe, Botswana, Finland, Morocco, Lichtenstein, Singapore...?

Just what the hell is going on in Nigeria? I am beginning to wonder if these scams are the main source of income in that country.

I send back ridiculous replies to them, saying all kinds of bizarre stuff. I got one (an email) from a Mr. Peter Ahmed (made-up name), and said to him more or less the following:

Peter! What a delight to hear from you after all these years! This must mean you have been released from prison, and I am so happy about that I can't tell you!

You say that you have to move $92 million from Nigeria, and that if I make the banking arrangements as per your instructions, I will receive 10 % of it, namely $9.2 million dollars.

Peter, this is a very generous offer, and I am eternally grateful...but I simply cannot take it. I cannot take advantage of an old friend in that fashion.

I will gladly assist you for free in moving the funds, and will furthermore give you $5 million absolutely gratis.

Why will I do this? Because, Peter, you are the kind of friend who is worth sort kind of money to me. Besides, I think now that you are finally out of jail you will probably want to relocate to some more agreeable place to do business, some place where your reputation is not tarnished by rumour and innnuendo...like Uganda, for example. Relocating costs money, you know that as well as I do, and I am not the kind who forgets his friends in time of need.

I will be sending you the $5 million in installments of a penny a month, for as long as it takes.

Forward me your address IMMEDIATELY and expect to receive your first penny in the mail shortly.

Ever your friend and obedient servant,

(Me)

I never got a reply from Peter Ahmed.

- LH

Subject: RE: TO: All Mudcatters
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 09 Mar 02 - 07:33 PM

So this spam finally made it to mudcat eh.. LOL!!!

I've had this thing cross my Inbox about a dozen times or so in the past couple of years... it just keep making the rounds, just like all the other stuff...

I will ON OCCASION forward a GOOD joke when and if I find one... more likley I'll just pop it into the patter at a gig for a night or 2 until just abvout everyone I know has heard it... then 2 weeks later someone will start telling me this 'new' joke they heard...

:-)

Life's just one grand circle eh...

Subject: RE: TO: All Mudcatters
From: Gareth
Date: 09 Mar 02 - 07:11 PM

I sent my copy of the "Nigerian Scam" to the local Police, they added it to all the others they had !

Actually I was tempted to send a copy of the "Pass this on to 10 friends" E-Mail - Bur I didn't have 10 friends - Is this discrimination ???

Gareth

Subject: RE: TO: All Mudcatters
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 09 Mar 02 - 07:09 PM

That's the friend of mine that got into a bad accident and her whole left side was cut off
She's all right now!
Rustic

Subject: RE: TO: All Mudcatters
From: khandu
Date: 09 Mar 02 - 07:04 PM

Rustic Rebel, I would love to meet your half-friend. I have never had one. (sniff)

khandu

Subject: RE: TO: All Mudcatters
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 09 Mar 02 - 07:02 PM

Jeeze Bensson, does that mean I don't get my $947,643,842.03 for e-mailing my 149,673.5 friends? I now feel like this e-mail thing is a delusion. Thanks.
Rustic

Subject: RE: TO: All Mudcatters
From: Jeri
Date: 09 Mar 02 - 06:53 PM

I will not forward a virus warning period. There are thousands of viruses out there, and if we got e-mails every time a new one popped up, that's all we'd ever get in our in boxes.

How about this one: I realise that if I sign that internet petition and forward it to everybody I know (and a few I don't) that by the time it has the required 100 signatures, it will have been forwarded several BILLION times, and I probably will have received 9 more copies of it myself. I realise that even if some of those copies manages to reach the President of the United States, he'll probably scratch his head and say "So who's this John Smith guy in Tulsa, and why is his name on 359 petitions? Hey, you think we can do this with write-in votes for the next election?"

Subject: RE: TO: All Mudcatters
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Mar 02 - 06:50 PM

Personally, I just send back a note to all who received it from the turkey explaining in explicit and yet vulgar detail my thoughts on the matter. This generally educates a few perhaps, but definitely removes me from the address books of most of the rest and I no longer get the crap!

Spaw

Subject: RE: TO: All Mudcatters
From: khandu
Date: 09 Mar 02 - 06:49 PM

Hey Mickey! I am one of the lucky one who will soon receive my share of the $85,000,000! Gonna buy myself a guitar!

khandu

Subject: RE: TO: All Mudcatters
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 09 Mar 02 - 06:49 PM

That's a real coincidence Mickey...Seens she reckons me very highly too.

Subject: RE: TO: All Mudcatters
From: Mickey191
Date: 09 Mar 02 - 06:45 PM

What about the Email from the Nigerian lady who wants me help her get $85,0000,0000. out of the country because her husband is a former police chief who's in jail now and she has to feed her kids and she heard that mickey191 is a very honest person who has lived a good and giving life and my name was given to her by the American Embassy and they assured her if I forward the email to 10 people of means we will all share in the $85,000,000 and live happily ever after. (Email edited for brevities sake)

You mean it's not true?

Subject: RE: TO: All Mudcatters
From: khandu
Date: 09 Mar 02 - 06:24 PM

YAS, AMEN!

khandu

Subject: 7 Years Bad Luck? Really!
From: GUEST,Bensson
Date: 09 Mar 02 - 05:17 PM

SUBJECT: SEVEN YEARS OF BAD LUCK IF YOU DO NOT READ THIS

THE "FORWARDER'S" 12 STEP PROGRAM - EVERYONE SAY IT WITH ME...

1. I will NOT get bad luck, lose my friends, or lose my mailing lists if I DON'T forward an email!

2. I will NOT hear any music or see a taco dog, if I do forward an e-mail. Bill Gates is NOT going to send me money, Victoria's Secret doesn't know anything about a gift certificate they're supposed to send me.

3. Ford will NOT give me a 50% discount even if I forward my e-mail to more than 50 people!

4. I will NEVER receive gift certificates, coupons, or freebies from Coca Cola, Cracker Barrel, Old Navy, or anyone else if I send an e-mail to 10 people.

5. I will NEVER see a pop-up window if I forward an e-mail ...
NEVER -- NEVER !!

6. There is NO SUCH THING as an e-mail tracking program, and I am not STUPID enough to think that someone will send me $100 for forwarding an e-mail to 10 or more people!

7. There is NO kid with cancer through the Make-a-Wish program in England collecting anything! He did when he was 7 years old. He is now cancer free and 35 years old and DOESN'T WANT ANY MORE POST CARDS, or GET-WELL CARDS.

8. The government does not have a bill in Congress called 902B (or whatever they named it this week) that, if passed, will enable them to charge us 5 cents for every e-mail we send.

9. There will be NO cool dancing, singing, waving, colorful flowers, characters, or program that I will receive immediately after I forward an e-mail. NONE, ZIP, ZERO, NADA!!

10. The American Red Cross will NOT donate 50 cents to a certain individual dying of some never-heard-of disease for every e-mail address I send this to. The American Red Cross RECEIVES donations.

11. And finally, I WILL NOT let others guilt me into sending things by telling me I am not their friend or that I don't believe in Jesus Christ. If God wants to send me a message, I believe the bushes in my yard will burn before He picks up a PC to pass it on!

12. Now, repeat this to yourself until you have it memorized, and send it along to at least 5 of your friends before the next full moon or you will surely be constipated for the next three months and all of your hair will fall out!

And THE ONE that got left out?

13. Even though the VIRUS WARNING I just received scares my pants right off, I WILL NOT FORWARD IT until I confirm that is really is legitimate. I will visit one (or more) of the known-good Virus Hoax sites and CONFIRM that this warning really is legit. The LAST thing I want to do is to come off as a dope because I didn't take the 30 seconds required to CHECK IT OUT FIRST!