BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Gareth
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 07:10 PM

Oooops, this is getting far to long a thread.

Click 'Ere me harties for Part 3
Which will included the story of how the Police, actually managed to hit the "shipwrights Arms at Hollow Shore for serving beer well after permitted hours !!!!

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Gareth
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 06:46 PM

Dead Horse - As an Ex resident of Whitstable, who still keeps his boat at Upnor your version of the Three Score and Ten deserves a wider audience.

I beseech thee, post the full words.

It reminds me of a rather drunken night in 93 or 94 when I left the Shipwrights in the early morning and had to take the " Maria Llewellyn " out on the ebb in thick fog, to catch the Morning tide back through the Swale.

It was interesting Navigation, particullally as I was not entirely sober.

Gareth

"Oh what shall we do with the drunken sailor,
X 3
Early in the Morning !"

"Make him drink Watney's till he's sober,
Make him drink Watney's till he's sober,
Make him drink Watney's till he's sober,
Early in the Morning !"

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Chip2447
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 06:25 PM

As long as we keep searching for destinations;

Heel ya ho boys,
let her go boys.
Heave her head round
into the weather
Heel ya ho boys
let her go boys
sailing homeward to Mingulay.

Chip2447

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: MMario
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 04:23 PM

Of course we're sailing in circles - that magnetic pole is moving on us!

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Dead Horse
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 04:18 PM

Oooh, ahhh, me hearties. We'll be in Porto Bello on the noon tide. And it's Jim, Dick & Ben
A boy and two men
Were lost from Pegwell Bay
From Broadstairs up to Whitstable, several more did go astray
Their oyster boats, their wherries, a yachtsman and his dog
They lost their way that misty day
In battle with the fog.
And there's more where that came from.
Thanks for the bungyrye, goes down a treat sung to Blow The man Down. And DMcG ought to try singing South Australia as accompaniment to Kays dancin' - if shanties were done at that speed, the journey to New Holland would only take 'til teatime, and home agin fer supper.

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Charley Noble
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 04:13 PM

Just a little story to keep us entertained while we're sailing in circles.

One of my most memorable trips was with a friend who had a 26' Friendship Sloop, who invited me and my wife to sail with him up and down one of those long bays that you find in midcaost Maine. When he mentioned that the name of his sloop was the "Raven" I might have excercised more caution but Phil was an experienced skipper, and famous for his skill at problem-solving. Phil loved problems, things that wouldn't work, permitting him to take them apart and reassemble them in more logical order - and then they would invariably work. So I wasn't too worried. I had also done some sailing, knew one end of the boat from the other, and generally feel comfortable aboard such boats. Judy is more of a novice but we both felt that she would gain some much needed confidence by mentoring with Phil. Well, we managed to cast off and sail down the bay without too much anxiety, and the breeze was not too fierce. We had to tack back, giving Judy much valuable experience in steering and getting a feel for how the sails related to wind direction. Well, on one of our tacks we were making for a rocky point, and I expressed some concern that rocky points in Maine sometimes extend out under the water. Phil thought we'd have plenty of clearance as he pointed out how the wind indicator on the top of the mast related to the flapping jib. Judy was staring at the wind indicator when the depth gauge alarm sounded, and Phil shouted hard-starboard, which is not useful to shout at someone who has difficulty telling right from left. I got a great view of the ledge coming up fast as Phil grabbed the tiller and shoved it hard over but not quickly enough to prevent the sloop from grounding halfway across the ledge, with a rapidly falling tide. We tried rocking the boat. We then climbed into the dingy and tried pulling her one way or the other; she wouldn't budge. She then began to tilt over at an alarming rate as the tide continued to drop. Well, there was nothing to do but temporarily abondon ship, row across the cove to the neighbring yacht club which conveniently enough was having a family day celebration, and Phil being a member, he was able to persuade them to fed us as guests. No one noticed the Raven across the cove perched on the ledge, much to Phil's relief, and afterwards the tide did return and we menaged to float off the ledge and return safely home. Judy's comment as we drove home: "Nevermore!" at least not with Captain Phil.

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Amos
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 04:09 PM

LEJ,

That just shows to go -- ya dunno how lucky you really are!! ;>))

A

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 03:33 PM

Most of my sailing voyages involved a mix of luck, skill, and folly. This one seems to have at least captured the "folly" aspect.

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: DMcG
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 02:44 PM

This should be message 95 with a fair wind. Looks like it may soon be time to haul up another bowline!

I thought I heard the skipper say
Heave away, haul away
Just one more pull, and then belay
Bound for South Australia

... Cos I don't think we've been there yet, have we?

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: kendall
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 12:07 PM

I didn't think my impression of Robert Newton was that bad! Wolf Larson, was he the demented skipper in WAKE OF THE RED WITCH?

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Charley Noble
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 08:23 AM

Shades of Captain Wolf Larson, Kendall! LOL! Take care.

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: kendall
Date: 21 Mar 02 - 08:21 AM

conduct unbecoming a curmudgeon eh? Too bad! them as dies will be the lucky ones! Ha HAR!

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 10:11 PM

LOL!!! Kendall, check those meds!! You're showing your whacko side!! :>)

A

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: kendall
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 10:03 PM

So! it's the black spot is it? you mutinous dog! ...wait a minute, these aint my pills...

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Charley Noble
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 09:58 PM

Gareth - I'm not sure anyone aboard this "vessel" even knows how to navigate, let alone steer. We've already missed several green and red cans as we've tacked back and forth down this channel. How are we ever going to score the Seven Stones?

Said Captain Poggie on the deck
To the Mate on the mizzen hatch,
"How heads our gallant ship tonight?
Shall we wind the larboard watch?"

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Gareth
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 06:52 PM

Charly N - seeing as we're sailing from the States to Faversham Creek - The Scillies, and the Seven Stones come to mind. If the "Tory Canyon" could hit them in broad clear daylight ......

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 05:53 PM

'Twas twenty five, or thirty years
Since Jack first saw the light.
He was born into this world of woe
On a dark and stormy night.
One night when Jack was on the hook,
There came a storm and gale,
And Jack was washed right overboard
And swallowed by a whale!

Vast heavin', you seasick sons of sheepshead!

Bring her a point Nawth erv East and we'll scuttle down to Casco. Kendall kin teach us how to please those Mainiac girruls, oh!!

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Charley Noble
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 05:48 PM

Cheers for DEREKS BAR! Best new hauling shanty since "The Lincoln Park Pirates." Away, hey, haul 'em away!

"I Left my Harp in Sampan Crisco." Arggghhhh!

Where's a good ledge when you need one, to rip the bottom out of this floating abomination?

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 04:47 PM

You know, all this reminds me of my dream to play the uillean harp while cruising the open sea on a Chinese junk. I attempted this while on a trip to Hong Kong, but found that the sea air was playing havoc with the instrument, so much so that the wood developed a split. To moisturize and protect the harp, I placed it in a large vat of lard. On returning to the dock and preoccupied with other matters, I forgot the harp. It was only on my return to the States that I remembered my harp. I commemorated the entire affair in a song I wrote, entitled I Left my Harp in Sampan Crisco.

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: MMario
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 03:55 PM

Now Jack was a sailor, going out on the town!
and she was a damsel who skipped up and down
And she said to Jack, as she passed him by
Would ya care for to purchase some quare bungo rye?

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Gareth
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 03:48 PM

And now Dead Horse, you understand whu the best way to the Shipwrights is by Sea.

I now the feeling tho, I ripped the exhauste off an Escort there some 10 years ago, before they fixed the road !

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Chip2447
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 03:39 PM

We'll man the good capstain and run her around
AWAAAAAAY RY OH
We'll haul up the anchor from out in the sound
And we're bound for the RY OH GRANDE
IT'S AWAAAAY RY OH, AWAAAY RY OH
So fare ye well my pretty young girls
We're bound for the RY OH GRANDE....

Chip2447 (still polishing bright work and waiting for the Scuttlebutt about this becoming a round the world cruise to come true)

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: DMcG
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 02:45 PM

I thought many sailors in the past thought having any woman on board while sailing was taboo. You saying they voyage could never end, because they were without a fat lady?

Best theory yet for the Flying Dutchman, Horse!

And it's three score and ten
Boys and men were lost from Grimsby town
From Yarmouth down to Scarborough
Many hundreds more were drowned
Our herring craft, our trawlers
Our fishing smacks, as well
They long did fight that bitter night
and battle with the swell

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Dead Horse
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 02:32 PM

Taint over 'til the fat lady sings. I'm slightly overweight, but I aint no lady!
DEREKS BAR
Goin' down to Dereks bar
Hey, the last cab is a-leavin'
In my souped up froggy car
Haul away the Peugot

And those speed ramps they've got there
Hey, the last cab is a-leavin'
Sent me way up in the air
Haul away the Peugot

Came down with a mighty bump
Tore a hole right thru my sump

My exhaust pipe it got bent
And the steering sadly went

I drove straight into a ditch
Isnt life a bloody bitch

Goin' home in a cab once more
All the way from Hollow Shore

Fourteen days on the garage floor
Cost three hundred quid or more

Goin' back to Dereks bar
Hey, the last cab is a-leavin'
'Cos I need another jar
Haul away the Peugot

Derek, as you may gather, is the patron of The Shipwrights. And if you don't know the tune, shame on you!

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: artbrooks
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 11:20 AM

"Urp...", he says, staggering up out of the bilges, smelling of...stuff. "What's happening, mates? Has anyone seen the mermaid? Any beer left? Isn't it time for this jaunt to be over...I'm out of dramamine."

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: MMario
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 09:07 AM

kendall - you been fooling around with bondage again?

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: kendall
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 07:58 AM

...and I can't help but wonder where I'm bound..

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Chip2447
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 01:28 AM

Strike the bell second mate
Let us go below.
Look ye well to windward,
You can see it's gonna blow.
Look at the glass,
you can see that it has fell.
We wish that you would hurry up,
And strike, strike the bell.

Chip2447-a grey bearded old loon

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Dead Horse
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 12:39 AM

Lets get back to the red light district.
Anybods in the area of Hollow Shore this Saturday eve will probably hear the horrendous screechings and groanings as The Shipwrights Shanty Crew are performing again. And when the pub patrons cease their screechings and groanings, we will sing another one. So there!
The thing on the box last night about the barge Ena. I was surprised to see that restoration took place just a few yards from my depot at Hoo Marina, and within the last few weeks. I missed the first couple of minutes, so didnt see if they included shots of myself washing my bus. That would have enthralled the viewers, I'm sure.

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 02 - 03:24 PM

Away Upon The Mudcat! By Amos
(Sea Chanty)

Amos' Comments: Fondly tendered to the folkie sailors of the world, who sail the Mudcat everywhere.

Now, MBo writes a mighty tune! Away, the Mudcat!
To save hisself from the Keep of Gloom! We're away upon the Mudcat!

Chorus:
Now the Mudcat sails beyond the law!Away, the Mudcat!
With Pirate Dave and Curmudgeon Spaw! We're away upon the Mudcat!

O, Sailor Dave he keeps the chart. Away, the Mudcat!
But Caitrin keeps young Mbo's heart! We're away upon the Mudcat!

O, the Figurehead is Lady Kat! Away, the Mudcat!
So sailors what d'ye think o' that? We're away upon the Mudcat!

Oh, the Mudcat saves them folkies' souls. Away, the Mudcat!
An' Spaw he saves up possum holes! We're away upon the Mudcat!

Mudcat she weathers any blow! Away, the Mudcat!
With Max aloft, and LEJ below! We're away upon the Mudcat!

So hoist her up, and cast her off! Away, the Mudcat!
We're on the bar! Send Joe aloft! We're away upon the Mudcat!

Chorus:
Away upon the Mudcat! The Mudcat schooner, O!
That Mudcat takes you anywhere, that you would want to go!

---

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: kendall
Date: 19 Mar 02 - 03:19 PM

symantics. to me helm and wheel are the same. Tiller is tiller, no synonym.

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Gareth
Date: 19 Mar 02 - 02:05 PM

No Kendall - Helm (Tiller) to the Port side swings the boat to Starboard - Showing your Port (Red) Light.

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: kendall
Date: 19 Mar 02 - 09:31 AM

Charlie, STOP SAYING THE WORD!! irregardless is a horrible bastardization of regardless. You did that on porpoise didn't you? You know it drives me bonkers! Or was it a fluke?

Gareth, if the lights are dead ahead, and you put the wheel over to port, whatever those lights are, they are going to see green, not red. (Green is on the starboard side, red on the port)

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Charley Noble
Date: 19 Mar 02 - 08:19 AM

I thought in the UK that we had to sail on the left side of the channel, rather than the right side as we do in the states, irregardless of the rocks and ledges. We are law-abiding citizens and always anxious to comply with arcane navigational rules. Well, let 'er rip! This ship's unsinkable anyhows.

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Les from Hull
Date: 19 Mar 02 - 07:59 AM

When you see three lights ahead
Leave the wheel and go to bed

We'll rant and we'll roar...

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Gareth
Date: 18 Mar 02 - 05:07 PM

Wot side of the Channel ? - Simple

"When you see three lights ahead,
Helm to Port and show your RED,
Red to Red, or Green to Green,
Safety's assured, ahead full steam."

Now if the good Ship Mudcat can fly up the Channel, round the North Forland and make Faversham Creek, and Hollow Shore for the Folk Ale !!!!

For a bonus - Which FolkSong gives the major Navigation Points up channel to the North Foreland and the Nore ???

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Dead Horse
Date: 18 Mar 02 - 03:08 PM

Ooops. Delete M20. Insert M2. Bloody gremlins aboard.
Gareths clicky points right to it, so now I have one less task to clutter up my brain cells (both of 'em) and can concentrate on .....ermmmmm .....whateveritwasIwasgoingtodo!
Nurse! Nurse! Need me tablets.

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Charley Noble
Date: 18 Mar 02 - 07:59 AM

Hey, which side of the channel are we supposed to be driving on?

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: kendall
Date: 18 Mar 02 - 07:38 AM

Gareth, I havn't heard that word, "Swale" in a long time. It's one of those old English words that you never hear anymore. It was quite common as I was growing up.

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 11:40 PM

It's ain't British, Bert baby!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Bert
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 11:00 PM

Oops Leej, Didn't you notice that the Brits took over a bloody long time ago. What language do you think you speak? *BG*

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 10:56 PM

Sound the alarm! The bloody Brits have taken over the ship! The Brits have...mmmphhh!...rrrrpphhh

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Gareth
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 03:09 PM

Dead Horse - er ! do't yer mean the M2 not the M20
Try This Clicky

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Dead Horse
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 02:35 PM

Bugger. Copied map. Done direction thingies. All pretty and everything. Could I cut & paste it, could I F***!
Best follow Gareth in his boat. Or e-mail me for attachment (if my feeble mind can cope)

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Gareth
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 07:31 AM

Thread Merge Warning !!!!!

See Spirit of Stoney Stratford Theard Click Here

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Gareth
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 07:24 AM

Faversham Creek and Hollow Shore

From the East, The Spaniard SSW, Pass North of the Street Cardinal Bouy. Aim for the Gate between Ham Gat. Leave Sheppy and Horse Sand to your North.

From The West, Enter The Medway, Follow the Cans Round To Sheerness and Queenborough. Enter the Swale Just After Low Water. Follow the Cans. Call for The Kings Ferry Bridge (NB No radio, hoist a bucket to the cross trees) Follow the Cans to Milton Creek. (Bouyage Changes Direction Here.) Leave the Red Cans pistol shot to the South. Fowley Island to the South.

Favarsham Creek Cardinal, Anchor Off and Dinghy in, or bilge keelers can go up the Creek.

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Dead Horse
Date: 17 Mar 02 - 04:23 AM

O.K. Admiral Billy, lost yer charts?
Faversham, Kent. Home of Shepherd Neame. Best turn off M20 junction 6, signed F'sham. Will send detailed map of how to reach Hollow Shore, but must warn all those who attempt this route, that it means PASSING Sheps Brewery. Sirens abound, and its best to lash yourself to mast, or get teatotaller to drive.

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Morticia
Date: 16 Mar 02 - 07:40 PM

Where's Faversham? If I can get down from this bloody crows nest.....( and yes, I have just made admiral, just call me Billy) I might make that one.

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Gareth
Date: 16 Mar 02 - 01:33 PM

Damn it Dead Horse - an even better reason to get the boat in the water and sail round, thru the Swale.

#Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Dead Horse
Date: 16 Mar 02 - 01:28 PM

What d'ye think they had for breakfast?
Blow, boys, blow.
The starboard side of an ol' sou' wester!
Blow, me bully boys, blow.
What d'ye think they had for dinner?
Belayin' pin soup & a run thru the wringer!
So what d'ye think they had for supper?
Handspike hash & a kick in the scupper!

There is to be a Folk Ale (20 real ales) held at The Shipwrights Arms, Hollow Shore (2 miles north of Faversham) on Friday 30th May - Tuesday 4th June.
Camping available (with showers)Tent pitch £2 per night/£5 the whole weekend. Barbecues & pub grub
Cannon & sword fighting displays by The Warlords, performance poetry by Poetry Unplugged.
Music Guests include-Skynflynt:Pigs Ear:Bryan Rogers:John Bardon:Capella:Alison Williams-Bailey:Shipwrights Shanty(yours truly+some other deadbeats) MC Mark Lawson.
Free entry to festival
open stage/open mike sessions
For more details call 01227 263107
Might see some of you there?

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: DMcG
Date: 16 Mar 02 - 01:11 PM

Alabama Roll for dessert? Sheer brilliance! Award 10 points to that Horse!

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Charley Noble
Date: 16 Mar 02 - 08:58 AM

Or in the words of C. Fox Smith, we could be "scoffin' seaboot duff" and "soppin' handspike gruel." Yum!

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Charley Noble
Date: 16 Mar 02 - 08:54 AM

How about a brace of Mother Carey's fried chickens?

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Dead Horse
Date: 16 Mar 02 - 07:40 AM

For dessert hows about a Whipped Jamboree, served with Alabama Roll. Perhaps just a Bounty then, and a cup of Whiskey-o, Johnny-o?
Or do you want a port in a schooner?

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Gareth
Date: 15 Mar 02 - 06:50 PM

As an amature sailor, and an ex Average Adjustor

"If the sea want's you, she'll have you"

" For it's 3 score and 10, boys and men, were lost, at Yarmouth Town,
From Grimsby Town to the Kentish Downs many hundred more were drowned,
Our Herring Craft, our trawllers, our fishing smacks as well
They fought and died, against that bitter tide,
And battled with the swell.

Davy Jones Locker is always open !

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: DMcG
Date: 15 Mar 02 - 08:43 AM

Well, Davy Jones wanted something to eat, and a reckon he's got it now!

Next course: dessert. We've already had plenty of ice and ship's biscuits. Any more suggestions.

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Amos
Date: 15 Mar 02 - 08:35 AM

LOL!! I haven't that one for about twenty years!! Thanks, David!

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Charley Noble
Date: 15 Mar 02 - 08:14 AM

Burp! Thanks, David. Could you please pass the mustard?

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 15 Mar 02 - 06:53 AM

Especially for Charley:


The Yarn of the 'Nancy Bell' by W.S. Gilbert

'Twas on the shores that round our coast
From Deal to Ramsgate span,
That I found alone on a piece of stone
An elderly naval man.

His hair was weedy, his beard was long,
And weedy and long was he,
And I heard this wight on the shore recite,
In a singular minor key:

"Oh, I am a cook and a captain bold,
And the mate of the Nancy brig,
And a bo'sun tight, and a midshipmite,
And the crew of the captain's gig."

And he shook his fists and he tore his hair,
Till I really felt afraid,
For I couldn't help thinking the man had been drinking,
And so I simply said:

"O, elderly man, it's little I know
Of the duties of men of the sea,
But I'll eat my hand if I understand
How you can possibly be

"At once a cook, and a captain bold,
And the mate of the Nancy brig,
And a bo'sun tight, and a midshipmite,
And the crew of the captain's gig."

Then he gave a hitch to his trousers, which
Is a trick all seamen larn,
And having got rid of a thumping quid,
He spun this painful yarn:

"'Twas in the good ship Nancy Bell
That we sailed to the Indian sea,
And there on a reef we come to grief,
Which has often occurred to me.

"And pretty nigh all o' the crew was drowned
(There was seventy-seven o' soul),
And only ten of the Nancy's men
Said 'Here!' to the muster-roll.

"There was me and the cook and the captain bold,
And the mate of the Nancy brig
And the bo'sun tight, and a midshipmite,
And the crew of the captain's gig.

"For a month we'd neither wittles nor drink,
Till a-hungry we did feel,
So we drawed a lot, and accordin' shot
The captain for our meal.

"The next lot fell to the Nancy's mate,
And a delicate dish he made;
Then our appetite with the midshipmite
We seven survivors stayed.

"And then we murdered the bo'sun tight,
And he much resembled pig,
Then we wittled free, did the cook and me,
On the crew of the captain's gig.

"Then only the cook and me was left,
And the delicate question, 'Which
Of us two goes to the kettle?' arose
And we argued it out as sich.

"For I Ioved that cook as a brother, I did,
And the cook he worshipped me;
But we'd both be blowed if we'd either be stowed
In the other chap's hold, you see.

"'I'll be eat if you dines off me,' says Tom,
'Yes, that,' says I, 'you'll be,' --
'I'm boiled if I die, my friend,' quoth I,
And 'Exactly so,' quoth he.

"Says he, 'Dear James, to murder me
Were a foolish thing to do,
For don't you see that you can't cook me,
While I can -- and will -- cook you!'

"So he boils the water, and takes the salt
And the pepper in portions true
(Which he never forgot) and some chopped shalot,
And some sage and parsley too.

"'Come here,' says he, with a proper pride,
Which his smiling features tell,
'Twill soothing be if I let you see,
How extremely nice you'll smell.'

"And he stirred it round and round and round,
And he sniffed at the foaming froth;
When I ups with his heels, and smothers his squeals
In the scum of the boiling broth.

"And I eat that cook in a week or less,
And -- as I eating be
The last of his chops, why, I almost drops,
For a wessel in sight I see!

"And I never grin, and I never smile,
And I never larf nor play,
But I sit and croak, and a single joke
I have -- which is to say:

"Oh, I am a cook and a captain bold,
And the mate of the Nancy brig,
And a bo'sun tight, and a midshipmite,
And the crew of the captain's gig!"


(I sing a cutdown version to my own tune)

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Amos
Date: 15 Mar 02 - 12:57 AM

They never found the souls that set her course;
Her sourcces and commanders all at sea are lost.;
And yet, sails on, in wind and calm, uncaring,;
Move past the weather gage and canvas loft;
To sail across a different sea, where hands;
Do not their flesh to man her helm require;
Onward along the cold and endless tack;
Crossing th' eternal ice;
But manned by eternal fire.;

Aye, there she runs, lads -- the Dutchman-- and now go tell your grandchildren that you saw her close by, and lived to tell the tale.

A

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 15 Mar 02 - 12:33 AM

As the Pirate Band strums and jigs their way through Gypsy Davey, something casts a tall shadow in the slanted light of the moon across the water. It is a tall three-master, moving forward smoothly across the tossing sea. She passes nearby and is hailed, but no response comes from her. And it is seen that her rigging is split and frayed, her sails holed and tattered. Her wheel is unmanned, but holds a course dead to North. Even the Pirate Band falls silent in awe or respect, as she sweeps by. She goes her way as she always has and always will, and on her stern the moonlight picks out tarnished gold filagree that spells out Flying Dutchman.

Brrrr. Pass me that bottle o' rum, shipmate.

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Chip2447
Date: 15 Mar 02 - 12:05 AM

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE OOOUUUUUUUUUUUU
LARBOARD WATCH ON DECK, MAN THE BOHDRANS, RIG THAT DULICMER, TUNE THAT FIDDLE. WE'RE BOUND AWAY FOR A PIRATES SESSION. MAN THE GOOD CAPSTAIN AND TURN HER AROUND....
Chip2447

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Charley Noble
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 09:11 AM

That's not the Diamond, you son of a sea cook. That's the Nancy Bell. Anyone for spareribs?

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Dead Horse
Date: 14 Mar 02 - 04:43 AM

Never mind the bloody Diamond. Has anyone got any news of the iceberg ?
And is Franklin still searching for an alternative route round Watford Gap ?

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Les from Hull
Date: 13 Mar 02 - 07:44 PM

What's that on the port bow! That bonny ship! The Diamond! Didn't she sink in 1819? And again in 1830?

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Gareth
Date: 13 Mar 02 - 07:23 PM

And the decks of the Good Ship Mudcat are awash with bits of Lawyers, blood and Water. Not bad for 100 pounds of Amatol - set at 100 feet.

Definatly a case for an out of order issue of Pussers best Rum - "Yes Bosun, that can definitly cracked a cask of RUM. So haul down Flag "K" and hoist "splice the main brace"

Mmario pipes "Up Spirits - Stand fast the Holy Ghost". Dave B taps his hard tack - it splits in two, both infested with Insects - which one will he dunk in his grog - silly question - at sea you must aways choose the lesser of two weviells !!!
And to celebrate this unexpected issue the soberer part of the crew sing of with :-

FIDDLER'S GREEN (John Connolly)

As I roved by the dockside on evening so rare
To view the still waters and take the salt air
I heard an old fisherman singing this song
O take me away boys my time is not long

Dress me up in me oilskin and jumper
No more on the docks I'll be seen
Just tell me old shipmates
I'm taking a trip, mates
And I'll see them someday in Fiddler's Green

Now Fiddler's Green is a place I've heard tell
Where fishermen go when they don't go to Hell
Where the weather is fair and the dolphins do play
And the cold coast of Greenland is far, far away

The sky's always clear and there's never a gale
And the fish jump on board with a flip of their tail
You can lie at your leisure, there's no work to do
And the skipper's below making tea for the crew

And when you're in dock and the long trip is thru
There's pubs and there's clubs, and there's lassies there too
Now the girls are all pretty and the beer is all free
And there's bottles of rum hanging from every tree

I don't want a harp or a halo, not me
Just give me a breeze and a good rolling sea
And I'll play me old squeeze box as we sail along
When the wind's in the rigging to sing me this song

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 13 Mar 02 - 09:14 AM

Davy - you'll just have to make do with Hardtack - and these 3/4 inch tacks are damned hard !

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Charley Noble
Date: 13 Mar 02 - 08:25 AM

Well, you see, the lawyer was originally the stableman's lovely daughter, got educated, becoming a partner in a big city law firm, BUT all the horsemen knew 'er.

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: DMcG
Date: 13 Mar 02 - 08:21 AM

MMario: someone spilled the Lobster Quadrille Soup last evening? I bet you claim someone ate all the oysters as well.

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 13 Mar 02 - 01:05 AM

That's one one of them rhetorical deals, A.

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Amos
Date: 13 Mar 02 - 12:16 AM

Gee, Capting -- I dunno!! Why??

A

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: kendall
Date: 12 Mar 02 - 07:26 PM

trolling for lawyers with a hundred dollar bill! love it! Why does the hearse horse snicker hauling the lawyers bones? Carl Sandburg

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Gareth
Date: 12 Mar 02 - 05:09 PM

Why do the Sharks leave the lawyers alone ?

Profesional courtesy !

Now if any ex Blue Jackets will help me set this depth charge to shallow setting - Ah Thanks - we'll roll her off the Stern Rails and save LEJ his ton note.

Splash1 1..2..3..

Bang! Woooosh!

Oh my look how high the lawyers fly !

Plenty of Airmile there.

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 12 Mar 02 - 03:44 PM

Sorry, MMario. I used it to chum for Lawyers. But it seems to be working : there's two little divorce shysters and a 10 foot corporate attorney swimming in the wake! Now. Let me bait this hook with a hundred dollar bill.

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: MMario
Date: 12 Mar 02 - 03:24 PM

Davy - we had 'Albatross Fricasee' all ready to serve but someone threw it overboard, claiming it was bad luck! Then the entire tureen of 'Lobster quadrille' spilled during reading session.

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Dead Horse
Date: 12 Mar 02 - 03:18 PM

I'm gonna chain meself to the mast, the rest of you can put cotton wool in yer ears.........
Jason & the Arguments v11 ch3

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: MMario
Date: 12 Mar 02 - 12:02 PM

a freshwater mermaid? [Loch her]

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: GUEST,Davy Jones
Date: 12 Mar 02 - 12:00 PM

... but, but, but I've been on this trip for days now, and we haven't had anything to eat.

As I say, I fancy some penguin eggs, a chicken on a raft and a nice glass of rum.

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: kendall
Date: 12 Mar 02 - 11:57 AM

Davey Jones? get below, back to your locker!

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: GUEST,Davy Jones
Date: 12 Mar 02 - 11:47 AM

Shouldn't we be looking for penguin eggs by now?

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: kendall
Date: 12 Mar 02 - 09:01 AM

I'm going below and finish reading "SHIP OF FOOLS"

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 12 Mar 02 - 08:46 AM

There's a rather dishy maid over there, waving to us from the shore. I think she want's us to send a boat for her so that she can come aboard and sing for us.

After the last occasion, I think we should lock up all the valuables including Captain Kendall's broad sword.

oh she's paddling herself across in a bodhran - if she's going to play that then we shouldn't be in any danger of falling asleep, this time !

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Charley Noble
Date: 12 Mar 02 - 08:14 AM

We've got such a leaky boat,
You'd wonder to see her afloat,
But we stay dry because we're so high -
Way out by Isle au Haut!

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Dead Horse
Date: 12 Mar 02 - 12:19 AM

I hopes as how this old tub 'as got a donkey enjin. Wiv firty-odd shantymen and only one bloke to heave 'n haul it'll take all day to man the pumps & get the ale up from down below, maties.

Nelson only had one eye, which kept him out of trouble
Way, haul away, we'll haul away, Joe
He could drink all night, get drunk as a shite, and still he'd not see double
Way, haul away, we'll haul away, Joe
He also only had one arm, which left him rather stranded
'Til a cabin boy, by the name of Roy, showed him how to w**k left-handed.

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Amos
Date: 12 Mar 02 - 12:13 AM

What did they use -- house paint?

A

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Dead Horse
Date: 12 Mar 02 - 12:05 AM

I once tried to join a yacht club, but they *blackballed* me. It took days to get the damned stuff off, and it hurt like blazes. Perhaps the wife was too vigorous with the wire brush & Vim?

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Amos
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 08:19 PM

Usually we head tro the Yacht Clubs to find the broadsides, Charley, along with the rest of them...oh,. shoot me now, please!! (Ducks and runs).

A

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Charley Noble
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 07:58 PM

"Cicurcumscribed" the skipper...We used to delight in singing a "clean" version of this song when we was hanging out at some yacht basin, usually generating even more hysterics.

Maybe we should point the bow towards the nearest Yacht Club and give 'em a broadside. Anyone game?

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Amos
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 07:45 PM

The skipper's youngest daughter
Fell smack into the water
Her frantic squeals
Announced that eels
Had found her sexual quarter!

That's a Mo0ray!

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Gareth
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 07:01 PM

" The Cabin boy, the Cabin boy
He was a dirty nipper
He stuffed his Arse, with broken glass
and circumcised the Skipper"

Cho Oh its friggin on the riggin Etc
........
.........
There was **** all else to do !

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: kendall
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 06:51 PM

The Captain's daughter Mabel
Though young was fresh and able
To fornicate with the second Mate
On the chart room table.

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Morticia
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 06:03 PM

The parma whale?? That must need a huge melon.

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Charley Noble
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 05:22 PM

Haul on the topsheet and spanker!

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Genie
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 04:59 PM

I saw the thread title and thought it was an Irish folksinger named McTavern, who had an offshore gig.

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 04:54 PM

Aye! Reg'lar Pavarottis they are, but slightly smaller.

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: MMario
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 04:35 PM

The Parma whale! That rare Italian breed of whale that science romours not only produces whalesong - but whale opera!

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 04:27 PM

Aye, thar! D'ye spy it? A league to larboard 'gainst the settin' sun...the sparklin' spout of the Parm Whale. He's likely had him a squid sandwich at the bottom o' the sea, and has come above to smoke his meerschaum.

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Gareth
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 02:20 PM

Ahhh ! Maidenhead, tis a good 3 tides voyage up the London River, and into the Thames beyond.

And sure the hazards of the Public Houses between Grain Spit, and Maidenhead Lock make it a perlious journey.

The hazards of the Candel Light Sailors as typified in :-

PADDY WEST

As I was walkin' down London Street, I come to Paddy West's house,
He gave me a dish of American hash; he called it Liverpool scouse,
He said " There's a ship and she's wantin' hands, and on her you must sign,
The mate's a bastard, the captain's worse, but she will suit you fine."

cho: Take off yer dungaree jacket, and give yerself a rest,
And we'll think on them cold nor'westers that we had at Paddy West's.

When we had finished our dinner, boys, the wind began to blow.
Paddy sent me to the attic, the main-royal for to stow,
But when I got to the attic, no main-royal could I find,
So I turned myself 'round to the window, and I furled the window blind.

Now Paddy he pipes all hands on deck, their stations for to man.
His wife she stood in the doorway, a bucket in her hand;
And Paddy he cries, "Now let 'er rip!" and she throws the water our way,
Cryin' "Clew in the fore t'gan'sl, boys, she's takin on the spray!"

Now seein' she's bound for the south'ard, to Frisco she was bound;
Paddy he takes a length of rope, and he lays it on the ground,
We all steps over, and back again, and he says to me "That's fine,
And if ever they ask were you ever at sea you can say you crossed the line."

To every two men that graduates, I'll give one outfit free,
For two good men on watch at once, ye never need to see,
Oilskins, me boys, ye'll never want, carpet slippers made of felt,
I'll dish out to the pair o' you, and a rope yarn for a belt.

Paddy says "Now pay attention, these lessons you will learn.
The starboard is where the ship she points, the right is called the stern,
So look ye aft, to yer starboard port and you will find northwest."
And that's the way they teach you at the school of Paddy West.

There's just one thing for you to do before you sail away,
Just step around the table, where the bullock's horn do lay
And if ever they ask "Were you ever at sea?" you can say "Ten times 'round the Horn"
And BeJesus but you're and old sailor man from the day that you were born.

Put on yer dungaree jacket,
And walk out lookin' yer best,
And tell 'em that you're an old sailor man
That's come from Paddy West's

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Morticia
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 02:12 PM

Be glad to help you out there,Amos.....*BG*.....line up chaps, don't be shy......

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Amos
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 01:58 PM

I must say, Mario, that's a nice touch, and you are obviously someone who has connected with your feelings. So we'll double the duty, then. Our cups running over, let us strive for a kinder, more feeling world!

A

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: MMario
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 01:48 PM

Amos - I'm trying to become well-read; and I'm learning braille - so I'll just help you read the left line, allright?

Subject: RE: BS: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: Amos
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 01:29 PM

LOL!! Staeady her there!!

Capting Morse desires all hands to be well read, so we're lining up here, ladies to the left, dangly bitters to the right, for close reading.

Morty!! Scramble down here and close-read the line on the right, then join the line on the left.

I seem to be the only one who brought his specs along, so I'll take care of close-reading the curvy ones because it is much trickier. Takes an old hand, doncha know...

We're also accepting applications for an Icon of the Month for the Temple of the Golden Globes, if anyone dares try to pass the physical. And the winner gets a free trip to Maidenhead. Assuming she qualifies...although the Board has advised me they are willing to lower the ..um..wire on otherwise promising candidates, depending on what they're promising...

Subject: MC TAVERN AT SEA - STILL
From: MMario
Date: 11 Mar 02 - 01:03 PM

continued from part 1