Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up

Subject: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Spartacus
Date: 28 Mar 02 - 03:50 AM

I am Spartacus!

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Anawr guest
Date: 28 Mar 02 - 03:52 AM

I am Spartacus!

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Yet anawr guest
Date: 28 Mar 02 - 03:53 AM

I am Spartacus!

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Some awr guest
Date: 28 Mar 02 - 05:35 AM

I'm Eamonn Holmes! Er, I mean, Spartacus.

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Connemara Goat
Date: 28 Mar 02 - 06:06 AM

Get awa'... I'm Spartacus

Gotta go...I hear Malachy comin'

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Kirk Douglas
Date: 28 Mar 02 - 07:58 AM

I was Spartacus!

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Enya
Date: 28 Mar 02 - 08:00 AM

I'm ludicrous!

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: AliUK
Date: 28 Mar 02 - 08:05 AM

I'm pernicious...just like this thread.

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Spartacus
Date: 28 Mar 02 - 08:10 AM

Look ... I don't know what in the name of Jayziz yous'ns is all saying yez're me for!

I am Spartacus!

I'm not Eamonn Holmes. And before they stick their nebs in, I'm not thon mad drug-fiend Derek Bell, not thon salacious wee hoormaster Daniel O'Donnell. And I'm not Big Gino Lupari either! Nor Brush Shiels, nor Rock Stewart, nor Frankie Gavin, nor Tommy Peoples, nor Paddy Keenan, nor Feargal Sharkey, nor Johnny Logan, nor Terry Wogan.

I am Spartacus!

Not Dana.

And not Gloria Hunniford or any of her simpering offspring.

I am not the Reverend William McCrea, nor am I Phil Coulter, Ronnie Drew, Mick Moloney, Dolores Keane, Eileen Ivers or Seamus Cooney. I'm not Sean Keane - neither of them! - and I'm not a Furey.

I am Spartacus!

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Albion
Date: 28 Mar 02 - 08:12 AM

I am perfidious!

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Gluteus
Date: 28 Mar 02 - 08:14 AM

I am maximus!

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Eammon Holmes' Gluteus
Date: 28 Mar 02 - 08:17 AM

I am maximusser!

(Mental note - could inflict severe damage on a Cafolla's supper, a mug o' sweet tay and a big nougat wafer!)

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Christy Moore
Date: 28 Mar 02 - 08:32 AM

Hello, there everybody. Oul Christy's back in the house. Here's a wee tribute I wrote about that fine broth of a boy who reads the English lottery numbers. It's th'oul smug bingo-caller himself, Eamonn Holmes. It's to the tune of Sam Hall, so feel free to sing along. Here we go now, 2-3-4!

Oh me name is Eamonn Holmes
Big of gut, big of gut
Oh me name is Eamonn Holmes
Big of gut
Oh me name is Eamonn Holmes
A far cry from skin and bones
Here's a place where I'm well-known
Pizza Hut, Pizza Hut
Here's a place where I'm well known
Pizza Hut!

I gain twenty pounds a day
That's not all, that's not all
I gain twenty pounds a day
That's not all
I gain twenty pounds a day
I can eat a quare big tay
You won't ever hear me say
That's enough, that's enough
You won't ever hear me say
That's enough

Oh I phoned a taxi up
Haddock's Cabs, Haddock's Cabs
Oh I phoned a taxi up
Haddock's Cabs
Oh I phoned a taxi up
And we hit the Burger Stop
And I ate the bloody shop
For a bet, for a bet
And I ate the bloody shop
For a bet

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Derek Bell
Date: 28 Mar 02 - 10:21 AM

I am Derek Bell so I am and I didn't take any drugs atall so I didn't. That's just a rumour, I think it was all started by that hoor Sparticus. Paddy says if yiz don't quit the coddin' yiz'll be facin' the sharp end a the stick.

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,W.D. Flax
Date: 28 Mar 02 - 10:23 AM

I am John Cole...so I am.

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: donal
Date: 28 Mar 02 - 10:32 AM

I am popeye so I yam what I yam.....

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,secret admirer
Date: 28 Mar 02 - 10:43 AM

but is (were) any of you Isaac |MCKittery? He had all the best lines.

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery
Date: 28 Mar 02 - 12:00 PM

I am Isaac McKittery!

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,A wiry wee man in a bowler hat
Date: 28 Mar 02 - 12:07 PM

Just cos you say you're who y'are dizn't mane that's who y'are at all!

Thon gulpin up above is only lettin' on to be Isaac McKittery cos he 'hinks he might get a chance of a houl' with thon Australian piece, Alison.

Heavens! But thon siren's been the ruination of many's a daycent, God-fearing, true blue in her time!

Men of the House of Orange ... take my advice and give thon trojan horse a wide berth.

I AM ISAAC McKITTERY ... not Spartacus.

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Frank Carson
Date: 28 Mar 02 - 12:09 PM

Here's a cracker for yez!

What's Eamonn Holmes and Isaac McKittery got in common?

One's a bigot and the awr one's a big-gut!

It's the way I tell them!

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 28 Mar 02 - 12:11 PM

Who cares about Drumcree Spartacus? Just tell me about your night with Jean Simmons!!

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Ringo McDonagh
Date: 28 Mar 02 - 12:12 PM

Hi, Spartacus ... you're a greek fella, aren't you. Well grab a houl' o' shaggy's bouzouki and gi' me a hand keepin' oul know-it-all Gavin in time on "The Pinch Of Snuff".

Away we go, now ... a 1 and a 2 and a ...

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Spartacus
Date: 28 Mar 02 - 12:20 PM

Rick ...

If you want to know the truth, I'd sooner have had a houl' with Gene Simmons from thon heavy metal group, KISS!

Not that I'm a homosexualist, or anything like that. Fair play if that's the river you're fishin' in ... but I'm casting my lines in the oul' River Straight-as-a-dye, y'know what I mane?

Anyway, lovely looking woman an' all as she was, she was a bit slow on drappin' the han'!

Gi' me a good oul' coort up the side wall of the Carngrove with some half-cut hussy from Killicomaine any day!

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Narcissus
Date: 28 Mar 02 - 01:32 PM

By Jaysus Spartacus now yer whuslin Dixie boy. A good ould fashioned knee trembler with a big lump of a country girl is the first thing that'll put the colour back in yer cheeks, good luck.

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Half-cut Hussy From Killicomaine
Date: 28 Mar 02 - 04:31 PM

Spartacus?

I don't mind coortin' no Spartacus!

Are you a Spartacus from Edenderry, or are you one of the Moira Spartacusses!

Either way, I'd gi' ye yer hole quicker than thon Simmons one wud! She soun's like a right oul' coul-rife!

Here ... before ye go, d'ye huv a wee feg on you? I'm chokin' so I am!

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Gerry Kelly - the man off the telly
Date: 28 Mar 02 - 04:37 PM

Gerry Kelly here - the man off the telly with the hairy big belly!

Good to see Wilberforce Dionysus Flax honourin' us wi' hees presence!

The only man on Ulster TV to be named after a releasin' oil!

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 29 Mar 02 - 01:23 AM

Rick Fielding, speakin' as a frien' like, just stan' back an' watch. Do not, under any circumstances, participate in this here thread. There's nathin' worse than watchin' innocent bystanders go down in flames, glipes that they are for stannin' aroun' watchin' wi' their two han's in their pockets, and their two arms the same len'th, hell slap it intil them. Take it away, Spartacus!

Seamacus

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 29 Mar 02 - 11:05 AM

Thanks Seamus...I needed that! I'm standing pitifully on the sidelines desperately trying to translate the above dialogue into Earth, while quietly reciting the 23rd Psalm.

Thickus Plankus

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Shane MacGowan
Date: 29 Mar 02 - 05:23 PM

Ye roigh'?

This 'ere's a wee song for me oul' mate, Eamonn Holmes.

It's to the tyoo-en of the Woil' Rover ...

I've hosted the lotto for many's a day
I love a big dinner and I love a big tay
And now I'm returning from Albion's shore
And I never will call the oul' bingo no more

CHORUS
And it's no nay never
No nay never no more
Will I call the oul' bingo
No never no more

I went into a chip-shop I used to frequent
I said Ernie Cafolla, me money's all spent
I asked him for credit, he answered me nay
Sure a custom like yours I could have any day

CHORUS

I took out of my pocket a twenty-pound bill
Ah Jayziz, he said, Eamonn please eat your fill
I had two fish suppers, one battered, one crumbed
And then I went home to see my oul' mum

CHORUS

I went home to my parents, I was met by my mum
She said Christ Jayziz Eamonn - the size of your bum!
You left here a sprickly, you came back a whale
There's a quare hape o' cookeen congealed roun' your tail

CHORUS

Up the republic!

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Alec Finn
Date: 30 Mar 02 - 07:04 PM

Hi, Spartacus! How did you get on wi' me 'zouk?

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Spartacus
Date: 30 Mar 02 - 07:06 PM

Great yoke altogether, Alec. I strummed along wi' oul' elastic fingers for a set or two and then blew him away wi' my version of "The Boys of Scartacus".

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Alec Finn
Date: 30 Mar 02 - 07:06 PM

Ceartacus go leor!

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Jocky Wilson
Date: 30 Mar 02 - 07:07 PM

I clod the odd dartacus!

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Shane MacGowan
Date: 30 Mar 02 - 07:08 PM

I'm as pissed as a fartacus!

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Michael Flatley
Date: 30 Mar 02 - 07:09 PM

I'm a talentless oul' tartacus!

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,The REAL Michael Flatley
Date: 30 Mar 02 - 07:10 PM

I did NOT post the message above. If this is the work of Butler and her fellow dropped-arch jiggin' harpies, then I'm declarin' war!

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Jean Butler
Date: 30 Mar 02 - 07:12 PM

It's damn all to do wi' me you hairbanded, tight-arsed mechanic!

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Ian Curtis
Date: 30 Mar 02 - 07:28 PM

I am Love Will Tear Us Apartacus.

(Bet you didn't expect me to do a lazarus on this of all places!)

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Lazarus
Date: 30 Mar 02 - 07:36 PM

Who's after takin' my name in vain ...?

Oh it's you, you monotonous oul' dirge-machine!

Here, if we're for raisin' the dead, any chance of gettin' Willie Clancy to join us for a tune and a bit of an oul' song?

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Spartacus
Date: 30 Mar 02 - 07:40 PM

McKittery, you big Orange bollix you!

You toul' me to hang about here and before long I'd get a chance to spake to thon Alison blade. Two days and not so much as a cheep!

And me wanted to fin' out for sure that she wasn't yer wan out of Lick the Tins!

Well if there's bugger all action in the next day or so, I'm away back to the cradle of civilisation, me!

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery
Date: 30 Mar 02 - 07:42 PM

Sorry, there, Brother Spart ... but sure how wuz I to know that she's offside?

Alison ... c'mon o' that, girl. Give us a sign for God's sake. I'm gettin' stick, here!

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Eamonn Holmes
Date: 30 Mar 02 - 07:44 PM

I am sick to my guts o' this constant gettin' at me!

What in the name of Jayziz have I done to get the kind of sleggin' I'm gettin'?

Would yez all just aise aff?

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: Tam the bam fraeSaltcoatsScotland
Date: 31 Mar 02 - 12:58 PM

I'm a Loony that's never been caught an that

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Mark the Farter
Date: 31 Mar 02 - 01:00 PM

Hahaha,

I'm Mark the Farter frae Bishopbriggs.

Phrtttt!!!!

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: Tam the bam fraeSaltcoatsScotland
Date: 31 Mar 02 - 01:02 PM

Nice One Mark,

Ok Charlie it was me.

I know it wasn't nice, but I hope you see the funny side.

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Spartacus
Date: 31 Mar 02 - 03:59 PM

Git the fuck outta it!

Back to folk music.

My favourite singer?

Frank Harteacus.

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,Frank Harte
Date: 31 Mar 02 - 04:00 PM

Jayziz ...

Thanks there Spartacus.

Personally I think you can't bate thon album, "A Woman's Heartacus".

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: Coyote Breath
Date: 01 Apr 02 - 12:22 AM

sheeesh!

CB

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: GUEST,beachcomber
Date: 01 Apr 02 - 03:33 PM

SPAREUS !

Subject: RE: Drumcree thread - perpetrator owns up
From: alison
Date: 02 Apr 02 - 02:08 AM

Isaac??? Isaac? is it really you.... them oul' gobshites toul' me you were dead.......

so I went to Canberra to the National Folk Festival for the weekend.... (my excuse for being late)... honest I didn't enjoy myself one bit without you... but I did play in a nice wee session last night with Donal Lunny..... I think he might have been one of thon left footers.... well with a name like thon what else'd you expect


but now.. when's yer next attempt at getting over here to get yer leg over? *grin*


alison