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BS: Not depressed, just British
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Subject: Not depressed, just British From: Deda Date: 15 May 02 - 03:33 PM I posted this to the annexe when mudcat was down (thanks Jon F!) but I thought some people probably missed it there. An English ex-patriot, now a US citizen, sent me this piece of silliness and I thought anyone who's compared US and British manners might appreciate it: DEPRESSED MAN DIAGNOSED AS "BRITISH" George Farthing, an expatriate British man living in America, was recently diagnosed as clinically depressed, tanked up on anti-depressants and scheduled for controversial Shock Therapy when doctors realised he wasn't depressed at all - only British. Not depressed, just British Mr Farthing, a British man whose characteristic pessimism and gloomy perspective were interpreted as serious clinical depression, was led on a nightmare journey through the American psychiatric system. Doctors described Farthing as suffering with Pervasive Negative Anticipation - a belief that everything will turn out for the worst, whether it's trains arriving late, England's chances at winning any international sports event or even his own prospects to get ahead in life and achieve his dreams. "The satisfaction Mr Farthing seemed to get from his pessimism seemed particularly pathological," reported the doctors. "They put me on everything - Lithium, Prozac, St John's Wort," said Mr Farthing. "They even told me to sit in front of a big light for an hour a day or I'd become suicidal. I kept telling them this was all pointless and they said that it was exactly that sort of attitude that got me here in the first place." Running out of ideas, his doctors finally resorted to a course of "weapons grade MDMA", the only noticeable effect of which was six hours of speedy repetitions of the phrases "mustn't grumble" and "not too bad, really". It was then that Mr Farthing was referred to a psychotherapist. Suicidal? Dr Isaac Horney explored Mr Farthing's family history and couldn't believe his ears. "His story of a childhood growing up in a grey little town where it rained every day, treeless streets of identical houses and passionately backing a football team who never won, seemed to be typical depressive ideation or false memory. Mr Farthing had six months of therapy but seemed to mainly want to talk about the weather - how miserable and cold it was in winter and later how difficult and hot it was in summer. I felt he wasn't responding to therapy at all and so I recommended drastic action - namely ECT or shock treatment". Hopeless case. "I was all strapped down on the table and they were about to put the rubber bit in my mouth when the psychiatric nurse picked up on my accent," said Mr Farthing. "I remember her saying 'Oh my God, I think we're making a terrible mistake'." Nurse Alice Sheen was a big fan of British comedy giving her an understanding of the British psyche. "Classic comedy characters like Tony Hancock, Albert Steptoe and Frank Spencer are all hopeless cases with no chance of ever doing well or escaping their circumstances," she explained to the baffled US medics. "That's funny in Britain and is not seen as pathological at all." Identifying Mr Farthing as British changed his diagnosis from 'clinical depression' to 'rather quaint and charming' and he was immediately discharged from hospital, with a selection of brightly coloured leaflets and an "I love New York" T-shirt.
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: C-flat Date: 15 May 02 - 03:46 PM From clinically depressed to quaint and charming! I must remember my Union Jack T-shirt next time I travel abroad. Wouldn't want to give the wrong impression y'know! Anyone would think we spend all our time moaning about the weather, which I might say has been a bit on the chilly side with some spots of rain, but there you are mustn't grumble what! Can you imagine how us Brits have been without our Mudcat site! My upper lip has gone into cramps! Tally-Ho! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: Liz the Squeak Date: 15 May 02 - 04:12 PM Can't I be British AND depressed anyway?? LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: Herga Kitty Date: 15 May 02 - 04:14 PM Hang about. An English ex-patriot is someone who used to feel patriotic towards England but doesn't any more. As opposed to an English expatriate, who just happens to be living somewhere outside England (could be Wales or Scotland) who may or may not still feel patriotic towards England. British and English are not synonymous. Now that Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland (which is part of the UK but not of Britain)have devolved governments it seems very provocative not to distinguish between English, British, and UK..... and of course Cornish. Kitty
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: Blues=Life Date: 15 May 02 - 04:15 PM This is like the old joke about the traveling salesman who was given a room in an over-booked hotel, and told to share the bed with whoever was already there. He walks in, finds a naked woman in the bed, and proceeds to make love to her. The next day, the police catch up with him and charge him with having sex with a dead woman. "Dead?" he says, "I thought she was British!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: Liz the Squeak Date: 15 May 02 - 04:38 PM Thanks Blues, that makes me feel so much better. NOT LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: Deda Date: 15 May 02 - 04:55 PM Sorry about the ex-patriate thing, which of course is what I meant. And I think the English were the target of this spoof, not all Brits. Although as an ethnic joke I guess it might as well have been ASPs (Anglo Saxon Protestants -- the W is redundant). |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: Dicho (Frank Staplin) Date: 15 May 02 - 05:00 PM Herga Kitty, what to I say when I want to refer to the geographic area that used to be the British Isles? Do I string all the pieces together in one word? Or just call it the I+-ncompatable Islands? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: Bert Date: 15 May 02 - 05:07 PM Well Squeaks, you can be depressed and British, but we won't allow you to be depressed AND a Mudcatter. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: Liz the Squeak Date: 15 May 02 - 05:15 PM You gonna come and cheer me up Bert?? LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: TheBigPinkLad Date: 15 May 02 - 05:19 PM Don't fall victim to the "No Sex Please, We're British' thing ... it was just a rumour put round by the French who have not enjoyed the way we've shagged them over the centuries ... ;o) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: Herga Kitty Date: 15 May 02 - 05:21 PM Dicho I think the British Isles are still the British Isles, because that's just a geographical description. But it's not getting any easier. We've had reports today that the Shetland Isles are planning to include the Norse version of town names on boundary signs. Kitty |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: Bullfrog Jones Date: 15 May 02 - 05:25 PM What a beautifully written piss-take! Lovely. (Like all the best comedy, based in absolute truth of course!) BJ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: Celtic Soul Date: 15 May 02 - 05:25 PM :::giggle!::: I wonder what Americans would be diagnosed with by the British Psychiatrists.
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: Herga Kitty Date: 15 May 02 - 05:31 PM Big Pink Lad Rather than blaming the French I'm inclined to blame George Mikes - if I remember rightly, the chapter on sex in "How to be an alien" started on the lines of, "The English don't have sex, they have hot water bottles"..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 15 May 02 - 05:32 PM There's a germ of truth in all stereotypes. But the germ of truth here isn't that the English are miserable, but rather that the English are particularly good at enjoying things going wrong, including the grumbling - it quite cheers them up.
The underlying assumption is that, if things are bad, they could well get better; if they are good they are bound to get worse. So bad times are the times you can relax and look forward hopefully. Historically that is symbolised by Dunkirk and the Blitz.
"We'll meet again -
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: TheBigPinkLad Date: 15 May 02 - 05:39 PM Does anyone remember an episode of WKRP in Cincinnati where Les Nesman crashed through the wall of a hotel on his moped and smashed up an English couple there on vacation? He went to hospital to apologise for nearly killing them and ruining their lives and the husband looked at him in amazement and said "My God, man ... we were having TEA!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 15 May 02 - 05:52 PM "I wonder what Americans would be diagnosed with by the British Psychiatrists."
I think that, if I suggested what I think the answer to that question might well be, the responses it would get in subsequent posts would demonstrate that there could be something to be said for the accuracy of the diagnosis. So I won't. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: GUEST,GeoPolly Date: 15 May 02 - 06:04 PM Dicho, If you say "the islands of Britain and Ireland" it pretty much covers geography and current political maps. I find the Brits have more tendency to use the term "British Isles" when they mean Britain and Ireland as a "traditional habit"! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: harvey andrews Date: 15 May 02 - 06:07 PM "His story of a childhood growing up in a grey little town where it rained every day, treeless streets of identical houses and passionately backing a football team who never won harvey Andrews...this is your life!!! Except we won on Sunday and I don't know how to cope with success! It's depressing. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: GUEST,GeoPolly Date: 15 May 02 - 06:10 PM I thought that was an excerpt from Frank McCourt! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: Herga Kitty Date: 15 May 02 - 06:17 PM But in what circumstances, apart from an internet pedantic debate, would anyone want to refer to "the islands of Britain and Ireland". It's not a phrase I've heard spoken in common parlance, ever. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: Jon Freeman Date: 15 May 02 - 06:38 PM You won on Sunday, Harvey? Hope your not an f'ing Birmingham supporter... Seriously, if you are, I thought it was a great game with great oppertunities from either side. Pip (my mum) and Paul (one of my brothers) were at the match and they said the atmosphere was great between the fans too. I'm dissapointed but can only wish Birmingham all the best. As for Norwich, I feel they gave it a fantastic effort and am optomistic for next season... Jon |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: GUEST,ozmacca Date: 15 May 02 - 06:53 PM I have to stick my oar in here.... It's got nothing to do with the French, or sex, either. Don't you all realise that the principal reason for the general depression felt by most of the inhabitants of what used to called Great Britain, then Britain, and then The British Isles, and then the british isles, then the aggregate nomenclature for England, Ireland, Scotland and wales and all thie semi, demi or partly autonomus regions, provinces and other bits...... where was I?.... Oh yes. The main reason for this general depression is that it's been a principal export from Scotland for centuries, and it's now settling to a mean depth slightly exceeding the average person's height. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: Paul from Hull Date: 15 May 02 - 06:56 PM What a brilliant story...& yes, it does ring VERY true! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: Gareth Date: 15 May 02 - 07:03 PM Kevin - "Over here, Overpaid, and Over ambitious !" Gareth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: Malcolm Douglas Date: 15 May 02 - 07:14 PM Oddly enough, every time I've heard that joke about the fellow having sex with a corpse, he was French and thought she was American. Cultural assumptions, eh? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: GUEST Date: 15 May 02 - 07:37 PM McGrath, Regarding your response to: "I wonder what Americans would be diagnosed with by the British Psychiatrists." Very nicely put!
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: Dicho (Frank Staplin) Date: 15 May 02 - 08:27 PM PBS is re-running some of the old British comedies. In spite of all the jokes about British humo(u)r, they are the only really funny programs on TV (with the possible exception of very old Gleason-Caesar-Kovacs-etc. on the cable comedy channel). Comedy and drama have disappeared from current American and Canadian TV. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: GUEST,ozmacca Date: 15 May 02 - 08:44 PM Dicho, they've damn near disappeared from Orstrilian telly as well. When the old Brit comedies disappeared from the screen, we had the whole gamut of poorly managed shows to contend with. There were the American sit-coms which tended to work very hard to give one laugh at the end of a half-hour programme. We also had the rapid-fire shows with machine-gun deliveries and very little to laugh at. And we also got the serials built around one person who is supposed to be funny because they are the star. After all this , the viewing public's tastes is affected, and they'll applaud anything that they're told is funny. Trouble is, that when a new British comedy is announced it turns out to be UN-funny. The standard is really descending into the rubbish strata. Is this only because we just get the rejects and the good stuff is kept in the UK, or is humour itself undergoing a process of change. If so, how can we stop it declining even further. Bring back Open All Hours, and Last of The Summer Wine etc... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 15 May 02 - 09:00 PM Last of the Summer Wine is still going on. It all seems very like the kind of get togethers and the kind of people in sessions in English pubs.
Unfortunately the kind of melancholy cheerful quality associated with the English traditionally is being overlaid by all kinds of other less appealing qualities. A sort of in-your-face attitude which shows itself in all kinds of places - football hooligans, politicians, comedians, entrepreneurs, journalists, broadcasters... Even some folk singers. And in most cases, they aren't very good at it either. Maybe it's just a phase they are going through.
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: Dicho (Frank Staplin) Date: 15 May 02 - 09:02 PM Ozmacca, the cable company here offers a BBC Canada channel for a small fee. I watched it off and on for a couple of months when it was a free trial and saw nothing to cheer about. Didn't buy it. If it was a sample of current British box offerings, there's nothing to cheer about. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: Peter K (Fionn) Date: 15 May 02 - 09:28 PM ...when they mean Britain and Ireland "When they mean the UK and Ireland" GeoPoly, if you're determined to be tediouisly precise. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: Brendy Date: 15 May 02 - 09:34 PM Celtic Isles would be even preciser. B. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: Celtic Soul Date: 15 May 02 - 10:39 PM Oh, no, McGrath...do tell! Perhaps some Americans take themselves too seriously, but no moreso than some of any nationality. In other words, countries are like bodies. They all have assholes. :D |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: Ebbie Date: 16 May 02 - 01:03 AM I think the Englishmen have put a good one on over us. Bloodless? Nah. Years ago, I was working in a resort where the dining room manager was a VERY proper married Englishman. Sparely built, straight back, thin lips, brief words, the whole bit. Not your basic fun type. We also had a 'womanly' woman there who spent all her time when not at work, crocheting busily. She kept pretty much to herself. One evening we came to work and were met by the General Manager with the news that the domestic one and the Englishman had run off together. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: greg stephens Date: 16 May 02 - 03:56 AM Its a lie about the grey towns. The buildings may all have been grey in Millom, but the front doors were all brown. And I'm with McGrath on reticence about Americans: this is a matter best left unspoken. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: DMcG Date: 16 May 02 - 04:18 AM In other words, countries are like bodies. They all have assholes. :D No, they are not, Celtic Soul. Most bodies only have one :-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: mooman Date: 16 May 02 - 05:11 AM Dear Liz, If Bert can't come up with the goods, it's clearly time to send you that "Virago and leathers" photo I've been promising you for so long! (;>) mooman |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: GUEST,saxonach Date: 16 May 02 - 06:10 AM Brendy.It would be nice to have one thread every now and again that did not mention the bleedin CELTS. I'm English and proud of my Saxon and Norse heritage. Most of this island has been English speaking for a 1000 years. How many Celtic speakers are there in UK? 2% ish ? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: Pete Jennings Date: 16 May 02 - 07:17 AM I get depressed by people calling me British when I'm actually English. But I got really depressed over the last two days when I couldn't access the 'Cat. Anybody know a good shrink?. Pete PS Harvey - how come you don't support Wolves, then? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: English Jon Date: 16 May 02 - 08:30 AM Here we go again. Alright have it your way. The English are Celtic. Of course we are. How silly of me to have presumed otherwise. Bollocks. EJ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 16 May 02 - 10:56 AM "Most of this island has been English speaking for a 1000 years." What's that got to do with it, saxonach? Nobody calls them the English Isles.
For what it's worth anyway, "British" refers to the people who were in England before the English arrived, which is why the Romans used the term.
So changing the name to "Celtic" from "British" wouldn't make much difference. The name is Celtic either way - whatever that means.
The neatest alternative name I've seen is the acronym "The WISE Isles" - from the names of the main parts. (That misses out the Isle Of Man and the Cornish of course.) Or maybe "The Isles of Man", from the natural capital of the archipelago, situated right in the middle. But I can't see either of them catching on.
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 16 May 02 - 11:01 AM And welcome back, Brendy. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: GUEST,Saxonach Date: 16 May 02 - 11:22 AM I bumped in to your web site the other day Son of Grath.It had a photo of you with your finger in your ear though I suspect the digit spends most of its time elsware. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: GUEST,Gaelophile Date: 16 May 02 - 11:43 AM Read it and Weep ? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: GUEST,stigWeard Date: 16 May 02 - 12:23 PM I prefer to call them just 'The Isles', which is the title an excellent tome by Norman Davis charting the domination of these Islands by England, with an emphasis on the south-east as the dominant economic and political region of the country. In truth, most inhabitants of the Isles will have Celt, Norse, Saxon, Frank, Jute, Norman (which is norse anyway) and more than a fair amount of the indigenous population that settled here after the retreat of the last ice sheets. And here's the crux - the modern concept of nationhood is a relatively modern invention. Until the inhabitants of the Isles recognise their common heritage and the value of all our indigenous cultures, whether they be Scot, Welsh, English or Irish, then this pointless bickering, racism and predujice will go on, and we'll all still be governed by a bunch of morons who do not represent the vast majority of people who live under their rule. Our heritage is being constantly hijacked by nationalists who insist that the only way to live with your neighbours is to be divided from them. Shame really, because underneath, on these Islands at least, we all have a lot more in common than some would like to admit. Got that off me chest. StigWeard |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: GUEST,not gaelophile Date: 16 May 02 - 12:26 PM Gaelophile, I tried to read that and my head started spinning. I trace my ancestry back to my parents and grand-parents. After that it may be interesting but its unimportant to me. I loved the original posting in this thread. I like the idea of him being "discharged from hospital, with a selection of brightly coloured leaflets and an "I love New York" T-shirt." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: harvey andrews Date: 16 May 02 - 02:29 PM Answers..yes.I've been a Blues fan since my father took me aged 7. Wolves was where my wife worked later. And how come such a great humorous posting brings the quibblers and miseries out about national identity? Whatever the past teaches it tells us that it all happened long ago and the world in which we live is the world made by the people living in it today. The only thing we inherit from our ancestors is our genes...we LEARN their prejudices, their hatreds, their blood feuds, their religions. Whatever we screw up today we screw up because we choose to, not because it's inevitable. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Not depressed, just British From: Liz the Squeak Date: 16 May 02 - 02:35 PM Mooman - send it on down!!! Did I send you my Email address?? LTS |