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BS: What I learned From My Dad
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Subject: What I learned From My Dad From: Jerry Rasmussen Date: 30 May 02 - 11:01 PM My Father and I didn't get along well when I was growing up, and if someone had told me that I would end up respecting him later in life, I would have thought they were nuts. As time has passed, I've come to understand who he was, and why he did some of the things he did. It doesn't mean that I came to accept his actions... just came to love him for who he was, and wasn't. The surprising thing is that I keep realizing how much he taught me, just by the way he lived.
He taught me that if you take good care of what you have, it will last just short of forever. My Father's paint brushes were at least twenty years old, but they were finer than any you could buy in a store because he cleaned them so religiously after every use. I learned that from him. Now, people buy foam paint brushes of cheap bristle brushes that they don't even bother to clean... they just throw them away after one use. I still have some of my Father's tools (and my Grandfather's hammer.) I keep them not just out of nostalgia, but because they're still good tools. I look at my own tools and realize that some of them are over forty years old. They are as good as the day I bought them.
I could keep this thread going on my own for a long time, just sharing what I learned from my Dad, in many cases despite myself. How about you? If this captures anyone's imagination, I'll start "What I Learned From My Mom." That would be a 300-400 message thread.
But for this thread, what did you learn from your Dad? Or your Grandad, if you'd like... Jerry |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: GUEST Date: 30 May 02 - 11:20 PM My granddad, Jerry, also kept his tools a long time. As he said, he'd had his favorite axe more than 40 years. Of course, he'd replaced the handle half a dozen times and the head a time or two.:) |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: khandu Date: 30 May 02 - 11:53 PM Yes, Jerry, I had the same experience with my Dad. Though he has been gone 12 years, I am still learning from him. His words still live within me. One of the main things I have learned is this; when you grow up, you will be your Dad. Dad gave me a love for music and encouraged me to become the musician that I am. I wrote him a song after he died, telling of the love he had for his family, music and Chet Atkins. One stanza is: "Daddy taught me how to catch a fish, and how to love my wife. He taught me to be mindful of the things that count in life. One thing he couldn't teach me, and I ain't learned it yet Is how to make this guitar sound like a guitar man named Chet" I miss him still. Here's to you, Roy! khandu I learned |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: GUEST,ozmacca Date: 31 May 02 - 01:33 AM Hmmmmm...... My father always used to say that he'd wished he'd listened to what his father used to tell him. And when I asked him what that was, he said he didn't know, 'cos he never listened. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Liz the Squeak Date: 31 May 02 - 01:46 AM Regretably, I learned to hit back and that he was reallly a bit of a coward. I suppose I learned to fight for myself, but for all the wrong reasons. But I did learn the value of not being late, and how to bang a nail in two bits of wood. LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Ebbie Date: 31 May 02 - 02:07 AM LOL, ozmacca. That's great. By the way, Guest @11:20 was me. Lost my cookie. (Why don't we call them 'bakies'?) |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Jerry Rasmussen Date: 31 May 02 - 06:52 AM Khandu: It sounds like your Father was a wonderful man. We all weren't that lucky. My Father was a "weekend warrior"... drunk from Friday night until Monday morning and rarely home until his stomach and legs finally gave out on him. I too wrote a song about my Dad with the verse:
"But Mom always told me that drinking was bad
Yes, Liz, some of the good things we learn are not to be like our parents. A painful way to learn, and it can take some people a lifetime to make peace with the past. People who had abusive parents may never be able to do that. I've talked to people who have only learned to function on their own by considering a parent who is still living, "dead." But, that's another thread... Wounds that never heal. Mine have, and I made peace with my Father and truly enjoyed his company the last few years of his life. And now I find, like Khandu, that there are ways that I have "become" my Dad, and I see some of myself in my sons. Jerry |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Nigel Parsons Date: 31 May 02 - 06:57 AM "Measure Twice: Cut once" and it's saved a lot of timber, leather, fabric... not to mention temper! Nigel |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Wesley S Date: 31 May 02 - 09:05 AM Jerry - Your first paragraph is something I could have written about my father too. He's given me a lot to think about now that I'm a new dad. I've refreshed my thread about lessions our moms taught us because of the similarities. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Scabby Douglas Date: 31 May 02 - 10:18 AM My Dad (who is still with us) taught me that, when working in the garden, midges and other small flying insects are repelled if you wear a burning incense stick tucked in a bandana or sweat band around your head. It works well on neighbours and members of the public as well...
Cheers Steven |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Amos Date: 31 May 02 - 10:52 AM Mine taught me to honor language and to use it for honorable purpose. He never said anything to that effect, but it was what he did best. He taught me a thing or two about the simple courtesy of listening to another human being, asking questions and listening to the answers with respect, and pushing for understanding rather than 'being right'. He was especially good at asking "Why?". I have not learned everything he left, but it sure was (in my opinion) a decent start. Aside from being a gent and something of a scholar and a learner without cess, he also played ragtime piano and drums for a Dixieland band, and he taught me some wonderful lessons -- again without saying them -- about the joy to be found in the pursuit of 'real' music. I think my fondest memories are of standing by the piano in our home, an amateur guitar player, watching his big hands jumping the keys all over the place, and us just beating the tar out of "Billy Bolden" and "Ain't She Sweet". And the other thing he taught me was to hold the line, suck up the stress, and keep doing the right thing; this is a lesson I have been wrassling with for years, and he wasn't perfect at it himself, but he was good enough. :>) I hope you'll pardon me for waxing on; I haven't thought about him for quite a while and I appreciate the reminder. A
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Subject: Lyr Add: FOR MY FATHER (Harvey Andrews) From: harvey andrews Date: 31 May 02 - 03:06 PM "For my father" 1973
This song's for my father
In field and in forest
From the city he'd take me
And I'd never stop wanting
Then as I grew much older
Asking nothing of elders
Now we both bear time's markings
And we talk of the future
So this song's for my father
In field and in forest |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Mrrzy Date: 31 May 02 - 04:11 PM Mine told me a few good things. One was that the best contraception is for the woman to take 2 aspirins... and hold them firmly between her knees. Another was that while communism was the exploitation of man by man, capitalism was the reverse. And that no god(s) created people in their image, it was also the reverse. And, incidentally, don't trust the government. But that wasn't verbal. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Jerry Rasmussen Date: 31 May 02 - 04:17 PM Wonderful song, Harvey! You know, my Father was a painter too. He painted houses. He taught me to take pride in my work. My Father thought that a good painter could use a four inch brush to do a whole house, from siding to the trim and window frames. And he could do it wearing a tuxedo, because he'd never get a drop of paint on himself. When I have to paint, I do it pretty much that way (minus the tuxedo.) I don't put old clothes on to paint. It makes me more conscious of not putting too much paint on the brush so that none will drip off. I must admit that I will use a two inch brish for the window frames, but that's my only concession. Jerry |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: harvey andrews Date: 31 May 02 - 04:50 PM Jerry, my father was an amateur artist all his life. He and those old working class heroes who worked at jobs they disliked to put the food on the table and keep things together have always been my heroes. Luckily, I can remember the trips they took twice a year to the country from the industrial town of Birmingham when they would wear painters smocks and berets and be Monet for the day. They taught me a lot, mainly that educating your own mind as much as you could was a way out of poverty and poor jobs. Even if you were poor and in a poor job you could still recite poetry in your head or listen to your mental Beethoven jukebox or paint mental pictures of the Shropshire hills. They were eccentric but exciting people for a kid to be around so that when I found my own passion for songs it was okay for a kid from the backstreets to get up there and do it. My dad's self portrait is is on my library wall amongst the books he would so like to have been able to buy back then. I thank him every day. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: GUEST Date: 31 May 02 - 08:40 PM Jerry,looks like this could be a 300'er for Dads too,and why not. I always had a great relationship with my Dad and Grandad.Both of them were singers and good blokes as well. My old man spent most of his life (from the age of nine to seventy five}working in a foundry.He died in 2000 aged ninety five.I was with him when he died and he said to me 'If there is anything you want to say, good or bad, now is the time to say it".......... well..that was a moment I can tell you. I told him there was nothing I had to say other than I loved him, and with that he passed away. I'm fifty six now and my eldest daughter is about to have her first child and my first grandchild (four days to go!!} My relationship with my girls has always been a good one too and I often hear 'the old man' in me when we are deep in conversation. I look at my family and know I learnt plenty from my Dad apart from the songs he left behind. So........God bless all Dads, so often misunderstood {and Mums as well I guess.} I wouldn't want to upset the other side. Doc. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: GUEST,Dagenham Doc Date: 31 May 02 - 08:42 PM That was me Doc |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: GUEST,.gargoyle Date: 31 May 02 - 08:42 PM Pops Sex Ed Keep your peter in your pants
But when the opportunity arises - spit is a good lubricant.
Sincerely, |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Amergin Date: 31 May 02 - 09:20 PM learned a good love for boats...and the water from my dad.... learned how to run fast after opening my mouth from my grampa (he gets the look of death from gramma)... learned that one can face death with dignity from my opa...he is taking the treatments though he knows there is almost no chance... other than that I am still learning.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Bluebeard Date: 31 May 02 - 09:42 PM My Dad taught me a love of music. He played button accordion and encouraged my brother and I to play an instrument....any instrument. He also told me, the last time I saw him before he died, something that his Dad had told him. "Never work for a man with less intelligence than yourself !" I have tried and will keep on trying, but those bastards keep popping up. Ollie |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Amos Date: 31 May 02 - 10:06 PM LOL. Ollie!! Good advice! A |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Bert Date: 31 May 02 - 10:53 PM Dad was a boilermaker, he retired many years ago but has never stopped working. He upholsters furniture for friends and family. When I left school he got me a job as an apprentice in the boilershop where he worked. He taught me the trade and how to make my own tools (You can't buy boilermakers tools at the hardware store) Also, check your layout before you cut (steel plate doesn't come with an online debugger) He is a great handyman and taught me to fix just about everthing around the house, wallpapering, painting plastering, how to hang a door, how to make a wood plug so that you can put a screw into just about anu surface. And, and, and..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Deda Date: 31 May 02 - 11:07 PM I guess I learned that there was always a great more to learn, so much to know, and that once you got a piece of information into your head, you could use it forever, over and over, in new compare&contrasts. He was endlessly knowledgeable, and endlessly interested in the events of the wide world. He also was good at telling jokes, and really good at appreciating true humor. He even suffered fools -- well, if not gladly, at least tolerantly, with a dry smile. One intuitive and slightly crazy person described him as being in constant telepathic communication with everyone in the room -- although he'd think that was ridiculous, but much of the communication I had with him was non-verbal (even though he was an amazingly verbal person) and not even describable. I learned to work very hard at reading subtle signals and trying to puzzle out meaning from them. I learned to have more conversations with my kids. I learned from what he wasn't too good at -- like the importance of changing diapers and talking baby talk. I still cherish those abilities in my ex, who cheerfully split those duties with me when our two were tiny. My memory of sitting in my Dad's lap involves strong smells of cigarettes and whiskey and a good suit and tie, and the feeling of his hard-edged reading glasses case in his jacket pocket. I also learned not to drink, by watching him drink too much. He was a high achiever, but what might he have done if he'd been able to gain real sobriety! I'm sorry that the things I've done that he would have been proud of have mostly happened after his death. I won an academic award, and in my mind I dedicated the whole evening's ceremony to him. By then he had been dead some 12 or 13 years, I guess. Well, may the Gods be with him always. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: GUEST,Merryb Date: 31 May 02 - 11:31 PM my dad was a great gardener. he always grew a cottage type garden with roses everywhere.he was not a very good handyman and yet the things he made,like a shed, well sheds mainly i suppose,he was a great one for a shed. we had a shed for the pigeons and a shed for the chickens, a shed for the canaries and one of those sheds that you keep everything in. they were just bashed together but somehow they worked. wish i had one of his sheds now,and with him in it. Merryb |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: GUEST,Truthtroller Date: 01 Jun 02 - 12:52 AM Strange to note that this posting is drifting away and yet there 105 postings to Duffers on the net and 126 to American Civil War songs. There's a message there somewhere. Ain,t that the truth. T.T. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: DougR Date: 01 Jun 02 - 01:16 AM Honesty. DougR |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Jerry Rasmussen Date: 01 Jun 02 - 06:44 AM Hey, Truth: You posted the same message on the What We Learned From Our Mums thread. Give them some time. This thread is only three days old, and for a couple of those days, it was touch and go for me to even get onto Mudcat. If you want threads like these to last, contribute something other than a criticism of Mudcat. Those are the threads that get long because people defend Mudcat.
So, Truthtroller, what did you learn from you Dad? Eh? Jerry |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: GUEST,Truthtroller Date: 01 Jun 02 - 09:51 AM Your'e reading too much into it son.It's not a criticism, just an observation. Don't be so darn titchy. The point I am making is a fact.People have a hard time saying good things about their families. Parents especially. We let the posts slip like we let them slip. T.T. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: toribw Date: 01 Jun 02 - 10:01 AM He wasn't around for most of my life, but what I did learn was to take every opportunity to make your dreams come true. I think he wanted more from his life than he ended up with. And for reasons ranging from personal weakness to what now seems to me fear of taking the chance, he never seemed very happy. I've lost touch with him years ago, but he did impart some powerful lessons on what not to do. I really hope he's found some peace with himself and his choices. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Jerry Rasmussen Date: 01 Jun 02 - 08:38 PM toribw:
I think that a lot of us have had trouble trying to get to know and understand our parents as people, not just parents. Part of the problem, which was surely the case with my Father, was that my Father didn't understand my Father any more than I did. He had so many barely submerged angers and hurts about things that he didn't understand and could therefor never put to rest that he just closed up shop with his family. He was much more open with his friends. You can't "figure someone out" if they haven't figured themselves out. Jerry |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Irish sergeant Date: 01 Jun 02 - 09:55 PM Mine left all too soon. Not from wandering feet but from cancer. In the short fifteen years I was blessed with his presence he taught me more than I could ever puty in one thread. There is always some one better but that is no reason to stop trying. Treat every woman as if they were your mother. If you do it right the first time you don't have to do it a second. He left me with a deep love for history and music (he played four instruments,) He had a wonderful sense of humor when he wasn't being a dour Canadian of Scottish Presbyterian extraction. And even though he was a hard ass, I still miss him. Neil |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Liz the Squeak Date: 02 Jun 02 - 02:58 AM People have a hard time saying good things about their families. Parents especially. That's not really true. I've never experienced anyone having a problem saying nice things about families, particularly those members of it who are no longer with it. It's often much harder to recognise and acknowledge the bad things. It's because we don't like to admit we are the product of that environment and some of it may be inherited or conditioned behaviour - 'I beat my child because my dad beat me and it did me no harm' sort of thing. I look at my father with the benefit of distance and I can see that he was a selfish, bullying, bigotted man who had been conditioned to help people but was constantly fighting against it. He never had the power to say no because deep down, despite his incredible rages, he was actually a coward who would make his children go and do his fighting for him. I look at myself and I can see it's his behaviour to me makes me what I am today, but:~ it's his behaviour to others that ALSO makes me who and what I am today. I inherited his temper, but I try to channel it towards areas that are likely to be non-violent. I inherited his tendancy towards depression too, but unlike me, he wouldn't dream of asking for help or counselling. Those people here who knew my dad (and there are a few) will now be horrified that I can say such things of a dead man, but I said them when he was alive as well. Death does not instantly deify anyone, it's the life beforehand that leaves the lasting marks. Having said that, he could be an utterly charming and loving parent, he would bend over backwards to help people if he could, he was generous and organised, he could fix almost anything, he valued the past and honoured his country the best way he could. LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Jerry Rasmussen Date: 02 Jun 02 - 07:53 AM Hi, Liz:
Good for you! You see your father three-dimensionally, as a flawed, self-contradictory person. My Father was much the same way. He could be the most entertaining, charming, delightful man imagineable, and without warning drop a cutting, deeply hurting remark into the conversation. It took me many years to come to understand him, and see the goodness in him. The unkindness and rejection was a lot easier to see, because it hurt so much. I don't think that my Father was a mean-spirited man at heart. He just couldn't handle life, and we all paid for that. But, I see the good in him, which is why I started this thread. I try to carry on the good that I learned from and pass it on to my two sons. My Father was honest to a fault, and was an inventor at heart. He could make the most amazing things out of stuff that a "wiser" man would have thrown away as junk. He taught me honor, which is a great lesson to learn. Don't compromise you beliefs for anyone. My Father never did, and I try to live that way.
The beautiful thing to me is that despite how much our parents fail us, we can still love the goodness and generosity that was part of them, too. We pray for the same forgiveness in our children for the many times that we have failed them. Jerry |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: 53 Date: 02 Jun 02 - 10:22 AM His love of music. He was a professional drummer back in the late 30s before WW2, and when I started to play he was always there to root me on. He's been gone now 20 years and I can still remember watching him watching me. Bob |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: GUEST,adavis@truman.edu Date: 03 Jun 02 - 12:50 AM The guy was huge, a moving mountain of meat, most of it muscle. Slow to anger, and a pretty terrifying spectacle when he'd had enough. He was self-educated, very successful. He came from a background that would fit anybody's description of savage, and was a Navy pilot back in the Right Stuff days. I think his psyche was a perpetual battleground between an intellect that valued peace and cooperation, and experience that taught him some people understand nothing but force. His politics were neanderthal, but he was sincere about them. I thought he had been sold a lot of hogwash, but that's ok, he thought the same of my views. He was a great storyteller, a prodigious liar (no clear distinction). He taught certain things by example: -Nobody ever lost a night's sleep over having been too merciful or too generous; -Money is an important thing. It is not the important thing; -You have no more precious possession, and none more easily lost, than your reputation for integrity; -Real men are gentle; physical strength (or any other advantage) is yours on a custodial basis -- it's yours to use for service to others; -Real men do not use others sexually; -The first person to raise his voice has lost; A couple of proverbs and favorite expressions: "On your feet, soldier." "Don't complain. Don't explain. Pull up your socks and wipe your nose." "Take good care of your tools, and your tools will take good care of you." "Don't let the little head do the thinking for the big head." I too have -- and use -- my great-grandad's tools. These reflections, and the "Mom" thread would make a pretty little anthology. Adam |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: JennieG Date: 03 Jun 02 - 01:15 AM I learnt that it is OK to walk out on the woman you have been married to for over 25 years, and never contact her or the three children from that marriage ever again..... Cheers JennieG |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Liz the Squeak Date: 03 Jun 02 - 01:55 AM I like the 'little head, big head' thing... would that others took such notice.... LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Jerry Rasmussen Date: 03 Jun 02 - 07:41 AM The little head/big head line is in The Bronx Tale.. a violent, disturbing, sweet, wise movie.
I wrote a few lines in a song that caught my sons imaginations and they used to sing it when I told them to do something:
"So you better hop to it, cause there's no one else to do it." :-) Jerry |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Mooh Date: 03 Jun 02 - 10:29 AM He taught me how to teach myself things, and gave me the basics in many disciplines so that I'd be well prepared for life. He had lived through the depression, served in WW2, lived among the plains Indians, and struggled to raise a family on the pittance allowed him as a clergyman. He taught me how to fish, and the importance of a balanced natural environment. He taught me the joy of reading, and listening. He gave me the carpentry skills I could build on later while I was young enough to be awed by them. He made sure I could not only drive a car but back up a trailer. He showed me how maintaining what I have is better than acquiring something new. He taught me how to read and write music, partly by example, and partly by butting heads with me. He allowed me to be different than him, to make other choices, to explore, to risk, and to admit my mistakes. He showed me something of a father's love I wouldn't come to understand until he was gone. He taught me how to read a map and how to find my way...I'm still trying to find my way. Peace, Mooh. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Jerry Rasmussen Date: 03 Jun 02 - 11:35 AM Mooh: If your Father allowed you to be different than him, you were truly blessed. My Father was the other side of the coin. He always made it clear to me how disappointed he was that I didn't swear, get in fights and want to go down to the bar when I got old enough to drink. He always took the reality that I was a different person as a rejection of him. Jerry |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Mooh Date: 03 Jun 02 - 02:08 PM Jerry, I know NOW that I was lucky, but during my teenage years while I was busy being an asshole, I didn't always know it. I'm sure the old boy wasn't pleased when I avoided formal post-secondary education, got drunk and did embarrassing things, almost entered what would have been a disasterous marriage, and questioned his authority just to be a prick. But all in all, these things were like growing pains, the dying breath of immaturity. He was far from perfect. For years he was quick tempered, held different rules for my sisters than for my brother and I, and had a pretty sharp tongue (though never swore). As he got older though, he mellowed out alot. I do wish he'd supported my interest in hockey more when I was a kid, but I think he saw it as a direct conflict with music, a feeling we didn't share. I've been somewhat naive in raising my own children, partly because my Dad's example always looked so simple, and he was a natural at everything. Things haven't been that easy for me, perhaps because of the times in which we live, and perhaps because the old boy was fuckin' near a genius and I'm not. But in the end I have to trust my instincts because he taught me to, and would want me to. I've enjoyed this thread, thanks. Peace, Mooh. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: harvey andrews Date: 03 Jun 02 - 07:11 PM I think that's very true. Those of us who had great Fathers didn't realise at the time. We sons had to lock horns.That's nature. Fortunately I came out of the crap of adolescence intact and my Dad heard me sing my song for him at Birmingham Town Hall. He was in his overcoat and kept his hat on but when I finished I asked him to stand up and he did! All five foot six of him ( still with his hat on!) and the audience cheered.One of the great moments! |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Irish sergeant Date: 03 Jun 02 - 08:57 PM I realize that my earlier post sounds one sided but being a late bloomer, it didn't get into the rebellious adolescent phase until my late teens after my father had passed on. He could be a harsh taskmaster at times but that doesn't negate the facts I stated above. I do wish i had had the opportunity to play a couple of songs on guitar with him as a duet. Neil |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Liz the Squeak Date: 04 Jun 02 - 01:48 AM A lot of the posts above have been sons against fathers, is it really the case that fathers and daughters didn't fight? I know I fought with mine, but maybe I was subconsciously trying to take the place of the son he lost.... LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Mooh Date: 04 Jun 02 - 06:58 AM Don't know, Liz. As far as I'm aware, my 3 sisters never fought with Dad, at least not in any prolonged way. I'd had a couple of running feuds with him, but the girls didn't. I don't fight with my daughters...the occassional argument about the laundry or whatever, but nothing big...yet. Peace, Mooh. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Jerry Rasmussen Date: 04 Jun 02 - 07:08 AM The generality is that daughters idolize their fathers, Liz. I think that there's less pressure(obviously) for daughters to be like their fathers. That's a general-ization and may even be true. I have two older sisters. One of them usually said, "Sure, Dad!," no matter how stupid he was being. She was obviously his favorite, because he couldn't tolerate anyone disagreeing with him. My other sister challenged him on just about everything and they fought like cats and dogs. I was Professor Challenger, myself, so I was definitely not a favorite son. I also had the audacity to be myself rather than a younger version of my Father (although I started this thread to honor the goodness in my Father that I came to see as I grew older, and now see some of him in me.)
The irony is that my Mother, my "good" sister and I can comfortably talk about my Father, warts and all and have a good laugh voer the dumb ( and often hurtful things he did.) My other sister, who almost ran away from home after one of her rants with my father, now refuses to let anyone say anything bad about him, and gets quite upset if my Mother my "good" sister and I are cracking each other up remembering something my father did that was really stupid.
My sons are equally split about their mother, who became and increasingly very destructive, emotionally ill woman in motherhood. In that case, the "good" song can laugh about the cruel things his Mother did, while the one who stood up to her finds it very difficult to even talk about her. Maybe being "good" works. I wouldn't know. As far as me and my parents were concerned, I wasn't "good." Jerry |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: GUEST,Truthtroller Date: 04 Jun 02 - 09:31 AM Liz, perhaps I should have said'only' good things about their families.But your point is a very good one,and touches me. My father was the kindest friendliest understanding and patient man I could ever wish for a Dad. He also abused me from way back.As far back as I can remember, five perhaps, five years old. That continued month in month out for the next ten years. I never failed to love him deeply till the day he died.And still do. T.T. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: GUEST,Truthtroller Date: 04 Jun 02 - 09:34 AM Nice to see you're still here Jerry T.T. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Kim C Date: 04 Jun 02 - 10:48 AM My father died two years ago. He is still missed very much and always will be. Dad didn't have a lot of formal education, but he liked to read and educate himself. He was knowledgeable on a good number of subjects, and had a lot of common sense. When he got mad, he never flew off the handle. He remained very calm and just dropped his voice down really low. When you heard that voice, you knew he meant business. Dad was a great singer. He never got to sing professionally - I'm not really sure he wanted to - but he sang for his friends, and he sang for the church, and he sang for his own enjoyment. He played the guitar a little, and he could draw, and make things. I guess that's where I get my creative streak. My brother has it too. Dad was a great cook. He made the best pancakes ever. I've never been able to replicate them, and he took his secret with him. But I am pretty clever in the kitchen, and I thank him for that too. My dad made some mistakes in his life. He left my mother for another woman, and there was a period of several years when I didn't hear from him. Later I found out why... his second wife had terminal cancer and he was taking care of her. She needed him more than I did. I forgave him all that, and we had a great relationship up until he died. He approved of Mister, which meant a lot. Even now I still find myself thinking, I need to call Dad and tell him about blahblahblah... or I'll be looking in a catalog and thing, wow, Dad would really like that... it's funny, there are always things you wish you could say. But I think he knows, even if he can't talk back. :-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Jerry Rasmussen Date: 04 Jun 02 - 12:47 PM Truthtroller: Glad to see that you've joined the discussion. The last two threads I started ran well over 100, and I expect that this one will keep going. I haven't seen several friends pick up on this, yet, so I know it will continue to keep going. I enjoy seeing the conversations going on between people, and it's what makes a thread interesting to me. If it's just an endless succession of "Well, I think..." messages I start to lose interest. I think that part of starting a thread it to keep the conversation flowing. I read so much in the comments of others that relates to what I've experienced that it's natural for me to want to respond to others. I'm glad that you did, too.
This is the way to keep the threads going...:-) Jerry |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Mooh Date: 04 Jun 02 - 02:51 PM Just wondering...What percentage of us feel we were in some way the "black sheep" of the family, and how did our fathers accept it? Were we really the black sheep or were we just insecure/rebellious/whatever? I sure did things differently than the rest of the family and except for a period in my early adulthood I haven't thought of myself as the black sheep. But that early adulthood sure had its moments! Baaa... Peace, Mooh. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Jerry Rasmussen Date: 04 Jun 02 - 03:31 PM Mooh: No Baah!!
I certainly caused some serious disruption in my family when I was younger, and was estranged from them for a period of close to fifteen years. But, I never really felt like the black sheep of the family. When I look back on who I was as a teenager and young man, my one prayer was that I wouldn't get any kids like I was. It was mostly answered, although the teenager years with my two songs had their moments, we were always close and no one ever doubted the other's love.
It was my father who was the black sheep. A status symbol he worked hard to earn. He came from a family of six brothers and a sister. They all did well in school, went on to college, one became a minister and the others all had professional careers. My father was setting pins until all hours of the morning when he was eleven or twelve years old, fought his way up to take over the best street corner in town to sell newspapers, bought a model T and paid cash for it when he was still in High School, slept through half of his classes, drank heavily as soon as he was old enough to get his hands on a bottle of beer, and hung out with a cursing, drinking, loudmouth, no-count bunch of guys. I don't know why, and I don't think he ever did, either. I spent many years trying to figure out why he felt so rejected and bitter, and finally had to realize that I would never know. He would just start off on a rant about the time a couple of his brothers set off some of the fireworks he'd saved up to buy, or some similar tale of misstreatment. Being the black sheep was a self-fulfilling prophecy for my father. And yet, there was a warm, giving side of my father, an honesty and a desire to do things "right," that while he would never admit probably came from his Mother (who he fought with bitterly.)
Folks are sure enough hard to figure out. Ourselves, most of all.. Jerry |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Big Tim Date: 04 Jun 02 - 03:49 PM Morality, honesty, cut the crap! |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: harvey andrews Date: 04 Jun 02 - 03:54 PM My father also brewed a mean home brew. It was at the last Jubilee 25 years ago he and mother came visiting at the same time as Ozzie Osbourne called round before our street party in a blue suit, red shirt and white tie. He'd popped in because I knew Dad was brewing a special Jubilee ale and I knew he'd like to sample it! John (Oz) was the perfect guest, Dad was "Mister Andrews" mother was "Mrs Andrews" and she thought him a really nice boy, not having the faintest idea what he did, and just thinking him a local lad born round the corner from where they lived in Brum.Dad produced his home brew and decanted a pint for John and me. It was delicious and about 8% proof. Now John liked a drink or ten at the time and was just nicely topped up..this was late morning...you'd never know he'd had a drop. "Delicious Mr Andrews" he said. Within seconds he'd drained the glass and within a couple of minutes he'd gone...from stone cold sober to pretty boss eyed. It was magic. Dad was really chuffed to bits after John had staggered off to the party. "I knew it was a good brew son, but I didn't think it was that good!" I've got a photo of Oz and me on the day..must dig it out. Great memories and great to see the old trooper still working 25 years later. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Jerry Rasmussen Date: 04 Jun 02 - 04:58 PM Hey, Harv:
My Dad made home-made wine and beer (and root beer for us kids.) He'd store the beer and root beer under the cellar stairway and every once and awhile, a bottle would build up too much pressure and shoot the cap off, making us all jump out of our seats. I still remember my dad using potatoes for corks in the wine bottles, although as I type it I find it hard to believe. When I was in my 30's, I got into wine making and had a lot of fun with it. My favorite flavor was boysenberry... we had boysenberry bushes growing along the side of our driveway when I was a kid... tart little drak purple, almost black berries that I liked to eat. Funny, but with the berries right there, my father never made boysenberry wine. He made wine from grapes... we had a grape press in the basement for many years. (He also had a minnow tank and raised minnows to sell as bait, so our basement was a little more exotic than most.) When I was working at the Museum I spent many years at, I used to do Fiscal New Years Eve parties on June 30th. One year, I had over twenty gallons of wine... everything from peach, pear, apple, grape and white grape, to boysenberry and dandelion. I think my Dad would have been proud of me. :-) (BR> Jerry |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I learned From My Dad From: Celtic Soul Date: 04 Jun 02 - 10:14 PM I learned that anger never solved anything, and likely causes a lot more damage than it cures. Unfortunately, I learned by watching how his anger impacted all around him. I also learned that singing is a butt load of fun. |