Song Challenge! - Part 83

Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Áine
Date: 09 Jun 02 - 05:44 PM

Well, here we are again, Challenge!rs -- with one of your favorite subjects for a Challenge! - animals ;-) It's summertime, and we're goin' swimming . . . Come on in, the water's fine (hehehe).

Casuarina Club Coach Spells Speed With A 'C' -- (Darwin, Australia 30/6/01) An Australian coach is using a crocodile in the pool to encourage his swimmers to improve their speeds.

Mark Davies, from Casuarina Crocs Swimming Club in Darwin, says the technique improves his squad's performance.

Local swimming authorities say he'll have to use a private pool if he wants to continue using the crocodile while the Australian Institute of Sport has condemned the technique.

Mr Davies is unrepentant. He told Australian newspaper The Telegraph: "The thought of something chasing them down the pool certainly improves the speeds of my swimmers."

Before the 1.8-metre saltwater crocodile is lowered into the water, its jaw is bound with tape and its claws are clipped.

Have fun, and Go For It, Challenge!rs!!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: CapriUni
Date: 09 Jun 02 - 06:41 PM

Well, here we are again, Challenge!rs -- with one of your favorite subjects for a Challenge! - animals ;-) It's summertime, and we're goin' swimming . . . Come on in, the water's fine (hehehe).

For a minute there, I thought you were going to give us the story of that :::ahem::: "amourous" dolphin....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Jun 02 - 07:13 PM

"I'm being swallowed by a nine foot crocodile
Oh no, there go my toes.
Oh dread! He's got my head...

Sorry. Best I could do on short notice.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Jun 02 - 07:45 PM

Anything to avoid cover letters and resumes.

To the tune of "Babies In The Mill"

I used to be in competitive swims
Australian crawl my feat.
Through waters flashed
Past competitors splashed
Impossible to beat.
But gators' jaws and gators' claws
Affected my technique.
I have my hide; maybe not not pride.
But shin and thigh and cheek.

CHORUS:

Come into the water, Mark Davies Come in without ado. Its jaws are bound; its toes are clipped. And Darwin's counting on you.

The authorities condemn Mark's style 'Tis cruel to man and beast. In their opinion the crocodile Must be private pooled to feast. Casuarina folk are even divided. Some cheer the increased speed. But some prefer the slower pace And gore and bloody feed.

CHORUS

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Jun 02 - 07:50 PM

AW CRAP!

CHORUS:

Come into the water, Mark Davies
Come in without ado.
Its jaws are bound; its toes are clipped.
And Darwin's counting on you.

The authorities condemn Mark's style
'Tis cruel to man and beast.
In their opinion the crocodile
Must be private pooled to feast.
Casuarina folk are even divided.
Some cheer the increased speed. And gore and bloody feed.

CHORUS

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Jun 02 - 07:52 PM

SIGH

Casuarina folk are even divided.
Some cheer the increased speed.
But some prefer the slower pace
And gore and bloody feed.

CHORUS

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: CapriUni
Date: 09 Jun 02 - 11:39 PM

Love it Sinsull, even without the line breaks!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jun 02 - 12:37 AM

Jane Crumley, the Swimming Team Fool

(Tune: John Henry)

When Jane Crumley was a little baby
A-sittin' on her momma's knee,
She said a ten foot salty on the Varsity Squad,
Is gonna be the death of me, Lord, Lord
Gonna be the death of me!

Now Janie grew up to be a swimmer,
And she moved to Darwin town;
And the girls all called her the Dundee Momma
'Cuz she smoked all the boys in the town, Lord Lord,
She smoked all the boys in that town.

Now the big coach said to Jane Crumley,
Gal, you better swim like a fool,
There's a ten foot croc with a hide like rock,
In the starting end of this pool, Lord Lord
The starting end of the pool

But Jane Crumley she said to Coach Davies
I'm the fastest fin in this town
Before I let that salty catch my ass
I will roll right over and drown, Lord, Lord
I will roll right over and drown!

When the starting gun went off that morning
Janie Crumley's suit was brown
But when the days was over, Lord
It was red from the shoulders down, Lord Lord
Bright red fromt he shoulders down.

Now Janie said to her pacer,
Pacer, pour me that tea and cream
'Cuz I'm pouring on hots and I'm cutting five knots,
Just look at that chlorine steam, Lord, Lord
Just look at that chlorine steam.

Now the bugger who raised up that salty,
He thought he was something fine
But Jane Crumley breast-stroked a ten-meter start
Before that salty croc done nine, Lord, lord
Before that croc done nine!

Jane Crumley she dug into the water
She cut it like a razor knife
But five meters short of that finishing line
That salty took her life, Lord Lord
That salty took her life

The salty got hold of one ankle
And Janey just tore herself free
Said I won't make the lap in four nineteen,
But I'll make it in four twenty-three, Lord, Lord
I'll make it in four twenty-three

Now the salty he grabbed Janey's kneecap,
And Janey was just half-alive
Said I won't make the lap in four twenty three,
But I'll make it in four twenty-five, Lord, Lord
I'll make it in four twenty-five!

Now Janey was crossing the finishing line
As the salty pulled her down,
She made four twenty-five as he grabbed her waist,
And she rolled right over and she drown, Lord, Lord
She rolled right over an'  she drowned.

Well they sponged up the rest of Jane Crumley
And they put it on display by the  pool
And every class of freshmen gets to hear that coach say,
"Now there was a true swimming fool, Lord, Lord
There was a true swimming fool!"

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Genie
Date: 10 Jun 02 - 12:58 AM

"I'm being followed by a croc's shadow,
croc's shadow, croc's shadow..."

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 10 Jun 02 - 12:14 PM

Amos, a true masterpiece! Wonderful!

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jun 02 - 03:22 PM

Why, thankee, Dave!! :>) Made mah day!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Áine
Date: 10 Jun 02 - 03:24 PM

SINSULL -- Here's your song pasted together. I took out a line in the first verse (there were too many), and in the second verse, took out one of the 'not's in 'maybe not not pride'. If you need any more changes, let me know. BTW, do you have a title for this song?

-- Áine

To the tune of "Babies In The Mill"

I used to be in competitive swims
Australian crawl my feat.
Through waters flashed
Impossible to beat.

But gators' jaws and gators' claws
Affected my technique.
I have my hide; maybe not pride.
But shin and thigh and cheek.

CHORUS:
Come into the water, Mark Davies
Come in without ado.
Its jaws are bound; its toes are clipped.
And Darwin's counting on you.

The authorities condemn Mark's style
'Tis cruel to man and beast.
In their opinion the crocodile
Must be private pooled to feast

Casuarina folk are even divided.
Some cheer the increased speed.
But some prefer the slower pace
And gore and bloody feed.

CHORUS

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Genie
Date: 11 Jun 02 - 12:48 AM

Bein' Tailgated By A Croc Shadow
Parody lyrics by Genie
[Please do forgive me, Cat Whatever-your-name-is-now, for taking liberties with your venerable "Moonshadow."]


Well, I'm
Bein' tailgated by a Croc Shadow,
Croc shadow, Croc Shadow,
Smokin' and strokin' in a croc's shadow,
Croc's shadow, croc's shadow.

God! If I ever slow my pace,
I'll lose more than just this race,
Oh, if I ever slow my pace,
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!,
Ow! Ow! Ow!
I won't have no feet no more.

Well, I'm
Bein' tailgated by a Croc Shadow,
Croc shadow, Croc Shadow,
Smokin' and strokin' in a croc's shadow,
Croc's shadow, croc's shadow.

And if I slow, I'll lose my ass;
The croc'll do more than just pass!
Yes if I slow, I'll lose my ass;
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!,
Ow! Ow! Ow!
I won't have no butt no more.

He won't take long to catch me. He's got me in his sights!
That reptile's bound to catch me! I'm racing from sheer fright!

Well, I'm
Bein' tailgated by a Croc Shadow,
Croc shadow, Croc Shadow,
Smokin' and strokin' in a croc's shadow,
Croc's shadow, croc's shadow.

And if this race I chance to botch,
Th' croc will breakfast on my crotch,
And if this race I chance to botch,
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!,
Ow! Ow! Ow!
I won't reproduce no more!

Oh, I'm bein' followed by a Croc Shadow,
Croc shadow, Croc Shadow,
Smokin' and strokin' in a Croc Shadow,
Croc shadow, Croc Shadow.

And if he gets me in his mouth,
All his teeth in my 'north and south,'
Well, if he gets me in his mouth,
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!,
Ow! Ow! Ow!
I won't ever race no more!

Well, I'm
Bein' tailgated by a Croc Shadow,
Croc shadow, Croc Shadow,
Smokin' and strokin' in a croc's shadow,
Croc's shadow, croc's shadow.

The coach thinks I can win the prize
With that reptile at my thighs.
Coach thinks I can win the prize,
But Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!,
Ow! Ow! Ow!
I'm not sure it's worth it all!

Well, I'm
Bein' tailgated by a Croc Shadow,
Croc shadow, Croc Shadow,
Smokin' and strokin' in a croc's shadow,
Croc's shadow, croc's shadow.

They say that croc's jaws are taped shut,
He's only a shadow.
They say that croc's jaws are taped shut,
But, Ow! If he breaks it, there go my nuts!
I won't have no 'nads at all!

Well, I'm
Bein' tailgated by a Croc Shadow,
Croc shadow, Croc Shadow,
Smokin' and strokin' in a croc's shadow,
Croc's shadow, croc's shadow.

Fade away:

Strainin' and trainin' in a Croc's Shadow,
Croc's shadow, croc's shadow.
Racin' and prayin' in a Croc's Shadow,
Croc's shadow, croc's shadow.
Tailgated and baited by that Croc Shadow,
Croc Shadow, Croc Shadow.
Croc Shadow, Croc Shadow.
Croc Shadow, Croc Shadow.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: mousethief
Date: 11 Jun 02 - 09:31 AM

Great big huge kudos to Amos and Genie! Two hard acts to follow,to be sure!

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: MMario
Date: 11 Jun 02 - 09:39 AM

I'm enjoying these - just too brain numb to think of anything to say. (or lyrics!)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: mousethief
Date: 11 Jun 02 - 09:42 AM

Crocodile's Picnic
Tune: Teddy Bears' Picnic

If you go into the pool today
You're in for a big surprise
If you're not in your top form today
You'd better stay out and dry
For coach has found a horrible croc
So if you swim as slow as you walk
Today's the day the croco will have its picnic

Picnic time for a crocodile
And the team is turning in some record times today
Though he's just a juvenile
If he should catch you then he'll make you pay
See him gaily swim about
So if you scream and shout
We'll know that you're swimming slow
With such a croc the coach inspires
our swimmers to swim their best
Cos they don't want to be et, you know.

©2002 Alex Riggle. All rights reserved.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jun 02 - 10:03 AM

LOL, ALex!!! Inspired.

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: MMario
Date: 11 Jun 02 - 10:10 AM

Now THAT deserves a standing ovation - but my feet hurt - so it will be a virtual one!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 11 Jun 02 - 10:51 AM

A parody of "My Grandfather's Clock"

THE SALTWATER CROC

I'm a saltwater croc, that has had his claws docked
And my jaws are secured with strong wire
I've been trained to pursue, every Oz swimmer who
Shows signs that they're starting to tire
If my nose hits their toes, then away they must go
And leave distance between them and me
For although I am bound, my handler has found
Just a nudge and a swimmer will flee

I was one day assigned, to trail close behind
A swimmer who's in a big league
And as I approached, as directed by coach
I detected some metal fatigue
I seized on my chance and I lunged for his pants
And my muzzle no longer held fast
I dined on his nethers, his torso was severed
But the finishing time was world class

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Sorcha
Date: 11 Jun 02 - 10:59 AM

OMIGAWD!! You guys are awesome!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Genie
Date: 11 Jun 02 - 11:25 AM

Mousethief, Sinsull, Derry, (and, to repeat, Amos)--you folks got my mascara running down my face! Such poesy!

Genie

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: DonD
Date: 11 Jun 02 - 12:17 PM

CRAZY COACH MARK DAVIES
(to the tune of 'The Whistling Gypsy Davy')

Casuarina's team needed much more steam,
Their coach thought they were just lazy,
To goose his team, he dreamed up a scheme,
Did crazy coack Mark Davies.

Ah dee doo, ah dee doo dum day,
Ah dee doo ah dum day dee,
To goose his team, he dreamed up a scheme,
Did crazy coach Mark Davies!

No carrot on a stick will do the trick,
But fear, he thought, would just maybe
Speed up the strokes of the sluggish blokes,
Said craszy coach Mark Davies.

Ah dee doo, ah dee doo dum day,
Ah dee doo ah dum day dee,
Speed up the strokes of the sluggish blokes
Said crazy coach Mark Davies!

They're called the Crocs, a name that rocks,
And crocs you sure do not baby,
If a real croc swims free, well THEN we'll see,
Said crazy coach Mark Davies.

Ah dee doo, ah dee doo dum day,
h dee doo ah dum day dee,
If a real croc swims fee, well THEN we'll see,
Said crazy coach Mark Davies.

The cobbers and sheilas rolled like big ten-wheelers,
When they saw a croc was a-tailing,
They set record times in those tropic climes.
Said the coach, my plan is not failing!

ah dee doo, ah dee doo dum day,
Ah dee doo ah dum day dee,
They set record times in those tropic climes.
Sai the coach, my paln is not failing.

Coach Davies cried with unfettered pride,
I've found the best motivation!
I'm the MAN with the incentive plan,
We'll be champions of all the Oz nation!

Ah dee doo, ah dee doo dum day,
Ah dee doo ah dum day dee,
I'm the MAN with the incentive plan,
We'll be champions of all the Oz nation!

The secret's clear, to see and hear,
It's been my scientific finding:
You'll swim damn fast with a croc on your ass,
And you hear his big teeth a grinding!

Ah dee doo ah dee doo dum day,
Ah dee doo ah dum day dee,
You'll swim damn fast with a croc on your ass,
And you hear his big teeth a-grinding.

REPEAT FIRST VERSE AND CHORUS.


line breaks added by mudelf ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: MMario
Date: 11 Jun 02 - 12:25 PM

ANOTHER winner! (you'd think Aine had crocs on your tails!)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Áine
Date: 11 Jun 02 - 01:38 PM

Hi Challenge!rs! Did you think I'd forgotten 'bout ya? No, I didn't - I just had a lot of trouble getting online yesterday. Things seem to be better today, though. Alrightey, here are the B.L.O.B.s so far -- and a right proud job you've all done!!

To Sinsull, for this itty bit of icky imagery:

Casuarina folk are even divided.
Some cheer the increased speed.
But some prefer the slower pace
And gore and bloody feed

To Amos, for this appetizing bit(e):

Now Janie said to her pacer,
Pacer, pour me that tea and cream
'Cuz I'm pouring on hots and I'm cutting five knots,
Just look at that chlorine steam, Lord, Lord
Just look at that chlorine steam

To Genie, for this awful purty picture:

They say that croc's jaws are taped shut,
He's only a shadow.
They say that croc's jaws are taped shut,
But, Ow! If he breaks it, there go my nuts!
I won't have no 'nads at all!

To mousethief, for this view from the croc's eye:

See him gaily swim about
So if you scream and shout
We'll know that you're swimming slow
With such a croc the coach inspires
our swimmers to swim their best
Cos they don't want to be et, you know.

To derrymacash, for his croc's eye view, too:

I was one day assigned, to trail close behind
A swimmer who's in a big league
And as I approached, as directed by coach
I detected some metal fatigue
I seized on my chance and I lunged for his pants
And my muzzle no longer held fast
I dined on his nethers, his torso was severed
But the finishing time was world class

And to DonD, for this lovely regional touch:

The cobbers and sheilas rolled like big ten-wheelers,
When they saw a croc was a-tailing,
They set record times in those tropic climes.
Said the coach, my plan is not failing!


You're doing swimmingly, Challenge!rs -- Keep it going!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 11 Jun 02 - 02:23 PM

The Sadistic Coach Mark Davies
Parody lyrics by Sonja W. Oates © 2002
Tune: Unfortunate Miss Bailey


A swim team coach in Casuarina
Thought his crew were 'loafies.'
He hatched a plan to speed them in
Pursuit of bigger trophies.
"Methinks Olympic Gold could bring me
Thousands -- even millions!
But how? Aha! the cleverest
Solution is reptilian.

Refrain:
Oh, Mark Davies,
Sadistic coach, Mark Davies!

One afternoon the swimming team
Was dawdling in the water,
When unbeknownst to them Coach Davies
Dumped a croc in after--
With duct tape on his muzzle
And a 'manicure' for caution,
Since killing Aussie jocks just might
be grounds for legal action!

Oh, Mark Davies,
Sadistic coach, Mark Davies!

The Casuarina Swimming Crocs
Had long sought for a mascot,
And thought perhaps this croc would do--
Till Nathan got his ass caught
By one blow of the creature's tail,
Which hurled him to the platform,
Where he landed backside first--
A lousy 6-point 'prat form.'

Oh, Mark Davies,
Sadistic coach, Mark Davies!

One naiad of the modern ilk
Was cruisin' with her breaststroke,
When from the rear she saw the beast
And thought it was a bad joke.
"Now, cut it out, you clown!" she cried!
The croc, who'd got the tape off,
Said, "Ma'am, delighted to oblige,
But first I'll pull that drape off."

Oh, Mark Davies,
Sadistic coach, Mark Davies!

The racing team by now was breaking
long-held records hourly,
But local Darwin Public Health
officials scolded sourly:
"Whilst we applaud the aim of your
shenanigans acquatic,
We must denounce your methods as
A bit melodramatic!"

Oh, Mark Davies,
Sadistic coach, Mark Davies!

~SWO~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: mousethief
Date: 11 Jun 02 - 02:26 PM

Sonja, well done! Love your "Tom Lehrer" style rhymes!

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jun 02 - 02:56 PM

LOL, Sonja!! A real winner, inspired by the Big Mascot!! :>) And like wise, DonD -- nice piece o'work!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Áine
Date: 11 Jun 02 - 07:43 PM

Here's a Silver B.L.O.B. to Sonja for this hilarious bit o' verse:

One naiad of the modern ilk
Was cruisin' with her breaststroke,
When from the rear she saw the beast
And thought it was a bad joke.
"Now, cut it out, you clown!" she cried!
The croc, who'd got the tape off,
Said, "Ma'am, delighted to oblige,
But first I'll pull that drape off."


You all are amazing!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Genie
Date: 12 Jun 02 - 02:32 AM

Maybe I'm just tired, but I don't feel like tweaking these lyrics any more--at least not tonight --, so here goes:

Lap Pool Croc
Parody lyrics by Genie
Tune: "Jailhouse Rock" by Jerry Leiber & Mike Stoller

Coach Davies threw a crock into the racing pool.
The swimmers shouted out, "Hey, coach, that's just not cool!"
As they were jumpin' in, the croc was on their tails.
You should've seen those freaked out Aussies flail
From shock, those bikini-clad Jocks!.
Everybody's burnin' up the clock
Just fleein' from the Lap Pool Croc.

Sheila Murphy smoothed her Speedo 'round her tush,
Her arms were like propellors, didn't need no push!
The swimmer boy from Illinois went "splosh, splish, splash! "--
Five hundred meters in a lightning flash!
Let's rock, you aquatical Jocks!.
Everybody's burnin' up the clock
Just fleein' from the Lap Pool Croc.

A minute forty-seven for a mile point three,
Reptilians in the water make ya wanna pee.
I'd be a bit distracted by their company,
Don't wanna have no Lap Pool Croc with me."
Let's rock, you hyper-energized Jocks!
Everybody's burnin' up the clock
Retreatin' from the Lap Pool Croc.

Casuarina city council members say,
"Hey, Man, Ya can't abuse our pool that way!"
Then PETA shows up and hollers, "Croc abuse!
If he's on the team, ya gotta cut 'im loose!"
Let's rock! Let's undo that jaw lock!
We'll be tearin' up that timin' clock
When the tape is off that Lap Pool Croc!

Now the
Bad gator's on the tail of Bryan Stone,
Breakin' world records on his very own,
Croc passed 'em all, a-shoutin' out, "Lord! Lord!
Now watch what I can do off of that old high board!"
Let's rock! Timer's runnin', tick-tock!
Everybody's burnin' up the clock
Includin' that ol' Lap Pool Croc.

Coach Davies told the Darwin Telegraph,
"The gator in the pool has cut our time in half."
Then he said to PETA, "Aw, go take a walk!
I can't wait to get that 'gator in my wok!"
It's shlock! This competition's a crock!
I'm visualizin' that ol' croc
A-sizzlin' in my heirloom wok!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: mousethief
Date: 12 Jun 02 - 09:56 AM

APPLAUSE! Wild cheers! VERY nicely done!

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Áine
Date: 12 Jun 02 - 10:22 AM

Here'a your B.L.O.B., Genie -- and may I add that you did a very nice job on this song -- for:

Now the
Bad gator's on the tail of Bryan Stone,
Breakin' world records on his very own,
Croc passed 'em all, a-shoutin' out, "Lord! Lord!
Now watch what I can do off of that old high board!"
Let's rock! Timer's runnin', tick-tock!
Everybody's burnin' up the clock
Includin' that ol' Lap Pool Croc.


-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Genie
Date: 12 Jun 02 - 11:38 AM

T'anks, Alex!

You, too, Áine! Another B.L.O.B. for my trophy shelf! Oh, the thrill!

§:- D

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Deda
Date: 12 Jun 02 - 11:42 AM

Boy, I was sure someone would beat me to it on using this tune: Waltzing with Bears
(If the blue clicky trick fails, the song is in the DT)

Our swimming coach Davies ain't right in the head
His tactics have all of us shaking with dread
It's not that he beats us or treats us with shocks
No, he makes us go swimming -- swimming with crocs!

CHORUS:
We go swi- swi- swi-, swi- swi- swimming with crocs
Creepy crocs, sneaky crocs, teethy crocs, too
Coach Davies knows there's not a thing we won't do
So we can quit swimming, swimming with crocs

Our team's from Australia, dear old Darwin High
And we were straight losers till Davies arrived
He tried giving pep talks and hopes of a prize
But now he just says we can swim fast or die!

CHORUS

That croc's big and hungry and ugly as sin
Coach Davies don't care -- he just pushes us in
The tape on those jaws doesn't look fit to last
When it's inches behind you and closing in fast

CHORUS

We promised Coach Davies that we would be good
And work out and practice and win like we should
If only he'd let us try swimming croc-free
But he leered like old Hook at his hapless mate Smee

CHORUS

We complained to our friends and our sisters and brothers
We ran to our teachers and fathers and mothers
At first they all rallied and seemed very sweet
Till they saw how we'd scored at the regional meet

CHORUS

We're swimming like dolphins, we're faster than fish
We're running more prizes than even we wished
But put him in front of a toothy croc's grin
And a damn kangaroo would grow gills and a fin!

Coach Davies, the sadist, is happy right now
But we will get even, somewhere and somehow
We'll see how he likes it when he gets a taste
of the fear in the water when he's being chased.

Last CHORUS:
He'll go swi- swi- swi-, swi- swi- swimming with crocs
Creepy crocs, sneaky crocs, teethy crocs, too
Coach Davies, Coach Davies, now what would you do
So you can quit swimming, swimming with crocs?

We go swi- swi- swi-, swi- swi- swimming with crocs
Creepy crocs, sneaky crocs, teethy crocs, too
Coach Davies knows there's not a thing we won't do
So we can quit swimming, swimming with crocs

line breaks added by mudelf ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: MMario
Date: 12 Jun 02 - 11:53 AM

BRAVA!!!!!

I now have my contribution for summer camp campfire song!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: mousethief
Date: 12 Jun 02 - 11:58 AM

Ausgezeichnet! Simply superb! I especially like the line about the kangaroo growing gills and a fin! Hats off to Deda!

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Deda
Date: 12 Jun 02 - 12:49 PM

Shucks, gosh, shucks again, thanks, fellas, hiccup, giggle.

MMario -- do you mean there's a chance that real people will actually sign these lyrics? Wow, what a concept! Knocks my socks clean off!

Gosh and shucks again.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: MMario
Date: 12 Jun 02 - 12:55 PM

a pretty good chance, yuppers!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Deda
Date: 12 Jun 02 - 01:28 PM

SING, of course, I meant. Unless this is a summer camp for the Deaf, in which case I guess they'd be signed. But I was trying to say "sing".

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: GUEST,Jack the Sailor
Date: 12 Jun 02 - 03:28 PM

Bryon The "C"

Somewhere beyond the "C"
Somewhere waiting for me
A crocodile with a big smile
And watches the kids that go swiming

Somewhere beyond the "C"
He's watching for me
If I had fins like a dolphin
Then out of his jaws I'd go swimming
It's cool the end of the pool,
it's near beyond my reach
I know beyond a doubt
That I can get out upon the beach

We'll meet beyond the shore
We'll kiss just as before
Happy we'll be beyond the "C"
And never again I'll go swimming
No more swimming

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: mousethief
Date: 12 Jun 02 - 03:37 PM

Nice, Jack! I had a time placing the melody until I saw the "never again" line! Very good!

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: MMario
Date: 12 Jun 02 - 04:06 PM

*gbcg*+

I figgered the tune out with the first line!

+ = great big crocodile grin

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jun 02 - 04:26 PM

Deda:

A chip of the old starting block, Sis!! Way ta go!! Prolly not whut our mum had in mind, but what the hey!! LOL!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Trapper
Date: 12 Jun 02 - 04:38 PM

Sorry I've been away for so long! The entries have been GREAT! I'm kind of rusty, but here's a go...

- Al

CROCODILE STOCK
Tune: Crocodile Rock by Elton John, Bernie Taupin
New Word by Al Boyce © 6/12/2002

I remember when Oz was young
Me mates and me had so much fun
Swimming laps and passing blokes
With the Australian Crawl and Butterfly strokes
But the biggest shock I ever got
was when Coach Davies stocked the pool with crocs
While kids in other pools were racing to the clock
we swam for our lives from the crocodile's maw!

CHORUS:
Well Crocodile stocking is something shocking
The "B" squad all got killed!
I never swam me a faster time and I guess I never will
Oh lawdy mama, we never knew
when Davies came back from the Reptile Zoo
and the Crocodile stocking was out of sight

But as weeks went by and more swimmers died
Coach Davies got threatened by official guys
So he sealed the croc's jaw with a roll of duct tape
And he clipped off his claws to lessen his scrape
But they'll never heal the wounds we got
Swimming fast from the crocodile stock
Said our namesake in Darwin town,
"The strongest will survive!", ...and the rest will drown!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: mousethief
Date: 12 Jun 02 - 05:57 PM

Abso-bloody-farking-lutely fabulous, Trapper!

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: GUEST,Jack the Sailor
Date: 12 Jun 02 - 06:55 PM

I LIKE it trapper

But they'll never heal the wounds we got

HAHA

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Áine
Date: 12 Jun 02 - 07:55 PM

Three more great entries -- leading, of course, to three more B.L.O.B.s:

To Deda, for this pretty piece of Peter Pan-ery:

We promised Coach Davies that we would be good
And work out and practice and win like we should
If only he'd let us try swimming croc-free
But he leered like old Hook at his hapless mate Smee

To Jack the Sailor for the omious warning of:

Somewhere beyond the "C"
Somewhere waiting for me
A crocodile with a big smile
And watches the kids that go swiming

And a great big hello and hug to Trapper (welcome back to the Challenge!, darlin'!) and a B.L.O.B. for this definitely un-rusty bit of verse:

But as weeks went by and more swimmers died
Coach Davies got threatened by official guys
So he sealed the croc's jaw with a roll of duct tape
And he clipped off his claws to lessen his scrape
But they'll never heal the wounds we got
Swimming fast from the crocodile stock
Said our namesake in Darwin town,
"The strongest will survive!", ...and the rest will drown!


Way To Go, Challenge!rs!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Genie
Date: 12 Jun 02 - 08:59 PM

Wow, Deda! Fan-f**in'-TAS-tic!

I especially like the verse about Hook and Smee!

And I WOULD like to see someone sign it!

--- Jack, Trapper, great job, both of yez!

Genie

P.S., All the parodies have been great, but I think Amos's ditty should win the Authentic Folk Saga prize--for sounding just like so many 'real' folk ballads [complete with severed limbs, blood-soaked clothes, and the triumph of the human spirit even in the face of cruel death]!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 04:56 AM

Áine, Alex, and Amos [aka "AAA"], thanks for all that kudos for my first bit of crockerel, above! You know it just encourages me, though, so you asked for it!

[Fanfare]

Casuarina Races
Parody lyrics by Sonja W. Oates © 2002
Tune: CAMPTOWN RACES (Stephen C. Foster)

Casua-
rina swim team sings this song,
Uh-oh! Uh-oh!
Croc's in the pool & 'es ten feet long!
Ohmigod! No way!

Swim with all your might,
Else you're gonna pay!
I got a 'gator gonna bob-tail me!
Ev'body outa my way!

Oh, the long blond filly doin' the butterfly,
Uh-oh! Oh, no!
Moved too slow and he chomped 'er thigh!
Ohmigod! Poor babe!

Gotta
Swim with all my might,
I ain't no croc's entree!
I got a 'gator gonna bob-tail me!
Ev'body outa my way!

Headin' north, strokin' hard to win,
Uh-oh! Uh-oh!
Croc's to the south usin' my tail wind!
Ohmigod! Touché!

Swim with all your might,
An' while you're at it, pray!
I got a 'gator gonna bob-tail me!
Ev'body outa my way!

Coach Davies said, "Let's go for the prize!
Uh-huh! Uh-huh!
Says I, "I'm already circumcized!
Ohmigod! Oy, vay!

Gonna
Swim with all my might,
As far as Biscay Bay!
I got a 'gator gonna bob-tail me!
Ev'body outa my way!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 05:10 AM

Omigod! Touché!

ROTFL!

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Genie
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 05:22 AM

Davies's Danger Waters
Parody lyrics: Genie
Tune: "Danger Waters"

And I holler, "Why?" and I holler, "Why?"
And I holler "Why the crocodile in de pool wit' me?"

First de coach count "One," den de coach count "Two,"
Den 'e t'rows in de croc and I holler "Davies,have mercy!"

First we dive in de pool, 'e says we goin' too slow,
Make de croc chasin' after, make me race from de terror!

And I holler, "Why?" and I holler, "Why?"
And I holler "Why the crocodile in de pool wit' me?"

Give me back me Speedo, give me back me Speedo,
You can give back me trunks, you beast! Give me back me Speedo!

Let me out! Let me out! Danger waters in de pool now, let me out!
Let me out! Let me out! Danger waters in de pool now, let me out!

And I holler, "Why?" and I holler, "Why?"
And I holler "Why the crocodile in de pool wit' me?"



line breaks added by mudelf ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 05:29 AM

The by now customary entry to the tune of "Nell Flaherty's Drake".


MY NAME IT IS BRUCE
My name it is Bruce and to tell you the truth
A swimmer am I of some fame and renown
I'm slick and I'm fast and I'm rarely surpassed
And never outclassed when the chips they are down
But try as I might (and I try day and night)
I cannot improve on my personal best
But my coach has a scheme, "It'll work like a dream"
He cheerfully beamed and he stuck out his chest

Well I had a shock, when I saw the croc
Says I to the coach, "Hey Mate, what's the game?"
"Oh don't be a fool! Get into the pool.
It's totally cool, he's perfectly tame!
But I'll guarantee … and soon you will see
That your rate of progress will greatly increase
One little nudge and by Christ you will budge -
As God is my judge! – like lightning that's greased!"

That cold-blooded beast like a monster unleashed
With a swish of his tail commenced his pursuit
And I like an otter sliced through the water
But the crocodile gained on me foot upon foot
Till his scaly nose brushed on my toes
And I like a rocket leapt up on dry land
And so, since that day, I'm sorry to say
My career as a swimmer has come to an end

God damn his oul' scales and his oul' horny tail
That amphibious reptile who caused me such dread
I'll not rest in peace till that ancient oul' beast
Is murdered, deceased or otherwise dead
I'll dance a cotillion on that reptilian
Vile crocodilian's freshly-dug grave
And I'll raise a loud cheer the instant I hear
He'll no more interfere with a bold swimmer brave

I detest his oul' snout and his toothsome oul' mouth
His hideous pout and his hypocrite's tear
Neither smoothie nor charmer, encased within armour
He thinks he's got nothing and no-one to fear
But if Tarzan the apeman, got into a scrape, man
The watery reptile would soon rue the day
Cos the Lord Of The Jungle is known not to bungle
When he wrestles with reptiles in mortal affray



duplicate post deleted by mudelf ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Genie
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 05:29 AM

Er... that should be "And I holler, "Why de crocodile...," not "...the crocodile..." [Gotta be consistent, y'know.]

Also, I forgot to format the html so that the line breaks within verses would post. E.g.:

And I holler, "Why?" and I holler, "Why?"
And I holler, "Why the crocodile in de pool wit' me?"

Sniff! [shedding crocodile tears of remorse]

Genie

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Genie
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 05:36 AM

Ah, Aiden! Yet another "Nell Flaherty" masterpiece! Bravissimo!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Áine
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 08:42 AM

Three more great ones to add to the book!! Here are the requisite B.L.O.B.s for you wonderful Challenge!rs:

To Sonja, for this verbal vision (ouch!):

Coach Davies said, "Let's go for the prize!
Uh-huh! Uh-huh!
Says I, "I'm already circumcized!
Ohmigod! Oy, vay!

To Genie, for this snappy lil bit:

Give me back me Speedo, give me back me Speedo,
You can give back me trunks, you beast! Give me back me Speedo!

And to derrymacash, for this wonderful witty moment of Zen:

God damn his oul' scales and his oul' horny tail
That amphibious reptile who caused me such dread
I'll not rest in peace till that ancient oul' beast
Is murdered, deceased or otherwise dead
I'll dance a cotillion on that reptilian
Vile crocodilian's freshly-dug grave
And I'll raise a loud cheer the instant I hear
He'll no more interfere with a bold swimmer brave


Yee-haw, you all!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 12:29 PM

LOL Derry!! Gracefully cut!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 12:36 PM

This is such a talented group! Just amazing!

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Deda
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 01:17 PM

These are all just SO bloody AMAZINGLY GREAT!! The Challenges are rapidly becoming the most fun I have with my clothes on! *VBG* And the company we keep here -- these are serious talents I'm getting to share a virtual room with.
I love all the choices of originals to parody, especially. Amos' John Henry is just a scream, and brilliant as usual (but of course I've always known he was brilliant). Sinsull's Babes in the Mill was great and also reintroduced me to a very long forgotten song. Genie! Yikes -- Three of them, and they're ALL SO GOOD, and so well done. I'm blown away. I hadn't thought of "Danger Waters" for a long time, either. Mousethief's Teddy Bear's picnic is great too, I can visualize a croc waddling along to that tune, at about the pace of Peter & the Wolf's duck. And Derry is never less than a genius. (I looked at your "Reckoning" site and listened to some of your tunes, and I'm awed, absolutely awed.) (OK, so I can't help it I'm overusing the word "Great" here. Sorry.)
DonD, Sonja (both of them!), Jack the Sailor, and Trapper! All fabulous. Thanks, thanks, thanks to all.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 01:40 PM

Just a little toss-off. Remember that doo-wop song from the late 50's, by the Cadillacs, called Speedoo? Needs a little updating, don't you think?

Speedo
Tune: Speedoo (as sung by the Cadillacs)

Well I'm swimming in my Speedo with a croc swimming up my ass (mm-hmmm)
Yeah I'm swimming in my Speedo with a croc swimming up my ass (mmm-hmm)
The coach threw it in with me cos he thinks I don't swim too fast (mmm-hmmm)

Now that croc has et my speedo and I don't dare swim on my back (mmmm-hmmm)
Yeah that croc has et my speedo and I don't dare swim on my back (mmmm-hmmm)
I don't want the girls at poolside, to see exactly what I lack (mmm-hmmm)

He threw it in with Mo (whoa-oh)
Threw it in with Joe (whoa-oh)
With that croc behind 'em there ain't nobody swims slow

Now I'm swimming with that crock-o and I'm turning in new record times (mmm-hmmm)
Yeah I'm swimming with that crock-o and I'm turning in new record times (mm-hmmm)
He already et my swimsuit and I'll be damned if he eats my behind (mmmm-hmmm)

Now someone lost a toe
And someone an elbow
But we're all swimming faster with that crocodile in tow

Now I got me a new Speedo and that croc ain't touched me again (mmmm-hmmm)
Yeah I got me a new Speedo and that croc ain't touched me again (mmm-hmmm)
Yeah we fed Coach Davies to him and he's been pretty full since then (mmmm-hmmm)

Repeat and fade: Mmmm-hmmm. Mmmmm-hmmmm.

Copyright ©2002 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 01:55 PM

LOL, MT!! Love that doowop rhythm, mmmhmmm!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 04:59 PM

What does one say?

Deda ... go raibh míle maith agat!

Slán go fóill ... Aidan

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Áine
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 06:36 PM

Hey mousethief, does writing a 'toss-off' make you a 'tosser'?? ;-) Here's your B.L.O.B. for this tasty, but tiny, tidbit (hehehe):

Now that croc has et my speedo and I don't dare swim on my back (mmmm-hmmm)
Yeah that croc has et my speedo and I don't dare swim on my back (mmmm-hmmm)
I don't want the girls at poolside, to see exactly what I lack (mmm-hmmm)


-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 07:00 PM

I'm a tosser
I'm a flosser
And I like Geoff' Chaucer...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Áine
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 09:32 PM

Alrightey then, Challenge!rs -- Let's don't let any moss grow under our collective feet, lest they get chomped on ;-) -- Here are your deserved Cow Chips, with a big thanks and mucho cudos to you all. Remember to sharpen those crayons before you go to bed; 'cuz there's likely gonna be a new Challenge! for you in the morning:

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song):

Bein' Tailgated By A Croc Shadow by Genie
Casuarina Races by Sonja
Crocodile's Picnic by mousethief
Crocodile Stock by Trapper
Davies's Danger Waters by Genie

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears):

Come Into The Water by Sinsull
The Saltwater Croc by derrymacash
Speedo by mousethief

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Guinness Crest (The Guinness Crest is awarded for causing both Harp Ribbon conditions within one song):

Lap Pool Croc by Genie
My Name It Is Bruce by derrymacash

Winners Of The Golden Cow Chip Award With Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon (The GCCWMMSPS is awarded to the Challenge! entry which evokes an instantaneous bubbling up of frothy mirth from out of the lips of the Keeper of the Book and onto her monitor screen):

The Sadistic Coach Mark Davies by Sonja

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Doo-Lyn Ditty Digger Decoration (The Doo-Lyn Ditty Digger Decoration is awarded for the best cow chip chunking Country version of a song in a Challenge!):

Jane Crumley, The Swimming Team Fool by Amos

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award (The Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award is given to the Challenge!rs who warm the cockles and create a special warm and fuzzy feeling in the heart of the Keeper of the Book in a song):

Bryon The 'C' by Jack the Sailor
Crazy Coach Mark Davies by DonD
Swimming With Crocs by Deda

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Genie
Date: 13 Jun 02 - 10:13 PM

Mousethief, we should all be able to "toss off" gems like that! LOL!

Áine, my cup runneth over with Cow Chips. Thanks!

Genie

P.S., Deda, are you really Amos's sis? Do you look like him [minus the beard, of course]? You seem to share the family genes for penning witty rhymes.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jun 02 - 12:41 AM

IF she ain't we have an awful lot of family history to rethink!!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Genie
Date: 14 Jun 02 - 12:53 AM

You mean just think of all those opportunities you passed up for nothin' if she ain't really your kin, Amos?

§;- )

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: mousethief
Date: 14 Jun 02 - 11:48 AM

Thanks, Aine for the cow chips!

And thanks for the nice comments everybody and thanks to all the lyricists for the great belly-laughs!

I love this programme!

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Genie
Date: 14 Jun 02 - 12:04 PM

All you folks who are getting big yuks at the croc's expense, click here.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jun 02 - 12:41 PM

Genie...I gotta be honest, here -- I think we did better!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Genie
Date: 14 Jun 02 - 12:46 PM

Yeah, but Disney made more $!

§;- )

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: mousethief
Date: 14 Jun 02 - 12:49 PM

True but they could make money on a cartoon movie about a dung beetle called Stinker. Or have they already?

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Deda
Date: 14 Jun 02 - 01:14 PM

Yup I'm Amos' real live sister -- same mother and, so far as we can tell, same father. When he'd bring his (mostly)weird, leering friends home, the first thing he'd say as they crossed the threshold was, "Keep yer hands off my sister!" I wuz honored. And some of them actually even did. Which was probably for the best.

We don't look that much alike. Same hair color, before I started restoring it. He's coming to visit, maybe we can get up a photo of the two of us.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Genie
Date: 14 Jun 02 - 03:07 PM

Awwww, what a warm, fuzzy sibling story, Deda. I have a brother two years older than I am, and when he'd bring his buds over to the house, he's say to ME, as they crossed the threshold, "Keep yer hands of my buddies!" And I did [though not always by choice!].

Please do get a shot of the two of you and post it at the Cafe, y'heah?

Genie

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 83
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 15 Jun 02 - 10:46 AM

Its taken me an HOUR to read through this Thread with laughing so much....

Superb stuff!