Gonna go grow more weeds

Subject: Gonna go grow more weeds
From: katlaughing
Date: 28 Oct 02 - 10:40 AM

God: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature, what in the world is going on down there in the U.S.? What in the world happened to the dandelions, violets, thistles and the stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of color by now. All I see are patches of green.

St. Francis: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. They are called the Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

God: Grass? But it is so boring, it's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, bees or birds, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want grass growing there?

St. Francis: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it has grown a little, they cut it....sometimes two times a week.

God: They cut it? Do they bale it like hay?

St. Francis: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

God: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

St. Francis: No sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

God: Now let me get this straight...they fertilize it to make it grow and when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

St. Francis: Yes, sir.

God: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

St. Francis: You aren't going to believe this Lord, but when the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

God: What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say do myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep the moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves become compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.

St. Francis: You'd better sit down Lord. As soon as the leaves fall, the Suburbanites rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

God: No way! What do they do to protect the shrubs and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

St. Francis: After throwing the leaves away, they go out and buy something called mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

God: And where do they get this mulch?

St. Francis: They cut down the trees and grind them up to make mulch.

God: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. Saint Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

St. Catherine: "Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It's a really stupid movie about....

God: Never mind--I think I just heard the whole story from Saint Francis!

Subject: RE: Gonna go grow more weeds
From: Genie
Date: 28 Oct 02 - 03:08 PM

Wonderful, Kat!!

Genie

Subject: RE: Gonna go grow more weeds
From: katlaughing
Date: 28 Oct 02 - 03:10 PM

Thanks, Genie. I thought it was pretty funny. My cousin sent it by email today.

Subject: RE: Gonna go grow more weeds
From: Tinker
Date: 28 Oct 02 - 03:29 PM

LOL, Kat.... Although this suburbanite still has plenty of dandilions,violets, aster and even some pokeberry. I can't bring myself to the neighborhood neat standard. Grat story

Subject: RE: Gonna go grow more weeds
From: katlaughing
Date: 30 Oct 02 - 12:22 AM

Thanks, Tinker. My neighbours used to call my yard "Dandelion Row!"

Subject: RE: Gonna go grow more weeds
From: Banjer
Date: 30 Oct 02 - 05:38 AM

Sounds like my yard. My theory is if it's green, let it grow. All the yards in our neighborhood look green from a distance. Some are all grass and some are all weeds, but they look green! With the droughts we've had I'm just thankful for some kind of ground cover!

Subject: RE: Gonna go grow more weeds
From: Banjer
Date: 30 Oct 02 - 07:27 PM

I'd forgotten about this thread until just a few minutes ago when Mother Maybell sang about the 'pale wildwood flower'. There, now it's a music thread!!

Subject: RE: Gonna go grow more weeds
From: Genie
Date: 30 Oct 02 - 09:50 PM

I have a lot of what I think are wild geraniums in my yard. I usually pull 'em up, because they kinda spread out in the lawn and have little bitty pale pink flowers when they do bloom. But I couldn't keep up with them in my garden patches this year -- which turned out to be very fortunate. One of the little buggers produced the most beautiful bright, deep purple flowers and grew to be about 2 feet tall.   Now I'm set on harvesting the seeds from that one to see if I can get more of them next year. The temperature has been in the low 30s the last couple of nights here in Portland, and that plant is still going strong.

And there's another weed that I regularly pull up which seems to be a distant relative of celosia, but with small green flower clusters -- not much of a "color spot." But this year when the seedlings were young, I noticed that several of them were kinda reddish instead of green. (Initially I mistook them for my purple basil, but I soon could tell the difference.) I pulled a couple up and then thought, "Hmmm. Let's see what they turn into." So I let a couple of others grow. They grew into what does, indeed, seem closely related to celosia, with deep red, luxuriant flower clusters (that look bushy like celosia). I can just imagine a border consisting of a bunch of these. So I'm collecing those seeds, too.

And among the "weeds" that grow profusely in my yard and garden are columbine, a beautiful purple hosta, and wild phlox (that smell really sweet), in addition to that "butterfly bush" that is taking over the state, and, of course, the morning glory and Himalayan blackberry.

My wild yarrow looks so neat in the lawn that I'm tyring to get it to take over the whole yard.

One neat thing about the "weeds" is that a little drought or cold doesn't do them in the way it may the plants I've planted.

Genie

Subject: RE: Gonna go grow more weeds
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 12:37 AM

And so little LaughKat...another year's opportunity has passed.

At the end of winter, when your own personal body's vitamin and mineral stores are depleted...your body will once again crave .... and you will promise yourself and others.....and... will you once again fail to heed nature's call?

Will you once again rely on store bought and generous neighbors, will you once again buy commerical when you could have experienced the bounty of home-canned?

To thy ownself be true, and surely as night follows day, thou can be false to no man. You speak from two divergent spirits, one of thrift and direction and the other of extravagence and sloth.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Gonna go grow more weeds
From: Bert
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 01:20 AM

Wonderful Katmeluv.

I just printed it out to give to Kelly.

Subject: RE: Gonna go grow more weeds
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 09:00 AM

Kat, I have only one thing to criticize in your story, and that is the use of the term Suburbanites. I don't know where the myth got started that, if you have a lawn, you must live in the suburbs -- maybe central London or Manhattan -- but I have seen plenty of lawns like the ones you describe in cities.

Subject: RE: Gonna go grow more weeds
From: Mooh
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 09:27 AM

Thanks Kat, I had a wry chuckle.

We had maybe two dandilions this season because all the neighbours, including a church, spray. I like weeds. I like veggies in the garden, and huge unkempt rose bushes, overflowing composters and making my own fertilizer. I cut the grass infrequently at the highest setting of the mower, and shred the fallen leaves and dog shit with the mower. We also have the only currently grub free yard in the neighbourhood, and the greenest one. All this costs less, looks better (to me) and feels homier than the alternatives. One of the neighbours has a service visit twice a week to do what doesn't need to be done and the yard looks like hell.

Peace, Mooh.

Subject: RE: Gonna go grow more weeds
From: katlaughing
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 10:02 AM

Thanks, ya'll, but I cannot take credit for this bit...it came to me by email.:-)

Subject: RE: Gonna go grow more weeds
From: Leadfingers
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 10:11 AM

A weed is just a flower growing in the wrong place.A beatiful rose in
a field of wheat is a weed,a potato plant in a herbacious border is a weed.And I call my jungle a wild life haven.