BS: Osama's Goat Captured!!!

Subject: BS: Osama's Goat Captured!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Nov 02 - 08:06 PM

We've got a rag for sale at the grocery called "The World News". It is similar to the National Enquirer. They have a front page special today saying that Osama Bin Laden's goat, Naomi, has been captured by the US Marines based in Kandahar. They have a picture of Naomi, with her tongue hanging out, which is typical of a relaxed goat. She looks like a nice, friendly creature.

They go on to say, in various ways, that Osama has had an intimate relationship with Naomi for some considerable time now, and had been in a jealous rage awhile back over her consorting with a billy goat, and had the billy goat shot.

That's not all. The US Marines are purportedly holding the goat hostage, with an ultimatum to Osama to surrender by a certain date, or they will KILL the goat! LOL!!! Osama is expected to cave in and surrender shortly. Either that, or the goat dies!

They also have a quote from an animal rights group in Holland, protesting the inhumanity of the US Marines in incarcerating the goat and threatening her with death.

All this BS includes quotes from people with names, both the Marines and the animal rights spokesman.

Amazing isn't it?

All that Al-Queda needs is to read this stuff in order to conclude that they are fighting a truly sick and insane civilization...if they take it seriously.

Ha! Ha! Ha! Can you imagine what it must be like working for one of those crazy newspapers?

The goat is really cute. I hope nobody shoots her.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Osama's Goat Captured!!!
From: khandu
Date: 07 Nov 02 - 08:21 PM

Hmmm, maybe that's why Osama has that goaty looking beard!
But, what I wonder is this...why have they not released any pics of Osama walking around with that alien that once hob-nobbed with Clinton, Bush and Perot?

k

Subject: RE: BS: Osama's Goat Captured!!!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 07 Nov 02 - 08:26 PM

i thought it said coat, i will get sume new glasses.

Subject: RE: BS: Osama's Goat Captured!!!
From: Troll
Date: 07 Nov 02 - 08:31 PM

Never mind the people who WORK for these newspapers. What about the people who READ them?

troll

Subject: RE: BS: Osama's Goat Captured!!!
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Nov 02 - 08:35 PM

Sadly, far more people read the National Enquirer than the National Geographic.

Subject: RE: BS: Osama's Goat Captured!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Nov 02 - 08:47 PM

There's also a story in the same issue about how a powerful force of space aliens have secretly made a deal with Bush to help him invade and conquer Iraq and get Osama without losing a single American life!

As if the USA needs help beating Iraq! LOLOLOL!!!!

What's the matter with those damned aliens anyway? Don't they see the appeal in rooting for the underdog? Whatta buncha stiffs! :-)

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Osama's Goat Captured!!!
From: Celtic Soul
Date: 07 Nov 02 - 09:11 PM

Living in a free nation means you have to put up with some peoples idiotic use of their freedom of speech in order to guarantee everyones right to it. Canna have it both ways. I'll tolerate the Weekly World News existence if it means I don't have to be forced to wear a burqa, and live at the whims of some male relative. That's a price I am personally more than willing to pay. Besides, no one is forcing anyone to read the drek. So, LH...do you subscribe? ;D

Subject: RE: BS: Osama's Goat Captured!!!
From: GUEST,Taliesn
Date: 07 Nov 02 - 09:24 PM

Well I imagined the Administration was out to get Osama's goat ,but I didn't think they meant *literally* ;-)

Besides, ain't Osama wealthy enough to afford his own of choice of mail-order Scottish sheep suppiied by , whispered in some circles , Hagus & Sons, Ltd.

Make a nice Ramadan gift ,doncha tink?

Subject: RE: BS: Osama's Goat Captured!!!
From: Troll
Date: 07 Nov 02 - 09:26 PM

Of course my buddy Little Hawk doesn't subscribe! The very Idea!!
He reads it while standing in line at the supermarket.

troll

Subject: RE: BS: Osama's Goat Captured!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Nov 02 - 09:42 PM

Exactly, troll. Hell, I didn't even stand in line. I saw the silly paper, spotted the goat, read the whole thing, and walked out without buying a stick of bubble gum! I'll buy something from then next time. They didn't have what I wanted tonight, it turned out.

Celtic Soul - Yeah... If you lived in an Islamic society you would have to put up with some mullah's idiotic use of HIS freedom of speech! Probably at frequent intervals. And your husband's and his brothers' too! Other people's freedom of speech can be quite annoying at times...but even moreso when your own is denied. :-) My point is, I bet that avid supporters of Islamic systems are almost certainly under the impression that they DO have free speech! (By their definition of it.)

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Osama's Goat Captured!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 07 Nov 02 - 11:16 PM

Just keep Junior away from the goat.

Ahhhhh, or the photographers.

"I did not have sex with Osoma's goat"

Deja vu.

Bobert

(bah...bah...bah...)

Shhhhhhhhhh...

Subject: RE: BS: Osama's Goat Captured!!!
From: Amos
Date: 07 Nov 02 - 11:43 PM

Goats lie!!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Osama's Goat Captured!!!
From: Charley Noble
Date: 08 Nov 02 - 08:46 AM

By the time our troops leave Afghanistan there won't be a nanny goat left - they'll all be shipped here as war brides (old Falkland Islands War joke recycled)!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Osama's Goat Captured!!!
From: HuwG
Date: 08 Nov 02 - 09:12 AM

The US Marines ought to be more careful. They could be dealing with a potential suicide bomber there, if the following unpublished final verse to Paddy McGinty's Goat is any precedent:

Now, Paddy McGinty's goat, it had some appetite
And one day for breakfast, it ate some dynamite
A box full of matches, it swallowed all serene
Then out it went into the yard, and drank some gasoline
Sat down by the fire, didn't give a damn'
Swallowed up a spark and exploded with a bang!
So when you get to Heaven, you can be a ten-bob note
That the angel with the beard on, is Paddy McGinty's goat

I have to admit, that I heard Val Doonican sing this once.

Subject: RE: BS: Osama's Goat Captured!!!
From: annamill
Date: 08 Nov 02 - 10:43 AM

Think it'll work??

Subject: RE: BS: Osama's Goat Captured!!!
From: Charley Noble
Date: 08 Nov 02 - 05:29 PM

Osama's goat was feeling fine,
Ate three white shirts offa the clothsline;
Osama gave that goat a whack,
And tied him to the railroad track;
A whistle blew, that train drew nigh,
Osama's goat was abound to die,
That goat got sick and got the quakes,
Coughed off them shirts but the train had no brakes...

Sadly,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Osama's Goat Captured!!!
From: Gareth
Date: 08 Nov 02 - 06:34 PM

" Off the North Coast of Ireland,
One morning there was seeen,
As plain as a pike stave a German Submarine,
Malony the Coast Gaurd went off in to a fit,
So said Paddy McGinty's Goat it up to Me to to do me bit.

He jumped into the water,
As frisky as a Whale,
He swam about that U-Boat and he wagged his little tail,
Down went his Horns and he stuck them in the boat,
He sent those Huns to Heligoland,
Did Paddy McGinty's Goat,"

Learnt off me old Grandmothers knee, 40 years ago - Aye and she was a County Cork lass - Sent over to Wales for her own safety in 1917.

Working as a Barmaid in the Angel Hotel Kairdiff (Safety ????) she met this handsome young mariner - And that 'Catters is a true story.

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: Osama's Goat Captured!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Nov 02 - 07:38 PM

Gee, I can't help but wonder what startling revelations "The World News" has for us TODAY... Gosh. I oughta run right out to the plaza and see, before closing time!

Hey, Bobert, goats don't exactly go "bah!" in my experience. Well, not usually. They sort of go "uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh..." most of the time, a rapid series of short exclamations. Billy Goats do that and more...they hang their tongues out about eight inches and make all sorts of disgusting gobbling and googling sounds as well as the "uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh..." standard stuff. They are very gross animals. The female goats deserve better, which may be why all these rumours keep getting around about troops fraternizing with goats.

I hope Naomi is doing all right amongst all those trigger-happy, sex-starved Marines. Talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire...

It just doesn't bear thinking about!

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Osama's Goat Captured!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Nov 02 - 09:09 PM

I have it on good authority that a cadre of Commando Attack Hamsters is on its way to free the goat. This is serious business, folks. Hamsters don't put up with cruelty to animals. Them Marines had better damn well release Naomi toot sweet or find demons from hell in their jockstraps at 3 AM on a cold Afghan night. There won't be a "family jewel" left to tell the tale come sunup if the goat is not set free!

They're not doin' it for Osama, they're doin' it for Naomi. FREE NAMOI NOW!!! No more goat'll abuse!

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Osama's Goat Captured!!!
From: Leadfingers
Date: 08 Nov 02 - 10:33 PM

A really frightening statistic a few years ago informed people in UK
that 66% of Sun readers thought it was a LeftWing newspaper.I cannot think of a better reason for doing away with universal suffrage.UK
catters are welcome to comment on that here or via PM.TS

Subject: RE: BS: Osama's Goat Captured!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Nov 02 - 01:08 PM

What??? I take it that the Sun is similar to The World News? Can you give examples of some leading stories they have printed? Try and find a couple of really good ones...

- LH