BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 05:39 PM

God, yes! I second your second proposal number 5, with a vengeance.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: John Hardly
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 05:32 PM

I nominate anyone who would pledge not to:

1. Walk around from behind the podium during presidential debates. (Clinton was and is the only person who could pull it off naturally. For all others it not only looks silly, it is offensively patronizing)

2. Express his wish to be president in order to save; the next generation, the children of tomorrow, the hope of....... -you get the idea.

3. Use the phrase, "the American people want..."

4. Give a "Speech" every time he talks. I swear this is a large portion of Bush's speech problem. He has it in his head that everything that tumbles from his mouth must be profound. Nobody is profound with every word. He even less so.

...and pledge to:

1. Live within the Constitutionally defined limits of the office (What? you mean they DO take that pledge?!)

2. Point out to the American people on a regular basis that he is not a KING and that Constitutionally and popularly the American people kinda don't WANT a king.

3. Make "Reality Shows" and "Star Search/American Idol" illegal. (for this I would ignore the previous pledge)

4. Have bluegrass played at the inagural ball.

5. ...and you know that kinda singing where the young emulate that Whitney Houston/Maria Carey warble wherein they don't ever resolve in a single note when eleventy-seven will do? He should make that the sole crime that calls for capital punishment.


just a few platform suggestions.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 04:52 PM

Red hot poker, eh? Hmmmm. This is worse than I thought.

Okay then, Rick, I will further go on to say that Bill Shatner has never even deigned to mention your name in my presence. What does that tell you?

Crawl off and wallow in your shame, Fielding!

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: Cllr
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 04:43 PM

Its been frequently said that I know nothing about politics so can I have a go? Cllr

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: Bobert
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 04:36 PM

Yo, Ebbie, I concur with the three but Doug ain't going to do much spinning fir you. Ya' see he get's dizzy real quickly and well, we're just looking out fir him. I wanted him originally as my VP 'cause then we could just stick him in a room with a pudder and, heck, he would have been great at it. But no spinnin' fir my pal Dougie...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: InOBU
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 03:28 PM

Thanks for the nomination for embassador McGrath... how many pints does the job pay? Cheers Larry

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: Ebbie
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 02:52 PM

Humph- I had to open this thread to see why so many people were interested so early in the 2004 elections; now I find my name has been misused and bruised. To quote Rick: If nominated I will not jog, etc. LOL

I personally think it should be a tripartite presidency enabling different approaches, and for that purpose I nominate for co-Presidents: katlaughing (Slogan: (We Are Aware of the Nuances of Effects); NicoleC (Slogan: Let's Go Through That Again) and Little Hawk (Slogan: Lighten up- We've Been Here Before).

Since loyalty seems to be his strong suit, I nominate DougR for the post of Spin Doctor. (Spin Doctors don't have to make sense- everyone knows their cause. :)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: Bobert
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 02:45 PM

Well, reminds me of the time that a MENZA member was on the way to one of the meetings when upon passing the state mental hospital had the lugs nuts on one of his wheels fall off and so there he was on the side of the road with a three wheeled car. Well, MENZA-man stood there scratin' his MENZA mind and noticed one of the patients satring at him throught the chain linked fence.

"Hey, Mister, see you lost your wheel there", said the patient.

"Yup', said startled MENZA-man.

"What are you gonna do about it, sir?"

"Well, I'm thinking about that right now..."

"...."Well," said the mental patient, "if ya' take ony lug nut off each of the other wheeels you cna put taht wheel on enough to get you where you're going..."

MENZA-man got that all scrunched up MENZA look on his face and after a few minutes of deep thought said, "Heck of an idea, my friend. What the heck you doning in there anyway?"

To which the patient said, "I may be nuts but I *ain't* stupid!"

                         The End

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: Jeri
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 02:43 PM

Bill, I don't know...Minister of Talking Crap sounds pretty interesting.

Little Hawk, someone once told me I should join MENSA...silly mortals!
I believe that once someone's IQ gets high enough, they actually get stupider. Like they forget how to tie their shoes because all they can do is sit there and contemplate how much the little bow looks like a Moebus strip and how the foot funk would just get in there and go round and round until the end of time, and would time actually end or would it loop around again and if you waited long enough, you'd get to the point where your shoes were not yet untied so why bother?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 02:33 PM

Little Hawk - you've got your King Edwards mixed up, as the lady said in the chip shop.

The one who got himself lumbered with Wallis Simpson (and vice vversa)was Edward VIII; Edward II was the one who was said to have ended up with the Red Hot Poker.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 02:08 PM

Yeah, somebody suggested I join MENSA one time, and I thought "What in the world for?" :-) I prefer sitting around with musicians and playing songs.

Rick - You have a lot of cheek! So, you would condemn me to exile to spend a lifetime in the company of Wallis Simpson, would you? What have I done to deserve that? You cad, sir, you shall pay for this calumny. The next time I back you on harmonica, in front of a very discerning and critical folk audience, be prepared for an unsettling experience. The attack hamster has been given his sealed orders, and is ready to act at a moment's notice.

Did I mention that Bill Shatner has not one Rick Fielding CD in his vast music library? Not one. That tells you something, doesn't it?

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: Amos
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 01:40 PM

I think W's right -- we need an auto-flush for attaching to our stupidity detectors. Yank your own chain for America! As for the quibble about IQ, it's never been a measure of actual intelligence. Anyone who tried attending MENSA meetings knows they're the most ineffectual buncha tommy-whackers around -- their idea of a really smart, fun time is figuring out how many ways you can spell the Declaration of Independence backwards. But there is such a thing as real intelligence. They just don't dare define it for fear of offending people! :>)

A

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: Bill D
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 12:59 PM

...Rick...re: "
Bill D. will be executed immediately, and McGrath of Harlow will take over his husbandly duties."

just who is being punished here?

Jeri: it's BECAUSE you can laugh like that, that you need to accept the job....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 12:51 PM

I Go Pogo

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: wysiwyg
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 12:25 PM

Intelligence is vastly overrated as defined by most, and a campaign against stupidity will not survive long unless it is conducted with and about basic COMMON SENSE. Otherwise you will find yourselves arguing some pretty bizarre positions about IQ and who is a person and all of that stuff. I don't think that was the intent. I think it was more about anti-dopiness.

In true Mudcat style, also, wouldn't it be a WAR ON STUNODITY?

:~)

Of course Mudcatters going to war is a little scary-- where did all the peace-stuff go? I thought we had a lot of respect for CRS and brain farts? Fart of all sorts in fact?

Hard to keep all these balls in the air, innit?

flusssssssssssshhhhhh.......
~Minister of Talking Crap

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: Amos
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 12:07 PM

A slogan for the forthcoming war on stupidity:

INTELLIGENCE

There is no slavery but ignorance.
Liberty is the child of intelligence.

      Robert G. Ingersoll


A

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: DougR
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 11:45 AM

Thanks for the nomination, L.H., and for the support (?)Rick, but I choose not to run. I would rather remain outside and bitch about how you folks are running our country. :>)

DougR

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: Teribus
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 11:05 AM

Hold on Rick:

"If Little Hawk can be found, he will suffer the same fate as Edward the Second."

That's a bit harsh isn't it?????

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: Peg
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 09:55 AM

I wonder if I'm too old to apply for an internship...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: katlaughing
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 02:53 AM

Hmmm, seems we have some short memories here. Joe Offer's already been nominated; even has his own PeterT.-penned campaign song!!

Joe Offer for President...an Offer we can't refuse!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: Genie
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 02:51 AM

Well, I think we need a down-to-earth guy like LBJ, capable of full-bodied manly farts.

Ergo, I nominate Spaw.

That is, if Angus refuses to run. (He'd be our first black President if he were elected.)

Genie

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: Jeri
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 07:45 PM

Geez Bill, I just read what you wrote. I have only one thing to say...
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: katlaughing
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 07:37 PM

LOL, jaze, thanks, but um, well...er...I will serve under no man! **BG**

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: GUEST,jaze
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 07:31 PM

I nominate Little Hawk for president and Katlaughing for vice president. A formidable team who could rid the whole world of WMD.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: Jeri
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 07:30 PM

I don't think I've been in a Shatner thread, and I'm just a hair over 40. Can I be Secretary of Defense? Or maybe Degarden or Debackporch?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 07:19 PM

If nominated......I will not jog. (I'm too old to run...these days I can barely walk!

If elected....I will not serve. (but if someone ELSE is serving, I'll have a vanilla shake, with a squirt of chocolate in it.)

On the other hand, if you'll give me complete total omnipotent power (none of this Canadian goodwill ambasador shit) and allow me to solve ALL your (and the world's) problems MY way......I'll think about it.

I'll start by setting up a Council of Elders to rule on stuff. It will be made up of everybody who's over forty, and who hasn't participated in a William Shatner thread.

Second: Nobody's allowed to be mean to Doug R. even when he's wrong (I know, I know, that's most of the time....but I think he's too nice to be a REAL Republican) Instead you can be mean to Claymore...he can take it!!

Bill D. will be executed immediately, and McGrath of Harlow will take over his husbandly duties.

If Little Hawk can be found, he will suffer the same fate as Edward the Second.

The "Catspaw Problem"? Ambasador to Pluto. (or Goofy)

Gee, this is fun. Now I know why Dubya wouldn't do the right thing and call a re-vote in Florida!

King Richard the Lion Hearted

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 06:45 PM

InOBU for ambassador in London, that's what I want.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 06:42 PM

Forget it. Just make William Shatner Emperor and all your old worries will be put entirely to rest. The simplest solution is often the best one.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: katlaughing
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 06:32 PM

LOL!!

Can't believe we've missed this one: Big Mick for Sec. of Labour!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 06:01 PM

I doubt if many of us have the legs or the looks, and we'd have a lot of problems with the high notes, most of us...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: katlaughing
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 05:43 PM

McGrath, Don Firth, Deckman, Sandy Paton, BillD, Ferrara, and Art Thieme and Bat Goddess should be the Supremes.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: Kim C
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 05:42 PM

I'll tell you exactly why there hasn't yet been an American female President.

Because all of us gals are WAY TOO SMART to want the job. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 05:25 PM

Cletus. A considerable improvement, but not too much of a break with tradition.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: gnu
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 05:16 PM

War on stupidity... LH said... This is an idea whose time has come.

Good lord !!! I thought you was a Canuck, eh ? The war has been going on here for ages. Only problem is, they're enacting stupid laws in the name of saving the stupid. Just one example : I have to pay some $400 a year now because some stupids let their kids drive ATV's and they got hurt or killed. I say, let the stupid let their kids get killed on the ATV's... eventually, they might become extinct.

Every day I face governments who want to legislate the freedoms of the sensible away to protect the stupid. This war is a terrible thing... give peace a chance... give the stupid enough rope... please.... please stop the war.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 04:58 PM

beadie - I agree with you. Wanna enlist in one of the revolutionary brigades?

Amos - You're absolutely right. It's time for a female President. Her SO could become the official "First Dork" of the nation or something like that. I second the nomination for JenEllen!

As for the great (huge drum roll...)

* * * WAR ON STUPIDITY * * *

Yes! This is an idea whose time has come. This would be a war guaranteed to NEVER end! Never! This would allow limitless expansion of military expenditures into perpetuity, and would justify the invasion of almost everyone's privacy, and the suspension of virtually all civil liberties, in order that society be protected adequately from the stupid. It would revitalize the economy, and provide the public with a bogeyman that just won't go away. The problem with bogeymen like Saddam or Noriega is that they do go away...eventually. But stupidity never quits.

I can envision a situation where the US military, the FBI, and the CIA could be fully employed doing absolutely nothing at all BUT fighting stupidity. It might even require a massive purging of their own ranks, which wouldn't be a bad idea. (Did I say "might"? :-)) Hell, Stalin did it and it worked for him.

Let's get to it NOW!

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: gnu
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 04:50 PM

Now, there's a hmmmm... don't take that pruriently, unless... forgive me, I've been a bachelor too long.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: Kim C
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 04:41 PM

Can I be the Secretary of Belly Dancing? If it's not a real office, it ought to be.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: Bill D
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 04:29 PM

"If nominated, I will not run, if elected I will not serve."

(besides, it has been a running joke about me for 30 years that I am running for "Emperor of the Universe")

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: gnu
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 04:04 PM

I have no political aspirations, some say no aspirations at all, but consider me for Sargeant at Arms, eh ? I don't know what you Yanks call it, bouncer ?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 04:03 PM

I don't think that this thread helps anyone

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 03:56 PM

I don't care who's running the joint; but I would be pleased to be in charge of talking crap, and if elected or appointed will serve. God knows somebuddy ought to get a grip on it; there's so much of it around. I know just how to handle it-- the last talking crap I encountered got flushed down the toilet; I hate that back-talking shit!

Now talking FARTS are another question, I think we need lots more of the dears. (Hi Spaw, hi Bill, and hi Y'all, you know who you are).

As far as Secretary of State, I think Sorcha has the diplomacy angle totally cornered.

BTW, shall we submit an immediate amicus curae brief to the UK to abolish PELs or must we wait till the results are in?

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: gnu
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 03:46 PM

And you should be in charge of talking carps.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 03:44 PM

WYSIWYG should be in charge of talking crap

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: Don Firth
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 03:39 PM

Tell ya what, smallpiper. Do sumpin' about Blair and I'll certainly give it serious consideration. . . .

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: katlaughing
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 03:30 PM

Excellent suggestion, p.j.!

Love it, JenEllen! I have two potholder weaving looms and i know harpgirl and Night Owl each have one they could bring!

Jeri - YES! She's got to be up there and I love the idea of Micca and Wolfgang. Skarpi and Escamillo could be Ambassdors at Large, eh?!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: gnu
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 03:25 PM

If it wouldn't be toooo much trouble, and I'm sure it wouldn't, could you also be PM of Canada, Bobert ? Two birds, eh ?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 03:24 PM

McGrath of Harlow to head the department of blundering senility

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: Bobert
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 03:19 PM

Hmmmmm, pj, that *would* answer a lot of questions...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: p.j.
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 03:17 PM

How about GUEST for head of the CIA? Always has an eye on covert ops, secret identity (could be one or several people, we're not sure) and doesn't trust anybody in any other branch of the government. In fact... Guest, ARE you the head of the CIA?


pj

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Presidential Nominations
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 03:05 PM

Wasn't JenEllen named Goddess just a few months ago? Wouldn't being Prez or Co-Prez be a step down from divinity?

Naw.... Wait a minute, here.... If a divine being were President then she would be infallible.... That'd be a change. Having a President who is infallible instead of one who just thinks he is.

Well, since Bobert has withdrawn his name from nomination, my delegates and I hereby endorse the Ebbie/JenEllen ticket. Never had an Alaskan for Prez yet, either.

Bruce