BS: Food Preservative Conspiracy!

Subject: BS: Food Preservative Conspiracy!
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Feb 03 - 01:41 AM

I just returned from a trip to the Dollar General store. I was putting my purchases away and found that I have a bottle of salad dressing with a printed use-by-date of May, 3003 and a box of teabags with a use-by-date of October, 3004. That means they are good for slightly more than one thousand years!   How and why are our foods being processed so that they have such a long shelf-life? Obviously the food processing companies are loading everything with preservatives so that they'll keep longer in case war breaks out! It must be a conspiracy between Dollar General Stores and the Bush family. Hey, there's a reason why that "General" is in Dollar General! Colin Powell used to be a General! Come to think of it, Dollar General's chief competitor is Family Dollar. "Bush Family" - "Family Dollar"! Get the connection? And it's no accident that this conspiracy is showing up first in the cheapo dollar stores. Who are their customers? The downtrodden unwashed masses. Enslave the lower classes first and work your way up is how they do it. Pretty soon you'll see the same thing at Albertson's and then even at trendy little gourmet markets.

I just wanted to share this with you quickly before I forgot about it. I've got to leave for a while to go get my meds adjusted. I'll check back in as soon as I return.

Subject: RE: BS: Food Preservative Conspiracy!
From: JennyO
Date: 12 Feb 03 - 05:20 AM

Why GUEST, I do believe you are developing a sense of humour!

3003? 3004? Yeah right.

Subject: RE: BS: Food Preservative Conspiracy!
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Feb 03 - 06:57 AM

Oh, goody! What brands? I'll eat a lot of them and so save money on embalming if I ever die.

Subject: RE: BS: Food Preservative Conspiracy!
From: leprechaun
Date: 12 Feb 03 - 10:35 PM

This is nothing new. The global capitalists have been poisoning us with preservatives for years. I'll bet whoever marked those packages has been "disappeared." Another connection you conveniently "forgot" to mention: Capitalist - Dollar. Oh how blind you people all are!

Subject: RE: BS: Food Preservative Conspiracy!
From: Bobert
Date: 12 Feb 03 - 10:48 PM

Ahhhhhh, if you look closely at the shelf dates you'll see that little "b.c" before them dates.....

Brings a new meaning to the term "aged"...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Food Preservative Conspiracy!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Feb 03 - 12:22 AM

Hold everything here bucakaroos and buckarettes! I just found a bottle of French dressing in my own refrigerator with a 3003 expiration date and it came from (drum roll) Wal-Mart. (Don't gimme no shit about shopping at Wal-Mart. Save it for another thread.) Does this open up a whole new can of worms, or what?

Nah! Some dumbass in a packing plant probably doesn't know how to set the dating machine. Anyway, why'd they wanna make salad dressing last for a thousand years? Probably won't be any lettuce around by then. I don't think French dressing is any good on Soylent Green.

Bruce

Subject: RE: BS: Food Preservative Conspiracy!
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 13 Feb 03 - 12:38 AM

Don't worry, somebody was just trying to get a head start on the Y3K problem. Your food is still just as safe as ever. Uh...yeah...well...just call it a figure of speech.

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Food Preservative Conspiracy!
From: mack/misophist
Date: 13 Feb 03 - 01:01 AM

Wasn't there a story, some years back, about a common preservative "BHT" that's actually GOOD for you in small doses.

Subject: RE: BS: Food Preservative Conspiracy!
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 13 Feb 03 - 01:23 AM

Eat and enjoy!

Just think of the money your family will save on embalming. They can lay you out in the parlor for a week and you won't even stink.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: BS: Food Preservative Conspiracy!
From: Wolfgang
Date: 13 Feb 03 - 05:33 AM

A very nice parody on GUESTs conspiracy ramblings. Close enough in way of thinking so we know which of our beloved GUESTs is meant, different enough in style so we know it is a regular Mudcatter making fun of GUEST.

GUEST themselves takes all this conspiracy stuff much too serious to show humour.

Wolfgang