Lyr Req: You Don't Know Me (Mary Chapin Carpenter)

Subject: Lyr Req: You Don't Know Me (I'm The Opening Act)
From: Bert C
Date: 08 Aug 03 - 09:24 PM

Gawd, it's been way too long since I've been around here. There's just not enough of me to go around. Anyhow, does anyone have the lyrics for Mary-Chapin Carpenter's great satire, "You Don't Know Me (I'm The Opening Act)". I heard it on one of the country music award shows some years back, and I thought I had a tape of it, but I can't seem to find it.

Thanks Much,
Bert C

Subject: Lyr Add: YOU DON'T KNOW ME (I'M THE OPENING ACT)
From:
Date: 08 Aug 03 - 11:11 PM

Google's Cache gives us this file from http://www.johnejennings.com/4chapin/chlyr/openact.html.

This is MCC's famous performance at the 1990 CMA awards which got her a standing ovation. Then there's the other version...

Opening Act

You don't have a backstage room of your own.
You just have feedback in your microphone
'Cause you didn't get a soundcheck 'cause you're not worth the time.
You're going to have to face it: you're no better than slime.
You don't know me. I'm the opening act.

Now, I don't have a hit on the Billboard charts.
I don't have a limousine that stretches three blocks
Ready to take me from door to door
Just like that jackass I'm opening for.
He doesn't know me. I'm his opening act.

Now, I'm not going bald, so I don't wear a hat
And tight jeans don't fit me; I'm a little too fat.
I can't afford little jackets that are covered with stones,
So I don't expect you'll like me, but that's how it goes.

Now for 37 minutes I sang out my heart.
I was so darn nervous, I just wanted to barf.
But this is my career and I'm paying my dues,
And if I ever get rich and famous, I guess I'll be a jackass too.
Till then, you don't know me. I'm the opening act.

This one is the, uh, more BLUNT version of the song that she sang in concert

You don't have a backstage room of your own.
You just have feedback in your microphone.
'Cause you don't get a soundcheck 'cause you're not worth the time.
You're gonna have to face it: you're no better than slime.
You don't know me. I'm the opening act.

There's a cold cut platter and beer for the crew.
Don't get the impression that there's any for you,
'Cause you're at the bottom of the pecking order.
Even the bouncer at the door comes before you.
You don't know me. I'm the opening act.

The right attitude will get me such a long way.
An optimistic view will make it OK.
When some fool in the front row yells, "YOU SUCK!"
I'll thank him profusely and get ready to duck.

I don't have a hit in the Billboard charts.
I don't have a limousine that stretches three blocks
Ready to take me from door to door
Just like that asshole I'm opening for.
He doesn't know me. I'm his opening act.

Now I'm not going far so I don't wear a hat.
Tight jeans don't fit me; I'm a little too fat.
I can't sing like a frog blowing farts through his nose,
So I don't expect you'll like me, but that's how it goes.

Now for 37 minutes I'll sing out my heart.
I was so damn nervous I just wanted to barf.
This is my career and I'm paying my dues.
And if I ever get rich and famous, I guess I'll be an asshole too.
'Till then, you don't know me. I'm the opening act.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: You Don't Know Me (I'm The Opening Act)
From: Bert C
Date: 09 Aug 03 - 10:20 AM

That's the one all right, but I didn't recall her being quite that blunt when I saw it on TV. Perhaps it was sanitized for the video masses. Trouble is, I thought I remembered the tune, but now I can't quite fit it with the words. Do you by any chance have the chords?

Thanks,
Bert C

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: You Don't Know Me (I'm The Opening Act)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 12:15 AM

I'm puzzled by this. I see that Mary Chapin Carpenter won a "Song of the Year" award for this song in 1991 - from the Washington (DC) Area Music Association, yet I can't find any evidence that she ever recorded it. Wassup with that?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: You Don't Know Me (I'm The Opening Act)
From:
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 01:00 AM

Burt. Sorry, no chords can I locate. If you look closely there, the site I got it from and what I posted has TWO versions. One a tad more blunt than the other....

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: You Don't Know Me (I'm The Opening Act)
From:
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 01:03 AM

Reminds me. MAry Chapin Carpenter and Nanci Griffiths are on the August 30th WGBH Austin City Limits Episode. Should be good. Perhaps she'll do this song.