BS: If only they knew...

Subject: BS: If only they knew...
From: Allan C.
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 07:03 PM

It would seem that by now film characters would have learned a few things. However, this does not appear to be the case. In film after film they all make the same mistakes. So, just in case any of them might happen to need to see their rules for survival here is cyberspace, I'll start with these:

When you are being chased by a moving vehicle, do NOT run to open ground.

When a friend of yours who has just emerged from prison tries to enlist you to help him in a plan to get a lot of money...DON'T LISTEN!

Anytime you ever find any sort of weapon that was used to kill someone else, leave the damned thing where you find it! But if you simply must pick it up, DO wipe off your fingerprints.

Subject: RE: BS: If only they knew...
From: katlaughing
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 07:06 PM

If the lights don't work in the basement DON'T go down there!!

Lock your car doors as soon as you get in the car!! Not, after the boogie-man tries to get you!!

Subject: RE: BS: If only they knew...
From: Amos
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 07:13 PM

Allan:

The reason is that film characters do not inherit traits from the characters of earlier films the way characters in real lifetimes do.   They only evolve if a strange unknown directive intelligence, operating from outside the limits of the known story, tell them to evolve. Very weird! Some claim this phenomenon can be used to justify religous conviction, while others dispute this conclusion. But it is unsettling, when you think about it. Science has not yet come up with an explanation for this hole in the Darwinian model of the universe.

Just be grateful you're not a character in a story -- a film story, I mean.


A

Subject: RE: BS: If only they knew...
From: Don Firth
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 09:55 PM

If an extremely nasty, powerful, predatory, drooling alien is lurking somewhere in your spaceship, keep your priorities straight. Don't go down by yourself into the cargo hold looking for the ship's cat!

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: If only they knew...
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 18 Sep 03 - 06:29 AM

There is a list of things for Evil madmen who want to take over the world to remember. It even has its own website - domain even.

Useful things like
Don't waste time telling the hero the bits of the plans he doesn't know - just kill him - yourself!

Robin

Subject: RE: BS: If only they knew...
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 18 Sep 03 - 04:21 PM

And why do they never lock their cars, yet they are always there, always have the correct amount of wheels and always start up first time without having to put the key in the ignition? I spend a good 3 minutes remembering there's only a lock on one side of ours!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: If only they knew...
From: TIA
Date: 18 Sep 03 - 05:11 PM

And girls, why do you always go to the scary basement in your underwear?

Oh, wait, I know why. Never mind, carry on...

Subject: RE: BS: If only they knew...
From: GUEST,Kim C no cookie
Date: 18 Sep 03 - 05:12 PM

Don't split up.

Subject: RE: BS: If only they knew...
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 18 Sep 03 - 06:01 PM

Nobody ever gets a wrong number.

And you'd think in soaps they'd have learned by now, never ever under any circumstances have a party or celebration of any sort. (I mean, remember what happened the last time that happened in the same soap, and the time before that...

Subject: RE: BS: If only they knew...
From: GUEST,petr
Date: 18 Sep 03 - 08:45 PM

if theres a car chase theres always a fruitstand or donkey cart
in the wrong place.

a splash of cold water in the face will render the most inebriated person sober (as well as a cup of coffee)

in a western - the hero takes punches and gets beat up without a sound but always winces when an attractive woman cleans his wounds.

petr

Subject: RE: BS: If only they knew...
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 03 - 09:23 PM

In a war film:

*There's always one crusty old sargeant with a heart of gold.
*There's always someone called "The Kid."
*Slapping someone will cure combat fatigue (and he'll thank you for slapping hime).
*When closely pursued by the enemy, the wounded man will ask to be left behind with only a canteen and extra ammo.
*All platoons or squads are composed of one each of every segment of society.
*All American Indians, regardless of their Nation or name, are called "Chief. And all are expert trackers and dead shots.
*Someone always has a premonition, and they're right.
*Someone will be a coward, but in the next fight will die for their buddies.
*There's always one stupid officer.
*The enemy will try to trick you with fake calls for help.
*One guy will get "Dear Johned" and then die in the next attack.