Subject: 'Gag' Song Titles From: musicmick Date: 15 Oct 03 - 01:14 AM I am collecting "gag" song tiltles like "I USED TO KISS HER ON THE LIPS BUT IT'S ALL OVER NOW" and "I KISSED HER LIPS AND LEFT HER BEHIND FOR YOU" or, even, "HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY?" or, my favorite "I'M SO MISERABLE WITHOUT YOU, IT'S ALMOST LIKE HAVING YOU HERE". There must be lots of them out there. |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Helen Date: 15 Oct 03 - 01:21 AM An Oz pop song a couple of decades ago was called "If you leave me, can I come too" by a band called Mental As Anything. Helen |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: alanabit Date: 15 Oct 03 - 04:27 AM There are some great threads on this subject here already Mike. I always liked, "My wife ran off with my best friend - and I really miss him." |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: wysiwyg Date: 15 Oct 03 - 09:49 AM The list of country titles, below, has gone around at various times in email. A few I have noticed: You're the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly (Conway & Loretta) Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart (Johnny Cash, and every line is a variant. On a live recording-- you can hear the audience cracking up.) ~S~ All I Want From You Is Away You Can't Have Your Kate and Edith Too I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Almost Like Having You Here Four on the Floor and a Fifth Under the Seat If You Can't Be Good, Be Bad With Me Bubba Shot the Jukebox Are You Drinkin' With Me, Jesus? Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreen's and I Cried All the Way to Sears How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away? I'm Under the Table Over You Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the Goal Posts of Life Am I Double Parked by the Curbstone of Your Heart? I'm Gonna Put a Bar in the Back of My Car and Drive Myself to Drink Welcome to Dumpsville, Population Me If Love Were Oil, I'd Be a Quart Low Get Your Biscuits in the Oven and Your Buns in the Bed If You Can't Be Good, Son, Be Good At It My Phone Ain't Been Ringing, So I Guess it Wasn't You I've Been Roped and Throwed By Jesus in the Holy Ghost Corral I Bought the Shoes That Just Walked Out on Me She's Acting Single, I'm Drinking Doubles Is It Cold In Here, or Is It Just You? We Used to Kiss on the Lips, But It's All Over Now My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don't Love Jesus Thank God and Greyhound She's Gone I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me? You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin' I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling You're the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly If You're Gonna Do Me Wrong, Do It Right Thanks to the Cathouse, I'm in the Doghouse With You I Would Kiss You Through the Screen Door But It'd Strain Our Love I Fell for Her, She Fell for Him, and He Fell for Me You Were Only a Splinter as I Slid Down the Banister of Life Did I Shave my Legs for This? I Fell in a Pile of You and Got Love All Over Me She Got the Gold Mine and I Got the Shaft My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, and I Sure Do Miss Him Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart I Gave Her My Heart and a Diamond and She Clubbed Me with a Spade If Whiskey Were a Woman, I'd Be Married for Sure I Sat Down on a Beartrap (Just This Morning) She Looks Good Through the Bottom of My Shot Glass If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead? Mama, Get the Hammer (There's a Fly on Papa's Head) Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim is Getting Better If You Don't Leave Me, I'll Find Someone Who Will My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: fretless Date: 15 Oct 03 - 11:43 AM Highwoods String Band used to do "Run to the Roundhouse, Sally, the Boys Can't Corner You There." I didn't see the old favorite "I've Got Tears in My Ears from Lying on My Back and Crying in My Sleep Over You" in WYSIWYG's list. Calvin Trillin included a whole bunch of absurd country music song titles in his book "Runestruck." Now out of print, alas. |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: breezy Date: 15 Oct 03 - 11:53 AM She sits among the cabbages and peas Folkclub this Friday 17th Oct at the Comfort Hotel, St Albans with Johnny Collins as the maine feature n/w El Greko week after,31st Oct Roy Bailey |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: wysiwyg Date: 15 Oct 03 - 02:25 PM Feed Your Babies Onions So You Can Find Them in the Dark. ~S~ |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: alanabit Date: 15 Oct 03 - 02:41 PM A Texan friend of mine, who is a big country fan, once played me a delightfully corny song called, "Let's do something cheap and superficial." I was impressed! |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,pdq Date: 15 Oct 03 - 03:09 PM How about "If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me?" |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 15 Oct 03 - 03:43 PM "Don't cry for me Marge and Tina" |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Homeless Date: 15 Oct 03 - 04:06 PM "I want to kiss her but she won't let me" |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,reggie miles Date: 15 Oct 03 - 04:12 PM I Gave Her The Ring, She Gave Me The Finger The Tears Of Her Eyes Washed Out The Bridge Of Her Nose I Knew You Really Missed Me Darlin', When The Ashtray Flew Past My Head |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,Nancy King at work Date: 15 Oct 03 - 04:28 PM "She locked me in the trunk and now I'm wallowing in despair" |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: PageOfCups Date: 15 Oct 03 - 04:32 PM New one from Tracy Byrd: "The Drinkin' Bone's Connected to the Party Bone." Who sez they don't write songs like that any more? ;-) PoC |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: nancyjo Date: 15 Oct 03 - 05:00 PM You're the Hangnail in My Life (and I can't bite you off) Hoyt Axton (Work your fingers to the bone, what d'ya get?) Boney fingers; Hoyt Axton I've got the hungries for your love (and I'm waitin' in your welfare line); Buck Owens It Was Always So Easy To Find an Unhappy Woman ('till I started looking for mine); Moe Bandy My tears have washed I love you from the blackboard of my heart; Hank Thompson (O Lord) I want my rib back; Kenny Chesney And the wonderful Lane/Lerner song from Royal Wedding -- How could you believe me when I said I loved you when you know I've been a liar all my life. |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,pdq Date: 15 Oct 03 - 07:59 PM Sounds a bit crude, but it's supposed to be a real song: "If I Can't Be Your Number One Then Number Two On You!" |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 15 Oct 03 - 10:46 PM My Canary has circles under his eyes. Robin |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Mickey191 Date: 15 Oct 03 - 11:23 PM "If I'da killed her when I shoulda,' I'd be out now." |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: musicmick Date: 16 Oct 03 - 12:20 AM They are all wonderful. Well, some are more wonderful than others. By the way, Fretless, I think that song title was "I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lyin' On My Back In My Bed While I Cry Over You". I own a copy of "Royal Wedding" just so I can hear that "How Could You Believe Me...." song whenever I like. Homeless, that title you suggested reminded me of "She's Got Freckles On Her BUT She's All Mine" Once again, I thank the endless store of Mudcat trivia. Mike |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: katlaughing Date: 16 Oct 03 - 12:44 AM Well, what about Does your chewing gum lose its flavour on the bedpost overnight?:-) (I LOVE Boney Fingers!) |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Dave Bryant Date: 16 Oct 03 - 10:47 AM There's always the old favourites: Get off the gastove granny, you're too old to ride the range. We met outside the pawnbroker's and she kissed me under the balls. |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Charley Noble Date: 16 Oct 03 - 11:43 AM Didn't see the Austin Lounge Lizard's ditty "I'm Cryin' Hot-Tubs of Tears over You." Cheerily, Charley Noble |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Kevin Sheils Date: 16 Oct 03 - 12:20 PM I didn't notice up there I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy or I thought my nose was bleeding but it's not |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Grab Date: 16 Oct 03 - 12:29 PM What, no mention of the all-time classic "If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me"??? Graham. |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: alanabit Date: 16 Oct 03 - 01:41 PM Phil Beer once told me that there is an Allan Taylor song which has the first line, "It wouldn't be so hard if I didn't love you..." I don't know how the rest of it goes, but it's a promising start! |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: lady penelope Date: 16 Oct 03 - 03:35 PM Great stuff!!! "she sits amongst the cabbages and leaks" aerosmith's "My big ten inch ..... record of the band that plays the blues" TTFN Lady P. |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,Kim C no cookie Date: 16 Oct 03 - 03:49 PM The King is Gone and So Are You |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,Stranger Date: 16 Oct 03 - 03:49 PM And the Loudon Wainwright ones - I Wish I Was A Lesbian I Don't Think That Your Wife Likes Me |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Bat Goddess Date: 16 Oct 03 - 06:05 PM I Spent My Last Ten Dollars On Birth Control and Beer Living In Braintree With You In Methuen Is Almost Like Living In Lowell (which also contains one of the worst/best puns I've ever heard) She Rode High In the Saddle Til Her Blister Broke Bigfoot Stole My Wife |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Gorgeous Gary Date: 16 Oct 03 - 07:33 PM From Minneapolis-area Nate Bucklin: "I Can't Get Over You So Why Don't You Get Under Me?" and "For You, I'd Get A Vasectomy". Also, Carla Ulbrich's "Please Do Something Stupid" (as in, "Won't you please do something stupid/So I can get over you?". And speaking of lobotomies, a friend of mine, Darren Zeiger penned a song called "Lobotomy" with the refrain "Thoughts of you don't bother me/Since my lobotomy". -- Gary |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: alanabit Date: 17 Oct 03 - 02:16 AM I'd like to hear some of these gems! |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,Arkie Date: 17 Oct 03 - 10:48 AM Don't Let Your Big Mouth Take Where Your Feet Can't Walk You Out Don't Telephone, Don't Telegraph, Tell A Woman I'd Rather Loan You Out Than Let You Go She's Not Rose, But She's Not Bad, And Rose Isn't Here Time Wounds All Heels She Offered Her Honor, He Honored Her Offer, And All Night Long It was Honer and Offer You're Out Doing What I'm Home Doing Without Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart and Don't Yell Through The Screen Door Mother, You'll Strain Your Voice. |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,pdq Date: 17 Oct 03 - 02:08 PM Hard to find one that's not Country. How about Mose Allison's "Your Mind's On Vacation But Your Mouth Is Working Overtime". |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: musicmick Date: 17 Oct 03 - 06:16 PM Nice collection we're amassing. The other night, someone sang a song called "I Think Your Wife Is Cheatin' On Us". |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: reggie miles Date: 17 Oct 03 - 07:45 PM Lady P., Here's some hickstory. That Big Ten Inch, Record.... song was actually a hit by Bull Moose Jackson and his Buffalo Bearcats way back before those Aerosmith dudes were probably not much more than a twinkle in their collective parental units' eyes, about fifty years ago. |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: freightdawg Date: 17 Oct 03 - 07:59 PM Don't know if its urban legend or for real, or whether its a title or just a phrase, but an old friend spoke of a country song he said had the phrase: "if the lights are all flashin' and the bars are all down, then don't blame the wreck on the train" pretty good advice. |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,NH Dave Date: 17 Oct 03 - 08:05 PM or Dropkick me Jesus Through the Goalposts of Life, Paul Craft and sung by Bobby Bare. |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 26 Jul 04 - 02:26 AM Refresh |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Barbara Date: 26 Jul 04 - 05:25 AM Get Your Tongue Out of My Mouth, 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye Ain't Been No Trash In My Trailer Since the Day I kicked You Out (I'm Just a) Possum In the Headlights of Your Love Our Only Good Years Were the Tires on the Car In the Elevator of Life, I got the Shaft You Stomped Upon My Heart and Squashed that Sucker Flat Blessings, Barbara |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Leadfingers Date: 26 Jul 04 - 05:40 AM UK based 'Fun' Band called Cocky (which had Keith Calton of instrument case fame in it) had a Vinyl entitled 'Twelve inches of Cocky ' back in the good old days . |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,yorkie Date: 26 Jul 04 - 05:52 AM Here's one that I'm rather ashamed to quote (and I quote it far too often). It is said to have been recorded by willie Nelson, though that may imply an equally tasteless joke .... "Tears on my Pillow (are the only wet spots in my bed)" And here's one said to have been recorded by Gene Autry! "I Still Write Your Name in the Snow". |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: JennyO Date: 26 Jul 04 - 08:06 AM musicmic, your collection would not be complete without this compilation song made up of country music titles, written by Martin Pearson (a very funny man) and John Thompson (currently of Cloudstreet). Their performances of this have brought the house down every time. Thanks Sandra for putting it in another thread :-) THE COUNTRY SONG c. Martin Pearson & John Thompson Mama, get the hammer, there's a fly on Papa's head. I've been roped and thrown by Jesus in the Holy Ghost corral. I fell in a pile of you and got love all over me, But who bit the wart off Grandma's nose? Chorus: I wanna whip your cow; I wanna whip your cow, 'Cause you just can't play a sad song on a banjo, anyhow. You done tore out my heart and you stomped that sucker flat. You made toothpicks from the timbers of my heart. If the jukebox took teardrops, I'd cry all night long. You stuck my heart in an old tin can and shot it off a log. Well, I guess if you can't feel it, then it ain't really there, And the last word in lonesome is "me." Repeat chorus If I can't be number one in your life, number two on you. I can't get over you, 'til you get out from under him. I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here, So I flushed you down the toilet of my heart. |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Inükshük Date: 26 Jul 04 - 08:16 AM She Was Only a Fisherman's Daughter (But Did She Reel When She Saw My Rod) |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Tracey Dragonsfriend Date: 26 Jul 04 - 08:44 AM There's a few by Judge Dread - Up With the Cock, The Winkle Man, Y Viva Suspenders... but the content tends to closely follow the title! |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 26 Jul 04 - 08:53 AM She was only a Yorkshire farmer's daughter, but she liked her Huddersfield. For those in the know, of course, most of these titles are pre SPROJ. Leadfingers will explain. |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST,Larry Date: 26 Jul 04 - 09:53 AM They can lock me up, but they can't keep my face from breaking out. The Assylum Street Spankers have a number of them If you love me, you'll sleep on the wet spot Scrotum and many others |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Uncle_DaveO Date: 26 Jul 04 - 11:08 AM Fretless, the actual title of that song (which you narrowly missed) is: "I've got tears in my ears, from lyin' on my back, in my bed, while I cry over you. Which also is the first verse. and maybe chorus too. Dave Oesterreich |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: GUEST Date: 26 Jul 04 - 11:38 AM breezy Marrie Lloyd was forced by the Lord Cancellor and a court case to refrain from singing "Sits among the Cabages and Peas" so she changed it to "She Stands among the Cauliflowers and Leeks". They didn't prosecute the second time! |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Scoville Date: 26 Jul 04 - 12:54 PM The Highwoods also had the title that had no tune, "Feed Your Babies Onions So You Can Find 'Em in the Dark". |
Subject: RE: 'Gag' Song Titles From: Compton Date: 26 Jul 04 - 02:51 PM .....You stole my wife, you Horse thief ! .....I'm so lonesome in the saddle since my horse died! |
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