BS: No Biz Like Dog Biz

Subject: BS: No Biz Like Dog Biz
From: John Hardly
Date: 01 Feb 04 - 09:30 PM

I've had my share of walking dogs in the snow, rain, sleet, dark of night, at shows, just BEGGING for them to do their bidniz so I can go back in. Here is all I have to show for it...

Me And You And A Dog Named Boo (no apologies to Lobo)

I remember, to be sure, that cute li'l ball of fur
And that cute sorta wobbly walk, and that lick at my smiles
We never dreamed it'd be such work (the kids SWORE that they'd never shirk!)
Oh how I wish I had someone to scoop all these piles

Me and you and a dog named Boo
Standing in the rain, leash in hand
Me and you and a dog that won't poo
Ain't pet ownership something grand?

We wanted Lassie, Rin Tin Tin, or some heroic Yukon King
But not some Spuds MacKenzie with a spaz bowel
Well he loves the kids and the wife, but he's making hell of my life
Takes his sweet time with the outdoor biz while I howl

Me and you and a dog named Boo
Standing in the snow, frostbite growin'
Me and you but the dog still won't poo
Just a doggone minute!!! Where're you goin'?!

I can still recall the mess he made in the hall
And how it stuck to my shoes causing an instant rage
Now I wanna go out and shoot that pup that was once so cute
Seeing the kids in the window saved him from my 12 gauge

Me without you, just this dog named Boo,
standing in this blizzard, leash in hand
Me turning blue, STILL the dog will not poo!!!
Gotta teach this dog to use the CAN!!!
****************************************************************

Insphinctus

Out in the night he's walking me
Bad as a pit bull pole to pole
I thank whatever gods there be
For my unconquerable soul

Clutching sphincter, furrowed brow damp
I have not winced nor cried a lot
E'n with the burgeoning stomach cramp
Though walking funny, I will not squat

Instead I'll stink beside the chair
Where he sits enjoying the shade
Watch him go barefoot if he dares
He'll find the menace that I've laid

Maybe I'll leave it by the gate
Directly in the path he'll stroll
I am the master of his fate
This canine's in complete control
************************************************************

To Emily, Wherever I May Find Her

I think that I shall never own
A dog that won't relieve himself at home.
I walk him by the neighbor's yard
And beg him "Won't you try? Real hard?"

His face appears a stupid grin
From all the effort of keeping it in.
He'd walk so much easier, load alightened
Still he hobbles funny, his sphincter tightened.

Oh, he won't go ten feet without
Stopping and whizzing, and still no doubt
He'll find himself something dead to roll in
And it's this way every time we go strollin'

He's panting now, you'd think he'd explode
Still, he'd rather not leave it on the road
So today it looks like he'll win again
For our house is just around this bend.

My yard's a mess, the fight never over
Long as the landscaping's left up to Rover
Dump and scratch and burn the plants
Yet tomorrow the two of us will do this...

Same...

Old...

Dance

Subject: RE: BS: No Biz Like Dog Biz
From: Justa Picker
Date: 01 Feb 04 - 09:47 PM

Have you thought at all about setting up
a new home biz? :-)

Subject: RE: BS: No Biz Like Dog Biz
From: John Hardly
Date: 02 Feb 04 - 10:25 AM

Gee, what a useful sight, Justa! :^)

Subject: RE: BS: No Biz Like Dog Biz
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 02 Feb 04 - 01:28 PM

Jingle Bells - The Yorkie Version (dedicated to Tiffy and Skippy)

Stomping thru the snow,
Just me and my Yorkie.
Over the fields we go,
Just so she will pee.

Darkness all around,
We know she won't obey.
Her nose is anchored to the ground
Sniffing all the way. Hey!

Midnight Run
Where's the sun?
Can't we make this quick?
When I think we're almost done
She finds something to lick. Ick!

Midnight Run
Ain't this fun?
The snow is glistening bright.
When she turns around and looks at me
Her beard is full of white.

I can't suppress a yawn
When she finally picks a spot.
On my neighbor's lawn
She turns and takes a squat.

She's not quite done it's clear,
Impatience makes me sigh
When I see my Yorkie disappear
in a snow drift two feet high.

Subject: RE: BS: No Biz Like Dog Biz
From: Allan C.
Date: 02 Feb 04 - 03:30 PM

Gotta share this (edited) job description:

JOB TITLE: Professional Scoop Technician

* * * * is a premier professional "Pooper-Scooper" service, where Your Dog's "Business" is Our Business! We clean-up,disinfect and remove dog waste from hundreds of residential yards and apartment / condo communities across the Metroplex each week. Our business stinks…but it's "picking up"!We are a family owned company, managed with integrity that has a good time serving others and learning humility while earning a good income. Currently all of our "Fecal Matter Removal Experts" have 4-year college degrees (not required but a definite plus)...a reliable TRUCK is a MUST (You DO NOT want to drive around this summer with 50 gallons of "product" in the back of your car or SUV!) Of course a good driving record is required as is being over the age of 23, having good eyes, a strong back and a not-too-sensitive nose...The only other obstacles to someone applying for this job would be laziness and pride...If you're looking for a "crappy" job - we can deliver! ...You'll make a "pile"! * * * * Picking up where your dog left off since 1998...Call the "Entre-manure" #1 in the "#2" business!