BS: Hull hits the headlines

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Hand-Pulled Boy
Date: 14 Jun 04 - 06:50 AM

Oh come ye and drink on the town,
Through the cobbled stoned streets of our town,
Where the mild and the bitter remain our delight,
la, laa, laaa, la.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 15 Jun 04 - 09:33 AM

According to last nights news, Hull police are the worst in the UK,
we now have the worst obesity rates, worst schools and the worst police force.


The houses are cheap here though.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: el ted
Date: 15 Jun 04 - 09:42 AM

jOhn, you forgot the following. -
a)The highest teenage pregnancy rate in England.

b)The highest burglary rate in EUROPE.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Sweetfia
Date: 16 Jun 04 - 04:38 AM

And the houses are not cheap! My house is now double the price it was when we bought it two years ago.

Hey, we do have nice areas like the 'Avenues' and Newland park...ok those places are also full of drug dealers cos they're the ones who can afford the drugs, but so what! Pearson Park is nice...during the day.

Well i like Hull!

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: el ted
Date: 16 Jun 04 - 04:47 AM

Oh, I forgot, we also have the most useless, inept Council in England as well. They even recently had a Government team in from LOndon to enforce "special measures"

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: s6k
Date: 16 Jun 04 - 06:23 AM

we have the worst school in england - well did do... with william gee! and it went into special measures - and = i went there!!

also, i thought hull had the highest teenage pregnancy in europe not just england...

also = hull has the MOST gangs of 13 - 18 year old 'townies' who want to fight (bang) you in the world!

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 11:46 AM

apparently Hull is the poorest city in the UK according to figures released today, see gregs Refugee music thread.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 22 Jun 04 - 12:33 PM

its also a question of geography. Hull is still the biggest fishing town in England, with the best fish and chip shops. I couldn't resist them if I lived there.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 19 Aug 04 - 03:25 PM

according to figures releasaed by the Home Office today,
Hull is the most violent place in the UK, you are nearly 10 times more likely to be attacked in Hull, than London.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Les from Hull
Date: 19 Aug 04 - 06:40 PM

You keep saying things like that about Hull jOhn and I'll smash yer face in (Oh what a giveaway).

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 19 Aug 04 - 08:08 PM

Les-you looking at my pint?

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: HRH ted of hull
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 05:18 AM

we have yet another smashed up stolen car down our street, right outside my house. I rang the police on thursday, it took me 18minutes to get through! Is the rest of England as bad the shithole we live in?

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 10:05 AM

Ted, why don't you set fire to it for a laugh?

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: HRH ted of hull
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 10:06 AM

Because it would blow up and demolish my bloody house jOhn. AND I don't have any criminal tendencies either!

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Les from Hull
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 06:26 PM

jOhn - did you spill my girlfiend?

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Les from Hull
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 06:50 PM

Actually that should be girlFRIEND (or possibly my Freudian slip is showing).

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 09:30 PM

Heloo, i just had a fight=this wajht happened=
I went to Hull Shanty Thing [it was really nice, but the ale was shite, landlord moaning, "i dident know nothing anbout it etc"
so anyway=after that, i fancied another bear, so went to Circuss Circus nightclub,
it was free to get in, and only 1.30 a pint, i thought "this is ok, cheap drinks and free in, [specially on a friday night!"]

i was there minding [is that how you spell minding? [i'm no expert on spelling]
minding my own bisiness, and not making any trubble, wehn one man came up to me..
anyway= cheap in, and cheap drinks, so loads of council estate type people go there]

anyway=one man says to me ="gizza cig mate!"
i said "No, i only got little bit of tobbaco left, ask somebody else"
[this is true, i only got a bit left]

and then he start shouting =ie "fucking stingy basterd, its only cig etc, give me cig or i fight with you etc etc"
then he went to head-but me,
but , i stepped back, and jabbed him in the guts, and gave him a big suprise, and then pushed him to the floor
then i said, "don't bloddy mess with me, you arseole"
he was making noises like he was hurt, [he wasn't hurt, he was just making daft noises]
it was Kararte move i did on him [I was taught Okwano Karate, by Phil Wilkinson, [he was a self defence bloke in the army, and we was in the same army band]
and the bouncers was near me at that time, and they saw waght happened., and they kicked him out for making trouble.

[this is true, and i can prove it, and you can even ask the circus circus people]


anyway=why should i give cigs to every people that ask?
they piss me off, [i could have hurt him more ie jump on his head etc, but i just used reasonable force, and you can ask them]

i been there 10 minutes, and 3 people ask me for cig, scrounging bastards, they piss me off, [i never ask any body for cigs]


then after that, = everybody was looking at me, [i'm not bothered, if they look any longer, i should of charged them money!
and looking quietly, [i dont mind if they look, but least bloody say something!

john

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 09:33 PM

Stoutly done, jOhn! Tally ho!

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 09:38 PM

anyway=after that, his stupid baseball cap mate says to me "YOu stabbed Him!"
i said, "I didn't stab anyone you idiot, search me, if you like, i have no knife, i hit him"
then his daft mate starts shouting =
"going down mate, going down!"

not sure waht he was on about, i just told him to shut up.

[some idiots about nowadays!]

when he was saying "going down mate etc", he was doing a silly dance!

nutter!

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 09:45 PM

his stupid mate was really pissing me off with his stupid dance, [he was waving his arms about like a big puff]
but you can't just thump someone for that, so i just shouted at him
[it got a bit confusing, so not sure EXACLY waht i shouted at him, but it was something like "shut up you arseole".

then he went to look at his mate and cuddle him, [probably both poofters].

then i went and finished my pint.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 09:52 PM

This story gets better and better. I now think you should move to Twillingsgate without delay. Your kind is needed there. When you arrive, go straight to the Vicar's Inn, find Winston Wellington-Jones, and make some insulting remark about his shoes or his face or something.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 10:00 PM

i don't know were twillins gate is,
anyway=i'm still in bad mood about waht happened tonight,
i should of hit him more, and bloddy teach him , not to scrounge cigs off people.

too many bloody cig scroungers about nowadays, every time you go city centere=few people ask for cigs.

and sorcha came to uk for tourist visit, and some scrounging bastards
said "give us cigs etc"
they piss you off.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 10:02 PM

That would never happen in Twillingsgate. Never. People are far too cultured in Twillingsgate for that sort of nonsense.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 10:37 PM

i don't know were twillinsgate is, [probubly miles awyay], anyway, i been in that place only 10 minuts, and 3 people ask me for cigs.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 20 Aug 04 - 10:41 PM

anyway=after that one old woman ask me to dance with her
she say "wanna dance with us luv?"
i said "no, i don't like dancing"
she said "oh, your misrable bastard then1"

[she was really old and wrinkly, and made me ill to look at her.

Subject: RE: BS: Hull hits the headlines
From: GUEST,concerned.
Date: 21 Aug 04 - 04:55 PM

jOhn, I hope you have planned a nice quiet night in?