BS: NEED JOKES--WILL NOT PAY MONEY

Subject: BS: NEED JOKES--WILL NOT PAY MONEY
From: GUEST,IMHO
Date: 10 Jul 04 - 06:25 PM

Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'

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Just wanted to get yer attention. Heard any good jokes lately?

Subject: RE: BS: NEED JOKES--WILL NOT PAY MONEY
From: MudGuard
Date: 10 Jul 04 - 06:26 PM

See "First Joke Thread 2004", "Second Joke Thread 2004"

Subject: RE: BS: NEED JOKES--WILL NOT PAY MONEY
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Jul 04 - 06:30 PM

Thanks, MudGuard. Tried that many times. Keeps timing out. Been trying for two days.

Subject: RE: BS: NEED JOKES--WILL NOT PAY MONEY
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 04 - 06:40 PM

Surgeon General, what are the results of my Brain scan?"
"Mr. President, your brain has a left side and a right side."
"Well, everyone has two side to their brain, don't they?"
"Yes, but in your brain, on the left side there isn't anything right, and on the right side there isn't anything left."

George W. Bush in the White House is like a turtle on a post. "You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't get anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help him get down."

There was a contentious staff meeting at the White House about the health of Dick Cheney. Bush interrupted and said, "Men do not have anginas." He was upset because someone had said Cheney had acute angina.

What were the best three years of George Bush's life?
Grade 5

Did you know the U.S. has already converted to the metric system?
We have a ½ liter in charge of the country.

Pentagon officials now believe they have found Osama Bin Laden because he has found a place in which to hide where you can buy your way in no one will remember you were there, and you have no obligations: the Texas Air National Guard

Mrs. Bush is opposed to same-sex marriage. She's been trying to get George to do something different for years.

An Israeli doctor says "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks."

A German doctor says "That is nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.

A Russian doctor says "In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks."

The Texas doctor, not to be outdone, says "You guys are way behind, we recently took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House for four years, and now half the country is looking for work."

..............

One day God was hanging out at the Pearly Gates with St. Paul.

"I need to find someone to run for president," he said after a while.

Attentive to his boss' needs, St. Paul started naming off a few qualified candidates.

"Nah, I want that guy," he said pointing to a drunken Texas governor pissing off a balcony.

"You've got to be kidding," said St. Paul, "Not only is he dumber than a box of rocks, he's got drinking and drug problems."

"I don't care," said God, "This is the guy."

Perplexed, St. Paul asked: "What is the problem, Lord, art thou angry with the Americans?"

"No," said God, "I made a bet with the Devil that I could get a village idiot to run for president."

"But won't that work in the Devil's favor, oh Lord?" Paul asked.

"That's all right," said God, "he'll never take Florida."

.........

Subject: RE: BS: NEED JOKES--WILL NOT PAY MONEY
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 04 - 06:43 PM

"CIA Director George Tenet has now testified before the 9/11 commission and he said we are still making the same dumb mistakes, like leaving memos on the President's desk." —David Letterman

"President Bush released his tax returns yesterday. He listed the economy as a liability. He gets to write that off." —Jay Leno
"Earlier today, the White House released President Bush's tax return. Not surprisingly, under dependents, the president listed Iraq." —Conan O'Brien

"President Bush insisted that there was nothing in the August 6th, 2001 briefing, which was titled 'Bin Laden determined to attack the United States', that hinted what bin Laden was up to. Bush says that he would have moved mountains to stop the attack. Yeah, but he draws the line at reading a memo." —David Letterman

"In response to a request by the 9/11 commission the White House agreed to declassify the president's daily intelligence briefing from August 6th titled 'Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States.' The commission also wants to see the August 20th briefing, 'No Seriously Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States' and also from August 26th, 'Mr. President, Please Put Down the Game Boy, Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States.'" —Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

Subject: RE: BS: NEED JOKES--WILL NOT PAY MONEY
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 10 Jul 04 - 08:57 PM

So why hasn't this thread been folded into the < href="http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=70500">Second Joke Thread?

That's a joke Joe.... ;-)