Lyr Req: ad for new wife, with own tractor

Subject: Lyr Req: ad for new wife, with own tractor
From: GUEST,fidjit- chas
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 04:14 AM

Looking for a ryme or song about an advert from a farmer for a new wife. Who must have own tractor. She doen't have to be good looking. Punch line is. "please send photo. Of the tractor"

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: ad for new wife, with own tractor
From: Jacob B
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 02:11 PM

I've heard that as a joke, but not as a poem or song.

But I have heard a song on a related theme. I once heard Faith Petric sing a song called "Gonna Find Me A Woman With A Chain Saw" (to keep me warm all winter long.)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: ad for new wife, with own tractor
From: MaineDog
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 02:22 PM

Good Woman wanted.
Must be able to cook, cut bait and clean fish.
Must have own boat and motor.
Send photo of boat and motor.

(actually, seen in Massachusetts!)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: ad for new wife, with own tractor
From: Tannywheeler
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 04:04 PM

There was also a C&W song going around sometime earlier this year: "I Found Me A Trailer That Matches My Truck". Enjoyable little ditty.    Tw

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: ad for new wife, with own tractor
From: GUEST,fidjit - Chas
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 05:35 AM

Thanks, MaineDog is on the track (tor) so far. keep 'em coming.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: ad for new wife, with own tractor
From: s&r
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 06:55 AM

I just wrote it - use it if you like (make up your own tune

My wife died a year last tuesday
Now I share this farm all alone
Except for the kids and my mem'ries
And the words on the black marble stone

"Here lies Mary the wife of a farmer
She could milk and herd cows with the best
Died while she was doing her duties
And now she is laid here to rest."

She died as she ploughed the top pasture
Her furrows so straight and so true
Went through the hedge on her tractor
In the river fifteen feet below

The tyres imprinted her middle
the steering wheel some other place
and the PTO ended up somewhere
and she died with a smile on her face

So now I'm in search of a new one
One handed I can't run the farm
So a want-ad I'm placing in the paper
And I promise you'll come to no harm

You needn't be sexy or clever
I'll give you a trial for a year
As long as you've got your own tractor
with an agricultural licence my dear.

Stu

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: ad for new wife, with own tractor
From: GUEST,fidjit chas
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 09:33 AM

Ain't 'arf been some clever bastards! Nice one stu. Not really what I'm after, may use it though. Has to end with. "Please send photo. Of the tractor".

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: ad for new wife, with own tractor
From: Fidjit
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 09:39 AM

sorry folks just remembered my log in code. Keep 'em coming

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: ad for new wife, with own tractor
From: s&r
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 09:42 AM

Last line - 'and a photo of tractor (John Deere)' John Deere is a much admired tractor maker

Stu

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: ad for new wife, with own tractor
From: Flash Company
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 09:50 AM

Fidjit, why not try for a new last verse to stu's words, something along the lines of:-

You needn't be pretty or sexy,
Just able to brew your own beer,
An' if you send me a picture o't tractor,
I'll love you for ever, me dear!

FC (Folk Processor)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: ad for new wife, with own tractor
From: s&r
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 10:06 AM

Try this one:

I'm glad you replied to my advert
The one where I asked for a wife
You know that I live in the country
And the farmer's way is a hard life.

I'm glad that you're young and you're pretty
As pretty as I've ever seen
I'm glad that you want lots of children
And pleased that you're only sixteen

It's nice that you're fit and you're healthy
And that you're sturdy and strong
I'm grateful that you're not demanding
And you'll make love all the night long

Good news you fell out with your parents
And they live in a far distant land
I will cherish a life without in-laws
I am minded to ask for your hand

I read you're obedient and quiet
reluctant to nag or to moan
Your demure and modest demeanour
would melt this heart made of stone

Your reply is just missing one detail
It was in the small print of my ad
You didn't send me a photo
Of the tractor you said that you had


Stu

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: ad for new wife, with own tractor
From: s&r
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 05:52 AM

Did you ever find the one you wanted Fidjit?

Stu

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: ad for new wife, with own tractor
From: GUEST,Philippa
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 06:55 AM

I've seen this in the form of a poster advertisement, not as a poem.
I think the contribution from s&r must be what fidgit is looking for.

I'm reminded of a somewhat different song in the same vein I've got a brand-new combine harvester

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: ad for new wife, with own tractor
From: Fidjit
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 06:54 AM

I liked the combine havester. BUT, No. it's an ad for for a wife. I heard some aussie guy doing it on the Travel Channel telly. Some thing like:
"Wife wanted. to clean and cook. Share the work, get water from the brook. Must have a tractor of her own. With no more payments or a loan. You don't have to be good looking as long as your teeth (tits) are your own. I'm getting on a bit so time is a factor. Please send photo. Of the tractor.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: ad for new wife, with own tractor
From: Fidjit
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 07:03 AM

s&r Liked your second one. But I've got the jist of it all. Now just after confirmation of correct text.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: ad for new wife, with own tractor
From: GUEST,Katri
Date: 23 Nov 10 - 04:58 AM

I believe I was looking for the same poem 6 years later :) This is what I found:

To be recited in Cowboy drawl
Personal column AD
It was kind of cute
And sort of solemn
This is an Ad I saw in
The personal column

Wife wanted it said, right off the bat
Now you can't get more plain than that
IT SAID
Are you looking for romance
Someone to squeeze you when you slow dance
A man to _______ ____ warm those icy toes
For the wrong Ad you have just durned chose

But, for a wife I have been looking
Share some of the work, do some of the cooking
There ain't no wages, there's no retirement
And there's really only one requirement
A good tractor she must own
With a zero balance on the loan
I'm ageing fast so times a factor
Please send photo of the Tractor

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: ad for new wife, with own tractor
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 23 Nov 10 - 01:18 PM

Having priced a tractor or two, it is easy to see why such ads - and songs - should be common.

Having been married most of my life, my accountant(s) have assured me that it would be significantly cheaper to buy the tractor.

I've considered gettting her one for Christmas, but I'm not sure she'd know how to drive one, or whether she's sufficiently "trainable" to be taught how. (The cooking lessons never really took, and she still claims she doesn't know how to use the nice mop bucket I got her for her birthday a couple of years back.)

John