BS: Stupid Vans

Subject: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 05:24 AM

Hello,
My van is a Bedford Rascal, and the battery is in the flor of the load area, so wehn you get flat battery, you cant jump start it, becase the wires arent long enough.
so wahts the point of that then, and why did they make it so stupid?
and even if wires was long enough, and you had loads of stuff in it, you would have to take it all out, and put it on the floor, and if it wwas raining it would get wet, and it might get damaged, ie=paper and that.

so why dont they put battery in good place, like next to the door, then the wires would fit.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 05:30 AM

Put the jump leads directly onto the starter motor Surge0n.
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 05:34 AM

dont know were the starter motor is on this stupid van.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 05:39 AM

Houston we have a problem!

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 05:44 AM

Its next to the van-der-graph-generator jOhn

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 05:44 AM

Er...are you sure it's the van that's stupid? Who bought it?

LOL, Pete.

PS. I used to have an MGB GT. It had a flat battery one morning and could I find it? Not exactly a big car, so not really anywhere to hide, eh? Tried under the bonnet (US = hood), in the boot (trunk), everywhere - could I bloody find it? (didn't have an owner's manual at the time). There was nowhere I hadn't looked that was big enough to house a 12 volt battery. Had to phone a mate of mine who revealed all - there were two tiny 6 volt batteries (in series) underneath the miniscule rear "seat". In all, took me over an hour to get the car started, with only the last 5 minutes being spent not locating the batteries!

PPS. And yes, jOhn, it was me who bought it!!! Ho, ho ho.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 05:50 AM

You may want to think about a conversion http://www.solarvan.co.uk/

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Davetnova
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 06:05 AM

The starter motor is under the drivers seat JoHn. I have a Suzuki Supercarry. It is a Bedford Rascal with a Foreign name. The electrics are shite. Do not use with the lights and wipers on at the same time for any length of time. I tend not to use mine at night in winter.
Anyway a quick push from a couple of Hullions should start it, they don't weigh much.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 06:08 AM

I'm going to convert my van to solar power, I may be some time.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Davetnova
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 06:24 AM

It still won't run in the rain at night.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 06:26 AM

You'll need very long heatproof leads jOhn.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: artbrooks
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 08:29 AM

Does the sun shine enough in Hull?

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Peace
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 08:36 AM

Re the solar power, jOhn:

Ya ever see a donkey with the carrot dangling in from of it?Never mind solar power. Hang a five gallon can of gas--petrol in your case--in front of the van. You won't need all that electrical stuff. Use your wits, man. Use your wits.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: GUEST,Mr Red
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 08:37 AM

Out of the Rascal's backside






and I don't refer to the reversing light!

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: GUEST
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 08:50 AM

John sold his wits years ago

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:11 AM

It's not just the elastic band that's perished in this cold weather is it? ;~)

Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:13 AM

Now, now, Goik, don't get personal...

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:17 AM

Hey, I used to play with the Elastic Band! Good group -- always stretching the limits, putting snap into the music, but it finally went bust.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Peace
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:24 AM

I farted once and had nothing left but the elastic band. It was awesome.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:27 AM

After one of Sir jOhn's curries?

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:30 AM

Couple I knew were giving a brand new, cab-over-engine, engine between the seats, van by Daddy (a Ford dealer). They moved to an area with lots of snow, and he, Big Brain that he was, decided that they needed more weight in the back for traction.

He found and put in a 1,000 pound safe.

One nice day, weather clear, road dry, no snow, he slammed on the brakes.

Every hear of inertia? He learned about it when the safe slid forward and hit the engine compartment.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Davetnova
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:35 AM

I think I want a solar van too. That is cool but £9,000 conversion costs.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:47 AM

You could sell it and buy another one with the battery in a sensible place... but then something else would go wrong on it. All machines are b******s. Get a horse and cart. They run on hay, i think.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:49 AM

What ...... the curry farted and then Brucie did so as well

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:50 AM

My Fiat Scud is trundling along perfectly as usual. I have seen jOhn's van, and it is a piece of old clapped out shite!

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Peace
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:55 AM

"What ...... the curry farted and then Brucie did so as well"

Farted is an understatement. History got it wrong. Do you remember 'the shot that was heard around the world'? Krakatoa? The first nuclear blast? They were NOTHING by commparison. Nothing I tell you.

Also, while we're 'on' the topic: You know why turds are taperedat the ends? That's so yer a55hole don't slam shut.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:58 AM

I thought it was to make them more aerodynamic.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Peace
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 10:05 AM

If they weigh that much, ya have to lower them with a rope to avoid the splash.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 10:06 AM

Thousand pound safe! Light as feather.
Try about 2 1/2 tons of bricks, in the back of an old landie. On the way back from builders merchants, at a sensible speed ~20 mph. Tried stopping on a very muddy road. I tried and failed.I stopped quite well after going through the hedge and wall. Broke a headlight as well. Being a landie though, into reverse, finish last mile home a bit slower, unload and go round to say sorry.
Now that's inertia in action.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 10:57 AM

Assholes slamming shut are much akin to nudists sitting heavily on a stone bench. Like a round of applause.

A Rascal could never carry Brucie's turd.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 08:28 PM

simple answer...LOTS of hamsters, running in little wheels, generating current...feed the hamsters scraps from the curry place.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Bobert
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 08:56 PM

Burn it and call the insurance company...

Bobert

p.s. 'er move the battery wherever you want or just get longer jump cables... or both.. or all 3...

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:09 PM

Some many years ago I had a vehicle with a "difficult" battery location, and of course the one that's hard to jumper always needs it the most. At the time I found a "terminal block" that I mounted in the engine compartment where it was easy to get to, and just ran a long wire back to the battery. You only need the "Pos" terminal for most vehicles, since the whole frame is the "Neg" side of the circuit.

Been looking for another one of those terminals for my camper for about 3 years now, and I guess they just don't make them anymore. The camper is just about 2.4 feet too far back for my 20 ft jumpers to reach the battery on the tow truck, and I have to pull the battery at least half way out of the box to get the clamps on, so an "auxiliary" terminal would be really nice.

Of course, if the dummy who plans my trips would remember to charge the camper battery before we get to the camp, it would help...

John

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: mack/misophist
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 02:02 AM

"Warum einfach wenn es auch geht completziert?"








Why should anything be easy when it can all be screwed up?

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 02:35 AM

Make something foolproof and nature will evolve a more foolish fool.

We had a Mid-European car that had been converted for the English market... by turning the engine practically upside down. To change the fan belt you had to take the bloody engine block out.

But my Lada (Nikki to his friends) was fantastic. It started better in cold weather than it did in hot, it aquaplaned like the Spruce Goose and I threw it round every corner you could think of, and with nothing more than a nasty tendancy to punctures (but then I put the proper tyres on) it behaved beautifully. Age, lack of parts and lack of money finally took its toll. And I only ever cleaned it twice.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 03:46 AM

Cleaning a Lada!!! TWICE!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 05:04 AM

Sacrilege!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 05:46 AM

Lada's came from the factory dirty. It's all that held them together.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 06:18 PM

I didn't want to do it the second time, but it was parked outside the house when the local football team won an important match... Even I won't drive around with puke on the bonnet!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: number 6
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 07:07 PM

A Fiat Scud ?!?!?!

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: EBarnacle
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 11:31 PM

Sounds like you need to search for that literary classic by Dick O'Kane--"How to Repair your Foreign Car." My favorite chapter is entitled [sic]: Why, when England rules the waves, will her cars not go through a puddle." It appears that nothing has changed.

re: The Lada. When they came into the US, they were known as Fiat [that's Fix It Again, Tony] 128's. I recall one time, when I was working in the shop, trying to change the oil. There was not enough clearance to get the drain plug out without removing [or at least unfastening] the radiator.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: DonMeixner
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 01:27 AM

Once again the evil work of Joseph Lucas, Prince of Darkness.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Peace
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 01:31 AM

There is also Fix Often, Repair Daily.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: GUEST,Seaking
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 02:12 AM

You could buy a spare battery and keep it (and a set of heavy duty leads) in the back of the van - just check it's charge every once in a while. You'll still have to find the starter motor first I'm afraid.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Tannywheeler
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 02:31 AM

WOW!!!!! I got it, Ming. A foreign-language car joke and this highly UNmechanical dumb Texan GOT it. I wish I could afford to pay y'all what this education is worth. Just the laugh alone...(We call 'em Jumper Cables here, and I got it 'cuz we've mostly had cars where you had to keep 'em handy.)

Solar-converted van, longer heatproof jumper cables -- gotta tell Hubby before he leaves for work. Thanks, guys.   Tw

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 04:13 AM

Isn't it nice when a few simple words bring so much pleasure to someone? Nearly makes it worth getting up in the morning. By the way tw, most Christmas crackers have better jokes in them.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 05:33 AM

Take your kangaroo for a walk with Jumper Leads.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 06:16 AM

Shouldn't that be take your kangaroo for a jump with walker leads? Or is that a whole new scenario?

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Peace
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 06:20 AM

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Peace
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 06:21 AM

Whew, that was close.