BS: Stupid Vans

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: robomatic
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 08:18 AM

My first summer home from college I got a job driving a delivery van for a laundry outfit. Went from town to town in New England in this ancient Dodge unit with the engine under my right elbow. The entire van had been shaken by god and then set down again, there were no right angles left, the tires had some tread between the bald spots and the rear doors were held together by faith and some twine. I'm one of the only New Englanders who once found Islington, and my experience with inertia was that as I accelerated a wheeled canvas tub full of clean shirts castered slowly to the rear and then kept going, in the town center. I think it was later the same day that a tire blew but the engine was so shaky I couldn't tell at first.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Davetnova
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 06:23 AM

Well my NAT, the supercarry(Rascal) antivampire (she can't go out at night) started on the second turn of the key on sunday. That was the first time she had been touched for a week. She just purred so I kept her at it for a couple of hours. This week I'm going to take her out to the country for dinner and a quiet stroll while no one is looking.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From:
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 05:03 AM

my rascal wouldnt start this morning flat battery!
what a sack of shite!

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Peace
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 07:15 PM

and a partridge in a pear treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: number 6
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 06:02 PM

Smart vans, stupi vans, Neutron bombs, smart bombs,

... and a Fiat Scud ?!?!?!?!

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 02:42 PM

Criticism of Irish music belongs above the line, doesn't it?

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Once Famous
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 02:34 PM

Stupid vans? As opposed to smart vans?

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 02:27 PM

Remember the Alamo

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Tannywheeler
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 01:41 PM

VAN and VAN makes tvoo?
All the handbaskets we keep goin' ta Hell in are what keep the fires of Hell burning. Historic district preservation -- important work.

conFESS Parker played Davy Crockett in the 1950s for Disney.

NEUTRON bombs kill all the people and leave the buildings. SMART bombs are supposed to pinpoint a specific target and seriously minimize "collateral damage".

Life is such fun. I won't tell if you won't.      Tw

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 10:16 AM

Very true Giok, very true. Our language is being eroded.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 10:12 AM

Well when they use expressions like 'step up to the plate' on Radio 4 the world's going to hell in a handbasket anyway.
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 09:25 AM

"fess up"? What kind of language is that for a person of the Caledonian persuasion? I fear that too many American cops and robbers programmes are having an undue influence.

VANity fair.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 08:20 AM

VAN der Graph Generator/Coq au VAN/Vincent VAN Gogh/VAN for the money two for the show/Visigoths and VANdals? C'mon Brucie fess up!
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Peace
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 07:46 AM

So would smart vans do that, too? And then what about cobalt vans? Wow, this is getting complicated.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Snuffy
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 07:38 AM

I thought smart bombs were meant to kill all the people and leave the buildings unharmed.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Peace
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 07:37 AM

. . . 'cause if only stupi vans do that, then why are the bombs not called stupid bombs. Like, a smart bomb wouldn't hit anything.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 07:37 AM

Yes, as long as they have unsmart drivers and very dodgy steering.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Peace
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 07:23 AM

So, like, ya know how smart bombs crash into buildings and everything? Would smart vans do that, too?

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 07:22 AM

It was close past here too.


Whatever it was.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 07:20 AM

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Peace
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 06:21 AM

Whew, that was close.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Peace
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 06:20 AM

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 06:16 AM

Shouldn't that be take your kangaroo for a jump with walker leads? Or is that a whole new scenario?

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 05:33 AM

Take your kangaroo for a walk with Jumper Leads.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 04:13 AM

Isn't it nice when a few simple words bring so much pleasure to someone? Nearly makes it worth getting up in the morning. By the way tw, most Christmas crackers have better jokes in them.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Tannywheeler
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 02:31 AM

WOW!!!!! I got it, Ming. A foreign-language car joke and this highly UNmechanical dumb Texan GOT it. I wish I could afford to pay y'all what this education is worth. Just the laugh alone...(We call 'em Jumper Cables here, and I got it 'cuz we've mostly had cars where you had to keep 'em handy.)

Solar-converted van, longer heatproof jumper cables -- gotta tell Hubby before he leaves for work. Thanks, guys.   Tw

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: GUEST,Seaking
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 02:12 AM

You could buy a spare battery and keep it (and a set of heavy duty leads) in the back of the van - just check it's charge every once in a while. You'll still have to find the starter motor first I'm afraid.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Peace
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 01:31 AM

There is also Fix Often, Repair Daily.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: DonMeixner
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 01:27 AM

Once again the evil work of Joseph Lucas, Prince of Darkness.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: EBarnacle
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 11:31 PM

Sounds like you need to search for that literary classic by Dick O'Kane--"How to Repair your Foreign Car." My favorite chapter is entitled [sic]: Why, when England rules the waves, will her cars not go through a puddle." It appears that nothing has changed.

re: The Lada. When they came into the US, they were known as Fiat [that's Fix It Again, Tony] 128's. I recall one time, when I was working in the shop, trying to change the oil. There was not enough clearance to get the drain plug out without removing [or at least unfastening] the radiator.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: number 6
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 07:07 PM

A Fiat Scud ?!?!?!

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 06:18 PM

I didn't want to do it the second time, but it was parked outside the house when the local football team won an important match... Even I won't drive around with puke on the bonnet!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 05:46 AM

Lada's came from the factory dirty. It's all that held them together.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 05:04 AM

Sacrilege!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 03:46 AM

Cleaning a Lada!!! TWICE!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 02:35 AM

Make something foolproof and nature will evolve a more foolish fool.

We had a Mid-European car that had been converted for the English market... by turning the engine practically upside down. To change the fan belt you had to take the bloody engine block out.

But my Lada (Nikki to his friends) was fantastic. It started better in cold weather than it did in hot, it aquaplaned like the Spruce Goose and I threw it round every corner you could think of, and with nothing more than a nasty tendancy to punctures (but then I put the proper tyres on) it behaved beautifully. Age, lack of parts and lack of money finally took its toll. And I only ever cleaned it twice.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: mack/misophist
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 02:02 AM

"Warum einfach wenn es auch geht completziert?"








Why should anything be easy when it can all be screwed up?

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:09 PM

Some many years ago I had a vehicle with a "difficult" battery location, and of course the one that's hard to jumper always needs it the most. At the time I found a "terminal block" that I mounted in the engine compartment where it was easy to get to, and just ran a long wire back to the battery. You only need the "Pos" terminal for most vehicles, since the whole frame is the "Neg" side of the circuit.

Been looking for another one of those terminals for my camper for about 3 years now, and I guess they just don't make them anymore. The camper is just about 2.4 feet too far back for my 20 ft jumpers to reach the battery on the tow truck, and I have to pull the battery at least half way out of the box to get the clamps on, so an "auxiliary" terminal would be really nice.

Of course, if the dummy who plans my trips would remember to charge the camper battery before we get to the camp, it would help...

John

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Bobert
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 08:56 PM

Burn it and call the insurance company...

Bobert

p.s. 'er move the battery wherever you want or just get longer jump cables... or both.. or all 3...

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 08:28 PM

simple answer...LOTS of hamsters, running in little wheels, generating current...feed the hamsters scraps from the curry place.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 10:57 AM

Assholes slamming shut are much akin to nudists sitting heavily on a stone bench. Like a round of applause.

A Rascal could never carry Brucie's turd.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 10:06 AM

Thousand pound safe! Light as feather.
Try about 2 1/2 tons of bricks, in the back of an old landie. On the way back from builders merchants, at a sensible speed ~20 mph. Tried stopping on a very muddy road. I tried and failed.I stopped quite well after going through the hedge and wall. Broke a headlight as well. Being a landie though, into reverse, finish last mile home a bit slower, unload and go round to say sorry.
Now that's inertia in action.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Peace
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 10:05 AM

If they weigh that much, ya have to lower them with a rope to avoid the splash.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:58 AM

I thought it was to make them more aerodynamic.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Peace
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:55 AM

"What ...... the curry farted and then Brucie did so as well"

Farted is an understatement. History got it wrong. Do you remember 'the shot that was heard around the world'? Krakatoa? The first nuclear blast? They were NOTHING by commparison. Nothing I tell you.

Also, while we're 'on' the topic: You know why turds are taperedat the ends? That's so yer a55hole don't slam shut.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:50 AM

My Fiat Scud is trundling along perfectly as usual. I have seen jOhn's van, and it is a piece of old clapped out shite!

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:49 AM

What ...... the curry farted and then Brucie did so as well

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:47 AM

You could sell it and buy another one with the battery in a sensible place... but then something else would go wrong on it. All machines are b******s. Get a horse and cart. They run on hay, i think.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Davetnova
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:35 AM

I think I want a solar van too. That is cool but £9,000 conversion costs.

Subject: RE: BS: Stupid Vans
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:30 AM

Couple I knew were giving a brand new, cab-over-engine, engine between the seats, van by Daddy (a Ford dealer). They moved to an area with lots of snow, and he, Big Brain that he was, decided that they needed more weight in the back for traction.

He found and put in a 1,000 pound safe.

One nice day, weather clear, road dry, no snow, he slammed on the brakes.

Every hear of inertia? He learned about it when the safe slid forward and hit the engine compartment.