BS: Salmon Tale

Subject: BS: Salmon Tale
From: GUEST,Sarah
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 01:57 AM

I've got to share this one with you.

I was queuing in Huddersfield MVC yesterday to buy a CD for my son's Christmas present when my bag broke and distributed my shopping on the floor in the most crowded part of the store.

It included a three foot long shrink wrapped Norwegian salmon which I then had to tuck under my arm for the rest of the trip.

Only in Britain could this happen with no-one batting an eyelid at me (me pretending that I'm not sporting a large fish).

Would make a great flash mob!

Cheers
Sarah

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: GUEST,Paul Burke
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 03:47 AM

Did the salmon offer you the choice of playing/ singing to please yourself, or to please others? Fish like that deserve poaching.

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 03:50 AM

Fish carrying is classed as a sport in Hull. You should try out for one of the local teams. PM sir jOhn for more details.

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 04:55 AM

The only proper way to carry fish is in a wicker basket to enable them to breathe. Fish suffocation is an offence in the UK.

Thankfully it is dying out now, but used to happen on a large scale.

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 04:56 AM

You could always break into Monty Pythons fish slapping dance, or The Salmon Tails Out Of The Bag [ in G ]

eric

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 05:11 AM

The fish slapping dance is illegal as well, unless in a duel, and then only special match grade salmon should be used. Any species found in a chip shop is right out, or charges of.....











...wait for it...














assalt and battery will be pressed. Vinegar optional

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 05:37 AM

Are you sure that shouldn't be SOCKEYE salmon?

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 06:51 AM

Hmmm, could well be...
You must make sure that it has fully defrosted though, or the coroner will decide something fishy killed them!

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 06:53 AM

And you could have cleaned it all up with a roll mop.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 08:57 AM

Perhaps we should get Sid Kipper to adjudicate, otherwise we will just be floundering while people carp on about our sole objective. As for that flamenco ted, eel have to go.

Do smoked salmon use cigars or pipes?

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 10:21 AM

Now that's just trawling the depths of humour...

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 11:25 AM

That's because I'm inSEINE.

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 11:31 AM

Derek Brimstone used to tell the story about his grand-daughter winning the "best pet" prize at a local fete with a tin of salmon.

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 11:45 AM

What's wrong with Scottish salmon?
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: Bert
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 01:33 PM

Scottish Salmon, you can't understand a bloody word they say.

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: gnu
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 02:15 PM

In the old days, up Kent County, poached salmon were generally carried inside the shirt just above the belt. If a warden did happen by and comment on your recent and sudden weight gain, it was customary to invite him for supper to demonstrate that the grub was so good anyone would gain weight. Wardens around the neck of the woods that my family came from were all fat.

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 04:48 AM

Well where do you keep your poached eggs then ?

eric

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: Peace
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 04:52 AM

Same place you do. In me pants.

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 05:26 AM

My ex kept her poached eggs in her bra;~)
Giok [I do ask for trouble don't I?]

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 05:53 AM

My ex wears a bra, but He's got nowt to fill it with either.

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: Peace
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 05:56 AM

I don't wear a bra and I got nowt to fill it with either.

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 05:59 AM

I keep my tobacco and lighter in mine.

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 06:14 AM

Is that lighter than tobacco? If so, you must be lopsided.

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 06:15 AM

Nay lad! Both cups are padded with fox fur for a fuller figure look! Goodness, what a lot of f's in one sentence.

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 06:55 AM

Flamenco Ted in Fuller Figure dress

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 07:19 AM

Very nice, but I'm not sure if I could get away with GARTARS and an ARPON.

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 08:33 AM

Do you mean 'garters' and 'apron?' All that flower arranging seems to be affecting your spelling.

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 09:07 AM

Merely repeating the spelling on the web site!

I'm not the flower arranger, I have e bloom free arse.

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 15 Jan 05 - 11:57 PM

fish.

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 Jan 05 - 12:10 AM

Eric the red put this thread in quite a pickle when he inserted a red herring with his mention of roll mops.

Subject: RE: BS: Salmon Tale
From: GUEST,eric the red
Date: 16 Jan 05 - 05:03 AM

Yes but    is Bismark a herring ?


eric