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BS: Well read my ass.......
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Subject: BS: Well read my ass....... From: Shanghaiceltic Date: 28 Dec 04 - 10:32 PM In the UK village fetes often had a tent with tarot and palm reading being offered. Just wonder how the type of bum reading below would go down with the local vicar! Still twisting in the mirror with my nether regions exposed to try and read that rahter large vertical line. Miami TV Psychic Looks to the Rear for the Future By Ihosvani Rodriguez The Associated Press Published: Dec 28, 2004 MIAMI (AP) - It's 10 minutes before the show goes live on the air, and nobody predicted the developing dilemma. The show's gossip reporter is having second thoughts about dropping his pants on live television to have his buttocks read by local television psychic Professor Jose Miranda. "What about reading it over my underwear?" asks the reporter, clearly upset and looking very serious. "I can't see the lines. How do you expect me to give a reading?" the oracle answers, just as serious. "I have to see the lines." Following an ardent debate, the producers of the phenomenally popular and raunchy late-night talk show La Cosa Nostra on Spanish-language WJAN-TV Channel 41 finally conclude Miranda must ascertain somebody else's future. Given the show's popularity, and Miranda's buzz that has made him an overnight sensation, the 53-year-old Little Havana soothsayer and self-proclaimed "rumpologist" should foresee no problem finding volunteers. The program's highly rated rump-shaking segments of scantily clad models and the flamboyant theatrics of Argentine co-host Javier Ceriani have taken a back seat to Miranda's revealing fortune telling. As it is, on the strength of its other features, the nightly show has been one of the most talked-about programs in the Miami-Dade County area for more than a year. Its grade-school humor exploits are recounted and potty-mouthed catchphrases repeated on Spanish-language radio stations everywhere. But ever since Miranda appeared on the show and read the fannies of some of the show's regulars, the alleged ancient psychic art form has become the butt of the show's jokes. "The show has taken a different turn, if that's even possible," segment producer Francisco Chinea said. "He's become the show's most important celebrity. We can't have him on the show enough." Since his first appearance on the show in late November, the producers have twice invited back Miranda, including one recent show devoted entirely to readings of "nalgas," Spanish for buttocks. Using bamboo sticks dipped in scented oil and crystals - though they may appear like garden pebbles to the untrained eye, Miranda assures they are "crystals specially imported from the Orient" - the butt oracle traces every line, curvature, dimple and imperfection of a person's posterior. He does this, of course, with a straight face. "The left cheek is the cheek of the future," Miranda said. "The right cheek is the cheek of the present. Your love life, your money, your career, everything is there. It's no different than reading a palm or someone's eyes." Miranda is quite serious about his craft. He began his studies into spirituality and numerology as a teenager in Havana. He doesn't claim to have supernatural psychic abilities, sticking mainly to numerology-based fortune telling such as tarot cards and horoscopes. "Yo no soy brujo," Miranda insisted, meaning he's not a witch. Since arriving in Miami in 1980 during the Mariel boatlift, Miranda said, he has made a modest living reading fortunes from his home and as a regular guest on local radio and television shows. He won't discuss his rates publicly, nor divulge the size of his clientele. It wasn't until four years ago that he began delving into rumpology. That was when he met actor Sylvester Stallone's mother, Jacqueline, at a psychic convention. As it turns out, Rocky's mom is a noted rumpologist, devoting an entire Web site to it. "People are hearing more about it ever since Jackie put it out there," Miranda said. "My clients are always demanding new ways of seeing things. I agree. The more you read, the more accurate the prophecies become." In some psychic circles, rumpology's not exactly a welcome subject, said Sheree Silver, president of the nonprofit Shiloh Spiritual Center in St. Augustine. "I can't imagine anyone wasting their time and money on someone like this when there are so many legitimate psychics out there," she said. Miranda is quick to dismiss his detractors, saying his clients have expressed no complaints and have come back for more. At the same time, Miranda admits that many are bashful about baring themselves in front of him. Fortunately, the magic of technology is available. "A lot of them prefer to e-mail me their pictures," Miranda said. "I encourage them to send one with a high-resolution." The trouser-dropping phobia became evident during Miranda's most recent appearance on La Cosa Nostra. With the gossip reporter refusing to go on, and with most of the regulars already having had their behinds read recently, Edwuin Bautista, a disk jockey with radio station WCMQ-92.3 FM, volunteered from the studio audience to be the final spectacle. Moments later, with the closing credits rolling and the entire studio in hysterics, there on the other end of Miranda's bamboo stick was Bautista's droopy and follicle-adorned rump beholding a fortune. Both appeared bleak. AP-ES-12-28-04 0723EST |
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Subject: RE: BS: Well read my ass....... From: Bill D Date: 28 Dec 04 - 11:00 PM ..............I started to compose a reply, but |
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Subject: RE: BS: Well read my ass....... From: Bill D Date: 28 Dec 04 - 11:06 PM still, I can see how a scientific study could be important. nevertheless, if this is what I'd be faced with, I think I'll stick to tea-leaves. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Well read my ass....... From: Kaleea Date: 28 Dec 04 - 11:11 PM I've heard of the old time Phrenologist "reading" the bumps on the head--but is it more accurate than the butt? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Well read my ass....... From: Shanghaiceltic Date: 28 Dec 04 - 11:26 PM By the way this is not to be tried after a visit to the local Indian eatery!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Well read my ass....... From: Liz the Squeak Date: 29 Dec 04 - 02:59 AM Ah, you have a complicated system here... I see a long life, but an early death.... good fortune and bad... a true love of Oriental extraction, from Sweden... hang on.... did you sit on a cane chair? Madame Zelda |
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Subject: RE: BS: Well read my ass....... From: Alba Date: 29 Dec 04 - 03:03 AM Oh my....I have never heard of this...and will of course, due to my shyness, not be getting a reading...lol I did however look up Sylvester Stallone's Mum's website. I did not look at the examples......it's early here in Maine. For the the stronger of you that wish to delve deeper (cough) into the mystery that Shangaiceltic has brought to our attention Clicky here Blessings Jude (still laughing) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Well read my ass....... From: Wolfgang Date: 29 Dec 04 - 12:46 PM This thread isn't complete without a link to Song Challenge 85 Wolfgang |
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Subject: RE: BS: Well read my ass....... From: Blissfully Ignorant Date: 29 Dec 04 - 12:58 PM I'm setting up a buttock reading service of my own... just come round to my house, post a tenner through the letterbox and stand outside my window for ten minutes with your trousers down, and i'll predict with startling accuracy how much you will be fined for indecent exposure. Or, indeed, lewd and libidinous behavour...i'm an equal oppertunities arse interpreter. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Well read my ass....... From: Dead Horse Date: 29 Dec 04 - 08:10 PM If a reading your rear can reveal your past, is the future a load of b*ll*x? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Well read my ass....... From: michaelr Date: 29 Dec 04 - 08:45 PM Idiocy is rampant. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Well read my ass....... From: Little Hawk Date: 29 Dec 04 - 09:47 PM So are indolence and obesity. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Well read my ass....... From: Shanghaiceltic Date: 29 Dec 04 - 11:55 PM Lines on the hand are at least well defined in their meanings, but creases in the cheeks, and what about those spots you get on yer bum? Do the spots have to be interpreted too, or just joined togther like a kiddies puzzle to make a nice picture. I think I could manage a Mona Lisa on my bum.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Well read my ass....... From: Sorcha Date: 30 Dec 04 - 12:00 AM ROF! I'm moving to Bliss' house.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Well read my ass....... From: Liz the Squeak Date: 30 Dec 04 - 04:15 AM Idiocy is rampant. If that is the case, show me where he lives, it's been a long LONG time since I had any rampant idiocy! Would a thong make any difference? This could have serious repercussions on JimmyT's expanding thong business (that's the business that's expanding, not the thong... although......) LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Well read my ass....... From: Georgiansilver Date: 30 Dec 04 - 05:41 AM Well, I suppose reading bums is stressless! You wouldn't have to worry about getting "behind" with your work eh? Best wishes. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Well read my ass....... From: GUEST Date: 30 Dec 04 - 06:02 AM I've got a hole in mine |
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Subject: RE: BS: Well read my ass....... From: Shanghaiceltic Date: 30 Dec 04 - 10:32 PM Aaah I see a long journey in darkness........where no sun shines..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Well read my ass....... From: Georgiansilver Date: 31 Dec 04 - 04:17 AM I think if I wanted a trip to "Uranus" I would most likely hitch a ride on a rocket! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Well read my ass....... From: *daylia* Date: 31 Dec 04 - 07:19 AM Well I went to the Y to read some asses yesterday (inspired by this thread) and y'know what I found out? EVERYONE'S cracked! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Well read my ass....... From: Dead Horse Date: 31 Dec 04 - 07:40 AM Hey Shanghaiceltic, Mona wouldn't by any chance be smoking a cigar, would she? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Well read my ass....... From: Georgiansilver Date: 31 Dec 04 - 07:49 AM To assess someones future, surely one must look at the whole of the body rather than the hole of it! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Well read my ass....... From: Flash Company Date: 31 Dec 04 - 10:08 AM Oh your future is a bum, Hallelujah, bum again Hallelujah, get your pants off......... The next line is rather subject to the gender of the other party! FC |
