BS: Being Grandpa

Subject: BS: Being Grandpa
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 11 Feb 05 - 09:54 PM

Being Grandpa (or Grandma) isn't an elected position. It's not even honorary. If you live long enough, it just kinda happens. For me, it happened seven years ago when my Father died. He was Grandpa Rasmussen, and without realizing it, I inherited that role. It's not an official title, and technically I am only Grandpa to my two Grandchildren and a slew of other grandchildren on my wife's side of our family. But, when push comes to shove, I've become a family elder.
Nobody asked me..

Grandpas (and Grandmas) are supposed to be wise, and patient. They help to hold the family together, and pass on the family history and knowledge to the next generation. Unfortunately, there isn't a training program to prepare you for the role. And most of us fall far short of what we should be. My Father, and his Father weren't exactly Grandpa material, but they did the best they could with what they had, and were loved for it. I try to keep a low profile, so that nobody gets any false illusions about my wisdom. It seems to work fairly well.

But, there are times when a family needs to draw strength from the elders, whether it's a Grandpa, a Grandma, an Uncle or an Aunt. Right now is one of those times for me. It's a reminder that as we get older, our roles in the family change. The younger generation even may occasionally look up to us. That's kinda sobering. But, maybe it's good, too. Kinda raises the bar on how we live. I mean, if someone is going to look up to us, maybe it's time we got our act together.

Mudcat whiskers are old and gray for many of us, and I know there are many Grandpas and Grandmas out there. Most of the time, it just means you get to spoil your Grandkids and have them look up to you in a very non-discrimating way.

I wonder... when did it dawn on you that you were the "new" Grandpa or Grandma? When a family tragedy happens, you learn quickly enough of your promotion.

I wonder if they have a Grandpa And Grandmas For Dummies book?

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: Being Grandpa
From: Kaleea
Date: 11 Feb 05 - 10:25 PM

While not a Grandma, I am an Aunt, & I helped to raise my 5 neices & nephews--from 15 to 33. When my neice had a baby last Oct., my intuition was loudly telling me that she would need help. While I knew that she could draw on her experience helping out with her much younger brother, I decided to go out to visit her after the baby came. She did need alot of help, & as I looked into the face of her baby, my heart was thinking, "This is MY baby! I am needed to help her raise this baby." My neice & her hubby were thinking just that while I was out there with them. I have never been a baby person, having not had children, but I always loved my neices & nephews, & we've been very close. In planning to move from the midwest out to sunny San Diego, I began to think that it must be a little like this to be a Grandmother. Her husband is from another country, & has missed his family alot. I realized that one reason why he is so attached to me (& I love that boy alot!) is that he sees me as a loving elder. While he has friends from his country, they have no elders, and when I met them, they all treated me as if I were their own Aunt. This really hit me, & I realized that "my kids" think of me as more than an aunt--long distance.
    They are both a long distance from their family, & these kids want & need elders. That is why I am happy to move across the country & be their Aunt--right there a few blocks away where they've found me an apartment. I don't know how to parent, or grandparent, or "greataunt" (as a verb), but I'm going to do my best to love them all unconditionally every day
--which means "for better &/or worse!" to me. I won't be keeping a low profile, cause they want me right in the middle of them. But, part of loving unconditionally, I figure, is being non-judgemental. So I am gonna do what I know to do, which is to love them. And, pray that we all turn out as decent grown-ups. Which, of course, means that this member of the "ME" generation has to grow up! This after having to put my father in a nursing home last week. Boy, do I ever feel like a "motherless (& fatherless) child" as one of my singing heroines, Mahalia Jackson, used to sing to me (via records) about.
The kids have often told me that one of the things they love about me is that I am an older kid who never grew up. I need the book, "How to be a grown up for dummies!" & "how to Grandparent even when you're the Aunt for dummies!"

Subject: RE: BS: Being Grandpa
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 11 Feb 05 - 10:30 PM

Beautiful story, Kalee. Your family is blessed to have you. You'll get yours! And be the richer for it.

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: Being Grandpa
From: GUEST,ragdall
Date: 11 Feb 05 - 11:07 PM

The eldest grandchild in this family is "Sweet Sixteen" today!!!!
(Stifling a sniffle) Where did all the years go?

rags

Subject: RE: BS: Being Grandpa
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 12 Feb 05 - 01:32 PM

Something very good in those years went into your grandchildren, rags..

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: Being Grandpa
From: Pauline L
Date: 12 Feb 05 - 10:07 PM

Kaleea, your story is very moving. I have no family at all, and at times, I really feel the lack. I try to make good use of my friends' families, but that's not quite the same. Happy Valentine's Day and lots of love to you and your family.

Pauline

Subject: RE: BS: Being Grandpa
From: GUEST,punkfolkrocker
Date: 13 Feb 05 - 12:15 AM

i'm only 46..

still a few months younger than Madonna..

never had kids..

going through midlife crisis..

and now you remind me i'm old enough to be a grandad..

bollocks !!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Being Grandpa
From: number 6
Date: 13 Feb 05 - 12:46 AM

Good thread.

I'm about to become a grandpa (for the first time) at the end of this month. The expected date is my 54th birthday. I can't say I'm overtly excited, since I really don't know what to expect. Much like the birth of our first child (our son), it didn't hit me until I first held him in my arms. That feeling I will never forget. I'm sure this baby will be something special, something to cherish, to mentor. these I'm without doubt willing to accept and am looking forward too.

Last summer my wife and I took the responsiblity of taking in her 84 year old mother. Her family wanted to send her to the 'nursing' home. something she rejected and I know would surely break her heart. This with objected to feverently. It is a lot of work, and can be somewhat tiresome to both of us. But to hear her laugh to my stoopid jokes, to hear her play some bongos that I bought her are so worth the ordeal. To listen to her stories of growing up in the highlands. Playing my guitar along to some of her old songs I cherish. I feel family's have to understand the humanity of it's members, to go the extra mile and sacrifice when they are in need.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Being Grandpa
From: goodbar
Date: 13 Feb 05 - 01:56 AM

my grandpa's the best. he's the only one in my family that doesn't piss the crap out of me. my step-grandpa is great, but he's one of those old timey conservative douches, so that makes him lose a lot of points with me.

Subject: RE: BS: Being Grandpa
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 13 Feb 05 - 04:12 AM

Number 6 - record those songs while you still can. I missed the chance to really get to know my maternal grandparents, Granny died when I was 8, and my Granfer when I was 12.

My eldest neice has her 21st birthday in 3 months time.... now that makes me feel REALLY old!

Limpit recently spent a weekend with her grandparents and has come home wanting to play 'Andersen Shelters' (World War II domestic use air raid shelter)... I'm wondering what on earth they did with her! Still, it's useful for her school history, to have someone who actually saw the war... one of her friends has a grandmother 2 years younger than I am.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Being Grandpa
From: hilda fish
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 03:37 AM

In my family I'm the matriarch of four generations now. As the eldest girl I inherited all the responsibilities of the mother of the family but as life has gone on I've had kids, grandkids, nephews, nieces and now great of each. I take particular interest in the first born girl of the next generation, my niece and her daughter, my great niece, as I was the first born girl of my generation and they each of theirs - its a spiritual thing but also an Elder thing. I am also godmother to 21 who have become defacto grandchildren and my oldest boys best mate became a son over the years and he has just told me his third child is on the way - he told me as soon as they knew. My step-son and his wife now have three girls who honour me as granny and so it goes. By the same token I have watched the children in my neighbourhood grow up and have children of their own who I almost regard as family and certainly, they rely on me as an older woman in the community. I have always known it was going to be like this - even if I hadn't had my children I always knew there was going to be a time when I would care for many generations - and it is a choice to engage or not as well as being an honoured and sacred role and one of the gifts of ongoing years. Part of the so-called 'getting of wisdom' which is also, in many cases, a gift of the years. Love it all, love it all. It fills my heart and makes me glad to be alive. A toast to all us grande ladies and gents!

Subject: RE: BS: Being Grandpa
From: Ethan's Granny
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 08:13 AM

I'm never likely to be a grandad, but as a granny I'm as happy as anything. I have no wise words, no homespun philosophies and no endless supply of patience, but if anyone ever hurt or threatened the cause of my grannydom or his lovely mum, they would find that they would get an old-fashioned granny-style thick ear from me that they wouldn't forget in a hurry.