BS: CRABS--ways to kill them

Subject: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Peace
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 03:40 PM

Before I ever got crabs I heard older kids talking about ways to kill them.

1) Shave half yer crotch.
2) Pour lighter fluid on the other half.
3) Light it.
4) When they run out of the fire to the clear spot, stab them with an icepick.

Have you heard any of these?

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: skipy
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 03:47 PM

Members of the Royal Air Force (including myself 25 years served!) are known as "Crabs" by members of the RN!
This is reputed to come from the first ever march past when the RAF where in their new uniforms & A senior RN officer taking the salute said words to the effect of :- "They look like crab fat"! - this was a paste issued by RN medics to clear crabs & was the same colour as the new cloth!
Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 03:48 PM

1. Set a mousetrap, and position genitals and croth area in receiving position in front of trap.
2. Wait.
3. When a crab moves and triggers the mousetrap, the mousetrap snaps down and kills the crab.
4. Repeat as many times as necessary.

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: annamill
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 03:49 PM

This place never fails to amaze me. Are those things still around? I haven't heard of anyone getting crabs in a long, long time.

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Peace
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 03:53 PM

Well, how often do people wnat to tell others about it. "HEY! Guess what I got?" Followed by, "So, feel like takin' in a movie, (insert name of member of interesting sex)?"

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 03:54 PM

LOL! What an icebreaker, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Peace
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 03:56 PM

Yeah. Hey, _____________, fell like goin' out with me and 17,649 friends?

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: annamill
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 03:57 PM

Yeah, huh? Point made. Still, I seem to remember hearing about them more often. Maybe it's an age thing.

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 04:00 PM

Tsk, brucie. An icepick? You'll miss too many of them. Use a hammer.

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Raedwulf
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 04:14 PM

Baseball bat. Be careful of flying shrapnel!

What?

Oh... not *that* sort of crab... {sidles off in disgust}

Brucie, you need help!

:p

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 04:41 PM

Use a HIGH powered vacuum cleaner.

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: jimmyt
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 04:45 PM

I now use the high volume suction at my dental practice and it is quite effective. Much better than my old system of using the deltal drill on each one of the little buggers as they run for cover. I have too many tiny painful holes in my groin as a result of that technique, but it did land me a spot in the boy's choir.

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Teresa
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 04:50 PM

Didn't the Kipper family do a song about this? Oh, wrong kind.

Happy valentine's day. :-P

Oh, that was mean of me!

Teresa

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 04:51 PM

Hey, you in the fish shop, what's the price of crab today? That much? Whoo hoo - come shake hands with a millionaire!!!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: artbrooks
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 05:07 PM

Pick each one off carefully. Put them into a box. Give them to your boss.

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 05:37 PM

Friend of mine used to take a can of hair spray and use that. Oh, yeah -- he sprayed it through the flame of a candle.

I understand that muriatic acid will also clean 'em right out. Just dip the affected parts in a basin of it and zip! the little buggers are gone, clean as a whistle.

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 05:39 PM

Exposure to 20,000 rads will do it too.

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Charley Noble
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 06:03 PM

In Maine we always use boiling water.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 09:48 PM

A quick Google shows that, according to the bbc, the old folk tale was true.

They can pole-vault.

John

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Metchosin
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 11:28 PM

Well, broad jump maybe, but pole vault? Don't be pediculous.

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Metchosin
Date: 14 Feb 05 - 11:38 PM

Ya sure you don't have a case of this, brucie?

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Peace
Date: 15 Feb 05 - 12:42 AM

LOL

Another way to rid one's self of the irritating little thangs:

1) Shave half the affected area
2) Pour scotch on the other half
3) Pour on at least 10 oz of scotch
4) Throw in a handful of sand
5) Let the bastard things get drunk
6) Watch them stone each other to daeth

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Peace
Date: 15 Feb 05 - 01:03 AM

Rapaire, you are a genius. A strange genius, but genius nevertheless.

This will solve the problem.

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Peace
Date: 15 Feb 05 - 01:06 AM

. . . or this.

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Peace
Date: 15 Feb 05 - 01:13 AM

Maybe this?

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Peace
Date: 15 Feb 05 - 01:18 AM

???????????

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Gurney
Date: 15 Feb 05 - 01:52 AM

Skipy, they still do in the NZNavy "How are you getting there?" "I'm flying Crab Airways."

JimmyT, That sounds like the old joke where the VD sufferer is given a note to go to a flautist. "Will he be able to cure my syphilis?"   "No, but he'll show you how to hold it."

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Feb 05 - 02:45 AM

LOL - you are nuts, murdoch.

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: GUEST,Hrothgar
Date: 15 Feb 05 - 06:14 AM

I'm curious about the vacuum cleaner method. Does this mean that you get rid of them by sucking them off? Seems to me that it would encourage them to stay.

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Feb 05 - 07:27 AM

In the immortal words of Kenny Everett ' round 'em all up, put 'em in a field and BOMB the bastards '

eric

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: GUEST,Charley Noble
Date: 15 Feb 05 - 08:29 AM

Brucie-

You have way tooooo much time on your hands!

There's a solution in the old bawdy ditty "The Old She-Crab" that comes to mind. Something about "knocking 'er off with the handle of a broom."

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 15 Feb 05 - 08:52 AM

I've had some delicious soups made from crabs when I've been in Maryland.

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Peace
Date: 15 Feb 05 - 10:40 AM

Rapaire, you sick puppy--so now I'm a restaurant?

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Charmion
Date: 15 Feb 05 - 11:02 AM

The third floor of the old Royal Canadian Navy hospital at HMCS Stadacona (the shore establishment at Halifax for the uninitiated) comprised the operating suite and the major surgery ward, where I slaved for some 18 months in my far-distant youth. Over the urinals in the men's bathroom (one bathtub, two urinals, three WCs and three sinks for 18 patients) was a fine brass plaque engraved with the following instruction: "Do not throw cigarettes in the urinal; they become soggy and hard to light. Do not throw matches in the urinal either; crabs can pole-vault."

My dear old sergeant (Royal Canadian Army Medical Corps, class of '53) told me that the blue paste (so coloured by its active ingredient, mercury), was what you did for 1st-stage syphilis, before penicillin came along. My Dad (Royal Navy, class of '39) told me that "crabfat" was the grey paint with which Her Majesty's ships are slathered. Members of the Canadian air force, once again dressed in blue-grey uniforms now that our national experiment in naval-military togetherness is ending, are still called crabfats -- by the pongoes as well as the matelots!

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: NH Dave
Date: 15 Feb 05 - 11:15 AM

A friend of mine, while using the loo in a fairly disreputable Texas Gas station thought he saw some scribbling about three feet above his head. Standing on the toilet he read, "No use standing on the seat, Texas Crabs jump ten feet!"

    Dave

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Feb 05 - 11:33 AM

Blue unction!

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Feb 05 - 11:38 AM

Eat at Brucie's! He grows his own!

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Peace
Date: 15 Feb 05 - 02:52 PM

You might be onto somethin' there, Rapaire. Each crab has eight legs. Multiply that by 5000. That's 40,000 legs. Get that in there with the mushrooms--why, this could be a whole new "Edible Woman" but different. Gotta give this some thought.

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Peace
Date: 15 Feb 05 - 03:32 PM

Hey, does anyone know if crabs regenerate legs when they get taken off? Looking fo ar sustainable, renewable resource.

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Charley Noble
Date: 15 Feb 05 - 03:40 PM

"Eat Brucie's Crabs" just doesn't carry as well as "Eat Bertha's Mussels." But what the heck, give it a try. I've been wrong before.

I also suspect that none of Brucie's crab would regenerate legs. If anything they would tend to be degenerate.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Peace
Date: 15 Feb 05 - 04:52 PM

An invasion of these would solve the crabs problem.

Noisy!

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Peace
Date: 15 Feb 05 - 06:03 PM

Of course, an invasion of THESE would sure set a neighbourhood tone, dontcha think?

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Peace
Date: 15 Feb 05 - 06:11 PM

Here's the remedy:

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Peace
Date: 15 Feb 05 - 06:32 PM

Get a gang of these suckers and you'll be callin' for help pretty soon.

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: GUEST,Art Thieme
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 09:20 PM

Go down to New Orleans and sing one o' them crab vending songs on the street. They'll be gone real quick. And you'll make some money to boot.

Art

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Cluin
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 09:25 PM

brucie, the method involving the booze and handful of sand was the one my highschool Health & Phys Ed teacher advised us. Some of the guys thought he was serious; those were the guys on the football, hockey and wrestling teams.

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Peace
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 09:33 PM

I played football.

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Cluin
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 09:35 PM

Me too, but not in high school.

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: GUEST,GUEST - Geoff the Duck.
Date: 18 Feb 05 - 09:49 AM

The story from my schooldays was little Johnny and little Billy at the back of the class. Suddenly Billy puts his hand in the air, shaouting "Miss! Miss!"
Miss loks up and says "What is it Billy?"
Billy says "Miss, do crabs walk sideways?"
Miss says "Yes, Billy, they do".
There is a moment of silence, then a lok of triumph on Billy's face as he turns to Johnny and says....
"SEE - I TOLD YOU - YOU'VE GOT LOBSTERS!


Quack!
GtD.

Subject: RE: BS: CRABS--ways to kill them
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 05 - 11:51 AM

After considering this thread (and the one on whelks), why not combine the two and let the whelks eat the crabs? The whelks are larger and easier to see, so after they eat the crabs you can pick off the whelks and eat them.

And that's the benefit of being at the top of that particular food chain....