BS: 1st official Pres. candidate

Subject: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Susu's Hubby
Date: 05 Jul 05 - 11:32 PM

I, Susu's Hubby, do, hereby, declare that I will officially throw my name in as the next President of these United States.

I will run under the Republican ticket and humbly ask for your votes. I ask not because I'm power hungry. I ask because I know that I'm right on so many issues and I have a sneaking suspicion that many of you know that I'm right as well.

As your next President, I promise to continue the war on terror. We will stay on course and get the job done in Iraq. When the job is done, our troops will come home. But not one minute sooner. Anybody who stands up and requests that our troops be pulled out before the job is done is more than welcome to travel to the forward areas and ask as many troops as they want to come back with them, provided the requester pay for the trip home for the homeward bound troops.

I promise to open up ANWR to oil exploration and restart oil rigs across the southwest and start new drilling both in the Gulfs of Alaska and Mexico. I vow to have the Middle East coming to us for their energy needs within the next twenty five years. I don't care if a few caribou ARE inconvenienced.

I promise to drastically cut funding to the United Nations (if not all) and return that hard earned money to the American people. Kofi doesn't need it as bad as he thinks he does.

I promise to protect our borders from foreign terrorists and give each American the assurance that when he/she stands on top of our mighty skyscrapers, the symbols of American strength and stability, they can do so in complete safety.

The only people that will remain in poverty will be the ones that decide that poverty is the life for them. Everyone else may take advantage of all of the opportunities that have presented themselves in the past that has made fortunes for many that were once in the same situation. For those that decide that poverty is all they're going to pursue, brooms will be provided so that the underpasses may be free of clutter so that they may lay down their cardboard boxes.

All children born to people that desire nothing greater than poverty will be adopted out to loving parents who want nothing but the best for their children.

The three R's will now become the four R's. We will add RESPONSIBILITY (as in PERSONAL) to the list. Everybody will learn how to take care of them and theirs.

Criminals will be punished to the fullest extent of the law. Parole will be permanently discontinued. People will, once again, pay, in full, for the crimes they commit.

This Presidential candidate is getting sleepy now and will finish up my campaign promises tomorrow.

For now, good night, sweet dreams and.....



GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!


Susu's Hubby

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Peace
Date: 05 Jul 05 - 11:50 PM

George, is that you?

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Peace
Date: 05 Jul 05 - 11:51 PM

If so, read the Constitution. You may not run in the next election. That's a no-no. Bad George.

Say g'night, Hubby.

G'night Hubby!

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 12:11 AM

Wow! What vision! What intent!! What hope!!

If reality only worked that way....


A

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Ebbie
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 12:13 AM

That is one more stupid presidential candidate. What is this country coming to.

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: dianavan
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 12:28 AM

"I don't care if a few caribou ARE inconvenienced." Have you ever heard of the web of life? Do you fail to understand how we are all effected when one of us is effected?

I think someone should have taught you about your responsibilities to this planet and to all those that inhabit it.

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 12:32 AM

Sorry, Hubby, but you're not the first official Presidential candidate.

This guy is!

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Kaleea
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 01:15 AM

Sorry, old man, but I've decided to declare the USA is now a monarchy, and I am now Queen! My first decision is that I'll be moving to a south sea island, or perhaps a lovely chalet in the Alps of undisclosed location for the duration of my reign. Therefore, All of the presently elected officials (except doublepewbush) will now report to the secret room on crapitol hill where you will all be locked in for a fight to the finish & the one who wins will be the new prime assistant to the Queen.    Good luck, suckers!
   PS, the musicians will now be in charge of the world.

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Susu's Hubby
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 08:00 AM

Kaleea,

I'm sorry but I just can't allow that. You may have Guam and Puerto Rico but that's it for now. Maybe Canada, if you like to ski.


Hubby

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: freda underhill
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 08:12 AM

I knew it - Susu's hubby is MG!

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 09:11 AM

Can I be the head of the secret police???

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Susu's Hubby
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 09:36 AM

...as I was saying....

Criminals will be punished to the fullest extent of the law. Parole will be permanently discontinued. People will, once again, pay, in full, for the crimes they commit. If repeat offenders cannot change their ways after two rounds of incarceration, they will all be banished to a secure hippy commune surrounded by razor wire and a deep mote with hungry alligators located deep in the Virginny hills. Their days shall consist of getting up at the butt crack of dawn, working in the fields until all the weeds are clear, and singing Kum Ba Ya to a guitar with two broken strings around the campfire at night while drinking tepid water and eating rice cakes and bean sprouts. This will be a life sentence. Of course, if anyone else sees this as the ideal life, you may join them. But remember, there's only an entrance. No exits. Do so of your own free choosing.

Speaking of Virginny. All Virginny and West Ginny slide rules will be sent to MIT for recalibration so that they may rule accurately and without bias and base their calculations on the hard truth of reality rather on wishful thinking of a few "enlightened souls".

I promise to encourage funding of the arts only if the projects they fund are "indeed" considered art and not anything obscene or in poor taste. A king size bed piled full of sliced ham is not art. It's lunch for those trying to raise above the poverty level. Plain and simple.

All tree huggers will be assigned the duty of upkeep of the federal buildings grounds and lawns. They will finally be given something to do that will truly give something back to the American people. They will be well compensated for their abilities.

Political correctness will be outlawed. End of discussion.

Michael Jackson and the Baldwins will be escorted to the border and given $100 and a sack lunch. They've teased us long enough.

It's time to keep America on the path of greatness. We've gotten a good start over the past two terms of my future predecessor and we must keep the momentum going in the right direction.

With a little work and determination, America will overcome all that is wrong in the world.

...and to borrow a line from a movie..."My name is Susu's Hubby, and I'm running for President of the United States."




Hubby

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Wesley S
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 11:15 AM

Yes - Hubby - But are you willing to sell your soul to the devil in order to afford to run a campain ? No matter how good or bad your ideas are you need to have LOTS of money, have a spotless record and be drop dead gorgeous in order to get elected.

I'm waiting to hear from Susu to see if you are qualified { or have permission } to run for office.

Susu ?

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: susu
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 11:17 AM

Hey honey, you can't give her Puerto Rico, that's my homeland! So I guess "Queenie" is stuck with Canada after all. Unless, you want to take over Cuba, and kill two birds with one stone. She will have a Caribbean island and you will be ridding Cuba of Castro. Let me know what you think, otherwise you will just have to re-occupy the Philippines and give her those. I love you. See you tonight. Susu

P.S. do you want me to call Ross Perot and see how much he wants to contribute?

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: susu
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 11:18 AM

Hey Wesley, he has me and I AM DROP DEAD GORGEOUS! Susu

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 11:25 AM

Dianavan told Hubby:

"I don't care if a few caribou ARE inconvenienced." Have you ever heard of the web of life? Do you fail to understand how we are all effected when one of us is effected?

I think someone should have taught you about your responsibilities to this planet and to all those that inhabit it.

Dianavan, have you no sense of humor at all?

(And the word you wanted was "Affected". With an A.)

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Wesley S
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 11:27 AM

So Susu - You'll be playing Hillary ?

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: susu
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 11:41 AM

Now now Wesley, there is no need for name-calling. WE ARE NOTHING like the CLINTONS! Maybe I will play the harmonica (but I am not good at it), but NOT Hillary. What a mean thing to say! Besides, I said I am DDG whereas she IS NOT (and I have my suspicions about her sexuality too! WINK WINK!) So please play nice okay? You can say I am Laura's gorgeous replacement if you wish. That I can handle.

Susu

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Susu's Hubby
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 11:51 AM

"Maybe I will play the harmonica"


Susu,

I think you're getting the facts mixed up with a joke. Instead of harmonica.......it should be "whore Monica". I mean, we are talking about Bill Clinton afterall.


Besides,

You know I don't like cigars!



Hubby

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: susu
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 11:59 AM

Hubby, if you start to even hint at acting like Billy, I will be out of here. Got it? But, I still love you. Susu

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: CarolC
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 12:00 PM

Everyone else may take advantage of all of the opportunities that have presented themselves in the past that has made fortunes for many that were once in the same situation.

Ahem...

That should be, "has made fortunes for many who were once in the same situation".

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: jacqui.c
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 12:03 PM

I think that we will have to put up another candidate.

He's drop dead gorgeous. He hasn't got a lot of money but I reckon that won't be a problem if we let it be known that he's standing. The money will just come pouring in, particularly when we threaten to let a few skeletons out of the cupboard and cats out of the bag.

He's very bright but can put on the dumb act when he needs to so he's one up on the present incumbent anyway. He's also very friendly so no problem with foreign relations.

IMO he can do a better job than the present lot and still find time to go walkies with his Auntie Mary. Vote for Seamus!

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Susu's Hubby
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 12:13 PM

Sorry about that CarolC....



I hereby nominate CarolC as the future Secretary of Education.




(I've just got to figure out a way to convince congress to OK it.)




Hubby

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Wesley S
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 12:13 PM

I've never heard it called a harmonica before...

C'mon Mudcatters - is anyone else willing to run ? Someone a little more - moderate ? A good tree-huggin', bring 'em home now, I got your weapons of mass destruction right HERE kind of canidate ?

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: CarolC
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 12:48 PM

Sorry Wesley, none of the people of conscience with whom I'm familiar, and who could and would do a good job, are willing to sell their souls to the devil.

Know what I mean?

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: CarolC
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 12:55 PM

BTW, Susu's Hubby, the candidacy you have described and claimed for yourself is not that of president. You have just declared your candidacy for Totalitarian Dictator of the United States and The Rest of The World.

And you're not the first. Claymore beat you to it a couple of years ago.

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Susu's Hubby
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 01:01 PM

Well then fine.....


I withdraw my nomination of you for S of E.


I now offer it to Amos.


He can use big words, too.


...and as Ray Stevens put it.......

"I don't love you anyway!"



Hubby

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: CarolC
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 01:11 PM

Yes. That's good. You wouldn't have liked the way I would perform that job anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Ebbie
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 03:19 PM

Wow, SH. You think you'll be more in agreement with Amos? LOL

CarolC, thank you for refusing the post. You would have been on probation - oh, I forgot- no probation for this ruler. Let me put it this way: You would have resigned the second day.

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: GUEST,Canadian
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 03:40 PM

How many times will we be allowed to vote for the candidate of choice?

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Ebbie
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 03:59 PM

Come one, come all. Canadians are definitely IN

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Susu's Hubby
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 04:24 PM

aw heck....why not.....


Those stuffed shirts in Indiana are letting the convicted felons vote now. Why not non-citizens?



That would definately change in my administration!



Hubby

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 06:42 PM

Michael Jackson and the Baldwins will be escorted to the border and given $100 and a sack lunch. They've teased us long enough.

What have Canada or Mexico done to deserve them?

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Susu's Hubby
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 07:17 PM

Now....on to more pressing matters at hand.


Once elected, I intend to council with everyone in the congress who continues to identify themselves with the leftward movement going on in this fine country today.

Take Ted Kennedy for example. Please... no but seriously, take Mr. Kennedy. His car and nephews have killed more people than probably 98% of the guns owned by Americans today and yet he still wants to take away your guns. That's just an outrage. And I'm not gonna stand for it.

Nancy Pelosi.....that woman has injected more botulinum toxin into her face than the Ruskies could have manufactured during the height of the cold war. And yet, she wants to scale back manufacturing and industry because of the pollution and arsenic that is found in our water supply. Let me let you in on a little secret....arsenic is a naturally occurring element. You find traces of it in just about anything you look at. So now she wants additional regulations that will put a stranglehold on production and lose jobs.

Richard Gephardt....good old dick...now he's a democrat from the good old days. I'd almost be proud to have him serve in my cabinet if it weren't for him toeing the extreme left party line and standing behind some of the most idiotic legislative pieces of crap that has ever come out of Washington.

John Kerry....what can be said about John that hasn't already been said? Oh...I know....he Served in Vietnam. For about 4 months. While the rest of our boys stayed there far longer. Some of which never came home. Then to think that he appeared with Jane Fonda on several occassions protesting the very same war and then threw his controversial medals over the White House fence. Now he has the gall to stand there and try to reverse my tax cuts while he and his ketchup queen of a trophy wife own multiple MCMANSIONS and look down on the common folks that he says he wants to help....


I'm sorry guys.......I'm practicing for my first fund raising speech.

Pretty good so far, huh?

I've got this thing wrapped up.

Hubby

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Bill D
Date: 06 Jul 05 - 07:44 PM

well...an interesting candidacy ..perhaps a big write-in vote will do it for you, Hubby....if they let your major supporters use crayons on their mail-in ballots.

As I read your platform, I wonder why you bother running, as Rush Limbaugh already has name recognition...you could just start a grassroots (crabgrass) draft for him!

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: dianavan
Date: 07 Jul 05 - 02:51 PM

Now there is an interesting thought - Allowing Mexicans and Canadians to vote in U.S. elections! Imagine........

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: GUEST,Canadian
Date: 07 Jul 05 - 05:09 PM

I would write in Minnie Mouse.

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Susu's Hubby
Date: 07 Jul 05 - 08:13 PM

As far as foreigners coming into the country just to vote....it should not happen.

Now if our friends from the south want to come in and serve tacos or burritos from a truck to the people at my rallies and lining up to vote for me, then by all means, come on up and make your fortune. That's what America is all about.

Even if our friends from up north want to come on down and serve moose burgers and snow cones, then I welcome them. I love all people. We all need to come together as NORTH Americans and learn about each others lives and customs. Hell, I'll even go one further. If Canada wants, to a greater extent, join us in the war on terror, I welcome all of their 1,500 soldiers. You're even welcome to bring your one tank if it's not in for repairs. We'll even lend you a couple of planes if any of you know how to fly.

I can eat your food. I can enjoy your customs. I don't need nor want your vote.

Any foreigner caught trying to break the law and vote will automatically be sent to Virginny to spend the rest of their lives trying to make two guitar strings from weaved tobacco leaves.

...and the campaign continues....



Hubby

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: dianavan
Date: 07 Jul 05 - 08:50 PM

Susu's hubby you said, "Those stuffed shirts in Indiana are letting the convicted felons vote now. Why not non-citizens?"

...and then you said, "As far as foreigners coming into the country just to vote....it should not happen."

Which is it?

I realize that most politicians will say anything to get a vote but you have contradicted yourself in less than four hours.

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: CarolC
Date: 07 Jul 05 - 09:07 PM

They would be breaking the law if they came here just to serve you tacos and cod tongues as well.

I'll leave it to the Canadians to set you straight on Canada's record in wartime situations (including the "war on terror"). They can do a much better job of that than me.

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Bobert
Date: 07 Jul 05 - 09:32 PM

Well, well, well...

I was allready to say I wouldn't vote fir Hubby fir dog catcher when I spotted the next category: "Rabied dog about to be caught and put out of its misery'.....

Hmmmmm?

Now that's something that Hubby is qualified for...

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: CarolC
Date: 07 Jul 05 - 09:40 PM

I don't think so, Bobert. Even rabid dogs could use a little compassion.

;-)

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Bobert
Date: 07 Jul 05 - 10:02 PM

Sniff, yer right, CarolC....

Sorry, Hub... I know hop much you enjoy yer miserable life so you just keep enjoyin' it....

Sniff...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Ebbie
Date: 07 Jul 05 - 10:23 PM

Susu's Hubby -I finally understand why you don't use your own name - I hope you are having a laugh here because otherwise the uneducated, ignorant, uninformed, gullible, bigoted and just plain nuts person living inside your skin is showing.

I hate leaving alone what you said about Canada and Canadians- but CarolC is right, they can infomr you of their history and capabilities better than I could hope to- and frankly, I hope they do a sarge on beetle bailey number on you.

Do you have any idea of how many untruths, half truths (another way of saying "lies"), and distortions you are promulgating when you say:

"Take Ted Kennedy for example. Please... no but seriously, take Mr. Kennedy. His car and nephews have killed more people than probably 98% of the guns owned by Americans today and yet he still wants to take away your guns. That's just an outrage. And I'm not gonna stand for it.

"Nancy Pelosi.....that woman has injected more botulinum toxin into her face than the Ruskies could have manufactured during the height of the cold war. And yet, she wants to scale back manufacturing and industry because of the pollution and arsenic that is found in our water supply. Let me let you in on a little secret....arsenic is a naturally occurring element. You find traces of it in just about anything you look at. So now she wants additional regulations that will put a stranglehold on production and lose jobs.

"Richard Gephardt....good old dick...now he's a democrat from the good old days. I'd almost be proud to have him serve in my cabinet if it weren't for him toeing the extreme left party line and standing behind some of the most idiotic legislative pieces of crap that has ever come out of Washington.

"John Kerry....what can be said about John that hasn't already been said? Oh...I know....he Served in Vietnam. For about 4 months. While the rest of our boys stayed there far longer. Some of which never came home. Then to think that he appeared with Jane Fonda on several occassions protesting the very same war and then threw his controversial medals over the White House fence. Now he has the gall to stand there and try to reverse my tax cuts while he and his ketchup queen of a trophy wife own multiple MCMANSIONS and look down on the common folks that he says he wants to help...."

?

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Susu's Hubby
Date: 07 Jul 05 - 10:27 PM

Susu's hubby you said, "Those stuffed shirts in Indiana are letting the convicted felons vote now. Why not non-citizens?"


Come on dianavan,


Can't you recognize a little well placed SARCASM whenever you see it?



That's it....


Not only are we going to add RESPONSIBILITY to the schools but also a healthy dose of describing reality with the artful use of sarcasm.


Bobert,

"Rabied dog about to be caught and put out of its misery'....."

That's what I've been doing since day one on Mudcat. Now I know that you'll disagree, but a sick dog doesn't know he's sick. He just knows that things aren't right in his perception of reality.


"Hubby for President in '08!


Hubby

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: Bobert
Date: 07 Jul 05 - 10:30 PM

Yeah, Ebbie, that's about Hubby in an *nut*shell.... Problem with Hubby is that unlike MG, he gets a free pass to say what ever pops into his mindlessness...

Facts??? Screw 'um....

He or she is just another sick exhibitionist... What ever happened to the days when folks like hubby just set up shop on an overpass and flashed their stuff to the oncoming drivers???

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: CarolC
Date: 07 Jul 05 - 10:46 PM

That's what I've been doing since day one on Mudcat.

That's pretty funny. And here I thought you had mistaken your computer monitor for a mirror and you were just preening yourself all this time.

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: bobad
Date: 07 Jul 05 - 10:57 PM

Mr. and Mrs. Susu

You appear to be trapped in some kind of a time warp circa 1952. If you need help getting out send a signal and we'll try or best to extricate you. The password is Kraft miniature marshmallows.

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: CarolC
Date: 07 Jul 05 - 11:00 PM

LOL!

Subject: RE: BS: 1st official Pres. candidate
From: dianavan
Date: 07 Jul 05 - 11:28 PM

Susu's hubby - "Not only are we going to add RESPONSIBILITY to the schools but also a healthy dose of describing reality with the artful use of sarcasm."

When you're tying to be funny, you use a little :>) after the joke so everybody knows where you're coming from. Even if you were joking, you were still contradicting yourself.

Our schools in Vancouver have taught social responsibility for a very long time. I'm glad you see the need in your own system. Maybe we wouldn't have to put up with GW and his gang of thieves if they had learned a little respect as youngsters.

By sarcasm, do you mean, "A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government."
-- Edward Abbey