BS: Worst War Film

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 12:02 AM

I'm tellin' ya, that movie stands ALONE. At first you think, "Hey, this could be pretty good..." Then you begin to wonder. Then the tragedy and melodrama just start to clamp down on your brain like a rusty bear trap...but you can't tear yourself away. What gut-wrenching, insane thing will happen next? Then you begin to realize you've been suckered into wasting over 2 hours of your life on something that is pulling you slowly into an altered state of consciousness that could lead to doing something really weird that would not be beneficial in the least. Then you KNOW you've made a mistake, but you just can't walk away without finding what in the hell is going to happen at the end of the whole mess. And then...KER-SPLAT!!! The final climactic, bloody scene sort of chaotically brings the whole thing to a conclusion that you could spend time thinking about...but do you really want to?

Naw...

Best to just go and clear your head by watching a couple of Trailer Park Boys episodes instead.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 11:04 PM

CAUTION THREADCREEP IN PROCESS
Brad Pitt was really good in Kalifornia playing a serial killer. I also liked him in Fight Club. He's got a limited range, for sure.
Anthony Hopkins was definitely strange in Legends of the Fall. Couldn't he have played it as a speech-impeded stroke victim instead of a completely unintelligible stroke victim?
Pitt- Where's Martha?!
Hopkins- Reahhhhhh mrrrghhhh aaaa hggghhhhhh!!!
Pitt- Oh my God! Is Billy with her?
Hopkins- ROWRRrrrrrr!!! MpppphhhhmmmmAACCCKKK!!
Pitt- Then I'd better take the rifle.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Lighter
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 05:03 PM

Whenever Brad is "the only redeeming feature" of a film, it is, by definition, a "crappy movie."

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 04:28 PM

Here is a review of "Legends of the Fall" that I found on the Net. Sounds about right to me...

Legends of the Fall is a sprawling epic about three brothers, their father, and the woman who weaves among all of them. The film is primarily focused with the middle brother, played by Brad Pitt. Pitt is the only redeeming feature of the film; Pitt's talents have gone relatively unnoticed since his debut in Thelma and Louise in 1991, and Legends should give him the notice he deserves.

The rest of the cast is not so lucky. Henry Thomas (the kid from E.T.) still looks like he did ten years ago, Aidan Quinn is out of his league, Julia Ormond spends the majority of the film in tears, and even Anthony Hopkins has a dismal role, half of which he plays as a stroke victim.

While it has some lush cinematography, Legends soon becomes The Movie That Will Not Die, degenerating from stoic period piece to a Three Stooges slapstick movie to a bad soap opera. After about two and a half hours (and some 50 years of family dramatics), it's a relief that all the principals are dead.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 03:15 PM

The movie you refer to, Lighter, was called "Legends of the Fall", and BOY was that one melodramatic movie!!! Holy crap. You had to sit through the whole thing to believe it. It was an experience somewhat akin to passing a large monkey wrench slowly through the intestinal tract...backwards...

But his hair looked great, eh? And could he ever glower and get depressed and morose looking! Just thinking about it makes me want to eat anchovies. Lots of anchovies. In pickle juice. On a slice of dessicated haggis. Mmmmmmm...mmm!

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Le Scaramouche
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 01:22 PM

He also can't act.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: GUEST,Lighter at work
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 10:59 AM

What was that movie that featured Brad as a Canadian with waist-length, highly shampooed blond hair who managed to keep said hair waist-length and highly shampooed as he battled in the trenches of the Great War ?

Surely that was the "worst war sequence in a nonwar movie."

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 09:51 AM

Yes, well, Brad's biggest problem is that he is simply TOO recognizable. ;-) This tends to compromise almost any part he plays. I thought, though, that he was perfect for "Seven Years in Tibet".

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Le Scaramouche
Date: 24 Aug 05 - 04:35 AM

And prefferably not star Brad 'if I stare hard enough my eyes can meet in the middle' Pitt.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Aug 05 - 08:50 PM

"Troy" was odd. It had its moments. It had some serious flaws. I'd give it about a 7.5 out of 10. That's reasonably good.

If a movie was made that really did justice to Homer's tale, it would have to be a 12-hour movie, at least.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Cluin
Date: 23 Aug 05 - 08:46 PM

"Troy" was pretty bad.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 23 Aug 05 - 08:11 PM

So...do ya have to get hammered to play it?

If ya do, I ousghta be a nacheral.

- BDiBR

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 23 Aug 05 - 07:25 PM

Les Dawson playing the hammered dulcimer? That do?

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: alanabit
Date: 23 Aug 05 - 03:28 PM

Oh come off it Arne, putting a hammered dulcimer in a film is not enough to put it in the list of "Worst War Films". We need something more drastic than that to meet our demanding standards of atrocity!

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: GUEST,Arne Langsetmo
Date: 23 Aug 05 - 12:47 AM

Gotta put in a plug for "The Guns of Navaronne". One of only two movies I've known of that has a hammered dulcimer in it.....   ;-)

Cheers,

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Aug 05 - 12:34 AM

Hey, come on... ;-) Look for the humour in my posts, man. I wasn't criticizing Jeb's spectacular beard, I was admiring it. He was quite a young man, yet he grew a beard that would have struck fear into the hearts of Old Testament prophets had they seen it! And in the 1860's that was being right in style. Beards were popular. To reproduce a beard as magnificent as Jeb Stuart's is no joke. Maybe that's why it looked fake.

"Could the unpleasantness at Gettysburg have been avoided if they had got together and said, Let's settle this sensibly - we'll have a 'Who has got the silliest beard competition?', have a few drinks, sing one or two songs, bit of line dancing, .........?"

Hmmm. Well, yes, it could have been avoided...thus:

Robert E. Lee could have avoided going into Pennsylvania at all, which would have been wise. Longstreet suggested instead that the Army of Northern Virginia should commit heavy forces to the Western theatre, and block Union moves into Tennessee. That would have been extremely wise. As long as the South fought on its own ground it had several tactical advantages...

- the use of interior lines of supply, movement, and communication

- the assistance of a sympathetic local population

- familiarity with the battleground

- the strong motivation of defending one's own soil against the invader

- the advantage of fighting defensively in a war where the well chosen defensive position was usually the key to inflicting tremendous casualties on an attacker and winning the battle.

All those advantages were thrown away by Lee when he moved north into Pennsylvania, as they had been previously when he moved north into Maryland (and fought to a bloody and desperate draw at Antietam). The results were disastrous for the South. The West was irrevocably lost, and the cream of the Army of Northern Virginia was slaughtered in fruitless attacks on the Union's well positioned defence lines on Cemetery Hill and other dug-in locations at Gettysburg. The Union could survive terrible losses in the field. The Confederacy could not. Lee made the biggest mistakes of his life at Gettysburg. He should have listened to Longstreet.

And I'll tell you who had the silliest facial hair: Ambrose Burnside, that's who! ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: robomatic
Date: 22 Aug 05 - 10:58 PM

Guest, Lighter at Work THANKS for the lead on "Jungle Fighters" I'll see if it's borrowable or rentable just for old times' sake.

Tom Cruise is a caution. I've found him talented and eminently watchable in his breakthrough role in "Risky Business". Also real good in "Rain Man" and "Color Of Money". Okay in the somewhat predictable "Top Gun" and humorless and rather overexposed in "War Of The Worlds" although that movie was weakened more by story and plot than Tom.

I had a pet peeve with John Wayne. He just seemed so monotonic, the American version of Jack Hawkins. But he was perfect in one of the great Westerns of all time: "The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence". Time does funny things and I rather appreciate Mr. Wayne AND Mr. Hawkins.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: GUEST,wld
Date: 22 Aug 05 - 09:08 PM

Could the unpleasantness at Gettysburg have been avoided if they had got together and said, Let's settle this sensibly - we'll have a 'Who has got the silliest beard competition?', have a few drinks, sing one or two songs, bit of line dancing, .........?

But then no Gettysburg address, or perhaps it would have been on different subject....

strange how fashions change ......nowadays people would say, I'm not following that guy...... have you seen his beard?

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Le Scaramouche
Date: 22 Aug 05 - 06:38 PM

Actualy, BHD wasn't mentioned in the context of 'worst'.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: GUEST,DB
Date: 22 Aug 05 - 05:02 PM

Oh dear! Why did someone have to mention 'Black Hawk Down'? Definitely not a "Worst War Film" but a flawed one, all the same. Neither the film nor the book explain why the American forces got it so dreadfully wrong, in Mogadishu, in 1993. All the emphasis seems to be on how heroic the Rangers were in this pathetic and bloody debacle. They were supposed to be there as peacekeepers but started by massacring several pro-American local leaders and went on to grossly underestimate the ferocity of the rebel militias. The battle in the city, during which the rangers sustained the losses so graphically portrayed in the film, also led to the deaths of hundreds of Somalis. All I could think of, whilst watching the wounded Rangers receiving medical attention, at the end, was, what sort of medical attention did the innocent Somalis, caught up in the crossfire, receive? But then, I suppose the handy term "collateral damage" covers that one off!
After 1993 it seemed, for a while, at least, that 'The World's Greatest Superpower'had learned some sort of lesson - although I suspect that many in Rwanda, Bosnia, Kosovo, and not to mention Somalia itself, rather wished that it had learned some common sense rather than just flunking out. Then came Iraq and the 'collaterally damaged' started stacking up (uncounted!) and the body bags started winging their way home. Of course when oil's at stake there can be no flunking out - whatever the cost!
Still, let's look on the bright side, perhaps some great films will come out of the shambles of Iraq, once it's over. Great or lousy - I'm not sure that I will be watching!

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: number 6
Date: 22 Aug 05 - 04:03 PM

Oh come on LH .. George Clooney's beard in O Brother, Where Art Thou was more convincing than Jeb's.

stupefying, unbleivalble, awe-inspiring ..... Jeeeeesh!

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 05 - 03:50 PM

Jeb Stuart's REAL beard looked phony! I mean, it was just incredible, that beard. Only one man in a hundred could grow a beard like that. It was stunning, awe-inspiring, stupefying, unbelievable, overwhelming....large.

To ask a mere actor to actually GROW a beard like that would be asking far more than should be asked of any actor, in my opinion.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: number 6
Date: 22 Aug 05 - 02:15 PM

God and Generals ... one annoying factor of that TV Movie were the phony beards ... they looked ... well, phony.

A Bridge Too Far ... that was pretty good ... as good as you can get to the book.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 22 Aug 05 - 01:46 PM

Gods and Generals had some of the most stilted, pretentious, stultifying dialogue of any film I've ever seen. And I am an easy audience for Civil War movies, having liked Gettysburg despite some of the same flaws. Many war movies have the same weakness...excellent action sequences strung together with incredibly boring narrative or dialogue filler. Troy had some fantastic battle scenes bracketed with totally ridiculous soap-opera interpretations of the myths behind them.
Two other very good films :
Patton. Possibly the best view ever of the dichotomy of glory and horror that battle represents, and a great glimpse of the politics of armies. George C Scott was absolutely hypnotic in the role.
A Bridge Too Far. Courage and sacrifice of the ground soldier contrasted with the egotistical folly of their leaders. Again, great action sequences and Anthony Hopkins in a fine portrayal of the gritty Brit paratroop leader.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: GUEST,weelittle drummer
Date: 22 Aug 05 - 08:54 AM

recently saw Downfall - an everyday tale of life in the Bunker - good film! I thought

i still think feel myself to be leading the field with escape to victory.

however fans of the password is courage will be delighted to learn that it is on a permanent tape loop on TCM movies channel.

you know when jesus said we will inherit eternal life - did he mean something like featuring on TCM, the thought disturbs me occasionally

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 05 - 08:46 AM

"The Patriot" was one that I avoided seeing, for the same reason that I have avoided seeing "The Green Berets" and "Rocky IV" and "The Passion of Christ". One of the requirements of living a responsible life is to avoid injesting toxic substances.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: GUEST,Lighter at work
Date: 22 Aug 05 - 08:02 AM

"84 Charlie MoPoc" is excellent.

And "The Patriot" is so bad I repressed the memory.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: ard mhacha
Date: 22 Aug 05 - 07:54 AM

Scoville, a perfect summing up of Gods and Generals, i must look out for your best war time movie.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Hopfolk
Date: 22 Aug 05 - 07:30 AM

Hey, Lighter, The thread is for WORST war film... BHD is too good for that imho.

My tuppence goes to "Thin Red Line" - the only film I have ever walked out of. Poetically ruminative GI's gunning down fear-stricken, retreating Japanese soldiers does a disservice to both sides. And sitting on a grenade won't just blow off your arse, mr Nolte!

PS: My fave has to be "Charlie MoPic".

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Peace
Date: 22 Aug 05 - 12:19 AM

The worst? "The Patriot".

One of the better? "We Were Soldiers".

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Scoville
Date: 21 Aug 05 - 09:08 PM

I haven't seen many but Gods & Generals had to be right up there. What a load of maudlin, weepy, hyperbolic garbage.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Lighter
Date: 21 Aug 05 - 07:11 PM

Two outstanding movies not yet mentioned: "The Sand Pebbles" and "Black Hawk Down."

For those who may think the Americans in "BHD" are too gung-ho, remember they're Rangers and Delta Force. They live for that stuff.
In terms of a realistic picture of chaotic modern combat, it's unsurpassed. (As usual, though, the book is better.)

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: GUEST,DB
Date: 21 Aug 05 - 05:59 PM

This afternoon, for no good reason, I sat through the last half hour of 'The Longest Day',which dates from 1962, and is (purportedly) about the Normandy landings. It had lots of stars in it including John Wayne, Richard Burton, Sean Connery, Rod Steiger, Kenneth Moore etc., etc. - they were all playing themselves. The only thing that I can say about it is: I'm very, very glad that I didn't have to see the rest of it and thank God that I missed Rod Steiger's bit!

I agree with some previous correspondents about 'Stalingrad' and 'Enemy at the Gates'. The former was tedious and unconvincing and a very long way up its own bottom; the latter was remarkably good for a Hollywood film.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: ard mhacha
Date: 21 Aug 05 - 04:37 PM

Alanabit, I have read the book The password is courage and the film is an insult to a brave man, according to the credits he was an advisor on some of the scenes, an awful film.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: ard mhacha
Date: 21 Aug 05 - 04:17 PM

Got it William Shatner.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: ard mhacha
Date: 21 Aug 05 - 04:16 PM

Walrus, That bloody awful film The Password is Courage was shown last week on a British TV Station, an afternoon matinee, if Dirk Bogarde had ever seen this afterwards he would have given up acting, terrible.

Escape to Victory, whoever was responsible for this load of rubbish should have done time, and as for Pearl Habour, can they be serious.

Not quite qualifying for a war film, but on the same theme was, Trial at Nuremburg, with Spencer Tracy, this time I nominate this film as one of the best, acting at its best, a classic, and believe it or not also taking a small part was "Captain Kirk", can`t remember his name, panned regularly on the Mudcat.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 21 Aug 05 - 11:27 AM

I watched 'Paradise Road' last night.... Ye Gods but it was tedious. It was vastly inferior to the BBC series 'Tenko', which was basically the same premise but executed in a far more moving manner. And it wasn't a patch on 'A Town like Alice'..

As I type this, John Wayne is involved in capturing Pegasus Bridge in 'The Longest Day' - a moving moment as I was standing there on that very bridge in June, just a few days after the D-Day celebrations and had the most wonderful hot chocolate in the Cafe there.

It doesn't matter how terrible or inaccurate or downright wrong a war film is, if it reminds us of the sacrifices made by ordinary men and women of all nations and the debt we will always owe them, then it's a good film.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Le Scaramouche
Date: 20 Aug 05 - 11:32 AM

And it's entertaining.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 05 - 10:33 AM

They already kind of touched on that in Pearl Harbour, didn't they? And then there was "Those Magnificent Men in their Flying Machines", all those years ago. Same basic scenario that you describe, only it's not about a war, it's about a race.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Le Scaramouche
Date: 20 Aug 05 - 10:33 AM

Got what right.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 20 Aug 05 - 10:25 AM

Amazingly, Hollywood actually seesm to have got it right this time. There were actually Americans there in reality as well as in the film.


I'm waiting for the film where the Battle of Britian is won single-handedly by a US figher pilot, complete with romantic conflict with a very public school Englishman...

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: s6k
Date: 20 Aug 05 - 09:35 AM

the film i mentioned earlier, To End All Wars, is coincedently on BBC2 in the UK tonight at 10.40pm

i HIGHLY recommend you to see it, its one that many people don't know about, but its a brilliant film, watch it or tape it

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: jaze
Date: 20 Aug 05 - 08:36 AM

Heaven Knows, Mr Allison.- a nun and marine trapped together on a Japanese held island.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Le Scaramouche
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 05:57 PM

I don't have to want to, it comes easy.
However, Cruise is certainly nothing like John Wayne. Russell Crowe is much closer. I hated the O'Brien books and just barely tolerated the film.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 05:28 PM

I liked "The Last Samurai". A lot. But that's partly because I love any story whatsoever that is set in Japan and has to do with military stuff. I don't care what it is. I'm a Japanophile, that's all there is to it.

Still, I think it was a pretty cool movie, regardless.

I don't know why so many people want to hate Tom Cruise. He doesn't bother me.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: alanabit
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 05:06 PM

The Walrus, I fear you may have your wires crossed about The Password Is Courage.
There is a book of the same title about Sergeant Major Charles Coward. A more inappropriate surname could not have been given to him. He was quite a man.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 04:44 PM

I don't think this category can be complete without some mention of the actor with the chops, image and stature of a John Wayne action figure. Mr Tom Cruise.

How about "The last Samurai"? Need I go on? How about Tom Gun? Based on a Reader's Digest article, a pretty good music video but a truly wretched war movie. The enemy were MiGs without a country for Yeager's sake.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Charmion
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 04:14 PM

The prison camp escape story with a piece of gymnastic equipment in a major supporting role was "The Wooden Horse".

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 03:53 PM

I think that's it, Walrus.

Believe it or not, I saw it at a movie theater at Ft. Riley, Kansas!

Subject: RE: BS: Worst War Film
From: The Walrus
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 03:48 PM

Rapaire,

"...In 1963 I saw a British film based on the the Great Escape premise that totally flattened "The Great Escape" (which I saw later). Can't remember what it was, tho.... "

Could the film have been "The password is Courage"?, Dirk Bogard as one CSM Coward, leading a mass breakout from a POW camp? (Same tunnel-stops-short-of-the-tree-line plot twist).
Do you remember a bit where a saw mill burns down or a train is derailed at some point?

Walrus