BS: kilt inspections

Subject: BS: kilt inspections
From: GUEST,Davetnova
Date: 30 Aug 05 - 08:38 PM

In vrious states of drunkeness at gatherings where the kilt is worn, it has been my duty to carry out kilt inspections. Somehow, no matter how large or small the gathering there is always one and only one who does not honour tradition. Why is there ever only one. Is it some sort of celtic physcic phenomenum? When donning the kilt for a function does some kind overmind come into play which sets up a single participant to play the undergarmented scapegoat?

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 30 Aug 05 - 09:15 PM

I am reminded of the Classic Carry On Movie
"Carry On Up The Khyber".

The Tilt of The Kilt...

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 05 - 09:17 PM

Does this have anything to do with Farley Mowat?

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: GUEST,davetnova
Date: 30 Aug 05 - 09:21 PM

Farley Who?

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 05 - 09:32 PM

Farley Mowat. He's a Scottish-Canadian author of some note. Has had a few big-selling books over the years, some mainly humorous and some devoted to ecological causes. He seems to delight in offending high society. At some posh dinner party in Ottawa (our nation's capital) he became annoyed (I assume) by a lady who was going on and on about something. He reached under his kilt, pulled down his jockey shorts, wadded them up, and threw them in her face.

I have no idea whether or not this incident helped him sell more books. ;-)

He was once refused entry into the USA, because of his reputation as a "subversive radical".

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: GUEST
Date: 30 Aug 05 - 09:34 PM

he sounds like he was converted to tradition.

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: mack/misophist
Date: 30 Aug 05 - 11:54 PM

Glad to hear he's still around.

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: LadyJean
Date: 31 Aug 05 - 12:35 AM

Many years ago I was in the company of a very drunk Scot. When one female asked him what he was wearing under his kilt, he pulled the thing up and showed her. He wasn't wearing anything. The woman had seen one before. In fact she'd seen several. But she still screamed and hid her face. It was an entirely satisfactory reaction. So, when he encountered George, a very dapper, rather effeminate gentleman, he whooped and pulled his kilt up again. George looked, shook his head, and said, "Is that all?" It was a beautiful moment.

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: GUEST,Shanghaiceltic
Date: 31 Aug 05 - 12:47 AM

On one of the submarines I served on we had a guy who could play the pipes. The skipper thought it be classy if he stood on the casing piping us alongside.

On the first occassion the said pipe was in overalls as he was stoker, the captain thought it would be better next time if Buck wore his full regalia. He did. Just as he was playing a good lament, proudly standing on the bow casing a gust of wind tore down the Gareloch and literally blew up the kilt revealing all. Buck being unflappable carried on playing and as the wind dropped so did the curtains on the 'Casing Show' as it became referred to.

The Commodore at Faslane sent a signal care of the skipper asking Buck 'Not to scare the WRNS or dockyard maties with any further displays of shrunken manlihood' It was a rather cold day.

Subsequently Buck obeyed orders and there were no more Casing Shows, he had his wife put in some lead weights into the kilt and he was also forced to wear underwear.

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 31 Aug 05 - 03:58 AM

Pipes of all sorts usually play better when warmed up.
G..

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 31 Aug 05 - 04:17 AM

The late Cpt Jünger (died some years ago as a centenarian) wrote about an appalling experience when serving with the 73rd Inf (The Gibraltars) in WWI:
After they had repelled an attack of Scotch units a strong wind began to blow, and it was a horrible view to see all those brave Scots lying there with their kilts blown up ...

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 31 Aug 05 - 04:19 AM

Towersey this year had a grand variety of kilts, from full dress to the plain khaki 'utilikilt' with integral sporran (purse) and rear pockets. Never did find out if they were worn properly but as there were a couple of hot and sweaty days, I hope they were not too 'chafed' when they got home.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: Micca
Date: 31 Aug 05 - 04:54 AM

On the matter of "chafing" Liz, Keep the "Savlon" story to your self!!!
As I understand it (especially under military regulationss), Underwear is Always worn with a kilt if -
1 Dancing
2 taking part in Highland Games (hammer throwing is particularly revealing)
3 Physical activity that might be "revealing" and where there isnt a hand free to prevent the kilt rising.

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 31 Aug 05 - 05:25 AM

There is a photo somewhere on the internet that would indicate the need for a fourth indictment... when Royalty is present. It shows the Queen seated with a Highland regiment, one of whom has failed to slacken off his kilt so that it drops to er... fill the gap between his legs.....

Regretably, I have no working search engine at the moment so I cannot link to it for you....

But it's there....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: Kenneth Ingham
Date: 31 Aug 05 - 05:50 AM

Twisted seedy SCOTCH perverts inspecting each others skirts.

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 31 Aug 05 - 07:05 AM

"What's worn under your kilt?"

"Nothing - It's in perfect working order!"

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: PoohBear
Date: 31 Aug 05 - 11:00 AM

What's worn beneath a kilt? Shoes and socks, of course!

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: Tirghra
Date: 31 Aug 05 - 03:22 PM

The Scottish are very interesting...:)

"It's not a skirt, it's a kilt!"

Tirghra

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: MMario
Date: 31 Aug 05 - 03:23 PM

yeah - but y'know what "kilt" means in gaelic? skirt!

And nothing is worn beneath the kilt because it's never been used!

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: EBarnacle
Date: 31 Aug 05 - 03:26 PM

What's worn under your kilt, lad?
Lipstick, if I get lucky!

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 01 Sep 05 - 10:45 AM

"Three colours of lipstick on a really good night."

"How warm are yer hands, lassie?"

"Ask your wife/sister/mother" Only useful for getting rid of people who are much smaller than you...

there's a list of about 90 replies floating round the net somewhere.

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: Alaska Mike
Date: 01 Sep 05 - 11:52 AM

Catter, Mr Red, sent me this one...How many budgies can you get under a Scotsman's kilt? It depends on the size of the perch.

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: frogprince
Date: 01 Sep 05 - 12:47 PM

Forgive the thread drift, please, but who else remembers the delightful experience of "short arm inspection" from Navy boot camp?
Supposedly it was a health/hygine measure, carried out just before most of the boot company would be working in the mess hall for a week. But the "inspection" consisted of walking in file, dangling in the breeze, a few feet from whatever petty officer got stuck with the "duty". Really just a traditional part of degrading recruits psychologically.

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: Cluin
Date: 01 Sep 05 - 04:09 PM

I was playing a Burns Night a few years ago at a local hotel ballroom (shut up!) as an alternative to one of the local pipe bands and when I went to the washroom at one point about a half dozen of the pipers were in there, occupying all the urinals. Humorous view of them all bellied up to the pisscatchers, kilts held up and clenched between teeth, getting rid of their filtered MacEwans, Tartan and Guinness. I was wishing I had a camera but contented myself with saying, "So all you lassies have go to the bog together when you get your dresses on, eh? I'm surprised you didn't have to sit to do that."

It's a good thing they were all friends or I might not have gotten out of there without a lemon swirly.

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 01 Sep 05 - 04:48 PM

I want to ask what a lemon swirly is, but I know I'd only regret it....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: Cluin
Date: 01 Sep 05 - 05:40 PM

#1 on this page.

There are sub-varieties... the lemon and chocolate.

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 01 Sep 05 - 05:41 PM

Yeah... I was right.... I shouldn't have asked....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: Cluin
Date: 01 Sep 05 - 05:44 PM

Imagine how much more scary it would have been being administered by a bunch of guys in dresses? It may have degenerated into a "fruit smoothie".

All of it occurred before the later traditional passing of the haggis.

Subject: RE: BS: kilt inspections
From: Big Mick
Date: 02 Sep 05 - 10:13 AM

The Queen and the Kilt