BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!

Subject: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 06:21 AM

Next week I have to spend 2 1/2 days with my elder sister, of which, 8+ hours are going to be in a car driving 260mile round trip and 2 nights under the same roof.....

Talking to her gives me the feeling of settling slowly to the bottom of the sea. She has two tones of voice, whining and shouting. The only thing we have in common is parentage (and I'm not entirely convinced that she isn't a changeling), not even my best friends like her and I'm going to be trapped in a car with her on a motorway for hours!

HELP!!!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From:
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 06:45 AM

Strap her to the roof...the you won't hav to see her either!! Or you could drug her so she sleeps the whole journey!!

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 06:45 AM

Top Ten Ways for Liz to Avoid Trip With Sister

10) Accidental chocolate overdose
9) Schedule conflict with elective brain surgery
8) Schedule conflict with emergency eyebrow waxing
7) Sudden religious conversion
6) Sudden currency conversion
5) Attack of fantods
4) Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
3) Attack of wondering what the fuck a fantod is
2) Liz locked in bog again
1) Intentional chocolate overdose

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: sapper82
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 06:47 AM

I didn't realise we had the same sister Liz!

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 06:49 AM

Walkman!
G.

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 06:50 AM

My sister also happens to be my Bank Manager so I tend to do as I'm told.

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Partridge
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 07:15 AM

Oh Liz, been there but with a double act - older sister and younger one...............

Is there a subject that you can talk about that cheers her up?
Do you know how to make very chewy toffee?
Is there a radio in the car with a programme you musn't miss
Can you develop ear trouble and have to put cotton wool in your ears?
Could you practice self hypnosis and pretend she is someone you like?
Do you do sudoku or cryptic crosswords?
Could you fall asleep in the car or pretend to(obviously not if you are driving)
Tell her about the time you were abducted by aliens?
Tell her what you were in a previous life

Thats all I can think of for now

love

Pat xx

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: JennyO
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 07:19 AM

Say how much you like driving along with your favourite music playing, and then play it - LOUD! That'll take care of the car part anyway - that is if you think that loud music is the lesser of two evils...

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Bassic
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 07:27 AM

Play a tape (or several!) of your favourite BBC Radio vintage comedy programmes, (Goons, Hancock, I`m sorry I Havnt a Clue etc etc etc) . Apart fom the fact that they cant fail to put a smile on YOUR face, if she talks over them in the car it doesnt matter, because you will know the scripts backwards anyway!

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Leadfingers
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 07:40 AM

That'll teach NOT to go to the Getaway !! I am away on Wednesday for a fortnight !!!

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: JennyO
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 07:51 AM

Not only that, Liz, you can drown her out laughing at them ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 07:53 AM

Or you could just try to get on with her. I just hope the poor thing doesn't read this forum - talk about a public dissing!

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 08:00 AM

Curmudgeon suggested and I concur: decide who does the drinking and who does the driving.

Best of luck! (It's sounds like it's like being in the same car as my mother, sigh.)

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 08:20 AM

yeh print out this thread
pin it to the windscreen
chewy toffees on the dashboard
comedy cds in the rack
bars of chocolate in the cooler bag
point them out

Popeye used to say, "that's all I can stand...... and I cain't stand n'more!"
practice the intonation - repeat it like a mantra - everytime she speaks
try to stop twitching

it should be okay

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 10:43 AM

Your older sister sounds exactly like my mother's friend, Helen. Maybe Helen IS your older sister! (but I think not) You are in for a very, very tough experience, Liz, but just THINK what a great opportunity your soul is being given to learn compassion and tolerance! (Heh! Heh!)

Yeah, print this thread out and give it to her. She'll probably never speak to you again. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 10:45 AM

Try this. When she's talking loudly, answer very softly. This sometimes makes the other person be quieter, without the unpleasantness of a reproof.

Sorry I don't have a tip for the whining, except to try to change the topic to a cheerful one as soon as practicable.

Another idea - get a book on CD or tape and listen to it with headphones. If she's miffed, tell her it's a refresher course you have to listen to for your job.

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 10:49 AM

Kill a relative and go to the funeral in stead.

Or pretend to.

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Sorcha
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 10:55 AM

Liz, can't you figure out some alt. transport? Put somebody on a train, hire car, summat???

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Manitas_at_home
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 10:55 AM

Trouble is Richard, that it is a relative's funeral they are going to .

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 11:02 AM

Agree with everything she says, no matter what. Just agree. Don't elaborate, just say, "That's right." "Yes indeed." "You are so right."

It drives 'em crazy... (grin)

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Charmion
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 11:19 AM

Oooh, you're a mean one, LH.

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: jimmyt
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 11:48 AM

Liz,

1 figure out how she pushes your buttons, you already must know. Pretend you are on one of those reality contests where you have to lay in a vat of worms or snakes and to win a million pounds sterling all you have to do is lay there and plan on how you are going to spend your money. Substitute your sister to this reality game and just put up with her, no matter what.

2 Hire an assassin

3 Perhaps she would be a good candidate for me to bring the JIMMYT TRAVELING MOTORWAY PORTABLE THONG FITTING SERVICE. my Motto is, "I will bring the thong right to the crack, even at 140 KPH on the A25"

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: lady penelope
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 11:55 AM

Yeah, my brother does that and it does drive you nuts......! And that's the one I get on with!

Well, I've got 5 albums of "I'm sorry I haven't a clue" I could tape for you, if you think it will help. But I think you're in for a tough time. Little Hawk and others have the right of it, it's teeth gritting and/or subtle mindf**k time. My personal ploy is to laugh at happy thoughts that have nothing to do with whatever subject my ear is being bent with. It seems to disturb people........


As for Guest, don't you ask your friends for advice on how to deal with people and situations you find difficult? It would be nice if both Liz and her sister could come away from the experience having gained something, but let's not hold our breath here.........

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 01:21 PM

Before leaving give her a drink. Put chloral hyrate in the drink. When she collapses, tie her up, close her mouth with duct tape, and stick her in the trunk (boot). Drive away and turn her loose when you get there or whenever it's convenient. If the cops stop you, act surprised and wonder how she got in there.

I like LH's idea, only mimic her tone.

"Yeeeeeeeeessssssssssssss, you're riiiiiiiiiiightttttttttttttt."

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Grab
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 01:26 PM

Lay in supplies of WD40. Stops most things whining.

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Megan L
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 01:45 PM

Can't give much advice after all we convinced mine "the Lord" was calling her to work in Thailand he he he.   

1 deep breaths
2 count to 10,20, 100 before answering back

if all else fails remember "This to will pass" :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 02:01 PM

Ha! Ha! Ha! I love this thread. Thank you, Liz! You have made my morning.

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: katlaughing
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 02:37 PM

Don't go with her. It's not worth it. There comes a time when we all know someone to whom we have to say "No."

IF you absolutely HAVE to, take a Walkman and put it on with the volume up!

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Metchosin
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 02:43 PM

Sing Liz, sing. When travelling long distances with someone with whom I have little in common, I put on my own compiled tapes or Cds and sing. I explain at the outset that this is something I must do to keep my wits about me and to counteract the fatigue of long distance driving.

Who knows, there might be one or two songs, that will peak your sister's interest, that could compel her to join in. It is amazing how many miles you can go and not say a damned word to another person.

As for the rest of the time, I'm afraid you're on your own.

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: EBarnacle
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 03:14 PM

Once, I was in a car with my younger sister, whose life is constant talk about people I don't know and have no desire to know. She was doing her usual and I fell asleep. Woke up an hour later. She didn't even notice. Apparently, I have evolved to the point where I grunt or say yes at appropriate moments without even having to be awake. PS, she was driving.

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Micca
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 03:27 PM

You could adapt the strategy used by husbands since time Immemeorial, the interjection of "yes, Dear" and "No, Dear" maay not do much for the art of conversation but they brilliantly produce the illusion of paying attention while off "woolgathering", thinking about Much more interesting, or simply being busy with your own thoughts. It might be worth a try, otherwise pack the Duct Tape!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Helen
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 03:58 PM

My strategy for dealing with whiners, or as we Aussies call it, "whingers" (g = j sound, not hard g, and not "ing" sound) is to listen to what they are complaining about and then ask, "Yes, but what are you going to do about it?" After each bit of whingeing when they pause for breath, just repeat the question.

Whingers tend to want something to whinge about so fixing a problem would often give them nothing to whinge about, OR they tend to perceive situations in the way that people watch scripted tv shows, like daytime soaps. They sit back and watch situations they are in as if they can not make a difference to the people or outcomes around them and ask questions like "Why are they doing that?" or "Why don't they do this?" which shows their own sense of lack of control or influence.

By asking what the whinger is going to do about a situation I put the onus back on them to take some control of the situation or to take some productive action.

It usually shuts them up after a while or pushes them into a more proactive way of looking at the situation.

Good luck!

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 04:42 PM

Er - oops.

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Don Firth
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 04:57 PM

If there is some sort of beverage or soft drink that she's particularly fond of, bring a good supply of it along. But dose it heavily ahead of time with vodka or gin. Then, hopefully, she'll spend most of her time on the trip either sleeping or sitting there with a silly grin and trying to focus her eyes. Or if that doesn't work, you could perhaps use it to anesthetize yourself.

Uh . . . by the way, who's going to be driving?

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: lady penelope
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 05:07 PM

Helen, my other brother is an A1 whinger. However, asking him what he's going to do to resolve his problems only leads to a detailed and in depth analysis of precisely why he can't do anything about his problems and a further whinge as to why won't some one else sort it out for him. Logic does not work........

I'm liking the sound of the duct tape. You could just keep it on the dashboard and wait for her to ask what it's for........ :)

TTFN Lady P.

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Dead Horse
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 06:21 PM

Listen here you whining bitch, at least you got a sister. I have to do with everybody elses. Huh.
Just play Mr Barker on your tape, and bugger da moosic. :-)
(luvs ya really)

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 07:13 PM

This isn't the A1 though, it's the M4/M3/M27 with possibly a bit of M25 for good measure. I like the idea of loud music, I usually play something anyway when I'm driving... singing along with the windows all open, amusing people in traffic jams.

I'm hoping that jetlag will get her and I'll be able to drive in peace (or at least drown out the snoring and drooling) most of the way.

Guest - I lived with this woman for 18 years. For 9 of those I shared a bed with her. I KNOW I do not get on with her. She has not improved with age, and I have not become a saint.

Kat - regrettably, she is flying in from NZ to attend this funeral and I'm stuck with her... she's already whined via Email about having to take the train if I don't drive her. It also means that as it's our car, she isn't insured to drive it.... and with her record (written off 3 vehicles) I wouldn't even let her put the heater on!

It will pass... it will pass.... it will pass.....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 07:33 PM

Keep a stick in your car , tell sister"shut up or i;ll hit you with stick"
if she doesnt shut up-hit her on head with stick.

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Peace
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 07:38 PM

Rubbish.

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 29 Sep 05 - 07:42 PM

Well it was only an idea.

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 30 Sep 05 - 10:16 AM

And don't think I haven't tried it over the years.....!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 30 Sep 05 - 12:10 PM

If she's anything like me, she will be so jet-lagged she will sleep throughout the ride. Keep the car nice and warm and hope for the best.

As for music, I find soft, brubecky jazz and New Age to be most sleep-inducing. What does everyone else think?

Of course, you must avert the danger of falling asleep yourself.

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Charmion
Date: 30 Sep 05 - 01:04 PM

You could try telling her in a firm, officious way that you need her not to talk because you find driving on the motorway very difficult and you would be heartbroken if anything happened to the car. With any luck, she'll be so offended she won't talk to you for days, and by that time Air New Zealand will be whisking her back home and out of your life until the next major funeral/wedding.

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Folkiedave
Date: 30 Sep 05 - 01:25 PM

Teach her to play Mornington Crescent - long version.

Dave

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: gnu
Date: 30 Sep 05 - 02:19 PM

Wow... that's a long drive. I should think that the more she pisses you off, the more your epinephrine will flow and tend to keep you awake and alert. You are lucky to have such a safety device.

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: GUEST,Don the Man
Date: 30 Sep 05 - 02:27 PM

I have the flippin' solution! I will send you a buncha photos of my baby brother Shane (the looser)(who is still in the slammer)(and still AliVe too!) anyway,...I hacve a whole buncha photos of him in the flippin' nude and totally dead dog wasted after a big flippin' all weekend party. he don't klnow i took them, eh? i been waitin' for a chance to use thenm to enbarass him and this is a good one. You jsut send me 5 bucks a photo and i send you the copies. you show them to your sister. She will eether:

Jump outta the flippin' car and puke.

or

Get turned on and forget to talk to you for a long time.,

or something like that,eh

holu flip, I HATE trhios flippin' goddamn keyboard on Lori's compiter. I \t dont' wokr right! FLIP!

Forget it. just forget it.

Don the Man

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 30 Sep 05 - 06:32 PM

Don - will consider your suggestion... although she used to be in the army so it takes a lot to get her worked up.....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: Bill D
Date: 30 Sep 05 - 07:53 PM

just keep repeating to yourself...in a few days, she goes back to **NEW ZEALAND**.....a VERY long way away.

(How did you get so lucky?)

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 01 Oct 05 - 08:53 AM

Liz - you've coped admirably with your's and Manitus's medical problems over the past few years. Just keep in mind that this is a few days and it will end!

I'd go along with the idea of telling her not to talk as you need to concentrate on your driving. Then put on your music (loud) and offer her a pair of earplugs if she doesn't like it telling her that the only way you can get through such a long trip safely is by having the music playing. Maybe she'll decide to go back on the train!

Subject: RE: BS: Desperate plea - save me from my sister!
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 01 Oct 05 - 11:33 AM

That won't work. The earplugs will mask the rumble of the car and force her to hear the music better than ever. Not to be alarmist, but justifiable homicide, with Squeak as the victim, could be the result. This depends, of course, on how the sister reacts to Liz's kind of music.
----------------
Once my husband and I were riding in his sister's car. She said, "Have you ever listened to Bruce Springsteen?"

"Not really," we said, meaning, hell no.

She then turned on the most godawful, rackety irritating stuff, but we didn't say a word, listening and trying to give the guy a chance. Pretty soon, however, she saw the white knuckles and clenched jaws, and she turned it off. If she hadn't, who knows what would have happened.