BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon

Subject: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: GUEST,cansouth
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 08:00 PM

10th June 2006:

A satellite hacker is torturing the citizens of Lisbon (Lisboa) in Portugal.

He sends beams (waves) which make people:

- Have pain and uncomfortable feelings in their testicles and genitalies
- Have problems with their urin system and intestine
- Have uncomfortable and unnatural emotional reactions in their body

The police and government in Portugal has been informed about the torture, but they dont care.

The satellite hacker probably has hacked the machine code in the satellites.

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 08:05 PM

It also affects their spelling.

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: Divis Sweeney
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 08:05 PM

I had similar problem with bloody Sky television over stupid bills for services I did not require. Waste of time phoning them.

Sorry, just going on about a pain in the balls caused by a satellite company.

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 08:11 PM

Hell, they should consider themselves fortunate! Most of us have to drink an entire litre of rot-gut gin to get those symptoms.

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: Peace
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 08:13 PM

Muscatel.

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: Ebbie
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 08:53 PM

Is this the same hacker, cansouth, that makes one blink more with one's eyes? Busy man.

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 08:56 PM

You, sir, are a piece of extraordinary work.

Tell the people of Lisbon to wear tinfoil underwear. Easy and cheap remedy, and knocks the beams dead on arrival. Can't miss.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: Peace
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 09:22 PM

No, Amos. It don't work. Gotta be sheet metal. Get the piece custom fit and make sure the edges are protected. Otherwise yer gonna be singin' the soprano parts.

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: Peace
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 09:40 PM

Ya end up with a buncha beams in yer crotch, it would be torture.

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 10:46 PM

Beans in yer crotch? Sounds like a song to me!

Mother said not to put beans in your crotch,
Beans in your crotch, beans in your crotch....

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: number 6
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 10:48 PM

Jeeeezuz H.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: Bill D
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 10:54 PM

Lisbon, Portugal, huh? Can't they aim that thing at somewhere it'll do some good? Like, oh....1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: Peace
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 10:58 PM

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: Peace
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 11:53 PM

Things have been very very quiet in Lisbon. Almost too quiet.

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: Peace
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 12:01 AM

It's moving westward.

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 10:18 AM

This has been going on for years, I was married to a Portuguese lady, and every time we went over there the guys in the street were always adjusting their 'angle of dangle' I thought it was crabs myself, but am willing to believe it may be something from the Crab Nebula.
Whatever it is them guys over there just can't keep their hands off themselves.
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 11:50 AM

Peace, call me stupid, but that's East of Lisbon, isn't it? Unless you mean the long way round?

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 12:16 PM

It's the linguica. It causes, well, a certain itching in certain parts.

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 12:22 PM

Let's find this dude's real location

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: catspaw49
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 12:25 PM

Well Guest, it ain't too good a service there. It got mine wrong!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 12:27 PM

And mine, by about 600 miles, and in the wrong country too.
G.

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 12:32 PM

But hey, you can all come visit me! hahahahahaha

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 12:57 PM

It got mine right.

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 12:57 PM

Get his IP address (which you can't from a post) and do a whois lookup on ARIN.

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: number 6
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 01:02 PM

Mine is out by about 150 kliks.

sIx

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: Metchosin
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 01:09 PM

Gee, somehow I've been beamed right off the wetcoast and into Alberta. Wow!!! What a way to travel! I wonder which Fortune 500 company bought that service.......good idea......

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: Ebbie
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 01:22 PM

It located me in Alaska- so far, so good. But it seems that I am currently living in Anchorage. No way.

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: John O'L
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 07:43 PM

It got me right, and my balls are suddenly itchy.

Is it turning me into a dachshund?

Turning Portugese, I think I'm turning Portugese, I really think so...

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 01:15 AM

It got my location right, but when I 'clicked to map' it put London on the west coast of Wales... Could explain why I have a sudden urge for a paddle.

Personally, I've found the chastity belt doubles as a great anti beam device... but as I don't have the dangly bits, it's not really my problem.... The rest of the symptoms I can get without external assistance!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 03:55 AM

Puts me in Atlanta, Georgia!! Not too far from West London, UK then.

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 08:35 AM

Put your fingers in your ears, and go Tingalingaloo!

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: Peace
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 05:37 PM

Put yer fingers in someone else's ears and do that.

Subject: RE: BS: Satellite beams torture people in Lisbon
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 06:31 PM

Huddersfield up in Yorkshire. Right country, wrong county - but they did get the initial letter correct anyway..