The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!

Subject: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: tarheel
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 11:21 AM

A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Save the Whales"
>> hat, and a "To Hell with Bush" T-shirt, was screaming while struggling
>> frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a
>> 10 foot grizzly.
>>
>>         As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came
>> racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum into the bear's chest... The
>> other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from
>> the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off
>> the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the
>> other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.
>>
>>
>>         As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over.
>> "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them "I heard
>> there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic
>> Environmental activists but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is
>> not true."
>>
>>         As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies "Who
>> was that guy?" "It was the Pope," another replied "He's in direct
>> contact with heaven and has access to all wisdom." "Well," the logger
>> said, "he may have access to all wisdom but he sure doesn't know anything
>> about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait holding up, or do we need to
>> go back to Massachusett s and snatch another one?"
Tar...

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Wesley S
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 11:45 AM

Several things are wrong with this joke. First of all we have joke threads for things like this.Looke in the BS section.

Second of all - Popes don't wander around by themselves out in the woods. That ruined it for me.

And third - if those gun toatin' Republicans want to do some good they should go over to Iraq where they belong. That way we can send the boys home. Where they should be in the first place.

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Peace
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 11:51 AM

Fuck off Chuck.

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Jim Lad
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 11:57 AM

Couldn't get past "hell" with a capital "H". That's as far as I read. To each his own I suppose.

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Scrump
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 11:59 AM

Popes don't wander around by themselves out in the woods. That ruined it for me.

Me too. Preposterous idea.

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Wesley S
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 12:17 PM

And they NEVER drive their own car. NEVER. I would have thought that Tarheel - being a good Roman Catholic - would have known that.

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Joe Offer
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 12:29 PM

I dunno. The previous pope liked to go skiing, and I do believe he also spent time walking in the woods in the Tatras.
Give Chuck a break, willya? It's just a joke.
If it was put in the music section by mistake, it can easily be moved, so it's not a big deal.
-Joe-

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Peace
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 12:32 PM

You can. I won't.

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Wesley S
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 12:46 PM

A Texan is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a
call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear
to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in
the bar announcing his wife has produced a Typical
Texas baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at
25 pounds, but the Texan just shrugs, "That's about
average down home, folks like I said, my boy's a
Typical Texas baby boy."

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many
exclamations of "WOW!" We heard one woman actually
fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later he returns to the bar. The bartender
says, "Say you're the father of that Typical Texas
baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. Everybody's been
making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So how
much does he weigh now?

The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."

The bartender is puzzled, concerned, and a little
suspicious. "What happened? He already weighed 25
pounds the day he was born!"

The Texas father takes a slow swig from his, Lone Star
beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into
the bartender and proudly says, "Had'm circumcised".

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Michael
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 01:22 PM

Is the bear a Catholic?
Does the Pope wander round in the woods?

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Elaine Green
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 04:01 PM

So do you guys know each other personally to be able to write so ugly over a joke? Or am I missing some serial joking here?

Just asking is all.

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Elaine Green
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 04:02 PM

I'm new here, and I really don't know.

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: jeffp
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 04:05 PM

Chuck (Tar Heel) has a tendency to post extreme right-wing stuff, not of his own devising, in an attempt to stir up trouble on the Cat. Many people are sick of it.

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Elaine Green
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 07:30 PM

Ah, enough said. Thanks. I'll catch on!

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: tarheel
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 07:50 PM

WESLEY S...I am not a ROMAN CATHOLIC...so u go and FUCK OFF TOO!

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: tarheel
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 07:55 PM

HEY..ITS A DMASN JOKE...what the hell is wrong with you frikin' people???

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Ebbie
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 08:07 PM

Ah. Spoken like a Jesus follower indeed.

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: jeffp
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 09:04 PM

There you have it, Elaine. Straight from the horse's.........







































mouth.

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Peace
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 11:51 PM

"WESLEY S...I am not a ROMAN CATHOLIC...so u go and FUCK OFF TOO! "

Chuck, why you being rude to Wesley? I'm the one who told you to fuck off. BTW, your punctuation is for shit.

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Sorcha
Date: 06 Feb 07 - 11:55 PM

Oh, for pity's sake, leave him be. He's a Christian after all. Turn the other cheek, do unto others, love thy neighbor, and all that.

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: mg
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:33 AM

The last pope was famous for going out in the woods. I'm Catholic. mg

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: mack/misophist
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 10:16 AM

As a certified left winger, I think it was funny. It's the situation, not the detail that matters.

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Scrump
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 10:21 AM

Whenever the pope went to the woods, he was carried there in a sedan chair. So maybe the joke should have mentioned that fact, to avoid all the subsequent comments.

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Midchuck
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 10:58 AM

It is hypocritical to take the position that jokes that make fun of right wing people are funny but jokes that make fun of left wing people are nasty.

It is also hypocritical to take the reverse position.

Of course, I can say that because there are so few of us Howling Anarchists left that no one makes jokes about us.

Peter.

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Bee
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 11:45 AM

Not being a Democrat, a Republican, or a Christian, I object to the joke because a grizzly bear is shot and then clubbed to death after being baited. Smacks of brutality and lack of respect for animals.

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Wesley S
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:01 PM

Tarheel- Don't be ashamed of being Catholic. I'm a recovering Catholic myself. No one here holds it against you.

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Donuel
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:10 PM

I am concerned how many people are stooping to a Cheney level of communication.

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Donuel
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:12 PM

I've had 3 posts in a row deleted and I never used a profane word.

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: bubblyrat
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:40 PM

Of course Popes go in the woods !! There"s even a song I heard (by Rednex ?) called "Old Pope in an Oak " !!!

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: JeremyC
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 12:43 PM

I think the problem with the joke wasn't that it was right-wing, but that it wasn't funny. Not to mention it was posted by a troll with no discernable sense of humor. I mean:

HIM: HAHAHA POPE R DUM AND LOLLIN @ DEMS ROFLMAO LOL LOL etc.
OTHER PEOPLE: You're Catholic.
HIM: WTF FUCK YOU YOU MOTHERFUCKING FAGGOTS

That's what I was seeing, anyway.

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: bubblyrat
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 01:05 PM

Do you HAVE to use such VILE & DISGUSTING expressions on the internet ?? Does it not occur to you that some of us might be offended ?? Are you REALLY not able to express yourself better without recourse to that sort of FILTH ?? GOD save us !!

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: JeremyC
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 01:50 PM

What was I thinking!!?! Call the internet police immediately!!

/!\ WHEEE-OOOO WHEEE-OOO /!\

SIR I AM FROM THE INTERNET ANTI-VULGARITY SQUAD AND I AM WARNING YOU TO REFRAIN FROM THIS BEHAVIOR OR THERE WILL BE INTERNET CONSEQUENCES.

P.S. INTERNET!!

:)

Sorry, I guess I can't talk for much longer as I'm about to be arrested! Best wishes folks, hope to see you soon!

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Peace
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 02:23 PM

bubblyrat: You doubled three question marks and on exclamation mark. That is fuckin' irritating.

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Donuel
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 02:36 PM

The original Bear in the woods joke that circulated 15 years ...
was a sodomy / homosexual joke. It hasn't improved much since then.

The best version lately however is

A priest, a minister and rabbi go bear hunting.

The priest comes back with the bear walking behind and says, after some, wafers and a few prayers we got on famously bejesus.


The born again minister said "I fed the bear with the holy roast beef of the lord until he couldn't eat another thing and we prayed over the bear in the name of Jesus Christ."

The rabbi came back without a bear. The rabbi was bleeding seriously and was missing half his clothing. He said "OY I guess I should not have begun with circumcision!

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Peace
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 02:38 PM

Time for just punchlines.

"Shoot the dog, shoot the dog."

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Ebbie
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 02:43 PM

"Pay the two dollars!"

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Wesley S
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 03:18 PM

"That's OK - you take it."

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: JeremyC
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 03:35 PM

"I said shaggy, but not THAT shaggy!"

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: jeffp
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 03:42 PM

The genie was hard of hearing, so I wound up with a 12-inch pianist.

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Peace
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 04:44 PM

"yeah, but I've never seen one eating the peanuts before!"

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Riginslinger
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 07:02 PM

They could have used the Pope for bait, but feeding opiates to the bears probably would have upset the masses.

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Don Firth
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 07:23 PM

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walked into a bar.

The bartender heaved a weary sigh and said, "Okay, what is this? Some kind of joke?"

Don Firth

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Bill D
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 07:43 PM

Does the Pope.....of course!

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Bill D
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 07:47 PM

(For a long time, the obvious answer to "Does the Pope shit in the woods?" was "He's Polish, ain't he?")

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: frogprince
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 07:58 PM

But...without pulling his robe up out of the way? EWWWWWWWWW!

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: frogprince
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 08:00 PM

Then again, maybe he was wearing an "astronaut's diaper"; but, if so, why bother to sit on a commode?

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Don Firth
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 08:02 PM

Established ritual.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: Pope on a slope.
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 08:39 PM

You can tell the people who aren't Catholics here. They're the ones who get upset about jokes about the Pope.

Actually if you think it through, this version of the joke (it comes in all shapes and sizes, a real folk joke) is aimed at those Republican loggers, rather than at their unfortunate victim, or at the Pope,who is presented as a bit naive, but basically asw a good lad.
..................
As for a free range Pope being implausable, no way, not with the last one anyway. One of his mates has recently published an account of how, back in the 80s, John Paul used to sneak off to go skiing on the quiet. His companion would hold a newspaper up in the car to conceal him.

He never got spotted while skiing, apparently - except by a small boy who once called out "That's the Pope"; but he was told not to be silly by his parents.

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Ebbie
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 10:29 PM

Did the little kid say whether he was wearing clothes?

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: jeffp
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 11:24 PM

The kid or the Pope?

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Peace
Date: 07 Feb 07 - 11:43 PM

Wow. Genius. Here's the visuals for your song title, jeffp.

The Kid or the Pope.

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Donuel
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 11:56 AM

Then the future Pope manned his anti aircraft gun ans was heard to say "Damn the jew lovers, Heil Hitler"

goys will be goys

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: jeffp
Date: 08 Feb 07 - 12:36 PM

That's no kid, Peace. Back to Biology 101 for you.

Subject: RE: The Republican,Democrat and the POPE!!!
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 09 Feb 07 - 05:50 AM

Just in case theres anybody who hasn't been offended by this thread, heres my song
The Day Delaneys Donkey had Sex with The Pope
the Val Doonican Show is revenged at last.

this version is a bit fruity/Irish tenor, I've done a better version for the new album........more macrobiotic.
http://www.bigalwhittle.co.uk/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/delaney.mp3