Lyr Req: Travelling Salesman songs - any more?

Subject: Lyr Add: DEATH OF A SALESMAN (Steve Goodman)
From: oldhippie
Date: 08 Mar 07 - 08:26 PM

Death of a Salesman
Steve Goodman

^^
A traveling salesman stopped for gas, as it was getting late.
He sure was getting tired, and it was snowing on the Interstate.
He says, "Will you fill her up, my friend, and see if my oil's alright,
And do you know a place where a tired-out traveling man might spend the night?"

The attendant winked at him and says, "I'll bet you've been around.
Well the man who puts up lodgers here is known as Farmer Brown.
You'll find him in that old stone house that's just at the edge of town,
And he has a fifteen-year-old daughter who likes to fool around."

The salesman winked right back at him and a smile came to his lips.
He paid for the gas and the oil and then he gave that man a tip.
He started out and pushed that old gas pedal down to the floor.
He was off like a bat and in nothing flat he was at the farmer's door.

The door opened up and a beautiful girl says, "Won't you come on it?"
That traveling salesman's tongue was hanging out like Rin-Tin-Tin.
"That old gas station attendant said I would find you here,
And do you have a suitable room you could rent to me, my dear?"

"Alas, kind sir, I'm sorry but the last one's gone, you see.
So if you want to spend the night, you'll have to sleep with me."
He says, "How fortuitous, my pretty little miss!"
And he throws his arms around her and he gives that girl a kiss.

Now her warm and tender ruby lips he scarcely could believe,
And he never saw the hammer she had hidden up her sleeve.
She said, "I'm geting sleepy. It's time to go to bed."
And as they turned to climb the stairs she whupped him on the head.

The very next day, the salesman's car, with brand new license plates
Was sitting at Farmer Brown's Gas Station out on the Interstate.
So all you traveling salesmen who might be passing through,
Better watch your step or the traveling salesman joke will be on you!

And I found this in the DT.....


THE TRAVELLING SALESMAN
(Alan Foster, 1989)

A travelling salesman came knocking on the door
Of a bored young housewife on the North Shore
And he spoke so sweet and he dressed so neat
That he stole the heart of the lady, oh.

Late that night when the yuppie came home
From his office at Jones & Bagnell's, oh
Of his wife there's no sign but a note on the fridge
And a volume of Funk & Wagnell's, oh.

Well he thought that the note would tell him that
His dinner was waiting in the microwave
But instead it said "I have gone far away
So don't bother waiting up for me, Dave".

So he ran to his Porsche in the triple garage
The BM's not so speedy, oh
And his brand new Merc's just another tax lurk
To hell with the poor and needy, oh.

Oh he drove north and he drove south
Searching every motel, oh
Until he spied his own wedded bride
In the bar of the Railway Hotel, oh.

Oh how could you leave your fine waterbed
Your swimming pool and Jacuzzi, oh
And your upwardly mobile husband dear
And become another salesman's floozie, oh.

What care I for my fine waterbed
It's just sprung a leak on my side, oh
For tonight I'll lie both warm and dry
In arms of the travelling salesman, oh.


Anyone have others to add?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Travelling Salesman songs - any more?
From: Joe_F
Date: 08 Mar 07 - 08:49 PM

'Twas at an inn in Manchester -- The Cornstalks was the sign --
A famous public where commercials used to stop and dine.
A traveler one Christmas eve, so long had been his use,
Stopped in to spend the holiday and choose his Christmas goose, etc.

"Commercial" = commercial traveler = traveling salesman.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Travelling Salesman songs - any more?
From: Flash Company
Date: 09 Mar 07 - 10:07 AM

Ther was a C & W song as I recall 'Never trust a Travelling Salesman' but I don't have the words.

FC

Subject: Lyr Add: COMMERCIAL TRAVELLER (C James, P Atkin)
From: Scrump
Date: 09 Mar 07 - 01:07 PM

Commercial Traveller by Clive James and Pete Atkin (on Pete's CD The Lakeside Sessions. Here are the lyrics:
----------------------------------------------

COMMERCIAL TRAVELLER © Clive James

Home early from a meeting of the reps
He leaves the cream-bath samples in the car
A pull-along gorilla guards the steps
Confusion leads to where the children are
At the sandpit
In the garden

He wades into the kitchen through the toys
His wife leans to kiss him with a smile
And neither knows how much distance led to this
How long the while
Since on the sand spit
In the morning
The hero
Lay asleep
Until
The nymph adored him

The early dawn was baby-lotion pink
And softer than the suds of Infacare
She laved him of his brine and saw him blink
He woke to see the sunburst in her hair
And be her captive
Always

He hails the children playing in the sand
He solves the padlock on the garden shed
A giant bow should be waiting for his hand
But there instead
Lie all the implements
Of duty
For centuries
Employed
By the prisoner
On his island

He plants the hose and sets the nozzle fine
Embellishing his roses with the spray
And rainbows of a sea as dark as wine
On which he will never sail away
He will never sail away
He will never sail away

Lyrics © Clive James; Tune © Pete Atkin
--------------------------------
Good, innit?

Subject: Lyr Add: SALESMAN (Stan Ridgway)
From: Uke
Date: 09 Mar 07 - 04:45 PM

'Salesman' by Stan Ridgway. From the LP 'The Big Heat' (1986)

Now, I've been travelin' long and hard
And all over this big land
And I've got somethin' here in my bag
For every woman and man
And nowhere is too far
'Cause I cover a pretty wide base
From way down south to way up north
I'll shake hands with any friendly face

Chorus:
Salesman, salesman
Why don't you sell me somethin'
Salesman, salesman
Why don't you sell me somethin'


Now I've got a box in my hand
And I'm gonna travel that land
I'm a salesman for hire
And I never get tired
So just plug it in and it'll work
Don't worry about it breakin'
It's factory made and guaranteed
And we're not fakin'

[Chorus]

Now, I keep bangin' on my case
And smilin' broad and make the deal
But sometimes my feet begin to shake
Like I'm slippin' on a banana peel
And I've been everywhere around this world
I fly on the edge of the ball
I keep the numbers all up here
I just read the map and steer, that's all

[Chorus]

Now I'll never give up this way of life
This life has called me to
I've gotta get to New Orleans by noon
If I can only find my shoe
('Cause I'm a salesman! Pleased to meetcha!)

And I've seen the dirt and dust
Of a hundred towns like this
I just work my way on through...
Sometimes it's just hit and miss
And I got a little something here in my bag
To help me burn the leaves
But I gotta watch it close this time
I know, because nothin' comes for free
(No, nothin' comes for free)

I know a little girl in Idaho
I guess I'll look her up now in a week or so
She was always good for a drink and a laugh
And what the traffic would allow

[Chorus]

Everybody wants a real deal, everybody wants a real deal
Everybody wants a real deal, everybody wants a real deal





Also, once I saw a songbook for sale called 'Hoover Songs' (c.1950s) and it had songs that a travelling Hoover salesman might sing to their customers. It was too expensive for me to get, but perhaps somewhere else out there has a copy and could transcribe some?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Travelling Salesman songs - any more?
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 09 Mar 07 - 05:21 PM

Keith Marsden's funeral song, about the funeral of the commercial rep when all the other wives came in, weeping down the aisle ....

"he worked in ladies' tights, I always thought that was his job, not what he did at night".

Kitty

Subject: Lyr Add: TRAVELIN' SALESMAN (Mike West)
From: oldhippie
Date: 09 Mar 07 - 09:27 PM

TRAVELIN' SALESMAN

Daddy is a travelin' salesman
He sure gets around
Man loves to travel
Got a woman in every town
He is a single parent
Of nine daughters and two sons
Now that's what I call a family man
He loves each and every one

My mama is from New Orleans
She worked the Old Quarter
When I was only two days old
My daddy bought me from her
For five hundred dollars
That's all he had to pay
Cheap at any price
Is what he would say

'Cause daddy is a travelin' salesman ...

I got a sister who's a judge
Got a sister who's in jail
One brother is dumb as a rock
The other is at Yale
But daddy always told us all
"All you can do is try
And you can tell me anything
Just don't tell me no lie."

'Cause daddy is a travelin' salesman ...

Now me I am a truck driver
So I like my crank
And if I die 'fore I'm thirty-five
I'll have crystal meth to thank
When they come to bury me
My dad he won't budge
He'll say, "A man can only
Love his child
It ain't for him to judge."

'Cause daddy is a travelin' salesman ...

©1999 Mike West

Subject: Lyr Add: WE SELL EVERYTHING (Leon Rosselson)
From: Susanne (skw)
Date: 10 Mar 07 - 07:38 PM

WE SELL EVERYTHING
(Leon Rosselson)

I woke up this morning when a ring at the bell
Split my dreams
The man at the door wore a smile so wide
I thought his face would fall apart at the seams
He jigged, Good morning, it's your lucky day
Yes, I've come to help you make the grade
I'm your friend, I'm your neighbour, I'm your good companion
I'm the leader of a wig crusade

I've got straight wigs, curly wigs, gay wigs and girlie wigs
Live a little, buy a devil-daring one
Blue wigs, red wigs, very good in bed wigs
Everyone who's anyone is wearing one
I said, No thank you, I've nowhere to put it
And I've got all the hair that I need
He said, Don't worry, son, we've got a product on the market
That will make your hair fall out guaranteed

We've got cough drops, cricket bats, iron lungs, knick-knacks
Wooden legs, wedding rings, we sell everything
Slug killers, killer slugs, road drills, ear plugs
Time-bombs, tombstones, merchant banks and garden gnomes
Tooth-paste, defoliants, genital deodorants
Strychnine, gasoline, benzine, polythene

He said, The products we are marketing will transform you
Into somebody of quality and style
You'll be the number one attraction, and everyone will envy
Your mysterious, superior smile
'Cause we're making you a very special offer of tomorrow
In delicate pastel shades
Have a jar of instant happiness, a pocketful of glamour
An amazing-value dream that never fades
We've got cheap tranquillity, boxes of virility
Packets of the simple life that used to be
Eternal youth at bargain price, a one-way trip to Paradise
Why not buy a giant pack of purity
Or a free gift sample of the art of gracious living
There's nothing that we can't provide
And what it all adds up to is super satisfaction
Though we hope you won't be satisfied - cause we've got

Fruit machines, magazines, baked beans, submarines
Handcuffs, face creams, pep pills and private dreams
Synthetic fibres, tranquilisers, inorganic fertilisers
Canned beer, barbed wire, dividends are five points higher
Mars Bars, fast cars, Jesus Christ Superstars
Life insurance, cigarettes, package deals and Sabre jets

I said I really didn't think I had the urge to purchase
And in any case my cash was getting low
His eyes beamed out a warning and his smile got kind of stormy
And he said, There's just one thing you ought to know
It's people like you that are letting down the country
When our democratic freedoms are at stake
'Cause if you don't buy the wheels will start to falter
And after that it's on with the brake
Then confidence will be destroyed and millions will be unemployed
And anarchy will grow from our disharmony
So tell me sir, do you prefer to be a lousy saboteur
Or help to boost the national economy
'Cause production only rises and investments only move
When the demand stimulates the supply
Then everyone will prosper, so I hope it's very plain
It's your patriotic duty to buy my

We've got cough drops, cricket bats, iron lungs, knick-knacks
Wooden legs, wedding rings, we sell everything
Slug killers, killer slugs, road drills, ear plugs
Time-bombs, tombstones, merchant banks and garden gnomes
Tooth-paste, defoliants, genital deodorants
Strychnine, gasoline, benzine, polythene

Fruit machines, magazines, baked beans, submarines
Handcuffs, face creams, pep pills and private dreams
Synthetic fibres, tranquilisers, inorganic fertilisers
Canned beer, barbed wire, dividends are five points higher
Mars Bars, fast cars, Jesus Christ Superstars
Life insurance, cigarettes, package deals and Sabre jets

And the new super-sonic fractional orbital bombardment system
That annihilates everything that moves
Within the range of 2.578 million light years

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Travelling Salesman songs - any more?
From: Mark Ross
Date: 11 Mar 07 - 09:38 AM

The Steve Goodman song is to the tune of EIGHT MORE MILES TO LOUISVILLE.

Mark Ross

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Travelling Salesman songs - any more?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 11 Mar 07 - 08:52 PM

Old Hippie-

You've nailed all the ones I'm familiar with. Always enjoyed the Steve Goodman song.

There're probably a few from the 1890's that are missing in action.

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Travelling Salesman songs - any more?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 11 Mar 07 - 09:30 PM

One of the most popular Aussie Hotel names was 'Commercial' - usually had cheap rooms, and reasonable food. Now those pubs that survive are indistinguishable.