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Song Challenge! Part 6

12 Feb 00 - 06:21 PM (#177311)
Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 6
From: Áine

Well, I'm back again with another good one (or so me thinks). A rather special headline in today's paper caught my eye. It was situated over a story describing how, in these days of the 'Net, you no longer have to pull on your Justins, hitch up your Levis, place your Stetson on your head, or smell the sawdust and funk from the stockyard, to go to the cattle auction. That's right folks, you can bid on that bessie over the ethernet. The story described a "3-1/2 hour Web event, offering about 3,500 beef cattle to 36 competing bidders in seven states . . . confirm(ing) the next evolutionary cycle of livestock marketing."

So, here's the headline for which you are challenged to write a song for:

ONLINE BOVINE

Go for it, CHALLENGE!RS . . .

-- Áine

12 Feb 00 - 06:46 PM (#177327)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 6
From: Metchosin

Gee Áine, how could we possibly come close to "Cows with Guns"?

12 Feb 00 - 07:00 PM (#177337)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 6
From: katlaughing

Cow With Guns? Sounds about fair to me. Just let them come at 'em with those prods! Armed and Dangerous Bovines, I love it! GO COWS!!!!

12 Feb 00 - 07:20 PM (#177351)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 6
From: Metchosin

Cows with Guns click here Maybe after this auction, the next step is Bovine Online.

12 Feb 00 - 08:09 PM (#177368)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 6
From: katlaughing

LMAORWOTFWTTA! THANK YOU, THANK YOU!! Veggie-tarian that I am, I truly LOVE IT!!

12 Feb 00 - 08:51 PM (#177376)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 6
From: GUEST,LEJ

Ghost Riders on the Net

An old cowpoke was sittin' at his CPU one night
Just crossin' the virtual prairie, enjoyin' all the sights
When he stumbled on the lost corral where they pen the Cyber Steers
With E-Cowboys a-standin' round, drinkin' cyber beers.

Yippie Ki Yay
Yippie Ki Yet
Ghost Riders on the Net!

All at once them cattle busted down that digital gate
Their demon-eyes was glowin' red, their breath was hot with hate
The cowpokes and their ponies tried to stop that wild stampede
They vowed to catch the Devil's Herd, no matter where they lead!

Their horns was rippin' megabytes of Random Memory
Their hooves was gougin' chunks out of the web periphery
Leavin' clouds of viruses like dust motes in the air
The old cowpoke just sat and watched...a-tremblin' in his chair.

Yippie Ki Yay
Yippie Ki Yet
Ghost Riders on the Net!

All at once the E-cowboys called to him through the screen
Said " Give up your E gambling ways, your cruisin' sites obscene
Or you may find yourself with us in a grim and ghastly race
A-chasin' down the Devil's Herd in the depth of Cyberspace!"

Yippie Ki Yay
Yippie Ki Yet
Ghost Riders on the Net!

12 Feb 00 - 08:58 PM (#177381)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 6
From: katlaughing

LEEJ!! Your brilliance knows no bounds!!! Bravo, bravo!! I stand in awe, darlin!

12 Feb 00 - 08:59 PM (#177383)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 6
From: Áine

Yeeeeee-Haaaaaah!!! Way to go LEJ!! Fantastic!!

-- Áine

12 Feb 00 - 09:29 PM (#177397)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 6
From: Metchosin

Lej, ya did it! Yahoooo.com.....(keepin the thought in cyberspace there)

12 Feb 00 - 09:40 PM (#177403)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 6
From: Metchosin

Jeez Lej, "You're mah hero.

13 Feb 00 - 12:23 AM (#177467)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 6
From: Amos

Yippe kyiyiyi! LEJ has a pure-dee homer there (LMAO). You GO, LEJ!

Amos.nuffnuffnuff!

13 Feb 00 - 12:57 AM (#177481)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 6
From: Amos

Fifteen Hops on a T1 Line<
Tune -- Erie Canal

I gotta cow named Sally Brine
Fifteen hops on a T1 line!
She's always been a good friend of mine
Fifteen hops on the T1 line!<

I've fattened her up with lovin' care
Fed her oats and combed her hair
And promo-ted her through wireless air
From Stockton clear to Bufaloooo-o!
 

Cho:

Low bid! Better hit the mouse!

Low bid! Or the cow stays in the house!

Cuz you won't outbid your neighbor

And can't  outbid the rest!

If you don't log on to Ebay with

Your email address, oh!


Well the winning bid came in on time
Fifteen hops on a T1 line!
And I feared I would lose my mind,
Fifteen hops on the T1 line!

My Sal was destined for a can
Bound for bacon, steak and SPAM
All at the hands of another man!
Somewhere west of Bufalooo-o!
 

Cho.


Now next day early, bright and  fine,
Fifteen hops on a T1 line!
The man called back an' said Sal was mine,
Fifteen hops on a T1 line!

He'd worked all night 'til awful late
Tryin' to transfer that longhorn steak
But he couldn't get Sal to demodulate,
An' download in to Buffalooooo-0!
 
 

Cho.

13 Feb 00 - 10:18 AM (#177583)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 6
From: Áine

Bravo, Amos!! Wonnerful, wonnerful, wonnerful!! My favorite line: "But he couldn't get Sal to demodulate" -- have you been hanging out on those 'kinky' threads again, my friend??

-- Áine

13 Feb 00 - 10:32 AM (#177590)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 6
From: Amos

Well, when I was a young geek, no one ever tole me what that flat silvery electronic box was for, so I was left tomy own devices!

A

13 Feb 00 - 10:39 AM (#177596)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 6
From: Amos

Actually I have to disqualify myself from this challenge, for exceeding the margins of historical alteration
defined in the Gaelic Goddess Handbook of Rules, Regulations and Conventions for the Management of Poets, Quarks and Other Strange Creations.

The technical grounds being that neither bacon nor SPAM (as far as I know) are supported by cow parts.

Therefore, I graciously defer to the clear winner, the giant in the lists, the man on the hormongous Clydesdale, Sir LEJ.

So far, anyway.

A

13 Feb 00 - 11:07 AM (#177609)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 6
From: Áine

Dear Amos,

I'm afraid that you can't disqualify yourself (at least, this time). You didn't read far enough in the GGHRRCMPQOSC. It states clearly in Section AZL.1.b.04., subsection (r)69:

Whereas, if the subject of any song concerns the body parts of any four-legged animal that may be processed in any way wherein such processing the above-mentioned body parts cannot be duly envisaged by said poet, quark, or strange creation, then the said poet, quark, and/or strange creation may be imagined and be said to be included in any product of said body part processing and therefore said poet, quark and/or strange creation cannot be disqualified from the Mudcat Song Challenge! for cause, or not.

So, there you go, dear Amos -- your still legal!!

-- Áine

13 Feb 00 - 11:26 AM (#177614)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 6
From: MMario

I don't think ANY real animal gets used for SPAM, but beef bacon is incredible.....don't see it often.

13 Feb 00 - 11:41 AM (#177619)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 6
From: Amos

Dang, you guys. Didn't know you spoke Legalese!

I spent some time there in West Legal and took a few trips just south of Legal. But I never mastered the lingo.

&agueAine, you never cease to amaze me! That and Gaelic -- I'm surprised you don't wake up with your tongue in a double bowline!

But let's not go there....

A

13 Feb 00 - 12:32 PM (#177641)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 6
From: The Shambles

You know what they say. "One mans's meat is another man's SPAM".

13 Feb 00 - 01:01 PM (#177647)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 6
From: GUEST,lonepine@jps.net

I hope the cowboys discarded their cyber beercans into the cyber trash can, we want to leave the cyber prarie clean.

13 Feb 00 - 03:06 PM (#177706)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 6
From: katlaughing

Naw, they threw 'em in the cyber recycling bin!**BG**

14 Feb 00 - 08:13 AM (#178007)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 6
From: Áine

SONG CHALLENGE! WINNERS for Part 6:

Awarded the Golden Cow Chip with Shamrock Cluster:

Fifteen Hops On A T1 Line by Amos
Ghost Riders On The Net by Lonesome EJ

Congratulations, Buckaroos!!

16 Aug 01 - 02:40 PM (#529462)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 6
From: Jack the Sailor

Whoopie Ty Yi Yo eBAy your Doggies

I was surfing the world wide web for pleasure
I came upon a curious site
Them cowboy was selling their cattle by Email
From early in morning till late into night

Whoopie Ty Yi Yo, git yer doggies on eBay
You send 'em your money, they ship to your home
Whoopie Ty Yi Yo git yer doggies on eBay
It's easy to buy them, but they're harder to own

Well I won't buy cattle uless I see 'em
But this might just be a good way to buy sperm
Breed virtual cattle with machine semanation
You better make sure that your offer is firm

Whoopie Ty Yi Yo, git yer doggies on eBay
You send 'em your money, they ship to your home
Whoopie Ty Yi Yo git yer doggies on eBay
It's easy to buy them, but they're harder to own

17 Aug 01 - 06:43 AM (#530004)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 6
From: Aidan Crossey

To the tune of Ghost Riders In The Sky

ONLINE BOVINE
I strolled down by The Shambles, it being a market day
But the auctioneer was looking glum, and these sad words did say
"There's no need for me, Paddy, my working days are o'er
Online auctions mean that there's no call for me no more"

CHORUS
Boot the PC
Hard disk whine
Oooooonline Bovine

"Chin up, Mister Auctioneer" I shook his proffered hand
"You were the quickest speaker in the whole of Ireland
But these young farmers nowadays are well into IT
And so it seems the world has turned its back on you and me"

CHORUS

"No more the smell of cowshit, no more the dungarees
Wellingtons and flattened caps, trousers without knees
Belts made out of baling twine and pockets stuffed with cash
The advent of the internet has caused our world to crash"

CHORUS

"Now its logging on to A-Moo-Zon, verify account,
Click to view and click to bid, key in the amount,
Confirm your credit details, transaction underway
Data processed, deal is done, an e-mail's on its way"

17 Aug 01 - 10:55 AM (#530141)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 6
From: Jack the Sailor

I feel obligated to award a silverplated civet dropping for

Boot the PC
Hard disk whine
Oooooonline Bovine

18 Aug 01 - 04:08 PM (#530865)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 6
From: Áine

And another couple of winners . . . What I want to know is -- where is this Fountain of Creativity that you guys keep dipping in??? Hmmmmm? Come on, you can tell us, we'll keep the secret -- promise! ;-)

So, dear Jack and derrymacash, move your ever growing collection of cow chip whatnots on the mantle over, 'cuz here come some more . . .

Winners of the Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award (The Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award is given to the Challenge!rs who warm the cockles and create a special warm and fuzzy feeling in the heart of the Keeper of the Book in a song):

Online Bovine by derrymacash


Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears):

Whoopie Ty Yi Yo eBAy Your Doggies by Jack the Sailor


Well done, Challenge!rs!!!

-- Áine

27 Aug 01 - 11:16 AM (#536076)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 6
From: SharonA

*refresh*

Question: How come the logo says "ebaY" (capital Y) but the site's references to itself say "eBay" (capital B)??? Go figure....


YIPPEE-YI-YO-EBAY
(Tune: "I'm an Old Cowhand" by Johnny Mercer)

I'm a cattleman up in Maryland
But I never rode bulls or learned to brand.
I'm a stockman who never stocked a cow,
Never bought a steer, but I plan to now
'Cause the online auction has shown me how!
Yippee-yi-yo-eBay!
Yippee-yi-yo-eBay!

I'm a cattleman up in Maryland,
Surf the web world wide with my mouse in hand.
I'm no John Wayne cowboy — I'm up-to-date,
Catalogued each cow in the Lone Star State
On a spreadsheet in Windows 98!
Yippee-yi-yo-eBay!
Yippee-yi-yo-eBay!

My PC's upgraded; it ain't so slow
So I sent my bids, didn't bid too low.
Now a thousand head to my yard will go!
Yippee-yi-yo-eBay!
Yippee-yi-yo-eBay!