My mother used to say the Highland Fling was invented by a Scot trying to pick a lot in a pay toilet.

I was, in my youth, a competition Scottish Highland dancer. Now I say that I danced over two swords and still have all my toes.

Oh, and there's the Scottish Official Board of Highland Dancing, called,the SOBHD. Make of that what you will.

Then there's the classic, "What is worn under the kilt? Nothing madam. It is all in perfect working order."

Oh, and a Scot wanted to be buried with a bottle of fine whiskey, and asked his friend to put it in his coffin. The friend said, "Aye, but do ye mind if I run it through first."