Help: Scottish humor sought

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 May 16 - 03:56 PM

"The King Was In His Counting House" is number four of the seven Barney Thomson murder mysteries written by Douglas Lindsay, published over the years in paperback, re-published as E-books (often with altered titles: this one was re-titled "The Resurrection of Barney Thomson"), and, in one case, adapted into a feature film and released last year.

Published in 2004, "The King Was In His Counting House" -- warning, spoilers ahead -- imagines the departure of Scotland from the Commonwealth as a nefarious conspiracy manipulated from 10 Downing Street. Why would England's Prime Minister allow Scotland to set up an independent government based in Edinburgh? In order to manipulate Scotland right back into the Commonwealth, that's why, by bringing about the collapse of the Edinburgh government, and watching Scotland slink back with its collective tail between its legs.

Add to this the usual Barney Thomson scenario of a serial killer on the loose, and Glaswegian barber Barney Thomson stumbling into the action and wondering which way is up. No, it's not for everybody; when it's dark, it's dark, and the satire is bloody-minded in more ways than one. And there's not much about Glasgow in this one, for which reason some Barney Thomson readers feel that something is missing. There is humor, though, to a particular taste.

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: leeneia
Date: 08 May 16 - 01:41 PM

Not much. But I'll tell you a joke I heard in Dingwall.

A road-widening crew got to the job site one morning and discovered that overnight their shovels had been stolen. The foreman telephoned headquarters to report the theft and to ask what to do.

"Don't worry, lads! Just lean on each other till we get there."
=====
It got a good laugh.

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: michaelr
Date: 08 May 16 - 12:20 AM

Fifteen years. Found any yet?

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: leeneia
Date: 07 May 16 - 10:54 AM

Fifteen years have passed since I started this thread.

The Harp Society doesn't do the Highland Games anymore. Sometimes we had a dozen people in the audience at the harp tent, but often we wound up playing only for each other. We can do that without hauling instruments across town.

The announcer never told the crowd that we existed. All attention was focussed on the athletes and pipes.

The pipes never stopped. Ever.

At the last games, my friend and I took our instruments and played in a food tent. The people acted as if we were doing something mildly indecent - didn't even give us a glance or a smile. The only person who acknowledged us was another member of the Harp Society, who liked a piece of music so much that I gave her my copy.

When word eventually came that "There won't be a harp tent anymore," it was all right by me.

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 May 16 - 07:49 PM

Signage on one side of a large white van (photograph):

PAINTER & DECORATOR

INTERIOR & EXTERIOR FINISHES

NEW YORK    PARIS    MADRID
BUT MOSTLY GLASGOW AREA

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 May 16 - 07:38 PM

This Gaelic proverb may have been sourced, by Dorothy Dunnett, from an earlier literary source. She doesn't say, neither does the author of her concordance. So I am looking around for something earlier. And I found:

Fóghnaidh salann salach air ìm ròinneagach.
Sufficient is dirty salt for butter covered in hair
/Dirty salt will do for hairy butter.
page 186,
A Collection of Gaelic Proverbs and Familiar Phrases,
Based on MacIntosh's Collection
edited by Alexander Nicolson
Edinburgh: MacLachlan & Stewart, 1882

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 May 16 - 02:53 PM

But seriously, Gaelic students (I'm not one, I'm totally ignorant here):

when I try to translate "im roineagach," the best I can come up with is:
"butter covered in hair."

I mean, ewwwww. What is going on?

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: The Sandman
Date: 05 May 16 - 02:03 PM

in Kircaldy in my experience they only liked jokes about death.

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 May 16 - 01:58 PM

"try Matt McGinn": you mean, Ma fither was born a Hebrew/And Ah'm a Hebrew too?

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 May 16 - 05:46 PM

Scottish Gaelic, from Dorothy Dunnett:

"Foghnaidh salann salach air im roineagach."

She does not offer a translation. Used for comic effect, although I'm not sure it's funny.

from Gemini, the final book in the series House of Niccolò.
First published around 1990? by Michael Joseph.

Anybody care to translate ?

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 04 May 16 - 09:30 AM

On what charge, Sean?

≈M≈

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: The Sandman
Date: 04 May 16 - 12:38 AM

try matt mcGinn

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: Joe_F
Date: 03 May 16 - 06:25 PM

When I was at St Andrews University in 1959, I received an anonymous valentine with the inscription

My love is like a mutton-chop,
Sometimes cold and sometimes hot.

On the envelope was written

Postie, postie, dinna falter --
This may take me to the altar.

Alas, not even an advertisement persuaded the lady to reveal herself.

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: keberoxu
Date: 03 May 16 - 05:11 PM

OOOPS, that re-print date was intended to read 1869, sorry

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: keberoxu
Date: 03 May 16 - 04:01 PM

For I haue heir -- I to the tell,
Ane nobill cap imperiell,
Quhilk is nocht ordanit bot for doings
Of Empreours, of Duiks, and Kings --
For princelie and imperiall fuillis:
They sould haue luggis als lang als Muillis....

All the Princes of Almanie,
Spainye, Flanders, and Italie,
This present year, ar in ane flocht:
Sum sall thair wages find deir bocht.
The Paip, with bombard, speir, and scheild,
Hes sent his armie to the feild.
Sanct Peter, Sanct Paull, nor Sanct Androw
Raisit never sic ane Oist, I trow.
Is this fraternall charitie?
Or furious folie? Quhat say ye?
Thay leird nocht this at Christis Scuillis:
Thairfoir, I think them verie fuillis.
I think it folie, -- be God's mother! --
Ilk Christian Prince to ding doun uther.
Becaus that this hat shoud belang them,
Gang thou, and part it evin amang them.

Lines 4554 - 4559; 4574 - 4589

Sir David Lindsay of the Mount, Alias Lyon King of Arms

"Ane Pleasant Satyre of the Thrie Estaitis, in Commendatioun of Vertew and Vituperatioun of Vyce"

Charteris edition(1602), reprinted by the Early English Text Society, 1896

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: akenaton
Date: 04 Apr 16 - 07:04 PM

Yes, the tapes were erased and reused, as film was so expensive, that happened to such a lot of good drama and comedy in the early years.
I remember the series being broadcast around 1958 I think.
Duncan Macrae was Para Handy, Roddy Macmillan was Dougie, John Grieve was Dan Mcphail and Alex McAvoy...Sunny Jim, as far as I can remember.

In the book Peter MacFarlane was "short and stocky" so I didn't care for big Duncan in the role, he also played it very deadpan and slow, while Munro had Para Handy volatile and full of humour.
Roddy MacMillan was better, to my mind.

I'm off to bed, been nice talking to you.

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 Apr 16 - 06:36 PM

I have a compact disc version of the "Highland Voyage" album. I wonder what Alex Mackenzie was doing there? I see that he wrote the songs mostly, and that he plays the part of the Vital Spark's engineer, on the album. But isn't he from "The Maggie"?   

So we get to hear Duncan MacRae and Roddy (my bad, I said Paddy in the earlier post) MacMillan in a comic duet. Not a thing wrong there.

It is said that the Para Handy show with Duncan MacRae as the Captain, the taped episodes were lost or destroyed or something; did you see those?

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: akenaton
Date: 04 Apr 16 - 05:07 PM

Para Handy on "cockles"
""The best cockles in the country iss in Colonsay," said the Captain. "But the people in Colonsay iss that slow they canna catch them. I wass wance gatherin' cockles there, and the mudges were that large and bold, I had to throw stones at them."

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: akenaton
Date: 04 Apr 16 - 04:59 PM

Aye, there have been about four series of "The Vital Spark" (Now moored at Inverary), but none of them did justice to the book of stories...I think Roddy MacMillan was the best TV Peter Macarlane(Para Handy)......everyone had nicknames in my youth, but it was considered insulting to refer to someone by his nickname directly to his face. In the book Para Handy is always called Peter or Captain by his crew.
You can read it on line, this is a small section Para Handy

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 Apr 16 - 04:34 PM

Para Handy: I got a look at the opening minutes, not the whole thing, of a "Vital Spark" episode in which John Grieve and Paddy McMillan holler at each other about how the steam-whistle for the puffer is putting a drain on the boiler: "ane mair toot, an' Ah'm OOT." I was weeping with laughter, if that makes sense.

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: akenaton
Date: 04 Apr 16 - 04:29 PM

Highly recommended K...... contains all the nuance of the West Highland folk. Munro IMO was a hugely underrated writer, the Tales were written for the Evening Times and Munro considered them just a bit of amusement, but they encapsulated the complicated relationship between Highland and Lowland Scots, expressed with gentle ironic humour.

The cartoonist Bud Neill caught the lives and language of the urban Scot of the 40's and 50's to perfection. His characters, set in the film world of that time also came to life in the Times.
Lobby Dosser, Rank Bajin(villain),Rid Squerr(ghost...employed by the council to haunt the local cemetery), Ferry nuff, Adoda Glaur...I fondly remember them all. :0)

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 Apr 16 - 01:20 PM

Isn't Neil Munro without the silent e? Tales of Para Handy

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: akenaton
Date: 04 Apr 16 - 12:49 PM

Do you think they could handle Neil Munroe, or Bud Neill, Jim?

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 Apr 16 - 11:52 AM

The "interval" portion of Ane Pleasant Satyre of the Thrie Estaitis has a Pardoner, a peddler of indulgences from Rome, who performs a divorce on the Soutar and his Wife. The divorce consists of a public ceremony of each kissing the other's arsehole.

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: Jim McLean
Date: 03 Apr 16 - 03:56 PM

Remember Scrooge was an Englishman.

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: akenaton
Date: 03 Apr 16 - 01:44 PM

No problem Stevie boy.....just make sure you're in the bathroom, don't want a mess on the Mudcat carpets... :0)

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: keberoxu
Date: 03 Apr 16 - 01:43 PM

Before Robert Carlyle got fed up with Twitter, he put out a Valentine's Day Tweet a few years ago, recalling something from his childhood in the '70's "in a Glasgow stylee" and the funny thing is, you guys already have it here...and you say it's from Australia.

Carlyle remembered it as:
Almighty, Almighty, Almighty
I wish my pyjamas were next to your nightie....

and of course it's
I love you, I love you, I love you almighty,
I wish my pyjamas were next to your nightie....

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 03 Apr 16 - 12:50 PM

Have you finished? Can I unclench my buttocks now?

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: akenaton
Date: 03 Apr 16 - 09:40 AM

I knew and conversed with Billy and Tam years before they were even famous on the folk circus.....Billy was hilarious when he went in for gentle observational comedy in the Old Scottish style, it gradually devolved into a diatribe peppered with obscenities until finally disappearing as true humour. Alternative comedy?
His new career as an observer and commentator suites him well.
A genuinely nice bloke, if a bit "precious" these days. Heavily influenced by the psychological expertise of Pammy.

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 03 Apr 16 - 06:49 AM

"I wouldn't expect you to know much about Scottish humour, if you have never lived and breathed in it."

Perhaps you'd care to give us a list of the qualifications we need in order to understand "Scottish humour." I've seen Billy Connolly twice and almost needed an ambulance both times due to near-death by laughing. Does that count? In other words try not to be so silly.

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 03 Apr 16 - 05:56 AM

"I wouldn't expect you to know much about Scottish humour,"
I wouldn't expect anybody to know about Scottish humour unless they'd studied it and got an overview
Ho might be an expert on local humour, if you were observant and had a sense of humour - but that can vary within a few miles.
Livng somewhere doesn't give you superiority of a national humour - why should it?
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: akenaton
Date: 03 Apr 16 - 04:04 AM

Are you being serious? I've lived among people who spoke "Lowland Scots" or Gaelic all my life.
I wouldn't expect you to know much about Scottish humour, if you have never lived and breathed in it.

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 02 Apr 16 - 07:22 PM

I'm definitely not having that. So much of the finest entertainment we enjoy today evolved from the music hall tradition. As for jokes about kilts and tartan, well these phenomena are hardly archetypal Scottish in any case. Yes, we can try to draw a line between harmless, gentle ribbing and a more harsh, abrasive humour that puts us Into anti-Scottish attack mode. But let's not get too sensitive, eh? After all, you've parodied the Scots in one post in this thread with a caricature of what you see as their brand of spoken English. Not for the first time either.

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: akenaton
Date: 02 Apr 16 - 05:01 PM

None of these relate to Scottish/Highland humour, which is whimsical, droll and can be cruelly ironic......but mostly gently ironic :0)

Most of what is printed above comes from the Music Hall tradition of the early twentieth century. Stereotypical nonsense.

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: keberoxu
Date: 02 Apr 16 - 03:30 PM

Would quotes from Sir David Lyndsay be apropos? (Ane Pleasant Satyre)

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: keberoxu
Date: 02 Apr 16 - 02:51 PM

Sounds like the one that goes, Lord, Lord, we didna ken! And the Lord in His Infinite Maircy....

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: Jack Campin
Date: 02 Apr 16 - 02:43 PM

Look up the punchline "Well, ye ken noo."

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 02 Apr 16 - 01:39 PM

A bekilted highlander at a dance asked his parner if he could take her home - she refused.
He said, "You must ha'e seen the glint in ma een lassie.
"Nae Jock. I saw the tilt in your kilt".
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: JenBurdoo
Date: 02 Apr 16 - 12:46 PM

Not a joke precisely, but I've heard that when the officers of the 51st Highland Division captured at St. Valery wrote a dance whilst in prison, the German guards refused to send a copy of it to their families in Scotland -- they took one look at the arcane symbols and language used to mark dance steps and thought it was a secret code -- until the Scots danced it for them to prove the innocence of what they had written.

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: keberoxu
Date: 02 Apr 16 - 11:15 AM

Mrrzy, "Tony in Sweden" was kind enough to post a message explaining "Am I Wrong" / am Ah wrang, so now at least I get it.

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: Mrrzy
Date: 02 Apr 16 - 10:52 AM

nobody is getting the meringue joke, now posted more than once. Saying it out loud hardly helps...

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: HuwG
Date: 02 Apr 16 - 12:11 AM

Jock and Annie are looking in the window of a cake shop. Annie points at one piece of confectionary and says "Is that a cake or a meringue?"

Jock says "Nay, you're reet lass, it's a cake."

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: Raedwulf
Date: 01 Apr 16 - 05:45 PM

Ake - I've got the important bit right. I'm still working on the accent... :p And the only thing I want to make a Scot is... *ahem* ;-)

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: keberoxu
Date: 01 Apr 16 - 05:09 PM

Someone ought to mention The Vital Spark/ Para Handy regarding Scottish humo[u]r. Duncan MacRae, Roddy McMillan, John Grieve....

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: Wireharp
Date: 01 Apr 16 - 04:57 PM

Q:What is black and tan and looks REALLY good on a highland piper?










A:................a rottweiler........

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: Thompson
Date: 01 Apr 16 - 03:17 PM

Would I be right in thinking most or all of the 'jokes' about supposed Scots meanness are English in origin? Freudian projection perhaps, ahem, since any Scots I've ever known were remarkably generous, though they didn't know how to spell whiskey.
In Ireland, we call a bottle-opener a church door, rather than a church key - it's the same shape as those tall pointy church doors.
My sole Scottish joke, sourced from a diplomat, who told it with a naughty twinkle. A Glasgow woman want to know what a Highlander has under his kilt, so she asks can she take a look. He lifts up the kilt and she looks at it and exclaims, horrified, "Ohhh, it's gruesome!" He leers and lifts the kilt again and says, "Now it's gruesome more…"

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: Joe_F
Date: 31 Mar 16 - 06:21 PM

The following story appeared (as truth) on another thread in this venue, but I cannot remember which. A rich American happened into a Scottish pub, and, feeling expansive after several drinks, ordered a round of the most expensive single-malt whisky -- on the rocks. The whole place fell silent, and after a pregnant pause, the publican said mildly, "I'm afraid our ice is rather warm this evening. Would you care to try the whisky neat?"

He deserves consideration for Ambassador to the US when independence happens.

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: akenaton
Date: 31 Mar 16 - 04:38 PM

Hoo miny times dae a huv tae tell ye!....it's "mair" no' "more"!

Ach ye 'll nivir mak a Scot.....puir cratur. :0).

Howyedaein auld pal......hope yer well.

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: Raedwulf
Date: 31 Mar 16 - 03:27 PM

"Oh, and a Scot wanted to be buried with a bottle of fine whiskey" - no, LadyJean, nae never, nae more. There be nae such thing as "fine whiskey". No E in whisky, you see... ;-)

Subject: RE: Help: Scottish humor sought
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 31 Mar 16 - 08:49 AM

The Sots actually have a very fine, if somewhat dead-pan sense of humour – this is a story told by Belle Stewart at the Singers Club in the seventies.

The Woman On The Scales.
There was this old woman, you know, and she come fae the country and she was goin' tae Glesca and she cam' into the station and she had a half-an-hour to wait on her train.
Well, she saw these machines at the station, you know, and she's walkin' doon the platform and it speaks your weight and tells your fortune when you put the money in. She says, "I dinna believe it!"
However, she puts in the penny and the machine says, "You're fifteen stone. When you step off this machine you'll fart."
She stepped off the machine, she give a hell of a fart. She says, "God, that's great! It does know."
So on she goes and gets on again, and it says now, "You're fifteen stone and you're gaun tae be seduced when you walk off this machine." Off she gets, off the machine, and doon comes a big hieland man in, tearin' along the platform and he throws her to the ground and he makes passionate love to her.
Oh my God, she's so exhausted. She says, "That's great! That's good! I must try it again."
And she put another penny in and this time it says, "You are fifteen stone, but with all your fartin' and your fuckin' aboot you've missed your train!"
Jim Carroll