BS: Why can't pickles fly?

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 11:18 AM

Eddie-

Thanks for checking in. I've enjoyed this thread, and I've learned a lot from it.

My mother used to can sour pickles back when we all lived on the family farm in Maine. It's so nice to be reminded of those by gone days, rocking on the kitchen porch in the evening, listening to the chirps and whistles from the cucumber patch.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Kim C
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 09:27 AM

No wings?

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Boab D
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 06:04 AM

They cant fly because they are too drunk.
Dylan

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 12:49 AM

That's it! They fly so damn fast that no one can see them go by. I also expect that they usually fly after dark, because pickles are discreet by nature. I sure hope the Weekly World News gets hold of this and gives the flying pickle story the kind of coverage it deserves.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: LadyJean
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 12:11 AM

One of the older women working on the Pittsburgh for Dean committee is a real pistol. She says one day she was talking to someone and eating one of those huge dill pickles.
Someone asked the man she was talking to what she was saying, and he said, "I don't know, I was too busy watching her eat that pickle." This sweet old dear once slipped her panties to a mafia boss. You meet the most interesting people in politics.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,B. Ranston.
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 09:27 PM

Pickles can fly. But the trouble is they fly SO fast they break the sound barrier and are often mistaken for thunder in these parts. I have always known that the distant rumble was really the 6.30 non stop from Epicure.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Eddie Pyle
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 08:44 PM

Well, there have been some helpful comments here, I think. I feel deep in my heart that pickles CAN fly, and I am eager to find evidence proving it. The painting of the flying cucumber is encouraging.

There have also been some useless comments, which I will now address.

Blind DRunk in Blind River: What kind of idiot are you? I don't have to take this kind of stuff from you, you simpleminded jerk! There is nothing wrong with my sexual system. Take your stupid innuendos and inflict them on people who are at your own infantile mental level, if you can find any!

Amos: I am very offended that you think pickles are aerodynamically unsound. That's a blatant misrepresentation. Pickles are so beautifully constructed from an aerodynamic point of view that the North American Auto industry has taken notice in recent years and built many cars which resemble the general shape of a pickle. Note the perfectly rounded front of the pickle, offering the ideal shape to reduce air resistance. Note the long, lean, slightly curving structure of the pickle's fuselage, maximizing strenght, resiliency, and balance. Then note the greatest feature of all...the little bumps! These act as a means of breaking down turbulence and resisting wind shear. I predict that within the next 20 years all high performance fighter planes will sport similar little bumps on their wings and fuselages. Lemons also have such bumps, but lemons can't match pickles as an airfoil because they aren't long enough to maintain directional stability. I demand that you retract your statement, Amos, and admit that pickles are earodynamically almost perfect.

Martin Gibson: I am not institutionalized! I'm one of the founding members of the Loyal Order of Muskrats in my town, and I am a regular churchgoer at the Baptist Fellowship. I have a library card. I bowl on Saturdays and watch football on Sundays (after church). I drive a Ford Aerostar. My daughter is a Varsity cheerleader. What do you take me for? As a matter of fact, I am related to Gomer Pyle, but only distantly. He was a cousin of a great uncle's nephew or something like that.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bobert
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 08:26 PM

Well, danged!

Pickles fly just fine but...

... don't land too well.

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 08:12 PM

I humbly draw the attention of the posters here that you have accepted the premise that pickles CAN'T fly. If you've never seen a pickle fly, then how do you know they can't? Ah HA!

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 05:36 PM

Look, Eddie, you gotta get help. I am serious here, eh? If your pickle can't fly, like, get help now, buddy! How old are you Eddie? Have you got a insignificant other to, like, help you out with this problem?

If my pickle couldn't fly, man, I would be in a panic, lemme tell ya. Mine flies every time the eagle screeches. No boast, man...just the truth.

- BDiBR

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Martin Gibson
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 05:29 PM

Eddie Pyle is the instituitionalized son of former U.S. marine Gomer Pyle.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 05:25 PM

(wonder who Eddie is? I knew of Ernie Pyle, the great WWII cartoonist)

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 05:16 PM

Thanks, Bill D! I've just checked your new link to "Da Flying Cucumber" and it is most glorious to behold. It is a pity that we can't have soaring sour pickles as well. But it's probably isn't even Kosher.

Guest Eddie Pyle has brightened my day by starting this thread.

Thanks so much!
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Cluin
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 02:56 PM

YES!!

*high 5*

Another mystery solvéd!

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 02:48 PM

Oh, right! But those are only the fastest cucumbers! (as they approach warp speed, their shape distorts)

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Cluin
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 02:30 PM

They do, y'know...

But they're called rods and they move really fast, too fast to see.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 02:17 PM

the old myth is that BUMBLEbees can't fly according to the laws of physics. I don't know that any reputable physicist ever claimed that, but if he did, it was just that he didn't really know how fast their wings beat.

Cucumbers, on the other hand, seldom show THEIR wings, except at mating season.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Walking Eagle
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 02:11 PM

They would never pass the security check. Too much acid which could be used To eat a hole through the flightdeck door, therefore gaining access to the 'deck.

Amos, bees fly even though engineering tests have proven that they can't. Guess someone forgot to tell the bees about these tests.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:58 PM

For some reason women seem to do better at rejuvenating downed pickles (and cucumbers) with the rubbing technique. I've also heard about some sort of special "dip" treatment but I have never seen it first hand.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: okthen
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:55 PM

Oh how we Brits envy the freedom of our American cousins, any student of modern British politics will tell you Thatcher made flying pickles illegal way back in the 1980's.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:50 PM

in order for pickles to fly, the Icarus cells would have to be rejuvinated. This requires long massages and treatment by sun lamps. If you really want your pickle to fly, heat it up and rub it for a few hours.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: MMario
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:48 PM

Few people realize it , but the reason zeppelins went out of fashion is that they were actually constructed from the shed skins of the adult form of the flying cucumber. Unfortunately the adult flying cucumber has always been extremely rare, nesting only on the bikini islands of the Pacific. None have been seen in recent decades.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:27 PM

Ah. Now I see it. What a glorious sight! If cucumbers can fly surely pickles can fly too. Come to think of it, zeppelins looked almost exactly like enormous cucumbers! This lends weight to the theory of flying pickles...but not too much weight, hopefully, otherwise it could cause them to remain grounded.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:19 PM

doesn't work?? It works here... try the original page

cucumber

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:17 PM

Damn, Bill D., your link to the "winged cucumber" JPG won't work for me. What a crock!

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Ebbie
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:15 PM

Check out the 'Glowing Pickle' fact sheet in Mudcat songs and you'll learn more than you ever dreamed of.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:14 PM

you mean YOU never saw one of those, LH?

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:13 PM

Your link doesn't work, Bill. I am very disappointed. You owe me and the whole forum a new link.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:10 PM

I think it's not that they can't...they just don't want to.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:09 PM

they can fly only before they've been pickled. Pickling damages the Icarus cells, and grounds them.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:08 PM

My God, man! There are vast, sky-darkening flocks of pickles -- sweets, dills, breadnbutters, all of them -- that fly south from their summer homes in the Arctic every year! Not fly?! How do you think they get to their winter homes in the Antarctic -- walk?

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peg
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:01 PM

because they refuse to get fingerprinted.

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:01 PM

They are aerodynamically unsound; but this can be modified.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Cluin
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 12:51 PM

Who says they can't?

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: mike the knife
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 12:51 PM

but they will light up if charged electrically...

Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 12:48 PM

Because they're too "dill" and there's no point in trying to cure them?

I've been waiting years for someone to ask this question.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Eddie Pyle
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 12:38 PM

This is a question that's been bugging me for years. I really like pickles, specially the larger ones, like the Polish kind. I don't get why they can't fly. They seem like they ought to be able to to me. I figure this is the place to go to ask such a question, cos you people seem to have all the facts at your fingertips.