BS: First Joke Thread of 2013

Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2013
From: Michael
Date: 03 Jan 13 - 05:23 AM

Curtain in the toilet? Posh or what? Ours didn't even have a window.

Mike

Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2013
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 02 Jan 13 - 05:05 PM

From my childhood:

"What's the difference between toilet paper and curtains?"

"I don't know...."

"Oh, so you're the one!"

Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2013
From: Mr Red
Date: 02 Jan 13 - 11:46 AM

I always thought Gregorian was a game of chants.

Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2013
From: Joe_F
Date: 01 Jan 13 - 10:10 PM

Teacher: "The Indians had bows so powerful they could shoot an arrow into a buffalo right up the feathers."
Pupil: "Buffaloes don't have feathers."

Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2013
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 01 Jan 13 - 08:56 PM

my favourite childhood joke - learnt from the children's page in the Sunday newspaper.

What sits on the bottom of the ocean & shakes?



a nervous wreck



& still my favourite cos I can always remember it!

Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2013
From: GUEST,DaveA
Date: 01 Jan 13 - 06:20 PM

Then there was the guy who never realised he was dyslexic till he went to a Toga party dressed as a goat....

Happy New Year

Dave

Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2013
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 01 Jan 13 - 05:41 PM

MtheGM.. The one I heard from my grandfather was similar.. "What is the difference between an elephants a..se and a post box?"... of course we answered that we didn't know..... "Well I wouldn't send you to post a letter then" was his retort!

Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2013
From: catspaw49
Date: 01 Jan 13 - 05:12 PM

The 112th Congress of the United States .... They can't even leave right. Worst joke of 2011 and 2012 and the GOP House might be the nastiest joke of 2013.


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2013
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 01 Jan 13 - 12:08 PM

When I was two, my favourite joke was my Uncle Alf's ~~

Do you know the difference between an apple and an elephant?

No.

Well then, I wouldn't send you out to buy a pound of apples You might come back with a pound of elephants.


I am not sure I quite got the point; but I was tickled to death by the concept of a pound of elephants.

~M~

Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2013
From: LilyFestre
Date: 01 Jan 13 - 11:55 AM

My two year old's favorite joke:

Why didn't the wheels go anywhere today?

Because they were WHEELIE WHEELIE tiwred!!!

*Fits of giggles follow making the best joke ever in my book*

Happy New Year!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2013
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 01 Jan 13 - 10:46 AM

"Fireman Bob"

Fireman Bob rushed into a burning building
and rescued a beautiful young lady who was
clad only in the top half of her baby-doll
nightgown. He carried her in his arms down
three flights of stairs and saved her from
her sure demise.

As they arrived safely, a wash of gratitude
rushed over her. She looked at him with
great fondness and admiration, then said,
"Oh, you are wonderful! It must have taken
great strength and courage to rescue me
the way you did."

"Yes it did," the fireman admitted. "I had
to fight off three other firemen who were
trying to get to you first!"

================

"The Rescue"

A ladder was placed against the bedroom
window of a burning house, and a young
fireman rushed up. Inside was a curvy
brunette in a see-through nightie.

"Aha," said he, "You're the second pregnant
girl I've rescued this year!"

"But I'm not pregnant," indignantly exclaimed
the brunette.

"You're not rescued yet either."

Subject: BS: First Joke Thread of 2013
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 01 Jan 13 - 10:19 AM

Just a little late, seasonally, but great!

The Night Before Christmas -- for General Aviators

Twas the night before Christmas, and out on the ramp,
Not an airplane was stirring, not even a Champ.
The aircraft were fastened to tiedowns with care,
In hopes that come morning, they all would be there.

The fuel trucks were nestled, all snug in their spots,
With gusts from two-forty at 39 knots.
I slumped at the fuel desk, now finally caught up,
And settled down comfortably, resting my butt.

When the radio lit up with noise and with chatter,
I turned up the scanner to see what was the matter.
A voice clearly heard over static and snow,
Called for clearance to land at the airport below.

He barked his transmission so lively and quick,
I'd have sworn that the call sign he used was "St. Nick".
I ran to the panel to turn up the lights,
The better to welcome this magical flight.

He called his position, no room for denial,
"St. Nicholas One, turnin' left onto final."
And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a Rutan-built sleigh, with eight Rotax Reindeer!

With vectors to final, down the glideslope he came,
As he passed all the fixes, he called them by name:
"Now Ringo! Now Tolga! Now Trini and Bacun!
On Comet! On Cupid!" What pills was he takin'?

While controllers were sittin', and scratchin' their head,
They phoned to my office, and I heard it with dread,
The message they left was both urgent and dour:
"When Santa pulls in, have him please call the tower."

He landed like silk, with the sled runners sparking,
Then I heard "Left at Charlie," and "Taxi to parking."
He slowed to a taxi, turned off of three-oh
And stopped on the ramp with a "Ho, ho-ho-ho..."

He stepped out of the sleigh, but before he could talk,
I ran out to meet him with my best set of chocks.
His red helmet and goggles were covered with frost
And his beard was all blackened from Reindeer exhaust.

His breath smelled like peppermint, gone slightly stale,
And he puffed on a pipe, but he didn't inhale.
His cheeks were all rosy and jiggled like jelly,
His boots were as black as a cropduster's belly.

He was chubby and plump, in his suit of bright red,
And he asked me to "fill it, with hundred low-lead."
He came dashing in from the snow-covered pump,
I knew he was anxious for drainin' the sump.

I spoke not a word, but went straight to my work,
And I filled up the sleigh, but I spilled like a jerk.
He came out of the restroom, and sighed in relief,
Then he picked up a phone for a Flight Service brief.

And I thought as he silently scribed in his log,
These reindeer could land in an eighth-mile fog.
He completed his pre-flight, from the front to the rear,
Then he put on his headset, and I heard him yell, "Clear!"

And laying a finger on his push-to-talk,
He called up the tower for clearance and squawk.
"Take taxiway Charlie, the southbound direction,
Turn right three-two-zero at pilot's discretion"

He sped down the runway, the best of the best,
"Your traffic's a Grumman, inbound from the west."
Then I heard him proclaim, as he climbed thru the night,
"Merry Christmas to all! I have traffic in sight."