BS: boys won't date girls who smoke

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: kendall
Date: 01 Dec 99 - 01:06 PM

a dog hating republican would be totally unacceptable. Let me clarify something..if the love of my life smoked, I would not leave her because of it, but, thats another matter. Given a choice, I would not get seriously involved with a smoker.

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: Bert
Date: 01 Dec 99 - 11:16 AM

Kat,

Tree gave up smoking just over a year ago. She just up and quit cold turkey.

Don't nag Rog about it. Just let it be, he'll get there when he's ready.

Bert

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: katlaughing
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 10:51 PM

Damn, Kendall! I don't smoke, don't drink, love dogs, and ain't Republican and I have a helluva lot of fun! Maybe you oughter look elsewhere?**BG**

Marion, good luck. My son is two years older than you and last I knew had finally quit the nasty weed after starting, without my knowledge, at 16. Not many of thegeneral public that I know of, knew of the real danger even back then.

Peter is right; love doesn't take into account all of the ideals we dream of.Rog is my thrid husband; we've been together 21 yrs. and I never would've picked him out of a lineup to be my soulmate. He also smokes. I hate it, I tell him to not breath on me and our kisses are short. Nagging has't done any good. It is a horrible addiction which can be extremely hard to kick, so I try to be patient. Part of me hopes that his tough French Canadian genes keep him insulated from the ravages of smoking and the other half of me wants to kick him in the arse and make him quit out of fear of being alone when I am older, due to the effects of this habit. My sister's ex left her with a son to raise alone, when he died of emphysema.

Life is not as cut and dried as we'd like it to be. Although we can hope to find someone of the same tastes, desires, and goals in life as ourselves, sometimes the Greater Scheme of Things, has something else in mind for us, like my Rog; or Bert's Tree.

kat

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: sophocleese
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 10:44 PM

Kendall, are there dog-hating republicans?

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: kendall
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 10:35 PM

Now that I'm 65, I can afford to be picky. I would not date a smoker,drug user, drunk, dog hater or a republican. And I am well aware of all the fun I'm missing.:-)

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: Terry Allan Hall
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 10:23 PM

Llanfair....one word : Brownies! (of the Alice B. Toklas persuasion)...LOL

Glad my wifey doesn't smoke...much nicer, kissing-wise!

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: Llanfair
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 07:10 PM

Er, Marion, how do you smoke pot without tobacco? I've never used the stuff myself, but I am told that it is necessary so that the drug burns properly.
I envy your idealism, I hope you find the person that you are looking for, and that he/she is not too hard an act to follow. Hwyl, Bron.

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: JedMarum
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 06:50 PM

Well I've been married so long this issue is totally beyond my consideration! But I must say, now that I brought this up ... a woman I knew well, liked and worked with, one day asked me, while we were out to lunch, if I minded if she smoked - I told her I didn't mind if she smoked, but I minded that she smoked! She took my comment in the light it was meant to be taken, a mildly humorous yet pointed remark. Her smoke didn't bother me, but I was a bit disappointed (for her sake) that she was a smoker.

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: Chet W.
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 06:07 PM

I'm with you guys.

Chet

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: Mick Lowe
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 06:03 PM

Heck you lot..
As my old Grannie used to say.."Advice to girls.. always carry a jar of petroleum jelly.. stops you smokin'"
Love is love is love
Screws you up, spits you out, but you always go back for more
You ain't going to live for ever, so make the most of what time you've got
Here endeth the lecture
Mick

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: Bert
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 05:39 PM

Where do you folks get the idea that one 'chooses' a partner;-)

My preconceived ideas were 'someone thin who could sing'. I didn't get either but I'm happier than I have ever been in my life.

Bert.

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: Chet W.
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 05:35 PM

Marion, Suppose someone had been in a terrible accident, say while bicycling without a helmet, and was thereafter confined to a wheelchair. Obviously their choices led directly to their health issue. And suppose further that this person had the heart of a poet, the passion of a saint, and the wisdom of the Buddha. Would they be off your list? I'm not defending tobacco or any other drug use as being a great thing, I'm just saying that when it is practiced it is not necessarily a character flaw or a "values" thing. I think that a lot of people respond to trendy public sentiment or their own insecurity or their own delicate sense of smell to eliminate people, and that's not a good enough reason for me, and it's not fair any more than it is to discriminate against people whose skin color doesn't match their sofa. Such discriminating folks would be awfully lonely in another time or place.

Chet

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 04:59 PM

ooops, edit at the end
supportive relationship.

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 04:57 PM

I agree with you Peter T. If I fell in love with someone who enriched my life, the smoking thing would be of little insignificance. Though, caring deeply for this man would generate concern about his long term health and I would probably make that gently known.

I was in a relationship with someone who was on heavy medications for Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). The 'cocktail' of drugs he was taking had many side-effects and I was concerned about his liver. Over the 3 years we were together, he gradually weaned himself off the medications and though we are not together anymore, I know he has maintained being drug free.
I never nagged. The change came about from genuine concern and being in a supportive relations.

Bonnie

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: Peter T.
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 04:48 PM

What have character/standards/values got to do with love's lunacy? That is fine for Rotarians. "A Midsummer Night's Dream" said about all that needs to be said about it. They might drive you crazy, steal all your money, make you leave town, but "values"? Take out a Billie Holliday album sometime (heroin addict), and give it a whirl. The whole idea is ridiculous.
yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: Mbo
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 04:47 PM

Rick, I agree with your son. Being 20, myself, his words make sense to me, I wouldn't not date someone who smoked. I deal with second-hand smoke every day, and can't stand it. A female friend of mine once said that she always made it visible when she was around a smoker to hold her breath and say "Excuse me, some of us actually breath OXYGEN!" I also would never date anyone with a foul mouth (certainly not one as bad as 'Spaw's! *BG*) Girls today swear as much as men, sometimes ever worse, and use them as euphenisms for "um" instead of when one is truly angry. Bad in the good old days, just finding someone who loved you was important enough, but today you've got so many more issues. I also would NOT date a girl who didn't like folk music. No sir!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: JedMarum
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 04:27 PM

... meat? hell, studies have proven that vegetables are the highest form of life on the planet; they are completely telepathic in their communication and feel the pain not of one another but of their lesser, distant cousins in the animal world as well. I have therefore sworn off vegetables and only eat the meat of those animals who eat only meat, until I can figure out how to extract sustenance from the sun.

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: Marion
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 04:24 PM

Dear Chet,

I think that precisely because smoking is a health issue, it is also a character/values issue. Unless someone became deeply addicted to cigarettes before it was common knowledge how unhealthy it is - and I don't think that could be true of many people of my generation - their decision to smoke communicates something (and something very important to me) about how much they value their own lives and the health of the people in their immediate airspace. It's not about how their clothes smell, it's about how their attitudes toward life smell.

I think there's a difference between insisting on perfection and having some standards. In your post you mention a difference between marijuana and other drugs; can I assume that you wouldn't take a hard drug user to be your best friend or (hypothetically) your wife? If so, then you must think it isn't necessarily shallow to have standards.

Thanks for the discussion,

Marion

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: Scotsbard
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 04:20 PM

Sounds like the kid knows what he wants ... and smoking gets to be expensive as well. One of our local pubs is selling out the no-smoking shows regularly, which is a real treat.

... umm ... Marion ... does fish count as meat? ~S~

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: sophocleese
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 04:13 PM

Paul S. I like that idea. The girls with bigger hooters started smoking to cut down on the number of guys pestering them simply because of their boobs. Clever of them...

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: Paul S
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 03:57 PM

When I was in high school (not SO long ago), my buddies and I made an observation. After much leering about the school/town, we came to the conclusion that women who smoked had bigger hooters.

In spite of this obvious benefit, none of us could stand the smell of them. I'm not sure that's shallow (the smell thing, not the hooter thing); if the most beautiful flower in the world smells like baby poop, you probably won't stick one in your lapel.

Paul

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: Chet W.
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 03:04 PM

I am not in the market anymore, but if I hadn't learned at some point that you can't design the person you want ahead of time, I would be like a few of my friends who are now in their fifties and sixties and have never really had a serious relationship because they have not found someone who fits their image of perfection. I have no patience with the idea that moderate smoking, drinking, and even occasional marijuana use (no other drugs) is a character flaw; It is instead a health issue, and one that we should be concerned about but if we don't look any deeper than that into who will be our friends and potential mates, then we're not looking deep enough and we will pass by many interesting, loving, and passionate people who could have made our lives more meaningful, but they can't because their clothes smell funny. Sorry, but it seems awfully shallow to me.

Chet

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: Little dorrit
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 02:05 PM

coming from Yorkshire, I would personally never date a man who insists on taking his ferret to bed with him.

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: sophocleese
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 01:27 PM

I get a giggle in the summer watching the young men drive around the "circle" in the park with the music BLARING away. Why date someone who's making himself deaf? I wanted my kids to be intelligent. One of my brothers recently quit smoking and was THRILLED to discover how quickly sex became a lot more fun again. So Marion it sounds a s if you're on the right track for a great love-life.

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: Peter T.
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 01:24 PM

If you fall in love with them, they could smoke horse manure and you wouldn't care. These 20 year olds know nothing about real life.
yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: Marion
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 01:19 PM

I can't speak for young men, but I'm a young woman (27). I wouldn't get involved with a man who smoked tobacco, did drugs other than pot, or ate meat. Alcohol-drinking, pot-smoking, and egg/dairy eating I could live with in moderation, but someone who walked the straight edge would be ideal.

I don't mean that I would never go out to a concert or something with anyone who didn't fit my criteria; I mean I wouldn't enter into a serious relationship with them.

This may sound picky to you, but I think it's important to know what you want and have ground rules. It's all about compatibility of values and priorities. And there's probably some evolutionary instinct at work telling me to look for a man who will be alive, healthy, and potent for as long as possible...

Marion

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: Easy Rider
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 01:12 PM

It's so hard to kiss a girl who smokes. They taste like ash trays!

I can only remember dating one girl who smoked. She stopped while dating me, and she used breath mints, but her clothes smelled of smoke, and she went right back to smoking, when we broke up.

My father smoked, and I sometimes wondered, after I kissed a smoker for the first time, how my mother put up with it.

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: Allan C.
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 12:54 PM

Long, long ago, I did a brief stint as a cheerleader. Part of one of the cheers (which had a poor rhyme scheme) was:

Rickety, rackety russ!
We're not allowed to cuss!
We don't smoke and we don't chew
And we don't go with girls who do!
You may think that we don't have fun -
Well, you're right!

I think people in general are far more sensitized to this issue than ever before. My Mom dated my Dad simply because she liked him. Whether or not he smoked was never an issue (he did). Dad, something of a big-man-on-campus dated girls because he wanted to - smoking or non-smoking.

As a candidate for the dating scene myself, and even though I was a smoker for over twenty years and have now quit, I would be quite hesitant to date a woman who smokes. But I thank the gods for the non-smoking women who chose to date me back when I was a smoker!

Strange how things change...

Subject: RE: BS: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 12:42 PM

Good luck finding YOUNG MEN at Mudcat Liam.
Rick (soon to turn 53!)

Heather, being Glaswegian, was smoking from the age of six months, but I fell in love with her anyway.

Subject: boys won't date girls who smoke
From: JedMarum
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 12:38 PM

I overheard a conversation during the Thanksgiving holiday weekend. My 20 year old son and his friends were talking and one of them had refused an opportunity to be 'set-up' with a local beauty because he wouldn't date a girl who smoked (and she was obviously a smoker). Two of the guys thought he was crazy, but the other two agreed with him; they held the same notion. The whole conversation surprised me, and I wondered how many young men feel the same way??