Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Liz the Squeak Date: 11 Jul 07 - 03:59 PM Lady Penelope and I have a chorus that is just begging for a song to go with it... we composed it at Towersey festival a couple of years ago, after a particularly productive afternoon session. The tune should be fairly obvious... We can blow, boys, we can chuff and guff, we are drinking girls and we can crack one off... It never got farther than that, but has been sung on several occasions with varying amounts of enthusiasm, gusto and wind ensemble accompaniment. She'll deny it... she always does. LTS |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Rasener Date: 11 Jul 07 - 01:03 PM This might help The Fart Song |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: GUEST,OLD TIMER- GROUCHO Date: 11 Jul 07 - 12:53 PM Any one know any more of this ?,the prize on offer to the winner is THE LE PETOMAINE PERPETUAL CHALLENGE TROPHY 1>> I WILL TELL YOU A STORY THATS CERTAIN TO PLEASE OF A FARTING CONTEST AT CRAPTON -ON -TEASE, AND ALL THE BEST BUTTOCKS OF VARIOUS SIZES , TOOK PART IN THIS CONTEST FOR NUMEROUS PRIZES. 2>> SOME COCKED THEIR BUTTOCKS TO FART UP THE SCALE TO TRY FOR A BOTTLE OR BARRELL OF ALE, BUT THOSE WHOSE ARSES WERE BIGGEST AND STRONGEST, TOOK PART IN THIS CONTEST FOR LOUDEST AND LONGEST 3> THIS MUSICAL EVENING HAD DRAWN A LARGE CROWD, AND THE BETTING WAS EVEN ON MRS McCLOUD, IT WAS SAID IN THE PAPER,-THE SPORTING EDITION; THAT THIS LADIES BUTT WAS IN PERFECTION CONDITION. 4> PENELOPE McDOUGALL THOUGHT NOTHING OF THIS, ----any takers from here |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Georgiansilver Date: 11 Jul 07 - 11:35 AM Think we got a hit Folk song there Al....probably a one hit wonder that will be gone with the wind |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Big Al Whittle Date: 11 Jul 07 - 10:19 AM needs a catchy chorus, something like Can you tell me Chum? When a fart flies from your bum What on earth is the critical mass Of the gas from out your arse Tell me matey is it weighty? theres no need to be glum But by some miracle lets get empirical When a fart flies from your bum |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Georgiansilver Date: 11 Jul 07 - 09:24 AM Could you put a tune to it Al? Or does it have a tune all of its own..sort of like a ......fart? |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Big Al Whittle Date: 11 Jul 07 - 09:22 AM smells traditional to me, Mike. |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Georgiansilver Date: 11 Jul 07 - 09:01 AM When someone inquired of the weight of a fart, I had to think where I could sensibly start. So much would depend on the vapour one thinks, But is vapour effective in the way that it stinks? So I thought I might do a small ex-pe-ri-ment, I went to the countryside and put up my tent. To have stayed in the town might have caused some offence, And the noise of my farts might have spoiled the silence. I farted all day and I farted all night, For twenty four hours till a new morning bright. But wet ones or dry ones they felt much the same, So experiments would never have gained me much fame. I have tried again since to establish their weight, I've spent days at work and nights up late. But whatever I try, it just always fails, I think I should get me a new set of scales. Author ME.. Time NOW. |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: JennyO Date: 11 Jul 07 - 08:20 AM Motion denied! (well I don't want it) |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Big Al Whittle Date: 11 Jul 07 - 07:44 AM Really when a fart produces anything heavy enough to be weighed - it should be reclassified as something else. That is the motion I place before the committee. |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Riginslinger Date: 10 Jul 07 - 09:42 PM Great lyrics! |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Big Al Whittle Date: 10 Jul 07 - 08:34 PM ' Low pressure farts often result from bacterial decay in the gut, and contain organic 'aromatics' and sulphides, which don't smell at all - they stink!' Who can see the fart neither you, nor I But when the bugger really stinks Sit on the bog, and try! |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Riginslinger Date: 10 Jul 07 - 07:46 PM 28 pounds to the cubic yard. |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: George Papavgeris Date: 10 Jul 07 - 06:46 PM Thank you Andrew - I learned a few things today. By the way, "piles" as in "haemorrhoids"... I think it's something to do with the "rumbler's" frequency in conjunction with the itchiness. Can't wait to see Vanessa again (she's off on a canalboat trip with friends) - we'll have SO much to talk about! |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Crane Driver Date: 10 Jul 07 - 06:41 PM To go back to George's questions: When you let one rip, is the damage repairable? Something to do with a stitch in time, I guess. Why is it that the noisy ones are often less smelly, but the silent ones are the real killers? The noise level is due to the pressure of the gas. High pressure 'events' are usually caused by ingesting air with food, or consuming fizzy drinks etc - mostly CO2, nitrogen & so on, which don't smell much. Low pressure farts often result from bacterial decay in the gut, and contain organic 'aromatics' and sulphides, which don't smell at all - they stink! Is there a foolproof way of telling the dry from the wet ones in advance? I believe the operative term here is 'in advance'. No - life is full of surprises. Why is a "rumbler" more satisfying in the presence of piles? Piles of what? Did La Petomaine exist? Was she a real person? And was she "natural", or pump-assisted (as claimed by the eponymous film with Leonard Rossiter)? Never let the facts get in the way of a good story. Andrew |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: bobad Date: 10 Jul 07 - 06:26 PM The Straight Dope on Le Petomane |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Big Al Whittle Date: 10 Jul 07 - 06:19 PM Its a bit like willies. An erect one - you would think had more substance. But, it does not have the gravitational pull towards the centre of the earth, as a deflated one. |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Liz the Squeak Date: 10 Jul 07 - 06:17 PM Interesting that this thread is now (or was) next to the 'US Browners' thread... LTS |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Micca Date: 10 Jul 07 - 06:12 PM Mrzzy what killed the miners in the pit was probably Carbon Dioxide CO2,( equiv molecular weight of 44) I think Miners call it "choke damp" as opposed to "Fire damp" which I believe is mostly as follows, Fire-damp is composed chiefly of methane with varying percentages of other gases. The fire-damp actually given off by coal or other strata has a composition lying between the following approximate limits Methane from 70 to 98 % Ethane, propane, etc From 0 to 2 % Ethylene, acetylene, hydrogen sulphide From 0 to a trace non flammable components Carbon Dioxide From 0 to 4% Nitrogen From 0 to 15% Oxygen From 0 to a trace which causes very easily ignited explosive mixtures with air and because of limited air supply underground burns to water and a mixture of Carbon Dioxide and a small proportion of Carbon monoxide is sometimes formed which is Toxic and fatal |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Little Hawk Date: 10 Jul 07 - 05:32 PM Good God. What an incredible story. The French truly have a sensibility all their own. |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Mrrzy Date: 10 Jul 07 - 03:36 PM Yup, he was real. Google him, you'll see. |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Mrrzy Date: 10 Jul 07 - 03:33 PM I was taught about him in history class in French school - so I'm pretty sure he was real - but then again, they taught me Avogadro-Ampere's number... |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: greg stephens Date: 10 Jul 07 - 03:26 PM McGrath is convinced Le Petomane was a real person. Is this generally accepted...I'm sure I've heard the whole thing was a spoof by the person who wrote the biography. It was cfertainly notable that nobody seemed to have heard of him prior to the book coming out. Are there any contemporary references? |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: George Papavgeris Date: 10 Jul 07 - 02:19 PM Thanks Kevin. Robin, I think the operative word there is "normal":-) |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 10 Jul 07 - 01:40 PM Le Petomane was a real person all right. I've never heard of a female equivalent. I kind of doubt if there was one. |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Little Hawk Date: 10 Jul 07 - 01:26 PM Lyndon Johnson was pretty well the personification OF a heavy fart, I think. |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: gnu Date: 10 Jul 07 - 01:19 PM Doesn't seem to be any methane to the madness. |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 10 Jul 07 - 01:06 PM "My fellow Americans, I come to you tonight with a heavy fart." Lyndon Johnson, 1967 |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 10 Jul 07 - 12:46 PM "Is there a foolproof way of telling the dry from the wet ones in advance?" The normal human sphincter, in a normal healthy adult body, is very good at the task of telling the difference between gas, liquid and solid... |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Mrrzy Date: 10 Jul 07 - 12:37 PM Oops - I meant not ammonia but nitrogen gas. N2? My question about the deaths in the methane pit stands... |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Micca Date: 10 Jul 07 - 12:27 PM Using standard Chemistry notation and Mrzzys Molecular and atomic weights CH4 =16 CO2=44 Air has an average Molecular mass based on percentage composition of approximately 28 (BTW Mrzzy if you are farting Ammonia you are in a LOT of trouble!! it should be excreted solubilised in urine) H2S =34 Butyric Acid is 88 Now if you expel approx 25 Centimetres cubed of gas consisting of mostly Air and Co2 the net Molecular Mass will be about 28<35 so if we take the mean as 33 Acording to Avogadros theory 33grams(i mole) of the fart gas occupies 22.4 litres of volume Calculation gives the mass of 25 mls. of fart gas as 0.036830357142857142857142857142857gms approximately |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: George Papavgeris Date: 10 Jul 07 - 12:16 PM There are many unanswered questions on the subject for researchers to deal with: When you let one rip, is the damage repairable? Why is it that the noisy ones are often less smelly, but the silent ones are the real killers? Is there a foolproof way of telling the dry from the wet ones in advance? Why is a "rumbler" more satisfying in the presence of piles? Did La Petomaine exist? Was she a real person? And was she "natural", or pump-assisted (as claimed by the eponymous film with Leonard Rossiter)? |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: redsnapper Date: 10 Jul 07 - 12:14 PM Dear Greg, My observation stands, and is valid from a scientific view, as you are applying anthropic bias and an earthbound testing scenario to the argument rather than regarding it in the absolute! If one was full of farts, so to speak, of course it would decrease ones relative density relative to ones usual surroundings. But I do agree the matter requires proper scientific investigation and further debate. Best regards, RS |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Liz the Squeak Date: 10 Jul 07 - 11:45 AM Fresh air?? You haven't been near Manitas when he's been drinking Guinness... LTS |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 10 Jul 07 - 11:43 AM Prime candidate for the Ignobel Prize, if anyone can get round to doing the research and write it up. Though it occurs to me that it's probably actually been done quite seriously, at least in the case of cows, on account of concerns about global warming: Move to cut methane emissions by changing cows' diet |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Georgiansilver Date: 10 Jul 07 - 11:37 AM Not surprising people have trouble with trapped wind..I mean it stands to reason...if it is lighter than air....it wants to rise as a matter of course. However, gravity is pulling digested food downwards against the flow of the air. Belching makes sense but farting doesn't really. This thread, I have to say, is like a breath of fresh air. |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: greg stephens Date: 10 Jul 07 - 11:35 AM Redsnapper: though the fart has mass(or in this case we are talking about weight), the argument is that it is lighter than air, ie it buoys you up a bit. Therefore, when you release it, your body actually gets heavier. This of course assumes that the fart inside your body is at atmoshperic pressure. If it isn fact compressed, it may in fact be heavier than air of course, in which case the situation is reversed. And if any portion of it is actually dissolved in anything else sloshing about in there, it will be heavier still. This is not a simple questionb, and needs saome serious research. |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Donuel Date: 10 Jul 07 - 10:57 AM minus the dust, they are about as heavy as an equivalent amount of atmospheric gas on Mars. Most importantly the smell is is exactly the same. Even should we ever succeed in greening Mars and brng O2 and pressure up to breathable levels, the smell of the HS2 will linger for millenia. |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Bill D Date: 10 Jul 07 - 10:44 AM these guys could have answered the question if you had asked earlier. |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: GUEST,Sooz (hard at work) Date: 10 Jul 07 - 10:36 AM You would need a very accurate balance to weigh yourself on (to at least O.001g) and hold your breath for the duration of the fart (so that air gained or lost did not upset the results.) Of course to ensure precision and reliabilty you would need to perform the experiment several times. Worth bothering? |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: redsnapper Date: 10 Jul 07 - 10:26 AM I cannot help noticing this is currently next to the "cabbage" thread. RS |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: redsnapper Date: 10 Jul 07 - 10:25 AM You would have less mass: Mass before = mass of body plus mass of fart Mass after = mass of of body only RS |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Mrrzy Date: 10 Jul 07 - 10:09 AM If methane is lighter than air, what killed all those people in the methane pit? I thought it was that methane was HEAVIER than air, which is why it was filling the pit. Yet the chemistry I remember does say that CH4 should be plenty light... lessee, H=1, C=12, so 1 molecule of CH4 = 12+4=16. On the other hand, 02 = 2*8 = 16 also, so now where are we? And NH3 would be 7+3=10 which is lighter than either CH4 or O2... |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: wysiwyg Date: 10 Jul 07 - 10:01 AM The flatus event has one weight before and one after-- what is light and airy to us before the event is oppressively heavy to the recipients, after. ~S~ |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: greg stephens Date: 10 Jul 07 - 09:26 AM WEll if they are mainly nitrogen, with a spot of methane and hydrogen, and traces of heavier stuff, they should be lighter than air overall. Which argues that we get heavier when we rip one off. |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: bobad Date: 10 Jul 07 - 09:23 AM Composition of flatus gases Nitrogen is the primary gas released. Methane and hydrogen, lesser components, are flammable, and so flatus is susceptible to catching fire. Not all humans produce flatus that contains methane. For example, in one study of the feces of nine adults, only five of the samples contained bacteria capable of producing methane.[3] Similar results are found in samples of gas obtained from within the rectum. The gas released during a flatus event frequently has a foul odor which mainly results from low molecular weight fatty acids such as butyric acid (rancid butter smell) and reduced sulfur compounds such as hydrogen sulfide (rotten egg smell) and carbonyl sulfide that are the result of protein breakdown. The incidence of odoriferous compounds in flatus increases from herbivores, such as cattle, through omnivores to carnivorous species, such as cats or dogs. Flatulence odor can also be caused by the presence of large numbers of microflora bacteria and/or the presence of feces in the rectum. From Wikipedia |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: greg stephens Date: 10 Jul 07 - 09:14 AM Oh, I thought farts were methane, which is lighter than air. If they are primarily CO2 that's a different thing altogether. Can anyone give a definitive formula for the composition of a standard fart? |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: redsnapper Date: 10 Jul 07 - 09:12 AM Some old farts can be quite heavy. RS |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: Little Hawk Date: 10 Jul 07 - 09:10 AM While we're at it, how heavy are belches, sneezes, and hickups? |
Subject: RE: BS: How heavy are farts ? From: George Papavgeris Date: 10 Jul 07 - 09:01 AM It depends on the degree of moisture. Wet farts can weigh substantially. I'll get me coat... |