BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: Cluin
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 12:20 AM

I used to go with a girl named Dawn.

She never appreciated that joke either. Talk about a mood-wrecker...

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: Peace
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 12:14 AM

Or was that the "crack 'o Don"?

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: Peace
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 12:13 AM

The "crack 'o dawn": If he can get the cons thinkin' about that and not thinkin' about his, well . . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Feb 05 - 11:59 PM

Oh, man. When Shane gets back online he is gonna be TICKED! Hoo boy. I can hardly wait...

I hope he is resting well tonight and not having any trouble with "Snake".

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: Bobert
Date: 16 Feb 05 - 11:51 PM

Whad Sister Azizi said there, drunk... Well maybe not so drunk since you been incercerated fir awhile now... Accordin' to the Wes Ginny Slide Rule, you been sober for at least a day dependin' on tailwinds...

Good luck with Ms. Dana but word on the street is that it's *Mr* Dana. Hey would o' fooled me, too. He sho nuff looks good but, heck, you in the joint so the crack o' dawn prolly looks good to you....

Hang in there, pal...

I'd like to tell ya that help is on the way, but it ain't...

Sorry...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: Peace
Date: 16 Feb 05 - 11:27 PM

Hope you're sleepin' on yer back, Shane.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: Azizi
Date: 16 Feb 05 - 11:09 PM

Hello Shane,

It's Sista Azizi writing to you. I know you would rather hear from one of those hangin partners of yours or those women friends of yours but its me you hearing from now. And I have a thing or two to say to you and I'm fired up to say it. So you'd better listen up.

The other day I heard some man who CALLS himself a friend of yours say that you and your baby brother Donny were in doing hard time. And I told the other sisters "This can't be true. This can't be the Shaney and Donny we know. Why they're GOOD boys! They would never even THINK of stealing a school bus! And stealing beer! And drinking it and carousing in the streets naked in their birthday suits. Was that part true? You know how rumors get around...

But some of this MUST be true cause you sitting in jail now and I hear tell you gonna be in there for a while??   

I guess everything I heard was true. And all along when I was defending your name and saying that can't be OUR Shane. That can't be OUR little Donny... And I feel liks such a fool 'cause I went on record sayin that OUR Shaney and little DOnny would NEVER do such things like THAT. But you did do it.. didn't you???

What got it to you, boy???! Besides the beer I mean? And don't think I'm joking with you Shane boy, cause you know me and you know I NEVER joke.

Since I was one of the first sistas to defend your name, I figured that I better be one of the first to tell you that you should be ASHAMED of yourself. ASHAMED from the hair on your head down to the toes on your feet.

I hope you got a Bible in there Shaney and that you're reading it. 'Cause it's clear that somehow somewhere someway you got off the righteous path. And when you got of that path you took your baby brother right along with you.

But both of you are young and got time to make up for the error of your ways. And you got a lot of errors to make up for since you was drunk as a skunk running around in your birthday suit out in the public streets with your unmentionables flappin in the wind .

I can't even think about it. It's a terrible thing such a terrible thing to have seen. Not that I was there to see it.

So here's the question I ahve for you, Shaney. What are you going to do while you are in that JAIL to make sure you will never land up in there again?

I won't be coming to see you and none of the church sisters either. But they wanted me to say that we expect you to use this time doin more than just sittin in their twiddling your thumbs.

You should be thinking about what you need to do to get it right when you come out of there. 'Cause there's alot you have to do different. A LOT. You know I'm tellin you the truth, boy. And I'm tellin you this for your own good.

So if you in there sittin there doin something else you are wastin your time.

I pray for you every day Shane. I pray for Donny too. But my heart can only stand to write one of these letters so you tell him hat i'm saying to you 'cause it goes for him too. .

Pray without ceasing. Cleanse your mind. Think only good thoughts thoughts. Do only good deeds. That's how you were raised.

I expect you to remember that you hear? I expect you to do the right thing!

That's all I'm gonna say. You won't hear from me again until you and your brother are out of that terrible place.

And they say that terrible things go on in there..But I can't even THINK about it cause it would send chills up my spine...
I can't even IMAGINE what it's like.

You take care of yourself now, Shaney boy.

Remember, think good thoughts and good will come to you.

Love to you and to your baby brother Donny,

Sista Azizi

Subject: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Feb 05 - 09:58 PM

As many of you are probably aware, Shane (Blind DRunk in Blind River) and his older brother Don were arrested on Feb 7, attempting to load a stolen school bus with several hundred cases of beer from the local beer store...after hours.

Well, as shocking as this new is, we can at least take comfort in the fact that Shane has been allowed a little Internet time at the jail, and is communicating with his many friends here sporadically.

This thread will serve to allow Shane to keep contact with his fans and supporters as he goes through this difficult period.

His entries to date are summarized below:

Date: 10 Feb 05 - 06:19 PM

It's me, Shane. They are letting me use the computer in, like, the liberry here. I worked out a deal
with officer Dana and she is givin' me 15 minutes here from, like 6pm. Man, I gotta tipe fast, eh?

So, like, it aint' that bad here. But it could be better. The food is okay. The room ain't the best but
it looks way better than our place, I'm tellin' ya! Me and Don weren't talkin' the first night and it
did not look good. We were majorly pissed, cos it was mostly HIS fault what happened. He got
the idea to jump the school bus and we would not of got caught if we had stuck with the pickup,
eh? That's, like, my take on it. The school bus was goin' too far, eh!

Don doesn't agree. He syas it was MY fault! I can't flippin' beelEEVE he would say that. But I
understand he is upset cos he is gonna lose his job and all. So I ain't holdin' no gruge against him
over this. But he IS wrong, cos it was his fault.

Anyway, we had a big row about it on the 2nd day and almost come to blows till this big guy in
the next cell called "Snake" said if we didn't shut up he was gonna "settle" with us at exercise period.

We didn't want to hurt him, so we, like, shut up, eh?

So, lemme see...well, I met officer Dana and she is really cool. She is good lookin' in her uniform
and all, and she is tough but nice. I would think about datin' officer Dana if we was both on the
outside. Maybe. Anyway, she brung 3 other cops who wanted to see me...and get this...get my
flippin' AUTOGRAPH! I kid you not, eh?

They said they heard of me. "You're Blind DRunk in Blind River" ain'tcha?" says the one cop.
They're all grinnin'.

"Yup. That's me." I says, tryin' to be, like, cool about it.

They took my flippin' AUTOGRAPH! They say I'm a household name among cops by now.

This is good. I may get to meet Shania one day if this keeps up.

Geez. I got 5 minutes left.

Well, Officer Dana took down notes on what we done at the beer stores and all, and I tried to,
like, alert her to the, like, crisis of the comin' beer shortage, eh? She listened. I don't know if she
believes it, but she listened. I begged her to let me on the Net so's I could talk to my frineds out
there who are worried about me, eh?

Well, she is okay, cos she arranged for me to use this here computer at the liberry as long as I
don't call up no porno sites.

They were ticked about the phone call I made to the sex line but that was a accident. I was tryin'
to call my friends and I thought the nubmer was on thsi paper I ahd but it was the other pi3ce of
papoer in my pocket, aso I hphoned the sex line instead. Then I figgered, might as well go for it. I
was on the line 15 minutes before they figgered it out and stopped me.

Officer Dana says I should not have done that, and Iguess she is right. She wants to reform me. I
am willin' to let her try. She is cool. Tough but nice. Well, I have got 30 seconds. Geez.

Okay...like...stay cool everyone and sendthem cards and letters! I will be back. I luv all of ya. Fer
sure, eh? Bye!

- BDiBR


Feb 14/05:

This is me, eh? Shane. I am still in jail, eh? My valentine today goes straight to the, like, heart of
Officer Dana of the OPP cos she has gave me a chance now and then to log on to the, like, Net
and talk to my friends, eh? She is great. Officer Dana, you are my valentine, like, forever! You
look great in your uniform. I intend to reform myself so's we can go out together when I get released.

And thanks for menshuning Shania, Littel Hawk. I have ta face the fact that she is married, eh?
And I figure maybe I been unreelistic about her, but she is still speshall to me anyway.

Happy flippin' Valentine's Day to all youse that are on the outside! Have a good one!

- BDiBR


Feb 14/05:

Look, Fibular, man, don't give up hope, eh? Unless you are a total retread...or even maybe if you
is one...there IS a girl out there for you. Believe me, I seen guys that you wouldn't think a DOG
would want to spend time with, and they can still find a girlfriend, eh? Now, goin' to the pub,
that's a GREAT idea, and I would too if I was'nt in the slammer, eh? But don't cut yerself off
from the, like, possilibities of romantic life, eh? That's my advise.

Them voodoo dolls are bad business. Unless you are, like, a heavy metal musician. Then they are
part of the scene. You use 'em to hex the competition, eh? Yer flippin' neck is sore because you
been usin' voodoo, dude! It don't take a flippin' geneus to fiugre that out. Smarten up, man. Yer
life is slippin' by.

- BDiBR


Feb 14/05:

Oh! Gosh, my face is red, eh? Well, okay. Have a good time at the pub and, like, hoist a couple
fer me too. Did you know that beer is runnin' out in the world? It's because of the Chinese. I say
enjoy it while ya can. And salt some away, cos it is gonna be hard to get soon, eh?

- BDiBR

Feb 15/05:

Man, I seen this trhead and I am, like, proud, eh? Canada is my flippin' home and native land and I would be prepaaired to, like, fight anyone who thinks it ain't the best flippin' place there is! Flip-faced George F-in Bushwah thinks he is gonna take out Blind River because of the loomin' beer shortage, eh? Well he is ROYALLY FLIPPED!!! We will kick his flippin' Texas ass from here to Shawinigan, eh?

I am still in jail. The food keeps gettin' better. We got pork chops tonight. Officer Dana was real pleased to get the valentine I give her yesterday. She turned all red and tried to, like, act tough about it, but I know she was happy. Officer Dana is a real woman and a half...but I mean, with a good figure, eh? Like a figure skater. I wanta marry her when I get out, but I know that I am gonna have ta clean up my act some. I figure that maybe I should start washin' my socks once in a while and stuff like that.

She don't like heavy metal music. She said so. I can't figger that, but maybe she will like it later if I get a chance to, like, explain the lyrics to her. You gotta, like, unnderstand what Ozzie is talkin' about before you, like, judge him, eh? The man is DEEP.

That guy Snake in the next cell has got me and Don (my brother) worried. He has a weird flippin' attitude. I don't think he likes us none, and the feeling is muchewall, eh? He is a flippin' mental bolthole with a hostillity problem. No wonder the flippin' loser is in jail! He's a menace to society. I woulda put him in jail first thing if I was a cop...or else just shot him.

This bein' Canada, I figger the wheels of justice will soon have me and Don outa here, and then we can do our public dooty and warn society of the comin' beer shortage! And I can marry Officer Dana. The future depends on me and Don. Man, that is a heavy thought! I never reelized my life would be this sidnificant. Majorly cool. I am gonna suck my gut in and face the challenges. My, like, hour has come to walk the plank of destiny.

- BDiBR


And that brings us up to date on Shane. Let's hope he posts again soon. Keep those cards and letters coming!