BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 01 May 05 - 06:49 PM

This shoulda been in this thread, eh?

Sadmann Hussein is like in jail, eh? Same as me. At leest I think he is. I wonder. Maybe they, like, used him like a flippin' lab rat for some CIA mind experiments, eh? And he is a flippin' vegetable now and they ain't tellin' us! I fighure thats it. Yeah. A sorry flippin' fate, man.

I have a laptop now! I rate. I am sellin' more artickles about the important stuff that peeople want to hear about. Like beer. And sex. Stuff like that sells. I gotta tone down the sex stuff though, for the flippin' family newspapers. How do they think people MAKE families anyways??? I am learning to use triple intenders to get my flippin' point acrost, eh?

I will soon be a ninatelectshall at this rate. Real soon.

We got a hearing comin' up soon. Maybe we will get off. I ain't got off in quite a while, come to think of it. Officer Dana went on holiday and I seriously miss her. She is wicked! Well, I still got my magazines with Shania.

Snake got put in flippin' solitary after he tried to kill Don. What a flippin' loser! It was a bad scene. I hope he don't never get let out. I hope he flippin' dies in there. Don did not get hurt too bad. I have to say that my big brother is a pretty good fighter when he is fightin' for his life, eh? It happened cos Snake was mad at me for becomin' famous and stuff, and he came after me with a knife. Well, I could've probally took him, but Don stepped in like a good brother does, and it was one hell of a fight. Don has got some muscles from workin' on cars, I guess. He done good.

The family that sticks together...




...does whatever rimes with sticks. You figure it out.

- BDiBR

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 11 Mar 05 - 01:09 PM

Yeah right. You think I'm stoopid, don't you Rap? Well I ain't. I wasn't, like, born yesterday, eh? I don't like yer flippin' altittude, man. Yer kind of flippin' advice don't make my day, so flip right off.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Mar 05 - 05:10 PM

Shane, ya know, in the US jails there are lots of guys who just love authors, and I'll bet that there are lots of guys like that in Canadian jails too.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: gnu
Date: 10 Mar 05 - 02:51 PM

If anyone's wonderin about Wade, he got sentenced on Monday to 19 1/2 months in jail. He made a big speech n all to the judge (Text: "I am remorseful.") but she wasn't impressed. All she could think about was the twenty priors and the five parole violations... some picky eh? Like he couldn't give up the substance abuse and hold down a job if he had a real chance. I mean, why did they give him a job haulin beer in the first place?

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: gnu
Date: 10 Mar 05 - 08:45 AM

My point exactly.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 10 Mar 05 - 07:15 AM

Well.... I'm married to Kendall!

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: gnu
Date: 10 Mar 05 - 05:43 AM

jacqui.c.... Do you speak from authority? (Hey, you set it up!)

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Mar 05 - 12:41 AM

Gaaawwwd roll on April first.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 09 Mar 05 - 08:20 PM

Good for you Shane - it just goes to show that even the biggest reprobate can be redeemed by the love of a good woman.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 09 Mar 05 - 06:54 PM

GOOD FLIPPIN' NEWS!!!!




No, I ain't outta jail. Better news than that!




No, I ain't married to Shania yet neither.




And, no, I ain't married to Officer Dana, but I am workin' on it.



So...are ya ready for the GOOD NEWS?



Are ya sittin' down?



OKay.







Ya sure yer ready?



Okay...

I AM A, LIKE, PUBLSHED AUTHOR!!!! IN THE FLIPP9N NEWSPAPERS!

It's true, eh? Here's what hpappended. Officer Dana had been sayin' I should take a corrasonpondece coarse and fix up my English some, eh? Well, I hadda look at it ,but it was real boring and anyway I don't need no help with Engolish. I was, like, born speakin' this flippin' language and nobody can tell me nothin' about it that I don't know, eh? I told Officer Dana that, and then I showed her a, like, letter that I wrote about the flippin' coming worldwide beer shortage crisis.

She read it, and it musta moved her pretty deep, eh, cos she got all kinda red in the face and was havin' trouble breathin'. People get scared when ya say the beer is gonna run out. After she recovered, she asked if I had anymore stuff I wrote. I had wrote a peece on how they could sovle the NHL strike by forcin' the pklayers and owners inta Blinding Arbitation. She read that too. She musta been mighty impressed, cos she asked if she could take it and make copies to show to her friends and stuff.

Well, ta make a long story short, she took it to the papers...and I am now a pulblihsed communist for the Sudbury Sapsucker and two other local papers. I have a, like, collum, eh? It is called "Blind Drunk in Blind River - Words of Wit and Wisdom from a small town Sage". I have wrote 3 artickles already, and they are beggin' me for more. I got a regular spot! They say I can write about any flippin' thing I want to, eh? And they will edit the strong language for the fambly audience.

I have flippin' fans! I am serious, eh? I'm gettin' fan mail. It's startin' to come in. Girls are sendin' me there picthures, but no nude ones yet. Guys are sendin' me there picutures too. There are some weerd flippin' people out there. One guy sent a real insulting letter that said I write like a flippin' idiot. What a loser! He don't write for no paper at all. I sent him back a drawing of my hand holdin' up the middle finger and told him to eat it! Most letters I get are more friendly and from people who figger they can, like, relate to what I have to say, eh?

I got my first check today! $150 flippin' dollars! This is just the begginin'. I am gonna become the world's most famous auther to write from in a jail cell. Bigger than Pappy-On or whoever the flip. When I get released, I am gonna buy a Winnabagoe, marry Officer Dana (or maybe Shania) and toure around the whole flippin' country, eh? I will be like Doug and Bob McKenzie, only bigger. My brother Don will go along as security and be my business manager cos he has had some solid job experience, eh? I will buy him a hair transplant from my flippin' royal tease.

This is just the beginnin', eh? Fame. Fortune. Babes. It is all gonna be mine. I can flippin' taste it.

- BDiBR

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: GUEST,gnu
Date: 27 Feb 05 - 11:21 AM

I emailed Wade this morning and he got back to me almost immediately. He was pleased with your "non-response" cause he figures the Queen's Cowboys are reading his email. Even though he "coded the message", he figures the QC's hired some of them de-cyberers form the States, on accounta they took his sheet music. But it ain't RAP's he was doin. It was just a few folk songs. One was called, "If You Cross the Creek, You Can See Old Stanley's Dog 'a Nappin". Coincidence maybe, but I heard there's been helichoppers and scent dogs and vehicle checkpoints all over Highway 107, just north of Fredericton, from Cross Creek, which is just north of Stanley, to Napadogan, which, again coincidently, is where he met Cari while waiting for the train at the CNR station. Wade only got as far as the title on that one. One is more of a drinkin song called, "Thirty-six Thousand Beer In A Box Car". The last one ain't got a title, but it's sung to the tune of a song... can't remember the name but I'm sure someone can if I hum a few... goes something like, "Sittin downtown in a railway station, one toke over the line. One toke over the line, Sweet Jesus, one toke over the line....". Anyway, I'm sure Wade will be able to handle it if you can't visit on accounta violatin parole or whatever.
Oh yeah, Wade said to be sure to tell you that the IRON HORSE sounds like a REALLY GOOD PLACE to have a MOOSEHEAD or a LaBatts FIFTY on accounta when he was a kid he had a fastination with TRAINS.

Good luck at the sentencing.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 26 Feb 05 - 04:11 PM

Gnu, Man, I am so flippin' touched by yer, like, kind words, eh? I've got a flippin' tear in my eye. Do you listen to Ozzie Osbourne, man? You must. Cos you unnerstand what life is, eh?

Things been kinda same-old, same-old here. McTeel is still bein' nasty. He is a major bolthole. Snake says he is goin' to rip my liver out and eat it! He should flippin' live so long! He ain't seen my kung fu moves, man. I studied them Bruce Lee films fer years. If he flippin' touches me, I will have to, like, get serious, eh? I hope I don't flippin' have to get serious around here or there is gonna be, like, mayhem aroudn here, eh?

And then they might keep us in longer. I don't flippin' want that! I am on my best behaviour.

No sir. Not that it's bad here, but it could be better. I miss the nights at the Iron Horse real bad. I am writin' to ease the pain.

- BDiBR

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: gnu
Date: 24 Feb 05 - 02:24 PM

And why French? I thought that was Espagnol, nyet?

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: gnu
Date: 24 Feb 05 - 01:58 PM

Wouldn't that be Sou casa, me casa? AHEM, around here, it's Acadian Shaques.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: Amos
Date: 24 Feb 05 - 12:58 PM

Me casa, sou casa.


A friendly way of saying "I'm in the poorhouse" -- in a sort of Quebecois patois.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: gnu
Date: 24 Feb 05 - 12:31 PM

Oh Jeeze. What a hoser I am! I almost forgot. I told WAde about your buddy Alfie and he asked if you were into skidooin and if you know how to use a handheld GPS. Apparently, it's a big passtime around where he's from. I guess they use the GPS during snowstorms. I'd never go into the woods in a snowstorm, even with a GPS, because you can't retrace your tracks if you get lost. I've ever been lost, just momentarily displaced.

Anyway, like I said before, if you ever get down this way, stop by for a visit. Me casa, sou casa.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: gnu
Date: 24 Feb 05 - 11:40 AM

Shane... got another email from Wade. Since you guys aren't far apart, he wants you to visit him when you get out. Something about a RAP song he has DRAWN UP. He said to say he's really into RAPPING since he's been in the Greybar Hotel. Anyway, he requested a transfer to Renous or even, shudder, Dorchester, but the YSmen ain't gonna let him get near home until they find the rest of the beer. Since the breweries started using them flimsy American cans that can't take a beating in a three-wheeler unless you pack the cooler nearly full of ice, the one good thing is that most of them don't burst when they freeze. And, the black bears are all hibernating, so they won't get at the beer until spring at least. Even the local farmers won't be planting until June, at least not afield, so they won't find it when they are repairing their fences. So, if you are into RAPs, DRAWN up on SHEET music, drop in and see him. He would like to SHARE his RAP with you. He asked me if, in addition to Molson Canadian, you also would CONSIDER drinking LaBatt's FIFTY as FIFTY's pretty good. I could never understand Wade. I think he's loco.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: Azizi
Date: 19 Feb 05 - 07:48 PM

Now, Shane

That's SISTER Azizi to you.

There are alot of Azizi's in the world-it's a fairly common name though not around here. But there is only one me.

I await with baited breath my letter from Snake and Mc-something and whoever is interested in writing me.

And when they do write, what we say and what we do afterwards is OUR business. I'm not sharing ANY of it with you or anybody else. You are just a conduit for God's will.

But I do appreciate you helping with my prison ministry.

Stay safe Shane and give your brother a kiss for me.

And remember to wash your hands after eating or whatever.

Sister Azizi,
your mother's friend even though you don't want to admit it.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 19 Feb 05 - 07:02 PM

Holy Flip. Look, ummm...Azizi...   What are you ON? If I knew, I would, like, try to get some, eh? You have flippin' lost it, lady. I am tryin' to, like, follow yer line of, like, talk here, eh, but...

I NEVER turned my back on my flippin' upbringin'! My Dad was a drunken flipfaced Scot layabout, just like his dad was, and Mom was, well, she is a McBride, eh? That says it all. There ain't nothin' she don't know about the bingo hall and the bar scene, lemme tell ya. Anyways, my Mom lives in Espanola now, and I don't see her that much, but I am still her boy, eh? Me and Don keep in touch with her. She ackchally owns the house we been stayin' in, but Don handles the flippin' mortgage and stuff. At least he did before we got arrested...

Holy FLIP! We might lose the flippin' house! I gotta talk to Don about that. Fer Flip's sake!

That would not be good.

Anyways, I, like, gave yer info to Snake and McTeel and some other guys here. I think you will probally hear from someone soon that needs yer "ministering", eh? Cross yer fingers, Azizi.

McTeel says he wants pictures. If I was you, I would find the cruddiest bar waiteress skank you can and get her to pose in a wet T-shirt and take a few shots and send THOSE to McTeel! Ha! Ha! That would be good...

Well, I got women all over that wanta save me, eh? Officer Dana is back. She had a way cool idea. She said I oughta take a correspondence coarse and learn to write for the newspapers, cos I am, like, writin' already on the Net. She says she will help me out with it when she can. It ain't like school. I hate school! It's more like, yer on yer own judisfiction, y'know, and that's the way I like it, eh? Officer Dana says I should try writin' about stuff I know about first.

Lemme see...

Beer. And smokes. And growin' dope. And boostin' snowmobiles. And sex, of coarse. I am well informd on all those things, eh? I got political opoinions too. I figger it would be best to send the French all to Quebec, first off. Except for the girls. I like French girls. They can stay.

Then there's the flippin' hockey situation! It's a flippin' OUTRAGE! I say, take the flippin' owners and the flippin' players and force 'em into blinding arbitation and MAKE the silly flippers start up the flippin' hockey season before it's too late! Enuff is flippin' enuff!!!

I am gonna rite my first artickle on that and grab the bull by the flippin' dingleberries right off the bat!

Man, I am gonnna be famous before I am done. I can see it comin'.

- BDiBR

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: Cluin
Date: 18 Feb 05 - 03:00 PM

"Take me in, oh tender woman..."

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Feb 05 - 10:13 AM

Absolutely. Snake sounds like he is in need of being ministered to in the worst way...

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Feb 05 - 07:22 AM

That's too conventional a Pen Pal for S.A.

What about Bubba?

Better yet Shane could suggest Snake.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Feb 05 - 05:35 AM

"And thanks for keeping this private between us."

This private?

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: Azizi
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 10:01 PM

PS. See Shane how excited I was by the prospect of having a pen pal that when I wrote this that I even included my discarded scribbles.

Pay no attention to those scribbles..

You know the main thing I want you to concentrate on.

And thanks for keeping this private between us.

Sister Azizi

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: Azizi
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 09:57 PM

Shane,
I did say I wouldn't write you again, but it's just too much for you to say that you don't remember me-one of your mothers life long best friends.

Yes, I know you and you can't pretend otherwise just cause you want to continue your life of sin and degradation without remembering the solid upbringing you had.

And another thing... Did I say Donny was the youngest? I guess it always seemed that way to me because you always take the lead especially when you both get in trouble...It's always your idea, now isn't it? Tell the truth,Shaney for the truth will set you free.

Well maybe not really free like you can walk out of that terrible place your actions PUT yourself in, but free in your spirit.

It's your spirit and soul that I'm worried about Shane and not your body. Though I've heard tell that men spend their time in jail lifting weights and doing other forms of exercise which result in an increase of muscle mass that some might think attractive..but that is neither here nor there...

I'M certainly too old to notice things like that..

But I was wondering Shane. Have you met any nice older man [but not too old]in there who wants somebody to write to?

Someone Nice. And built. You know what I mean. A good Christian man.

If you have, you could share my address with him.

I see this as me doing my Christian duty since even before you and your brother got into this trouble I thought that I was being led to prison ministry. Isn't it wonderful how things turn out?

Now I'm not saying that I condone the actions that caused you to be in jail. You know that I am saddened and dismayed by both you and your brother's life style. But now that you are locked behind bars, you can be an instrument of faith. Also, you can be a way for me to furfil my long felt desire to reach out to some man in need of a good Christian woman to talk to..

And talk is all I'm thinking of, even when that man gets out of jail.that's all we would be doing together.

How wonderful it will be to minister to someone in need in this way!

Well, you take care of yourself now, Shaney boy.

Remember, think good thoughts and good will come to you.

{And, by the way, please don't share anything that I wrote you about my prison ministry with any other town people as they might believe that I'm already too busy doing other good works to take on any more}

May God bless you and keep you safe from any harm [you know what I mean]

I look forward to receiving word from you about my "pen pal".

Sister Azizi









there building up their muscles and working offgetting all muscul but that is ne u-since. I thahot lobut in you'urcoand the rth   gerBAD tFcasThat's cause you alwaalways took the leadershop role..even if it was to lead him off the path of righteousness..wt sVYou say Donny is the oldest well I've taught so many of you that you all look alike to me

and just because of that you're implying that I'm having a Senior moment...



What happened to respecting your elders??? You were raised better than this..Listen to you implying that just because I'm called sister that I'm a nun and nuns are like penquins .

What a bad boy you are Shaney. You know better than that.

You've turned your back on your upbringing and look what the result is..Now you have to worry about all kinds of things happening to you the likes of which I can't even BEGIN to comprehend.

All I know is you better watch your back

Yha

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: GUEST,Alfie, sexpert of the Georgian shores
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 09:28 PM

Man, it is gettin' hard to get away with anything in Blind River now that Shane and Don are in the clink. We used to, like, blame most of the stuff we did on them. Times are tough, eh? We all intend to take a lesson from what heppened to Don and Shane. I am not gonna steal no school bus. No sir. Snowmobiles? That's different...

Alfie, the sexpert

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: Teresa
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 09:15 PM

Like, dude!!! Stay safe, eh? Do you get to listen to music in there? What music have you been able to hear? Do you think you'll be drinkin' beer when you get out, or are you going to sell it all?   ;) Oh wait, you won't have it; someone else will. Maybe Officer dana?

Teresa

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: Cluin
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 09:00 PM

Richard Prior: Look tough or else we're gonna get f__ked!

Gene Wilder: But we aren't that way...

Richard Prior: They don't care about that. They'll do it just to see the look on your face!

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: GUEST,ex con
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 08:46 PM

Hey Shane - no need to worry about snake no longer. He fell in love with Martin Gibson. The two of them are like two peas in a pod. And Snake really likes it that Martin sleeps on his tummy.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: freda underhill
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 08:15 PM

its the same everywhere around the world in every jail - the only way for a male prisoner to escape rape is to get a bigger stronger protector (another prisoner) who often demands sexual services in repayment for protection from other prisoners.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: gnu
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 07:13 PM

Hehehehe. Smoke... fire. In the pen, cocksuckers are known as "smokers". Oops. Was that a (not) a joke?

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 06:58 PM

Well, I suspect where there is smoke there is fire, in this case. It is probably a much worse problem in some facilities than in others. Rape is primarily a power issue. Many people who feel powerless tend to turn their anger into sexual aggression against someone else. Who would be much more inclined to feel powerless than someone who has been incarcerated by society and locked up in a cell? Such a person will often seek whatever vicarious power he thinks he can find...and that will rebound on those he has the easiest access to.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: gnu
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 06:44 PM

Yeah, right. He's the President of an organization that gets its funds from donations and government grants. I'd say I was fucked up the ass against my will twenty years ago if bleeding hearts would fund my pension. What a load of absolute bullshit.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: Peace
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 06:36 PM

Maybe more common than we'd care to think.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 06:35 PM

You tell 'em gnu! I am sick of them stoopid jokes too. It ain't funny at all. There are a lotta sick boltholes out there who just like makin' jokes at the, like, expense of other people whom they got no flippin' respeckt for. WEll, it is 6:30 now, and I gotta sign off. I will be back tomorrow, probally. Stay cool, man.

BDiBR

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: gnu
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 06:31 PM

Don't worry Shane, we stocked up. And Wade has taken up language studies, so, adios amigo. See you soon. Maybe you'll get some community service so's you can c'mon down here and help us planting wildflowers in Kent County.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: gnu
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 06:18 PM

First of all, I don't think the queer jokes are funny. Secondly, why do so many people think that cons are SUBJECT to sex? The only sex that inmates get is the sex they want. Are you talking rape? Rape in prison is practically non-existant. The police are not very far away if they are needed. Finally, do you really think that a grown man, especially a tough, would allow another man, no matter how tough, to rape him? Enough with the assholes eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 06:05 PM

Gnu - Hey, man, right flippin' on! I figger to get out in, like, a few weeks probally. I am on my best behavyer here, eh? Me and Don will come out fer a visit when we can. Be sure to store up lots of beer, cos it is gonna run out soon! Maybe in a year or less, eh? Look, man, if the flippin' hockey season can get cancelled, ANY flippin' thing is possible!

Martin FLIPface Gibson! You can just flip off you flip-faced son of a flippin' skank! I am in this here jail becoz I had the smarts to know that beer was gonna run out soon, and I took the flippin' bull by the horns and took ACTION, Dude! That's right. Without me and Don, Blind River could end up without beer soon. I figger people woudl lose hope and kill themselves if that happened, and I ain't gonna stand by and do nothin' eh? They've alreddy had hockey took away! Enuff is enuff! If Don didn't heist the bus we w3ouldn't of got caugth anyway. It was a good plan. You don't flippin' impress me. You are a big empty nothin', like a bottle that got drunk dry and was left layin in the woods for a year or two and has a flippin' dirty little mouse livin' in it now. You are useless, man. Useless.

Ms Azizi - Look, um...I think you got the wrong Shane. I don't dismember you. Or maybe I do. Anyways, Don is the OLDER brother here, he ain't my baby brother. And he's bald. Ha! Ha! I ain't, cos I have got more pestosterone than he does, eh? That's my theery. You keep talkin' about God and I don't know what to say, eh? I mean, I have prayed a few times, but it was mostly to the porselin god, know what I mean? It was sincere prayer, but I don't know that it got me anywheres, cos I notice things were pretty much the same after as they were before, eh? You can't get a zebra to change his spots, eh? You can't learn a old dog a new language. I figger that for me to do like you say would be out of, like, character. And God would not like that. Cos I am who I am. God would think it wasn;t me if I started to act like someone else. That could lead to big trouble. I might get blaned for some kind of huge, major sin, like bannin' sex movies off TV or somethin'. Then I could get, like, condemmmed to infernal hellfire.

On the other hand, I might meet some cool deceesed heavy metal rockers in hell, so...

Well, lemme think about it, okay?

Look, are you a nun? I have seen nuns. They look kinda like penguins, but they are harmless. I am basically in favour of nuns, I guess.

WEll...not much real news here. Officer Dana ain't here today. I miss her. Some bolthole said she ain't female. Whoever said that is a flippin' loser, and I hope I get a chance to kick his sorry ass one day! Oh yeah, it was Bobert. Bobert, you are a flippin' loser. I am willin' to overlook it this time if you promise not to say such total BS again. Don't test me, man.

Snake has a buddy called McTeel. McTeel says he has killed 10 men. I don't believe it. He is a mean-lookin', skinny, flip-faced bolthole of a dogflipper with the personality of one of them wolverine things on the day after the party. I hope he slips and breaks his flippin' neck! They are washin' the floors again, so maybe he will. We'll see.

Don and me got a package from Blind River from our buddies. In it: a centerfold of Pamela Anderson (awright!), some Red Rose Tea, a copy of the Watchtower (gimme a flippin' break!), and 2 condums, for flip's sake!!! What the flip am I supposed ta do with condums in jail???? Them guys are major boltholes. But at least they care enuff to send somethin'. I am touched. Seriously.

- BDiBR

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: Once Famous
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 06:03 PM

Shane should watch his butt when he's picking up that bar of soap in the shower.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 06:02 PM

Maybe Shane should be Snog of the Month, or do you think Officer Dana might object?

There really is SOMETHING about a bad boy!

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: gnu
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 05:42 PM

New meaning to "cuffin' yer mutt".

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: Ebbie
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 05:35 PM

Shane is getting to be my hero. He is so totally himself. Kind of like a mutt that is so ugly it is cute. Had a few of those too.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: gnu
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 04:56 PM

Shane, buddy. Got a email from Wade. He says don't take up with Dana. Since his girl's testimony was the final click on the lock at the trial, he's been kinda down on chicks. It was stupid to send her a birthday card with, "Copyright. Made in Canadian jail by the beer bandit." on the back of the card, but he never expected her to give it to the Yellow Stripes. At least you got the OPP to deal with. They're nice compared to the YS-men. Five years man. But that was for 50,000 beer. You guys only took 900 and drank, what, maybe a hundred, so that's still only a thousand. You guys'll be out in no time. He's penned for twenty months with good behaviour. They don't even count the 14,000 that Moosehead got back. Or all the money he made them on the T-shirts they sold! They made a lot more than 36,000 cans worth on those shirts man. He should get some of it. I bought one for him when he gets out. It says, "Beer Heist Tour '04". Too bad his tour is until '06. Anyway, Dana sounds nice - just be careful because I know you're probably feeling vulnerable right now. As for Wade's chick, I never met her but I don't know why any guy would hook up with a chick named "Cari". Bad karma man. No matter how big her personalities are. Keep the faith. If you get down to New Brunswick, drop by for beer and BBQ anytime. We've got lots.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: Once Famous
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 04:47 PM

I'm not in jail for stealing a bus load of beer.

This guy is a crook and belongs in jail why kiss his ass?

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: Azizi
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 04:02 PM

Speak for yourself, Martin Gibson!


Azizi

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: Once Famous
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 04:00 PM

What a stupid and moronic thing to do.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: GUEST,Bill the Collie
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 12:09 PM

This ere thread gonna run
All the way til April one

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: Peace
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 12:33 AM

"But I can't even THINK about it cause it would send chills up my spine..."

That pretty close to where Shane's worryin' about gettin' chills, IMO.

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: Cluin
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 12:27 AM

Is that supposed to be FUNNY?"

*muffled laughter*

GET OFF!

Subject: RE: BS: Shane's Jail Diaries (BDiBR)
From: Peace
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 12:25 AM

That could do it all right!