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BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for business
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Rapparee Date: 03 Jul 08 - 02:14 PM As a diabetic of some time, I invite you to cut the insecticide residue from your throat (and by the way, I've discovered it wasn't insecticide but something called "Dioxin," Army surplus from the Vietnam War time) with a healthy glass of Knob Creek. Just adjust your insulin amount if you're on insulin to accommodate the carbs and the alcohol (it's 140 proof). Otherwise, ignore it and just don't eat the barbecue in a sandwich. And heed this advice from the American Diabetes Association: 10. Can I drink alcohol? Yes, in moderation. Moderation is defined as two drinks a day for men and one drink a day for women. A drink is a 5-ounce glass of wine, a 12-ounce light beer, or 1-1/2 ounces of 80-proof distilled spirits. Make sure that your medications don't require avoiding alcohol, and get your doctor's okay. But in the Mudcat Taverns you are required to be moderate in all things, including both moderation and excess. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Severn Date: 03 Jul 08 - 09:18 AM And now that you've gone off and "checked my drink" somewhere, Lady P., I assume you'll buy me a replacement. I'm extremely sorry that the stuff didn't make you feel any different, but it was a good try, all in the name of Science of course...... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Severn Date: 03 Jul 08 - 09:10 AM On Sunday, I'm a Hallelu-sin-nation. I'm usually apparent. I'm also a grandparent. Before I was a parent, I was merely obvious. But I AM plenty real, every bit as much as, say, Mrs. McLeod's Real (as one of my favorite tunes, for reel! And I, for one, believe in her!). And, may I remind you, as an unfortunately newly practicing diabetic, I'M one of the few sober people in this joint, so don't blame ME, blame your barkeep! There's nothing in that can at my table but Hansen's Diet Black Cherry Soda! Anyway, I just figured, since you pumped out all that insecticide into the room with the Flit Gun, Rapaire, I'd turn on the fans (and I'd like to thank all the many fans in here), open all the doors and air out the place a little bit. You can't blame me for being a little wary about what might come in, given past experience can you? Or wonder about a place to step out for a while, for that matter. Anyway, I'm just asking those who consider themselves more rooted and wiser souls than I who have spent a few more years in here than myself, if it would be a wise thing to do. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Rapparee Date: 03 Jul 08 - 08:35 AM ...and finding none realizes that Severn IS a hallucination. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: lady penelope Date: 03 Jul 08 - 08:29 AM Lady P. checks Severn's drink for halucinagens...... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Severn Date: 03 Jul 08 - 07:58 AM The squid, getting more and more drunk and belligerent at the fate of his bretheren in every sci-fi film, perks up at the return of Liz. His good mood seems to have been restored. We welcome her blondness back, as well, and Raven, too. Someone took down the time of her arrival, and the pool winner should be announced soon. That's good, because there had been no volunteers for Rapaire's suggestion that someone should pet him. What DO squids drink, anyway?. And maybe he'll eat a dead moth, if and when Rapaire has finally dispatched it...... Stilly's still cooling it under the sprinkler outside the front door, one side door leads to the alley gate and one of the West doors opens onto the yellow brick road. It seems that last winter we had a beach and a few other things behind all the many doors, but this year, they don't seem to be labeled. Do we have to number them and get Monty Hall and Carol Merrill to show us what's behind them, or does anybody know for sure this time around?..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Liz the Squeak Date: 03 Jul 08 - 01:01 AM Liz storms in through the back door... 'Well sod that for a game of soldiers! That silly wizard bloke was just plain stupid! He told me that if I wanted a brain I'd have to dye my hair brunette. I told him that if I wanted a brain I'd have his, he wasn't using it. So I got it... see? No? Here, borrow my magnifying glass.... Right, now someone get these bloody shoes off me... Tramp red is SOOOO not my colour.' LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Rapparee Date: 02 Jul 08 - 10:03 PM And now he's found Disney's "20,000 Leagues Under The Sea" and he's getting really pissed off about what happens to the giant squid in that film. Especially the squid not getting to eat Cap'n Nemo. Somebody pet him and calm him down, please! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Severn Date: 02 Jul 08 - 04:57 PM The Giant Squid has found a sci-fi channel double feature on the cable TV of "Destroy All Monsters" and "Destroy All Planets" and two squid-from-outer-space movies is too much to pass up, even if Gammera (the flying turtle much more to be feared than any University of Maryland Terrapin) kicks Viras' ass in the second one. DESTROY ALL PLANETS (1968) two star rating Aliens whose spaceships turn into giant flying squids are attacking Earth. It's up to Gammera, the flying fire-breathing turtle to save the day. Hot Buttered Nuclear Damn! They just don't make them like that any more! But who's going to be the one to tell the squid to turn the volume down, much less take away the remote control..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: lady penelope Date: 02 Jul 08 - 03:41 PM ROTFLMAO at Mmario..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: MMario Date: 02 Jul 08 - 03:35 PM What health department has jurisdiction in this particular pocket of sub-space? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Stilly River Sage Date: 02 Jul 08 - 03:33 PM It's too hot for all of this Errol Flynn stuff! I'm setting up a sprinkler out on the front lawn and I think I'll stand in it for a while. There's no cooling off in that jello pit with Harleys dripping oil and calamari taking a dip and scrap metal and champagne glasses all down in the bottom of it. Wait till the health department gets a load of that! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: GUEST,rAVen kittY Date: 02 Jul 08 - 03:06 PM PRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrowlllllllll I want to go home nooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Rapparee Date: 02 Jul 08 - 12:58 PM "And why," he muses, "should Liz surrender? She seems to be doing okay." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Severn Date: 02 Jul 08 - 12:48 PM "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....If we could get footage of the moth battling the squid, then we could sell it to a Japanese film maker for big bucks!", thinks Severn, practicing making his mouth move at a different speed than his speech, hoping for a bit part in the finished picture. "Ouch, that hurts!, he said, having tried it. "Rapaire's doing just fine, though. We'll see if he can finish the job......" Looking out the window to the West, he sees "Surrender Liz" written across the sky. "She could've stayed here and heard that from the Squid. I hope she's all right."...... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Severn Date: 02 Jul 08 - 12:18 PM "One Hundred!, he shouts, then, "Bravo!" "Have you killed it yet?", ask the panting rescue crew. "Can we let go of the blanket?"....... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: MMario Date: 02 Jul 08 - 11:51 AM Listen! It's the sound of one hand clapping! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Rapparee Date: 02 Jul 08 - 11:46 AM Dropping the flit gun and grabbing the chandelier, he thinks, "Boy, am I glad I've been fencing! I know all the neat-o sword fighting moves now, like swinging on a chandelier! Wish I'd worn pants instead of a kilt, though. The ladies below are excited enough as it is." And letting go at the end of the pendulous arc, he tucks himself into a forward tuck and lands lightly on his feet on the top of the champagne glasses, breaking none of them in his glorious dismount and acknowledging the thunderous applause of the on-lookers. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Severn Date: 02 Jul 08 - 10:50 AM Severn takes a sage brush and briskly whisks Stilly aside, but Rapaire poses another problem altogether! It still looks like he's carrying the Flit gun, as in his last post, but insecticide is not the way I'd choose to bugger off from this world. Uh, oh! All of a sudden comes deus-ex-machina for Severn as Rapaire's original target, Behe-moth swoops down and grabs Rapaire and flies back up towards the brightly glowing chandelier with Rapaire firing away at his attacker in one magnificent aerial battle royal. "Quick! Somebody grab a net, (or at least her beach blanket)!" yells Severn and the rescue crew runs around in silly Mack Sennet circles under the ongoing battle above. "Whew! I wrote myself out of THAT one!", thinks severn, "But for how long?", as he runs around holding one corner of the blanket....... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Amos Date: 02 Jul 08 - 10:46 AM Did anyone say g'bye to that dastardly alley-gater? I only ask because Rapaire is driving Severns nuts... A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Stilly River Sage Date: 02 Jul 08 - 09:47 AM Someone discreetly pushes the muzzle of Rapaire's big old fashioned gun, whatever he's packing this time, away from Severn's head where it was pointed, but Rap quietly wrestles it around and they compromise in aiming the thing at Severn's lap. . . |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Severn Date: 02 Jul 08 - 09:23 AM The water seems to refresh the ailing reptile, who jumps up, says "See you later!" and leaves through the alley gate. Hmmmmmmmmmm..... Maybe it WASN'T a crocodile after all! Since nothing was said to the bartender, the rest of the heavy betting crowd's interest shifts to get into the action in the pool for the return time of Liz....... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Rapparee Date: 02 Jul 08 - 09:02 AM He reaches for the Flit gun, ready and willing to commit insecticide. "You shoulda kept yer moth shet, ya bugger. Now y'wool get it good. Ya shoulda stayed a like ya was, there in the church, an in sect chorus line." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Severn Date: 02 Jul 08 - 08:10 AM There happens to be a yellow brick road leading from one of the doors on the West side. Liz is not sure where it leads, but she feels she may be able to find a new brain at the end of it. ....So Liz and the kitty Raven, who has decided that that it's finally met a moth too big to chase, go skipping down this thoroughfare singing: Coupla bricks short of a load, Coupla bricks short of a load, Coupla, coupla, coupla, coupla. Coupla bricks short of a load.... ...which is what Dorothy would have sung had SHE needed the brain but was somehow still able to think of it. Liz may only be goldbricking, but if so, it still instinctively seems the proper path to follow. I'm sure she'll be back soon, and better for the journey, with a few colorful stories and maybe some new ethnic sings from Wherever for the evening singaround. The alternative being a lustful squid in a pit of green Jell-o, The Wizard Of Ooze just doesn't cut it. The walk should at least sober her up a bit. "Happy Trails, Liz!' we all call out. "....And your little cat Raven, too!" somebody cackles! Meanwhile a betting pool has already sprung up over how long she'll be gone....... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Liz the Squeak Date: 02 Jul 08 - 07:38 AM I can't cope with this any more.... I need a new brain! LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Amos Date: 01 Jul 08 - 06:34 PM Every one known the compassionate Kiwi's favorite drink is made with lumps of mashed lime, floating around like so much citrine fur in the bowl. The Koala Tea of mercy is not strained. If you make it up in the lavatory, it'll be just the sucker bowl for the sucker punch, properly laced with moonshine so it becomes high Koala Tea indeed. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Severn Date: 01 Jul 08 - 04:47 PM Liz, will there be an inquiry about how you spent too much time at the inn and not enough in choiry? Are you sober enough to meet re:choirments? How far up the leg will you have to show them the sucker marks for them to believe you? Be careful getting there and back! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Stilly River Sage Date: 01 Jul 08 - 04:33 PM groan . . . Who let that Moth-er-plucker in here, anyway? Where's the duct tape, maybe we can modify his hands so he can't type. . . I know--tape him to the hog! No, not the ribs, the Harley. . . |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: lady penelope Date: 01 Jul 08 - 04:20 PM Either, both, it's an undecided feeling..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Severn Date: 01 Jul 08 - 04:18 PM One for you to empty or one for you to fill, Lady P? There WILL be more! I promise!..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: lady penelope Date: 01 Jul 08 - 03:59 PM I'm not nearly drunk enough for these puns.... Pass the bucket... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Severn Date: 01 Jul 08 - 02:03 PM "It CAN'T be a moth! Moths don't get THAT big!" "Then it's one humongeous mean moth-er-faker!" "Why don't you know? That's...." Oh, NO! Not......BEHE-MOTH!" Oh, yes, That moth be he! "Luckily, it's summer and nobody's wearing wool!" "Last year he was a caterpillar who liked to dance. Maybe he's just looking for a Moth Ball....." "Quick! To the Camphor-Van! Do ANY of those things still shoot, Rapaire?" "Don't hurt him, maybe he'll see the light!" "That's what we're afraid of!"........... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Liz the Squeak Date: 01 Jul 08 - 02:01 PM Kar Beep!!! Bring me anthoner wunna them Lo Hiland dice tees... I hef to go to kwire practis an the squuuuuidd is holdling me back. LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: lady penelope Date: 01 Jul 08 - 01:23 PM Why thank you Mmario (she says as she playfully batters him round the head....) 327 kilos of steel... that's awfully precise Rapaire.... No, it's all too much like thinking... Another pint of Gibsons please Bar Keep! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Severn Date: 01 Jul 08 - 12:47 PM Look what just cayman!..... "What'll we do with this little crocodile from the parking lot?", someone calls out as they come in the door. "Anyone have any recipes or a croc pot? Any leather crafters among us? WAIT! I think it's still breathing...." They drop the critter and hurridly step back... "Give it a shot of something to revive it!", says someone. "Just give it water for now and see if it recovers. I've got money riding on what it will ask the bartender for", says another...... ....."Well", thinks Severn, "at least we won't have to deal with that tango-dancing caterpillar from last winter. By now, it's probably turned into....." "MOTH-ER OF GOD!", he shouts as something flies in another door. "It's heading for the chandalier!"......... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Rapparee Date: 01 Jul 08 - 12:39 PM He looks over the pile of unusable armament he brought in and decides it isn't worth carting it over to the foundry for the metal sculptor. Besides, it's been done before. "Screw it," he thinks kicks the whole mess into the jell-o pit. 327 kilograms of steel makes quite a splash, and he helps himself to another Moose Drool. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: MMario Date: 01 Jul 08 - 12:29 PM My cousin Stavros says you've got some nice melons, too. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: lady penelope Date: 01 Jul 08 - 12:09 PM I dunno, you leave the place for five minutes..... Well, it's official, it's too hot out there. I know it's only a piffling 27 degrees celcius, but I'm simply not built for heat and sunshine... Oooh, I think a very long cuban rum and coke is the order of the day.... On the plus side, my tomatoes are coming on a treat! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Stilly River Sage Date: 01 Jul 08 - 12:07 PM Imagine an emoticon banging its head on a desk. . . |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: MMario Date: 01 Jul 08 - 11:06 AM Koala Tea? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: GUEST,LTS just about to leave work Date: 01 Jul 08 - 10:55 AM Mercy, please, for the love of the deities, mercy!!! LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Amos Date: 01 Jul 08 - 10:30 AM Severn puns for seven ladies....sucker punch, indeed!! I wonder how you keep your frenetic morpheme-shuffling machine running at such a hectic pace!!! A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Severn Date: 01 Jul 08 - 10:14 AM Liz manages to get away from the amourous squid and, panting, points to the bottom of her shoes. "Non-Squid treads!", she gasps squeakily... The squid slips back into the Jell-o pit in a fit of Jell-o-sy while the band plays "Jell-o, Young Lovers, Wherever You Are". "Who IS the house band this year?", Severn wonders, amidst other of Severn's wonders of the world.... I see you have plenty of green Jell-o left since the Mudcat recovery room cafeteria shut down...... The squid and the Jell-o have something in common. They seem to have thrown away the mold afterwards. .....I hope it doesn't grow back. "Try that again and I'll cut off one of your limbs, throw it into a bowl and make a Sucker Punch!", snarls Liz, who has regained her breath. The line at the Ladies Room moves smoothly and orderly...... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: MMario Date: 01 Jul 08 - 10:02 AM It avoids problems with PETA when you can show the animals you are consuming have been extinct for eons. Statute of limitations has expired. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Stilly River Sage Date: 01 Jul 08 - 09:59 AM Just for the novelty of it, I'll put some country style pork ribs (no bones) on. Seems a long time since we've eaten a land animal extant on the planet today. (But no denying, that WayBack fridge is a smart addition to the Tavern!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: MMario Date: 01 Jul 08 - 09:13 AM I'm sorry - that should have read "yokumberry" -- there's plenty - it seems like only the women are eating them. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: Rapparee Date: 01 Jul 08 - 09:11 AM So, apparently, is the squid. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: GUEST,LTS climbing out of a giant latex thingy Date: 01 Jul 08 - 08:59 AM Don't know what a yokemberry is, but I'm up for it. LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: MMario Date: 01 Jul 08 - 08:57 AM I've got some fresh yokemberry muffins, hot from the oven. will those do? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Midsummer Tavern open for busines From: GUEST,LTS trapped by a tentiticle Date: 01 Jul 08 - 08:48 AM If that squid thinks it's going any further, it had better think again. I've got my anti-squid pants on. Any joy on those Johnny cakes, I'm starving in here! LTS |
