BS: Prurient junk

Subject: RE: BS: Prurient junk
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 06 Oct 02 - 01:38 PM

Sigh.

This reminds of how on another forum once I could not get anyone to respond that they either liked or had ever heard of Lucinda Williams. Eventually I found a way to bring it up in every single thread. I'd make a poor comedian, because if I get a laugh I retire the joke, but if not I just keep doing it over and over looking for some response.

Misophist, what was that? MENE MENE what?

When we were trying to wean my daughter we thought we should tell her that once you get a certain age, you leave the breast thing behind. But I told my wife that she would have to do this talk, because I would feel a hypocrite.

   

Subject: RE: BS: Prurient junk
From: Deckman
Date: 04 Oct 02 - 09:20 PM

HEY DON ... Have you noticed something? It sure doesn't take much to keep a MUDCATTER going! CHEERS, Bob

Subject: RE: BS: Prurient junk
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 04 Oct 02 - 08:43 PM

Oh all right. It's the story of how I experienced puberty in 7 minutes one thursday when I was 11. My brother and I were too old to have a babysitter but could not be trusted to take care of my little sister, therefore, there was Katya. We never found another babysitter who had respectable musical tastes.

   So, I came out of my room one day to find Katya showing the scar from an operation to my sister. I think it must've been located below her navel just above her pale blue underwear, but I don't really remember seeing the scar. I remember her pants were zipped down and that she smiled and said "It's gross, isn't it?" and there came a great dryness in my throat. Yeah, it's pretty gross. I'm going to my room.

   Where I sat at my little blue-grey writing desk in front of a mirror, in a cold sweat, and grew facial hair, like the werewolf transformation scene in a Lon Chaney movie. Katya opened the door, looked in at me, and said Are you okay?

   Yeah.

   Can I get you an aspirin?

   No. (pause) No. Get out of here. And whatever you hear, whatever happens, do not come in here. Listen to me! Do not. Don't come in here.

   Except I didn't actually say that, I said No. I'm okay. And after a long moment the door swished over the carpet and shut behind her.

That's the babysitter story, not terribly smutty, but the thread needed, well, something.

Subject: RE: BS: Prurient junk
From: Don Firth
Date: 04 Oct 02 - 02:28 PM

Uh . . . so what's the Russian babysitter story?

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Prurient junk
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 04 Oct 02 - 11:41 AM

I'm going to be seriously depressed if this thread dies out without ever being prurient enough to justify the title. Sure, LH, send the dog stuff. Help. Has everyone "matured" or something? Don't make me tell my Russian babysitter story.

Subject: RE: BS: Prurient junk
From: Micca
Date: 03 Oct 02 - 04:55 PM

"I could tell you things about Peter Pan
and the Wizard of Oz, Theres a Dirty Old Man..."

Subject: RE: BS: Prurient junk
From: Don Firth
Date: 03 Oct 02 - 04:34 PM

A dirty mind is a joy forever!

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Prurient junk
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 03 Oct 02 - 01:58 PM

Well, I set out to complain about the absence of smutty threads and got sidetracked. I had meant to say Prurient junk/ embarrassing stories but it was too long. And that's what she said. I also thought of starting a mudcat penis club, but it would be members only.

   But I did pass over an aspect of the story-swap. At the time I met this woman some younger guys I worked with were conducting a research project about thongs called What's the deal with thongs? So when she told her story and came to the thong, she said she knew it was hers, because she wore thong underwear. At that point I interrupted--"We've been looking for you! (pause) But go on."

   The deal, according to her and another thong-girl present, is that all underwear will try to work it's way back down up in under there, so the thong is worn to be put there and be done with the fight. This was the most authorative account we had, because nobody else wore thongs or was a reliable spokesperson. One guy had an account from his girlfriend at the time that thongs were in fact uncomfortable, and women only wore them for effect. Then he found a thong in their laundry, and wondered when and why she was wearing it. She said it was old and she didn't wear them, and yet, he said, here it is in the laundry this week. Other factors soon came about which terminated his relation to that field research source.

   For some reason all the people present at this little gathering had drifted in and around this chat, and I backed out of my story, and brain-locked on coming up with another. It may have been the most perfect little party I ever went to, everyone was unusually funny, one topic rolled on to another, someone kept trying to sell me a clawhammer banjo, and lobster was served out of thin air at 4 in the morning. But there lingers this story-teller shame, and a realization that my parents had a better mastery of the art of getting together with friends.
   

Subject: RE: BS: Prurient junk
From: GUEST,JTT
Date: 03 Oct 02 - 07:50 AM

Long years ago, a long time before I realised that humans are not divided into races, and we're all just people, I was around three, and was at a bus stop with my mother, in Ireland, and saw my first black-skinned man.

"OH, THE POOR MAN!" I roared. "WHAT HAAAAAPPENED TO HIM???"

He was really, really angry. I suppose it should have taught me to keep my mouth shut, but it didn't.

Subject: RE: BS: Prurient junk
From: Bill D
Date: 03 Oct 02 - 12:07 AM

Ahem! There used to be LOTS of prurience in Wichita...well, at least until 1977, when *I* left *grin*....I lived there from 1947 to 1977, and I barely understood how "hopelessly midwestern" Wichita was until I left college and had to deal with the community every day.

Some nice things there...but.....

Subject: RE: BS: Prurient junk
From: Amos
Date: 02 Oct 02 - 11:03 PM

A stick o' dynamite!! Let me guess you're orful proud of her? I think i can relate.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Prurient junk
From: GUEST,papa
Date: 02 Oct 02 - 10:58 PM

Kids say the goddamdest things...

Once in church my daughter, then about four, was being inappropriately lively. I whispered "Girl, you have ants in your pants." She stood up on the pew, yanked up her skirt, pulled down her bloomers and hollered "NO I DON'T!"

She's now seventeen, and does not like to have that story told. Nor does she like to be reminded that she had, at that age, a hat fetish. No one's hat was safe. She had to have it. On a high holy day, the bishop visited our little church in full regalia, and she snatched his mitre and put it on. He was, fortunately, a good natured man not terribly jealous of his dignity.

Subject: RE: BS: Prurient junk
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Oct 02 - 10:53 PM

Yeah, kids are great at voicing their thoughts till they've had the fear put into them... Could serve as a lesson to all of us.

I can't contribute too much prurient junk, but I suppose I could take a couple of jpegs of my dog eyeing someone's leg lasciviously, and send them in...

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Prurient junk
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 02 Oct 02 - 10:43 PM

Your story of starting to say something and then chickening out, reminded me of this one.

Back when my son was about 4 years old (he's now 15) I was out driving with him. We were stopped at a stoplight, and for some reason, I thought the light had turned green, but it hadn't. I started forward. I immediately realized my mistake, said "Oh, shit!" and slammed on the brakes. No harm was done--I had only moved a few feet--but I felt embarrassed about having used a "bad" word in front of my son. I didn't want to set a bad example for him. So I figured I shouldn't let the incident pass without comment.

So I gathered my courage, as we proceeded to drive home, and I finally said, "You know, I said a bad word back there."

"You did? What was it?"

"Oh, well, if you didn't hear it, then I guess it doesn't matter. Never mind."

"No, tell me! What did you say?"

"Well, I really don't think I should repeat it."

"No, tell me! I want to know!"

"No, I'm not going to repeat it."

"Did you say STUPID?"

Maybe a word of explanation is necessary here. He had been taught, in day care apparently, that it's not nice to call other kids stupid. So he was left with the impression that "stupid" was a dirty word. Not wanting to explain the difference between "stupid" and a REAL dirty word, I had decided to leave well enough alone. But at this point in the conversation, I had to smile.

"No, I didn't say STUPID."

"What did you say then?"

"I told you, I don't want to repeat it. So just forget it."

"Did you say FUCKER?"

At this point, it was all I could do to keep from running off the road! "Willie! I didn't know you knew that word!"

"I know tons of 'em. I hear 'em all the time in day care."

It took me a minute to recover from the shock. "Oh, well, then, I guess I might as well tell you. The word I said was SHIT."

"Oh. That's not so bad."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

Subject: RE: BS: Prurient junk
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 02 Oct 02 - 07:57 PM

Yeah Amos, in Wichita you can find someone who thinks everything anyone else thinks about is "prurient."

I'd have to take issue with your dictionary though - in the inordinate part of the definition. Isn't a little appeal sometimes perfectly in order?

My Random House says:

1. having, inclined to have, or characterized by lascivious or lustful thoughts, desires, etc. 2. causing lasciviousness or lust. 3. having a restless desire or longing. [1630–40; < L prurient- , prp. of prurare to itch]

You must have the Kansas Baptist version of the dictionary.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Prurient junk
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Oct 02 - 07:21 PM

I was once at a bluegrass event and some friends were playing Marshall Tucker Band's "Fire on the Mountain" on stage. The soundman had added a lot of effects to the fiddler's channel and the sound was a little spacey, but totally appropriate to the song.   Anyway I said to my then wife something like "Yeh, it sound's cool, but Mike's doing all that from the soundboard. Tweak the right knobs and you can even make a crappy fiddler like Gary sound good." ....and then realized his wife was standing right beside us. Ooooops!

Bruce

Subject: RE: BS: Prurient junk
From: GUEST,Just Amy
Date: 02 Oct 02 - 07:20 PM

Let me preface this by saying we come from a really small farming community in Illinois. When my sister was 2 (mid 60's) we went on vacation to Washington, DC. The bellman who carried our bags was African-American. My sister had never seen such a dark person before so she blurted out to my mother, "Mommy, he's black!" I'm sure he thought we were all hicks.

Subject: RE: BS: Prurient junk
From: Deckman
Date: 02 Oct 02 - 07:00 PM

Being a somewhat successful father of three grown children, I occasional remember some of the horror stories that happened. One of my favorites happened when my wife and I decided that it was time to introduce our youngest son to the wonderful world of the Cub Scouts. We all went traipsing off one night to the basement of the local church. After everyone was settled, we all stood and bowed our heads in a prayer. When the room was at it quietest, young son pipes up, "Daddy. Why is everyone staring at the floor?" True story. CHEERS, Bob(deckman)Nelson

Subject: RE: BS: Prurient junk
From: Sorcha
Date: 02 Oct 02 - 06:50 PM

Amos, Bubba has had purient thoughts since the second he was born.....he was a BreastBaby, after all. Still no better at 24.........(yes, in Wichita.......)

Subject: RE: BS: Prurient junk
From: Amos
Date: 02 Oct 02 - 06:48 PM

Sorcha:

He was having prurient thoughts at age 2?? In WIchita?

Are you SURE you were in Kansas? LOL!!

I love the way kids speak their piece unencumbered by doubt or hesitation. Keeps us all refreshed!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Prurient junk
From: Sorcha
Date: 02 Oct 02 - 06:44 PM

When BubbaLuke was about 2, we went to Wichita, Ks to visit relative. He had never seen a negro/black/whatever person before. We were in the mall, and here comes this Bro', dressed to the nines in neon colors, platform shoes and a big Afro hairdo. Luke stopped cold, and in a very loud voice said:
"Mama, WHAT in the HELL is THAT"?.......fade to store very fast.......

Subject: RE: BS: Prurient junk
From: Amos
Date: 02 Oct 02 - 06:31 PM

I think I am missing the prurient part here! Is that because I'm losing my wits, or is it my memory? LOL!


A

1) prurient. The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language: Fourth Edition. 2000.
...in matters of sex; lascivious. 2a. Characterized by an inordinate interest in sex: prurient thoughts. b. Arousing or appealing to an inordinate interest in sex: prurient...

Subject: RE: BS: Prurient junk
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 02 Oct 02 - 06:22 PM

No costume? He was naked? No, I'm sure your daughter would have noticed that.

Subject: RE: BS: Prurient junk
From: Bill D
Date: 02 Oct 02 - 05:59 PM

I come in expecting 'prurient junk', and I get true confessions!..*sigh*..what's a voyeur to do? ~BG~

Subject: RE: BS: Prurient junk
From: C-flat
Date: 02 Oct 02 - 05:38 PM

Fred I think you need to unburden yourself and this is just the place to do it! Come on tell all!
My sister-in-law was shopping in the local supermarket when her 6 year-old daughter saw a man wearing a turban. Never having seen anyone with a turban before, the little girl started tugging on her mothers sleeve,
"Look Mummy, Look",
my sister-in-law, feeling embarrassed, tried to distract her "Come over here!"
"Look Mummy" my neice persisted,
By now a couple of customers were looking to see what was the cause of such interest to the little girl.
Undetered she continued " But Mummy you must come and see............It's a GENIE!!!"
I don't know what the man in the turban thought about it but if it were me I wouldn't have been able to resist saying,
"Your wish is my command!"

Subject: RE: BS: Prurient junk
From: mack/misophist
Date: 02 Oct 02 - 05:26 PM

MENE MENE TEKEL UPHARSIN

Subject: BS: Prurient junk and embarrassing stories
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 02 Oct 02 - 05:14 PM

I for one have been saddened dismayed and personally offended by the almost complete absence recently of topics tinged with pointless and tasteless smut. There is emerging a disturbing trend toward musical topics, and thoughtful and informative political discussions.

   This thread is meant as a junk drawer for such random stuff that doesn't fit other threads. My own embarrassing story is that I once coaxed a friend into telling something embarrassing, saying I'd top it. Then I backed out. Too many people had gathered, I still can't tell it. The shame of copping out comes back to haunt me every halloween...

   I went out trick or treating with my daughter one year, and, there being a very small man, a midget I suppose, on our street, we went there. He was out handing out candy, my daughter said Thank you, and then--she was very small--she said I like your costume.

   He wasn't wearing a costume, and I said um, Etta? and she looked at me, and realised. The rest of the night we went house to house with her saying Dad? I feel so bad about what I said to that man. And I tried to get her over it, saying Well, I don't think he heard you, and anyway, we all say things sometimes and wish we hadn't, I have, many times. She fixed on that--What did you do, Dad? Tell me what you said. I could only think of one thing, and it is the story I backed out of telling my friend, will never tell my daughter, and am not going to tell here either. So what could I tell her? (Pause.) I told her embarrassing things her mother had done. My wife once told a girl that her hair always looked so perfect, and later found out the poor girl was bald and wore a wig. Things like that.

   SHE--Dad, I still feel bad about saying that to that man. ME-- It's okay honey, you didn't mean anything, I don't think he heard you. SHE--Are you sure? Do you promise? ... We went on this way, house to house.

So I told my friend about this, and she was about to tell a story, hesitated, declined. I talked her into it. She is the only woman who works in a local fabrication shop, and her first week there, she overslept one day, got dressed in a hurry throwing on some jeans from the dryer, got to work and helped in a process that needed several workers to do. Immediately after, the owner pointed to the floor, saying Someone lost their underwear. There lay a blue thong. It had probably been in a leg of her jeans, and come out, and there was nothing to do but claim it, and put it in her pocket.

   Later I remerbered having sat with a couple we knew at a play, made some smart-assed remarks about the production, then realised the man I was sitting with had directed it. So I told that, but still can't get over having copped out of the story-swap.