BS: Big Boasts.....

Subject: RE: BS: Big Boasts.....
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Apr 05 - 08:13 AM

Kendall, quite seriously -- my nieces and nephews grew up on their father and uncles telling them stuff like this. They love it even now, when the oldest is married and has his own kid. The stories I wrote for them over the years are carefully saved and when I arrive I'm asked to read one and then "Jus one more! Please!"

Most of them are set in a Swamp. Even more have been told for years, only I filed off the serial numbers and present 'em as genuine experiences. Snow snakes, a haunted outhouse, sailing across a lake of quicksand (to smooth the boards, of course), garshrikes, Mississippi Valley Rubberwood trees, why the dinosaurs all moved first to Yellowknife and then to beyond the Brooks Range, giant man-eating bats -- they love 'em all.

Even today a good story (or even a lousy, but imaginative, story) can make kids pay attention. And adults. You're never too old for your fantasy button to be pushed.

Subject: RE: BS: Big Boasts.....
From: Deckman
Date: 17 Apr 05 - 11:58 PM

... I was five years when I had to start school ... Daddy got me up at three in the morning ... we had coffee and then I started walking ... twenty miles to the busstop ... twenty more miles to school ... school all day ... bus back to the drop off ... twenty miles walk to the house ... and Dad comes out and says "Son, how was your first day of school?"

I said, "SHIT ... it was a   l o n g    time between cigarrettes!"

(an olde Finnish folk tale) CHEERS, Bob(deckman)Nelson

Subject: RE: BS: Big Boasts.....
From: kendall
Date: 17 Apr 05 - 08:30 PM

You tell young people today this stuff, they won't believe you.

Subject: RE: BS: Big Boasts.....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 17 Apr 05 - 10:36 AM

I have no need to boast. I am a working mother... Says it all really.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Big Boasts.....
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Apr 05 - 09:16 AM

Shucks, my baby brother usta ride tornados just fer fun back when he was lessen a year old. I never did, 'cause I'd wrassle 'em.

And goin' ta school I usta walk 15 miles each way, in snow up to my cowlick, UPHILL both ways! We didn't have any money, so's my brothers and my sister an' me only had one pair of boots, I'd wear 'em on Monday, and Tony'd wear 'em on Tuesday, only with the feet reversed so's they'd wear even, an' Ted on Thursday, and Martha on Friday with the feet reversed agin. On Wednesday we'd let a poor family use 'em. This wasn't so bad, but Mom always got us the cheapest boots, so's one year I remember we had one patched up hip boot in size 17 AAA and the other was one of them "rubbers" in 4E. That was the year Ted lost the hip boot in a snow drift, along with his left leg; he'd stepped into the drift by mistake (it was 47 feet 3.4945 inches deep at the shallow part) and the temperature was so cold inside the drift that everything just froze solid to the snow. He didn't notice that most of his left leg was missing until we got home, mostly because his right leg hadn't yet caught up to the growing he'd done on his left side and he just figgered that he'd finally evened out. I had to go back and retrieve the boot and the leg, which I did, but that's another story for later, since I gotta go to Boise in a couple hours and I gotta start the anti-boredom pills.

Subject: RE: BS: Big Boasts.....
From: kendall
Date: 17 Apr 05 - 08:08 AM

And I thought I was tough; walking 5 miles to school in the dead of winter with no shoes, and barbed wire for traction. I was 15 before I got my first pair of shoes; by then, my feet were so tough, I wore them out on the INside first....I'm half Alligator and I ride tornadas..

Subject: RE: BS: Big Boasts.....
From: frogprince
Date: 16 Apr 05 - 11:31 PM

Okay, boys, I finished the other requirements; where's that woman I have to wrassle?

Subject: RE: BS: Big Boasts.....
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Apr 05 - 09:57 PM

On me, or on someone else? If someone else, are they dead?

But then, I don't wear bow ties. Were I to do that I wouldn't be perfect.

Subject: RE: BS: Big Boasts.....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 16 Apr 05 - 09:53 PM

But Rap... can you tie a bow tie?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Big Boasts.....
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Apr 05 - 09:49 PM

Ha, I was made a prefect for being perfect!

Subject: RE: BS: Big Boasts.....
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Apr 05 - 03:07 PM

And every year in grade school I won the award for telling the truth. Besides, braggin' would be a sin, and then I wouldn't be perfect.

Subject: RE: BS: Big Boasts.....
From: Ebbie
Date: 16 Apr 05 - 02:30 PM

Rapaire: Hi, Marvin!

Subject: RE: BS: Big Boasts.....
From: CarolC
Date: 16 Apr 05 - 02:08 PM

It doesn't have to be all that big.... houseboat size will do. I don't really need a huge super-yacht or anything. Maybe a nice two level houseboat or barge, and a canoe just for fun.

Subject: RE: BS: Big Boasts.....
From: robomatic
Date: 16 Apr 05 - 01:51 PM

I'm like him only better

Subject: RE: BS: Big Boasts.....
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Apr 05 - 12:53 PM

I'm the son of a bolt of lightning and magnitude 10 earthquake! When I was born the mountains were raised and the seas boiled! I suckled on 40-rod whiskey and was weaned on barbed wire, and when I was a baby in the cradle I had a live panther for a dolly. Two days after I was born I could out-scream my dolly and walk fifty miles across the burning desert sands wearing rattlesnakes for shoes! Each of my fists is like a cobalt bomb, and if I were to hit you you'd know first hand what happens when you are sucked into a Black Hole! I pull out aching teeth with my fingers and drive in 20 penny spikes in their place! I can out run, out shoot, out wrestle, out lie, out talk, and out drink any man and prit' near any woman! I kin start dancin' at sundown and dance clear through to next month and never stop to take a breath! Angels call me for singin' lessons, and God himself begs me to sing for his dinner entertainment! I know everything in every book ever written and everything in every book that ever will be writ! Woman beg for me, men fear me, and coral snakes die if they bite me! There ain't no horse I can't ride, horn I can't toot, or thing I can't do!
















How's that?

Subject: RE: BS: Big Boasts.....
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 16 Apr 05 - 06:08 AM

Very handy - one could be engaged in sex and simultaneously get a smoke ready for afterwards!

Subject: RE: BS: Big Boasts.....
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 16 Apr 05 - 05:35 AM

When I smoked I could roll a cigarette with one hand.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: Big Boasts.....
From: Boab
Date: 16 Apr 05 - 03:31 AM

Hey Liz---DUCK!!

Subject: RE: BS: Big Boasts.....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 16 Apr 05 - 03:27 AM

That's all very well, but yours is eating my crisps!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Big Boasts.....
From: Davetnova
Date: 16 Apr 05 - 03:20 AM

Peanuts, huh! I can peel an orange with mine.

Subject: RE: BS: Big Boasts.....
From: Peace
Date: 15 Apr 05 - 10:36 PM

All that's very interesting, but I have never seen one eat the peanuts before.

Subject: RE: BS: Big Boasts.....
From: frogprince
Date: 15 Apr 05 - 10:26 PM

Mine can beat up yours

Subject: RE: BS: Big Boasts.....
From: open mike
Date: 15 Apr 05 - 10:20 PM

YOUR BOAST??

Subject: BS: Big Boasts.....
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 15 Apr 05 - 10:16 PM

Mine's bigger than your is......